“No I haven't, but I will now that it's on my mind."
They watched the work in progress and sipped their cold beverages for a few minutes in silence.
“Dr. McGee, I have something else on my mind too, but I suppose I shouldn't discuss business on your day off."
“Go ahead,” she laughed. “I'm used to it."
“You've heard that Jan and I are getting married Christmas Eve?"
“I sure have. Congratulations. Last year Tim and Sandra Dollar renewed their vows at the Christmas Eve party. I think its great that there will be two real weddings this year. It looks like we have a wonderful new tradition started here in Dot."
“Yeah. Well, you know I have a problem with impotence."
“Penile dysfunction."
“Whatever. Look, I didn't take your advice about talking with your husband."
She looked at him. He turned his eyes away.
“I know I already asked, but isn't there something you can do—Viagra or something. Maybe this sounds vulgar, but more than anything in the world I would like to give Jan an erection on our wedding night."
“It doesn't sound vulgar at all, Jake. Did you read the literature I gave you?"
“I'm a stupid ass,” he said, turning to her without smiling. “Jan calls me an old fart, and I sometimes think she's right. I tossed the pamphlet in the trash on my way out of the clinic."
“Okay, here's the deal,” she began. “I am convinced there is no physical reason for your problem, but counseling or psychotherapy can take months before it begins to yield results. There are three physical treatments that may be of benefit to you. First there is the penile implant, but I wouldn't recommend that until you have tried counseling, and there isn't time for either approach anyway. Next, there is a medication you can self-administer with a hypodermic needle. It goes in the penis and is momentarily painful, but in many men it produces a long-lasting erection—not a full erection but sufficient for intercourse. Finally, there is a device that fits tightly around the base of the penis, something like a rubber band."
Jake perked up noticeably. “Let's give that one a try,” he beamed.
“Don't get your hopes up too much, Jake. It doesn't work for all men. Drop by the clinic Monday and I'll show you how to use it."
“You'll show me..."
“On a model, Jake. On a model."
They both laughed; Jake stood and helped Dr. McGee to her feet.
“Jake,” she said hesitantly, “about Viagra..."
“Did you change your mind about me using it?” he cried. “Write me a prescription. Now!"
She searched his pleading eyes. “As you know, Viagra and has only recently been approved by the FDA. A drug salesman dropped off samples and literature just yesterday. It seems to have few side effects and the drug company claims it worked in seventy percent of the control study group, but it can be very dangerous for men with high blood pressure. Your blood pressure is high, but not dangerously so. You may take just one pill a day, and that should be about an hour before intercourse."
He grabbed her shoulders. “Let me have some samples. I'll pay you anything. Dr. McGee, this is the answer to my prayer."
“I'll go get some samples for you to try, but Jake, the pill did not work in thirty percent of the test group. I think your problem is psychological, and I don't think the new drug will help you."
“It's worth a try,” he pleaded.
* * * *
“Your shirt is sticking to your boobs,” Rita pointed out.
“Damn sweat,” Jan responded, pulling out the tee shirt and blowing down towards her breasts. “I should have worn a bra."
“Yes, you should have,” Betty laughed. “Your nipples poking into your shirt have given every man here a hard-on."
I wish, thought Jan.
“Jan,” Rita joked, “you're the last person in the world I would ever expect to see in church."
“Speak of the devil,” Jan retaliated. “And besides, we are outside the church—not in it. What are you two hypocrites doing here?"
“Participating in projects of the church seems to be the primary social activity in Dot. It's fun, too. And wait ’til you sink your teeth in the home cooking we're going to enjoy for lunch,” Rita said nodding her head towards the pavilion where the older people were placing covered dishes on long wooden tables.
Jan glanced around to be sure no one could overhear and said, “I appreciate what you guys have done for me. Jake knows about my past and he accepts it, but he doesn't know details."
“What details?” Rita said, rolling her eyes skyward.
“My God,” Jan said. “There's Mrs. Gotbucks herself, loading leaves into the shredder."
“Shit, Jan. You just don't know her. Sandra Dollar is regular people. She'll work rings around all three of us any day of the week."
“Well, maybe so, but I'm a little afraid of her."
“Why?"
“I don't know, but I must get over it. We've been telling people we're going to get married at her Christmas Eve party. It was her idea, but I haven't let her know we've decided to do it."
“Oh, shit. You'd better get on with it, Jan,” Betty chimed in. “Have you spoken with Susan Honneycutt about it?"
“Should I have?"
“Honey,” Rita said seriously, “you sure are dumb to be so smart. Susan and Vic are getting married at the party. What you plan is to horn in on their ceremony. I would certainly think you should ask her permission."
“I don't even know Susan Honneycutt. How can I ask her after what she's been through?"
“She doesn't seem to be too upset this morning,” Betty said pointing towards the shredder.
Jan looked just in time to see a beautiful young lady run, jump, twist in the air and land on her back in a huge pile of leaves. “Come on, girls,” Jan pleaded. “Come with me."
When the trio reached the huge mound of leaves, Susan jumped in again. Jan extended her hand and pulled the laughing attorney out of the pile.
“I'm Jan Patrick,” Jan said, brushing leaves from Susan's back.
“We've met, Jan,” Susan said. “I guess you can't remember all the diner customer's names."
“Yeah. I'm sorry. Look, I need to talk with you about Christmas Eve."
“Hey, isn't it exciting?” Susan said. “The preacher told me he convinced you and Jake to have a double ceremony with Vic and me."
“And I think it's just wonderful,” Sandra Dollar added, joining the group and putting her arms around the two brides-to-be. “Last year Tim and I renewed our vows. I thought it'd be hard to top that. But now we are planning a double ceremony. What in the world will we come up with next year? Come on,” she said, shepherding them towards the pavilion, “let's discuss it over lunch."
Jan became so involved in the good food and the plans being made that she momentarily forgot about Jake. She remembered him in a panic. Poor guy, she thought, looking around for him. He doesn't know these people and he's so shy. He didn't want to come to this thing in the first place. Then she spotted him, standing at the end of the far table with a chicken leg in his hand, surrounded by a group of men she could not identify. He was obviously the center of attention.
“I think I've created a monster,” she said laughing and pointing towards Jake—her old fart who, today, reminded her of a teenager.
By mid afternoon most of the volunteers had departed, but Jake was in the back of the cemetery on his hands and knees along with Big Willie, working with a knife-like device, edging the tombstones. Jan heard laughter from the front of the building and walked towards it. A half dozen people were setting up a manger scene, using life-sized manikins.
She watched, and even helped a little, but she was tired and ready to go home. She didn't want to rush Jake though. She had never seen him enjoy himself so much. She looked at the white double doors of the building and tried to remember the last time she was inside a church.
She hesitantly mounted the steps and touched the do
orknob. She screwed up her courage, took a deep breath, entered the sanctuary and gasped at its beauty. Sunlight streaming through the stained glass windows filled her with awe. She eased down the center aisle and sat reverently in a pew about halfway to the podium. I don't deserve any of this happiness, she thought.
She jumped when a hand touched her shoulder. “Excuse me ma'am,” the teenaged girl said sweetly. “I'm the church organist and I need to practice for tomorrow's service if it won't disturb you."
“Oh, no,” Jan said, turning to face the little angel in the aisle. “I was just leaving."
“Please don't leave on my account, ma'am,” the girl said. “The old electronic organ don't sound like much and I'm not a very good musician, but I wish you'd stay. I like having an audience."
Jan smiled and settled back in her seat. Music familiar to Christians around the world but new to Jan soon filled the room. She felt as if her whole being blended into the surroundings. Jake slid into the pew beside her and put his arm around her shoulders.
They listened together for several minutes. He squeezed her right shoulder and whispered, “You'd like to come to church tomorrow, wouldn't you?"
She nodded.
“Me too."
As he drove the van out of the parking lot, secretly patting a small envelope of pills in the pocket of his jeans, she asked, “Jake, how much does a pipe organ cost?"
Chapter Thirty-five
“Good morning, Grumpy. Why so glum, chum?” Jake joked when he found Jan sitting at the kitchen table looking as if her world had come to an end. “You're not getting cold feet are you?"
“Have you looked outside?” she responded.
“Oh, boy,” he said looking out the kitchen window. “Looks like we're in for a downpour."
“Jake, its gonna rain on our parade. Last night the TV weatherman said there was a ten percent chance of precipitation, and now look at it."
“Maybe it'll snow instead of rain, like they say it did last Christmas Eve."
“Fat chance,” she mumbled. “What are we gonna do? We can't have the ceremony in rain or even in a muddy field."
“Cheer up, Jan. It's not raining yet. Maybe this thing will blow over."
Jan poured a second cup of coffee and stood at the window looking at the dark sky. “A bunch of people gather at the Dollar farm on Christmas Eve morning to help get things ready. Sandy invited me to join them. I think I'll get dressed and go over there. I'll go nuts if I stay here. Maybe they have a ‘Plan B’ I don't know about."
When she was on her way, Jake went to the bathroom, locked the door and stepped out of his boxer shorts. He reached behind the commode and removed the small brown box hidden there.
“The pills don't work, damn it, but thank goodness you do,” he said to the box. He pulled out the thin, round device obtained from Dr. McGee and slipped it in place. Gradually he tightened it until it became uncomfortable. As he had done the three previous times he tested the appliance, he stared at his penis, watched it slowly turn red and even more slowly begin to grow. After fifteen minutes it was an ugly looking thing, the shaft various shades of red and the head a dark purple. It wasn't fully erect, but it was close enough to be serviceable. He tested that yesterday by masturbating.
He removed a jar of petroleum jelly from the medicine cabinet and placed both the jar and the box, once again containing the magic device, on his bedside table as inconspicuously as possible. The thought of how surprised and pleased Jan would be that night brought a big smile to his lips.
* * * *
Vic closed the book and concentrated on its title, How to Please a Woman Every Time. “Susan, honey,” he said to the empty bedroom, “I've damn near memorized this book. I am determined to make this night as happy a memory for you as your rape is horrible. If I don't do everything right it won't be because I haven't tried to learn."
He tossed the book on his unmade bed and went to the bathroom. The book recommended that young men masturbate three times during the day in order to prevent premature ejaculation during intercourse at night.
* * * *
Jan drove slowly up the driveway to the Dollars’ house, her attention on two cherry pickers used to string Christmas lights on cedar trees beside the pond to the left of the house. After parking her car, she stood for a few minutes watching the workmen beside the crystal clear body of water. Stacks of wood were being removed from the bed of a pickup truck and piled up in preparation for two bonfires by the pond.
She concentrated on the delicious aroma floating in the air, but could not identify it. Turning towards the house, she saw Susan sitting on the porch steps.
“What's going on?” Jan asked as she approached the unhappy looking attorney.
“I was on my way to the barn and saw you coming. I thought I'd wait for you,” Susan replied as she scrambled to her feet. She led the way around the left side of the house towards the barn. There were five covered ovens lined up in front of the traditional looking structure, smoke rising from their fire chambers, and green-aproned men scurrying about.
“What's all that?” Jan asked.
“Lexington style barbecue being cooked over hickory coals."
“What is Lexington barbecue?"
“Susan laughed. If you haven't tried it, you're in for a real treat. It's pork barbecue prepared in a special way. A number of restaurants in Lexington, North Carolina serve it—thus its name."
“It certainly smells delicious."
“Sandy decided to have this year's party catered. Last year we had a covered dish supper, but she didn't want people having to bring anything this time. In addition to the barbecue, there will be barbecued chicken, hamburgers and hotdogs."
They stood beside one of the ovens, now open so a chef could turn the roasting meat. “It looks like Sandy is preparing to feed a mob. Is it true that everybody in Dot comes to these things?"
“There's only been one other party—last Christmas—and yes, I think everybody for miles around showed up. It was great fun."
They walked into the barn and Susan explained, “Last year there was a serving line in the Dollars’ dining room and folks ate wherever they could find a place. This year Sandy is using the dining room as a bar. She cleaned out the barn and fixed it up during the summer. We'll eat out here tonight."
The smell of pine and cedar boughs was intoxicating and the two women watched a few minutes as others began to weave holly branches covered with bright red berries into the cedar and pine.
“If it does rain, we can have the ceremony in here,” Jan said.
“Yes,” Susan replied lifelessly, “but it won't be the same."
“I don't see anything for us to do in here,” Jan observed.
“Me either. Let's go back to the house. There's a huge cedar tree in the living-room to be decorated and another in the den."
“What's that kid doing?” Jan asked, pointing to a young man climbing a ladder propped against an ancient oak tree.
“That's Sean Something-or-other. He's the computer whiz kid the Dollars discovered shortly after coming to Dot. They set him up with his own consulting business and he runs the Dollar Internet Service. His office is across from mine over Dot's Diner. Anyway, he's setting up the speakers for a sound system. Sandy spent hours selecting just the right Christmas CD's to play tonight."
“You think this wind will blow away the clouds?” Jan asked.
“Maybe."
Someone had already put strings of lights on the trees in the living room and den. Susan didn't like them—too many of the same colored bulbs next to each other—so the two blue-denim clad brides-to-be set out to rearrange them.
“Oh, good,” Sandy chirped as she entered the room carrying her baby. “Tim put up the lights last night and was so proud of them. I didn't have the heart to tell him the bulbs needed to be rearranged."
“Good morning, Sandy,” Jan said. “I hope you don't mind us decorating the tree."
“Mercy, no,” she laughed, poking the baby
in his fat tummy. “There's another one in the den when you finish this one. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your lives, but you two look as if your best friend just croaked."
“We're a little depressed by the weather,” Susan explained.
“It's not going to rain, ladies,” Sandra laughed. “I promise."
“Yeah, right,” Jan joked.
“I'm serious. Jan, do you believe in God?"
“What?"
Susan started laughing. “I guess you haven't heard that Sandy has a direct line to the Almighty."
“What are you talking about?"
“Last year Sandy got it in her head that it must snow on Christmas Eve. She prayed about it for weeks. Christmas Eve dawned bright and beautiful with a temperature racing towards a high in the upper seventies."
“And it snowed that night?"
“Yep. Sandy was the only one not caught by surprise."
“Trust me, ladies,” Sandra said as she departed. “Tonight your ceremony will be performed beside my pond shimmering with both the reflection of colorful lights on the cedar trees and the bright stars in the sky above."
“I would not have figured Sandy to be a religious fanatic,” Jan said quietly after Sandy left the room.
“Believe me, Jan. She's not."
Susan and Jan brought in wood and stacked it by the fireplace in the den after they completed the living room tree. They then began rearranging light bulbs on the cedar in the far corner of the room.
Suddenly Susan slowly and deliberately said, “Oh, my God."
Applause erupted from elsewhere in the house.
Jan followed Susan's eyes and clapped her hands when she saw the sunlight flowing in through the windows.
* * * *
“Friends,” began Mack McGee, “we are assembled in the sight of God and in the presence of these witnesses to join together these two couples in Holy Matrimony; which is an honorable estate, instituted of God, and adorned by our Lord Jesus Christ by his presence and the first miracle that he wrought in Cana of Galilee. It is commended by the Apostle Paul to be honorable among all men; and therefore is not to be entered into lightly, but reverently, soberly, discretely."
Sintown Chronicles I: Behind Closed Doors Page 52
