Madi stood and approached the stage as Ali and Jordan clapped and whistled. Jordan thought her heart would burst with pride as Madi climbed the steps of the stage and shook Tom’s hand. Jordan felt Ali slip into the seat beside her and was grateful for her closeness. Madi looked at the height of the podium, then pulled the mic free of its stand and walked a few steps away. The spotlight followed her and the clapping died down. It was just Madi on the stage, and Jordan could see as she closed her eyes, took a breath, and started to speak.
“I wake each morning. I evaluate my body, consciously connecting my cerebrum to my limbs and lungs and lips. I try to calculate which synapses are firing today, which receptors are taking in not enough or just enough or too much. I ask myself, will I balance today? Or will I tilt, rushing headlong into a high that feels so right and so terrifying at the same time? Will I fall, will I lay myself out under the weight of a thousand feet, trampled and invisible. Hurting. Will I balance today?
“You ask if I will accept your help. I will not. Not again. You have weighed me down for too long. Each letter of each diagnosis another weight you hand me when I have just cracked open my ribcage along its fault line and revealed to you that I am already drowning. You weigh me down and then you shake your head when I refuse your help, refuse to express my gratitude. But I cannot speak. I am already filled with water.
“Never forget I only smile because you demand proof of life. I stretch my lips and reveal all my teeth, leaving you self-satisfied and me empty. That is not love, or help, or understanding. I will no longer bare my teeth to make you feel better.
“I wake each morning. I remind myself I have learned to tread water. I remember there are days I reach high ground. I ache for the day the water will hold me close and hold me up. Until then I find gratitude in my chest for the people in my life who understand that there are moments I hate them for loving me. I am nearly convinced their love is a perpetual motion machine. Soon I will let those words pass my lips. But not yet. I wake each morning.”
The crowd was stunned, a silence so pervasive it was as if Madi’s words had beat them down like a concussive force. Then the room seemed to take a collective breath, and they clapped. Jordan, recognizing only now that she was clenching Ali’s hand so tightly she could feel the delicate bones, released her and clapped along with the crowd who rose to applaud Madi’s words and her bravery.
Madi bowed her head briefly in acknowledgement, then searched the crowd, finally finding Jordan and Ali standing and clapping along with everyone else. She grinned at them and raised her fist in a silent salute. Jordan swallowed the tears and the pain and let herself feel the joy of Madi’s moment. And as she took her seat and took Ali’s hand, Jordan’s heart thumped in contentment with the security of knowing home.
About the Author
Jessica Webb spends her professional days working with educators to find the why behind the challenging behaviors of the students they support. Limitless curiosity about the motivations and intentions of human behavior is also a huge part of what drives her to write stories and understand the complexities of her characters and their actions.
When she’s not working or writing, Jessica is spending time with her wife and daughter, usually planning where they will travel next. Jessica can be found most often on her favorite spot on the couch with a book and a cup of tea.
Jessica can be contacted at [email protected].
Books Available From Bold Strokes Books
A Fighting Chance by T. L. Hayes. Will Lou be able to come to terms with her past to give love a fighting chance? (978-1-163555-257-7)
Chosen by Brey Willows. When the choice is adapt or die, can love save us all? (978-1-163555-110-5)
Gnarled Hollow by Charlotte Greene. After they are invited to study a secluded nineteenth-century estate, a former English professor and a group of historians discover that they will have to fight against the unknown if they have any hope of staying alive. (978-1-163555-235-5)
Jacob’s Grace by C.P. Rowlands. Captain Tag Becket wants to keep her head down and her past behind her, but her feelings for AJ’s second-in-command, Grace Fields, makes keeping secrets next to impossible. (978-1-163555-187-7)
On the Fly by PJ Trebelhorn. Hockey player Courtney Abbott is content with her solitary life until visiting concert violinist Lana Caruso makes her second-guess everything she always thought she wanted. (978-1-163555-255-3)
Passionate Rivals by Radclyffe. Professional rivalry and long-simmering passions create a combustible combination when Emmet McCabe and Sydney Stevens are forced to work together, especially when past attractions won’t stay buried. (978-1-63555-231-7)
Proxima Five by Missouri Vaun. When geologist Leah Warren crash-lands on a preindustrial planet and is claimed by its tyrant, Tiago, will clan warrior Keegan’s love for Leah give her the strength to defeat him? (978-1-163555-122-8)
Racing Hearts by Dena Blake. When you cross a hot-tempered race car mechanic with a reckless cop, the result can only be spontaneous combustion. (978-1-163555-251-5)
Shadowboxer by Jessica L. Webb. Jordan McAddie is prepared to keep her street kids safe from a dangerous underground protest group, but she isn’t prepared for her first love to walk back into her life. (978-1-163555-267-6)
The Tattered Lands by Barbara Ann Wright. As Vandra and Lilani strive to make peace, they slowly fall in love. With mistrust and murder surrounding them, only their faith in each other can keep their plan to save the world from falling apart. (978-1-163555-108-2)
Captive by Donna K. Ford. To escape a human trafficking ring, Greyson Cooper and Olivia Danner become players in a game of deceit and violence. Will their love stand a chance? (978-1-63555-215-7)
Crossing the Line by CF Frizzell. The Mob discovers a nemesis within its ranks, and in the ultimate retaliation, draws Stick McLaughlin from anonymity by threatening everything she holds dear. (978-1-63555-161-7)
Love’s Verdict by Carsen Taite. Attorneys Landon Holt and Carly Pachett want the exact same thing: the only open partnership spot at their prestigious criminal defense firm. But will they compromise their careers for love? (978-1-63555-042-9)
Precipice of Doubt by Mardi Alexander & Laurie Eichler. Can Cole Jameson resist her attraction to her boss, veterinarian Jodi Bowman, or will she risk a workplace romance and her heart? (978-1-63555-128-0)
Savage Horizons by CJ Birch. Captain Jordan Kellow’s feelings for Lt. Ali Ash have her past and future colliding, setting in motion a series of events that strands her crew in an unknown galaxy thousands of light years from home. (978-1-63555-250-8)
Secrets of the Last Castle by A. Rose Mathieu. When Elizabeth Campbell represents a young man accused of murdering an elderly woman, her investigation leads to an abandoned plantation that reveals many dark Southern secrets. (978-1-63555-240-9)
Take Your Time by VK Powell. A neurotic parrot brings police officer Grace Booker and temporary veterinarian Dr. Dani Wingate together in the tiny town of Pine Cone, but their unexpected attraction keeps the sparks flying. (978-1-63555-130-3)
The Last Seduction by Ronica Black. When you allow true love to elude you once and you desperately regret it, are you brave enough to grab it when it comes around again? (978-1-63555-211-9)
The Shape of You by Georgia Beers. Rebecca McCall doesn’t play it safe, but when sexy Spencer Thompson joins her workout class, their nonstop sparring forces her to face her ultimate challenge—a chance at love. (978-1-63555-217-1)
Exposed by MJ Williamz. The closet is no place to live if you want to find true love. (978-1-62639-989-1)
Force of Fire: Toujours a Vous by Ali Vali. Immortals Kendal and Piper welcome their new child and celebrate the defeat of an old enemy, but another ancient evil is about to awaken deep in the jungles of Costa Rica. (978-1-63555-047-4)
Landing Zone by Erin Dutton. Can a career veteran finally discover a love stronger than even her pride? (978-1-63555-199-0)
Love at Last Call by M. Ullrich. Is balancing busines
s, friendship, and love more than any willing woman can handle? (978-1-63555-197-6)
Pleasure Cruise by Yolanda Wallace. Spencer Collins and Amy Donovan have few things in common, but a Caribbean cruise offers both women an unexpected chance to face one of their greatest fears: falling in love. (978-1-63555-219-5)
Running Off Radar by MB Austin. Maji’s plans to win Rose back are interrupted when work intrudes, and duty calls her to help a SEAL team stop a Russian mobster from harvesting gold from the bottom of Sitka Sound. (978-1-63555-152-5)
Shadow of the Phoenix by Rebecca Harwell. In the final battle for the fate of Storm’s Quarry, even Nadya’s and Shay’s powers may not be enough. (978-1-63555-181-5)
Take a Chance by D. Jackson Leigh. There’s hardly a woman within fifty miles of Pine Cone that veterinarian Trip Beaumont can’t charm, except for the irritating new cop, Jamie Grant, who keeps leaving parking tickets on her truck. (978-1-63555-118-1)
Death in Time by Robyn Nyx. Working in the past is hell on your future. (978-1-63555-053-5)
BOLDSTROKESBOOKS.COM
Looking for your next great read?
Visit BOLDSTROKESBOOKS.COM
to browse our entire catalog of paperbacks, ebooks, and audiobooks.
Want the first word on what’s new?
Visit our website for event info,
author interviews, and blogs.
Subscribe to our free newsletter for sneak peeks,
new releases, plus first notice of promos
and daily bargains
SIGN UP AT
BOLDSTROKESBOOKS.COM/signup
Shadowboxer Page 26
