“Then what?”
“I was tired of fighting and working so hard. Tired of being thought dumb. And the other reality was, quitting school was a good excuse to find a job. My dad had just begun his contracting business. There wasn’t a lot of money and I wanted to help out.”
“What was the other reason? Was it something I said? Something I did?”
“No. Not at all. Never you.” She rested her hand on his arm, her glance holding his as if pleading with him to believe her. “You were the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Her words were like a double-edged sword. They confused him even as they created a flurry of hope.
“But I thought I was a waste of your time,” he said. “At least that’s what you told me when you broke up with me.”
The words echoed between them, and as Morgan held her gaze, he saw her determination falter and she glanced away.
“I should go.”
This time, however, he wasn’t going to let her avoid him. He placed his finger under her chin and turned her face to him. He knew he was taking a chance but he had to know.
“What did you mean when you said just now that I was the best thing that ever happened to you?”
Tabitha chewed her lip, as if considering what to say. “It was something I realized afterward.”
“So you admit you made a mistake, breaking up with me?”
She slanted her eyes away, her lips pressed together, and Morgan felt another beat of frustration. She was still holding something back.
“Does it matter if I do? Admit I made a mistake?” she whispered.
Morgan sighed at her evasion. What they’d had was in the past. He had told himself many times that he was over her.
However, the more time he spent with her, the more questions she raised. He now sensed there was more to their breakup than what she had said to him at that time.
Though he was growing more and more determined to find out why, he also knew he had to take his time.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said, even though it did. “I’m glad that I wasn’t simply a distraction for you.”
She smiled at that but it held no humor.
“I think part of it was I was tired of feeling like I didn’t measure up,” she said. “Tired of feeling like I should have been more than I was, instead of less.”
“You had lots going on in your life for a teenager,” he said. “You had your father, your sister. I think it’s amazing that you were able to help her out. It shows what a generous and caring person you are.”
She tilted her head to one side, a quizzical expression flitting over her face. “I don’t always feel so generous and caring.”
“None of us do. But you have other gifts and you shouldn’t sell yourself short. You’ve done an amazing job of fixing up your house. I can’t think of too many women who would be willing and able to tackle such a big job. And I see you with Stormy. I watched you with my brother’s horses and I realize that you may have problems reading words but you are amazing at reading horses.”
A faint blush tinged her cheeks. “Thanks,” she murmured.
“You should do more of it,” he said. “Horse training. You have an amazing ability.”
“I’ve thought of it but I need a decent place and time to do it. To do that, I need to spend my time making money so I can fix it up. And round and round we go.”
“But you would consider it? If you had somewhere to train?”
“I would love to do more training.”
Her simple comment gave him a glimmer of hope. Could she be convinced to stay here in Cedar Ridge?
Then she looked up at him. “Thanks again for what you said. That I have other gifts. That makes me feel better.”
Morgan sensed she was getting ready to leave but he wasn’t ready to let her go. He took a chance.
Cupping her face in his hands, he leaned in and brushed a gentle kiss over her lips.
He thought she might pull away, but she stayed where she was, her eyes closed, as if savoring the contact.
Then he slipped his arms around her shoulders and kissed her properly. Her gentle response kicked his heart up a notch and created an optimism he hadn’t felt in years.
And when her arms went around him and she returned his embrace, when her lips softened and she melted against him, he felt as if he had finally, truly, come home.
Tabitha was the first to break the connection between them. She released a gentle sigh as she got to her feet.
Morgan stood beside her, his hand still on her shoulder. “So what happens now?” he asked.
Tabitha caught her lip between her teeth. She looked confused.
“I don’t know.”
Her words echoed between them in the silence of the house.
“We can’t act like nothing happened because you and I both know that would be untrue.”
She said nothing and Morgan was encouraged by her silence. At least she wasn’t rejecting him outright.
“Will you be working with Nathan’s horse again tomorrow?” he asked.
She nodded.
Morgan brushed another kiss over her cheek.
“Then we’ll see you tomorrow,” he whispered.
Her faint smile ignited a spark of hope. They would simply have to see how things played out. He wasn’t sure how she felt, but he knew that for the first time in a long while he felt as if he had something to look forward to.
Chapter Eleven
Tabitha sat in her bedroom, legs tucked under her, Bible on her lap. She had meant to read it, but for the past hour all she had been doing was reliving that moment in Morgan’s house. The kiss they had shared.
It was so familiar and yet so different. They had each dealt with so much since those first innocent moments they’d shared when they were dating.
She traced her lips with her forefinger as if to find Morgan’s kiss there, then smiled at her action. She shook her head as if to dislodge the errant thoughts and looked back down at the book on her lap. She’d been reading Philippians. Today it was chapter two.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.”
She read the words again, trying to match them with what the minister said on Sunday. About having value and worth.
Was allowing herself to think about Morgan selfish? Was she allowing her old feelings to distract her?
She set the Bible aside and looked around her bedroom. This was the first room she had fixed up in the house. It had been her and Leanne’s room and they’d always hated the bright orange walls. So they’d covered them with posters they’d scrounged from thrift stores, pictures from magazines and papers from homework, making it their own.
Now the walls were a dusty blue and she used the same white trim she had in the rest of the house. Gauzy white curtains hung at the window and a blue quilt with touches of pink that she had found at a thrift shop covered the bed.
Everything she had done here was with one goal in mind. Sell the place.
But spending time with Morgan was distracting her from that. Could she allow herself that distraction? Was she being selfish?
She was thinking too much. And the cure for that, according to her father, was work.
She got up and went downstairs. And was promptly faced with her ongoing kitchen reno.
She had finally got the money that Sepp had owed her, and, to her surprise, he’d actually given her holiday pay as well. Her bills were paid for the month. When Morgan paid her, she would have enough to pay for half of her hardware-store order. Then she could finally finish the kitchen.
What happened after that?
The question hovered and
for a moment she allowed herself a tiny fantasy.
She and Morgan and Nathan living in Cedar Ridge. A family.
No sooner did it form than other thoughts invaded. Lorn’s comments. Cord’s reaction to her. The reality of her father’s debt.
But if she finished the house and sold it, and if she and Morgan got closer...
Did she dare? Would he?
And what about Nathan? Was it fair to bring someone else into his life right now?
She closed her eyes, leaning against the opening to the kitchen.
Help me make the right decision, Lord, she prayed. Help me not to decide for myself. Help me to make the best decision for everyone.
* * *
“Did you get off from the clinic early again?” Tabitha asked as Morgan joined her and Nathan by the pen in her yard.
Morgan nodded, releasing a heavy sigh. Dr. Waters told him things were slower today, but he knew that wasn’t true.
If it wasn’t for the fact that it meant he’d be seeing Tabitha, he’d be completely disheartened.
“And how are things progressing?” he asked.
“Better,” Tabitha said. “Stormy is much more willing today.”
She seemed a lot more relaxed than he was. Last night he couldn’t sleep. He had too much on his mind.
Tabitha’s dyslexia. What Gillian had told Nathan about him not loving his own son.
You were the best thing that ever happened to me.
For so many years he had tried to come to terms with Tabitha’s reasons for breaking up with him. He couldn’t reconcile her telling him that she only went out with him as payback with the real true feelings he knew they had shared. And now he sensed that what she told him last night was more the truth than what she had said that horrible day.
So why did she do it?
“Nathan, Morgan, why don’t you come into the pen with me,” Tabitha said, her voice breaking into his thoughts. “I’d like Nathan to lead Stormy around and I’d like you to help him, Morgan.”
He guessed she was trying to work on their connection as father and son, and while he appreciated it, he had his concerns. This morning, in spite of the brief moment of connection they had shared last night, Nathan had withdrawn again.
“Is that a good idea?” Morgan asked, concerned that Tabitha was pushing things too quickly with both the horse and their relationship.
“I think it is. She leads really well, and if Nathan wants to make this horse his, he has to learn to handle her sooner rather than later.”
Morgan held his hands up in a gesture of concession. “Just trying to be a father,” he said, trying to justify his actions.
A genuine smile curved Tabitha’s lips. “I’m sorry. Just being a teacher.”
Her apology and her smile combined to reignite the hope that the kiss they’d shared last night had kindled.
“And I know you’re a good one,” he said.
He was surprised to see a flush tinge her cheeks. “Thanks for that,” she said quietly.
He shared her smile for a few beats, expectation growing, and she dragged her gaze away to focus on Nathan. Morgan got into the pen and Nathan gave him a careful smile.
One forward, two back, he told himself.
Tabitha gave Nathan some basic instructions and handed him the halter rope. Then she walked to the opposite part of the pen and brought back a large exercise ball.
“I’m going to work on Stormy’s basic curiosity to help you learn to lead her,” Tabitha said to Nathan. “What I want you to do is turn your back to her, hold the halter rope and start bouncing this ball. Nice even bounces, not too high.”
Nathan did as he was told and Morgan had to smile at how Stormy immediately locked in on the ball.
“Good. She’s paying attention,” Tabitha said. “Now I want you to walk around the pen while you bounce that ball. Morgan, you need to walk beside the horse. Not enough to distract Stormy but enough to help her know where she should go. Gentle pressure.” He wondered if she was talking as much about him and Nathan as she was about him and the horse.
“This seems silly,” Nathan objected, glancing at Morgan.
“It might, but wait to see what happens,” Tabitha said.
Nathan started walking, bouncing the ball, and to Morgan’s surprise, Stormy followed behind him, moving in rhythm with his son.
“That’s a fun exercise,” Morgan said, following alongside like Tabitha told him to.
“Like I said, it’s working with the horse’s innate curiosity.” Tabitha sat on the fence, watching. Morgan tried not to be distracted by her, focusing on his son. But each time they passed her, his eyes drifted toward her and he caught her looking at him.
But she wasn’t smiling.
Morgan stayed with Nathan as he walked and bounced, Stormy following right behind him, docile. Nathan’s grin almost split his face, he looked so pleased with himself.
“Look at me,” he said to Morgan. “My horse is following me.”
His son’s joy, the fact that he actually addressed him personally, added to Morgan’s own happiness. “Doing a great job, son,” he called out.
When he was done she had both of them do another exercise with the ball, coaxing Nathan, encouraging him. Her patience and gentleness with his son warmed Morgan’s heart. And created a faint promise of possibilities.
Him, Nathan and Tabitha? Did he dare think that far?
After half an hour Tabitha got Nathan to take Stormy’s halter off and let her go out of the pen into the small pasture attached. The mare pranced around a few times, tossed her head, then came to the fence as if to say goodbye.
“I think she likes me.” Nathan scrambled over the fence, joining the horse. He stroked her head, still smiling.
“I think that session went well,” Morgan said as Tabitha joined them. She smiled as she looked at Nathan, still stroking Stormy’s neck.
“Very well. Though it will take a lot more time before Nathan can ride her on his own, I’m feeling more optimistic.”
She grinned at him, and he gave in to an impulse and stroked a loose strand of hair from her face, his fingers lingering on her cheek. To his surprise, she shifted her weight, came in closer.
He wanted to kiss her again, but Nathan was here and he didn’t want to confuse his son. Things were still so precarious between him and Nathan. But now that he understood what was happening, he was willing to give him some space but, at the same time, show him that he was part of his life. That he wasn’t leaving, as Nathan seemed to suspect.
“So now I have to ask you if you’re free Sunday. I’m on call, but knowing Dr. Waters, he might be intercepting some of the calls anyway.”
“He’s not the easiest boss, is he?”
“Nope.” Morgan thought about some of the things Tabitha had said. About starting his own clinic. He wasn’t sure he dared to risk it. But if he didn’t, he would be stuck with Dr. Waters and lousy hours for who knew how long until Dr. Waters trusted him.
“What are we doing Sunday?” Nathan asked, glancing from Morgan to Tabitha, who had now taken a few steps away, creating a distance Morgan didn’t like but couldn’t argue with.
“We’re not sure yet,” Morgan said, wary of making any plans on the fly in front of his son.
“I hope it’s something fun.” Then Nathan ran on ahead, skipping through the paths between the boxes and piles.
“He seems happy,” Tabitha said.
“He is. I feel more relaxed now that I know better why he was so reserved around me. I feel like I can make a plan for how to treat him thanks to you.”
“And how is that?”
Morgan shoved his hands in his pockets. “Just love him and be there for him. I have to get him to trust that I’m not going anywhere. Which is why not working s
o much for the clinic right now is a mixed blessing. It gives me a chance to connect.”
“Give Dr. Waters time as well. He hasn’t had someone working for him since his other partner died four years ago. He has to learn to trust too.”
“I know. He did tell me that the work would be slow at first. I just hope that by the time school starts, I’ll be working full-time. That’s what I signed up for, after all.”
“But this works out good, overall. It means you’ve got the whole summer to spend with Nathan.”
“That’s true. I’m planning a few outings with him. The zoo in Calgary. A trip to Drumheller to see the dinosaurs. Maybe a few more horseback rides.” He stopped there, holding back on the idea that Tabitha might join them on the outings. He wasn’t ready to move that far ahead.
“Sounds like a good plan. He’s a lucky little boy.”
Tabitha bent over and tugged on a piece of metal that had fallen, shifting it to a pile beside the path. She sighed as she looked over the yard.
Morgan felt again a clench of dismay for Tabitha. “This will take a lot of work to clean up,” he said.
“Tell me about it,” she returned, wiping her hands on her pants. “I’ve been tackling what I can, sorting through it, but some of the stuff is too large for me to move on my own.” She shook her head at the collection of boxes and junk. “I can’t believe how quickly my dad amassed all this stuff.”
Morgan felt sorry for her, but as he looked around, a thought occurred to him. “I could help you clean it up.”
“How?”
“I know people with trailers and tractors that have front-end loaders. In fact, I even know a guy with a backhoe that has a thumb.”
“The backhoe or the owner?” she joked.
“Ha-ha. The backhoe. A thumb is an extra grapple on the bucket that helps grab stuff.”
“I know what a thumb is.”
Her coy smile and the way she kept looking at him reminded him of how they had acted when they were dating. When they were both crazy about each other.
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