Brody laughed as he gave me a hug. “Merritt, I miss your face! I was happy to hear you would be coming with us tonight.”
I had known Brody since he moved next door to me in third grade. He and Shelly liked each other much more than friends from the instant I introduced them. He was the Cory to her Topanga, and I couldn’t have picked a more perfect match for my best friend. He balanced out her fiery personality with his levelheadedness, and he was fiercely loyal. Everyone who knew him loved him, and he was the only student to successfully befriend people from each social circle at Tottenville High School.
“You don’t come around anymore.” I made an obvious glare at Shelly.
He smiled and hung his arm around Shelly’s shoulder. The scrawny dark-haired boy with freckles and missing teeth had turned into a tall and toned man with piercing blue eyes. “We didn’t want to be a bother to you. You needed your rest. How about I make you ladies breakfast in the morning?”
“Your pancakes should make up for the empty space you left in my heart.”
“She doesn’t smile at me like that when I bring her pancakes.” Chase nudged Brody with his elbow.
Brody laughed. “Breakfast foods are the way to Miss Adams’ heart.”
“And chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and rock music,” Shelly chimed in.
Chase pretended to write a note on his hand. “Breakfast, cookies, music. Got it.”
I shook my head and swung open the front door. “You are all idiots.”
“You really do look great,” Chase whispered as we walked outside to his car.
“So do you.” His jeans and polo combination, that would have looked average on anyone else, seemed to be tailored to fit his exact measurements. The yellow shirt brought out every facet of color in his hazel eyes.
“Wow. A compliment?” He clutched his heart. “I will cherish it forever.”
I rolled my eyes, but could feel myself smiling as Shelly and I slid into the back seat. Maybe the night would not be as bad as my nerves were anticipating.
As we pulled up to the bar, I stared out the window at the rundown, wooden shack that was Big Nose Kate’s. Horseshoes were stamped into the cement stairs leading up to the door, and a tall bush was trimmed into the shape of a cactus outside. The Old-West-style saloon seemed out of place in the northern city we lived in, but the food was delicious so nobody really questioned it. Friday nights especially attracted a huge crowd with a local band playing all the typical cover songs from the eighties and nineties. There was already a line to get in, and it was only nine o’clock.
Brody’s friend, Nick, was checking IDs at the door. He did a double-take when he saw me walk up alongside Shelly.
“Hey, Adams! Look at you!”
“Put your eyes back in your head, Nicky.” Shelly patted his shoulder as he let us in ahead of the line.
“Hey, Nick.” I followed quickly behind Shelly. I did not feel like getting into conversations with the people I had not seen since the funeral.
Inside, the wooden floor creaked under our wedges as we made our way to the bar. The musty air mixed with smells of sweat, cologne, and desperation of girls that were trying way too hard. A band was setting up on the small stage near the tall windows. I noticed several pairs of eyes on me as we walked over to our friends at the bar. I wondered if it was because of my accident, or the fact that I was walking alongside a Brooks brother. I tried my best to ignore the stares.
Kenzie and Tina were waiting at the bar for us. Their eyes were wide as they looked me up and down. Their mouths fell open when they saw Chase walk up beside me.
“Doesn’t she look hot?” Shelly yelled over the blaring music.
“Would you stop saying that?” I hit Shelly’s arm, a little harder this time.
“Nice rack, Adams!” Tina joked, poking my cleavage with her index finger. “Where have you been hiding these puppies?”
I shot her a look and swatted her hand away. She was worse than Shelly.
“You look great,” Kenzie laughed, squeezing my arm. “I’m so glad you came out tonight. We’ve missed you!”
“I missed you, too.”
Tina and Kenzie were sisters, but they could not be more different. Tina’s dark bob suited her tough, punkish exterior, her skin was covered in colorful tattoos. Kenzie looked like a blonde-hair-blue-eyed southern belle; she was the younger, and sweeter, of the two. We had been friends since freshman year of college. They lived on the other side of the island. Though the island was small, people that lived on the north shore rarely came to the south shore, and vice versa. Each end of the island had everything one would need, so there wasn’t a reason to leave. Tonight, the sisters had ventured down to the south end of Staten Island to see me.
Shelly turned to Chase, motioning to the girls with her thumb. “Do you know Kenzie and Tina?”
“Hello, ladies.” Chase gave them a wave.
“You guys are packing this place out tonight. How do you feel?” Tina asked him.
“I can’t wait. It’s been a while. Hopefully I don’t sound like shit.”
I scrunched my nose up in confusion. “What?”
“Oh, I didn’t tell you?” He grinned. “I’m the band that’s playing tonight.”
“No, you somehow forgot to mention that.”
“Well, if you’ll all excuse me. I have to go set up.”
“Break a leg!” Kenzie called.
Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him head to the stage. I wondered why he had not told me. If he was worried about how he would perform, he certainly did not show it. He shook hands, or whatever that thing is that guys do, with all of his bandmates, who I now recognized very well. They were the same guys he played with in high school, only with less acne and slightly better style. They hadn’t played since Chase left for California, and the bar was filled with anticipation, and little standing room.
“Earth to Merritt.” Tina waved her hand in front of my face. “I know he’s gorgeous, but try not to be too obvious.”
I rolled my eyes. “Move your purse so I can sit.”
Kenzie looked at me. “What is going on there?”
“Nothing,” I replied quickly. “There is nothing going on.”
“I keep telling her: Chase Brooks hanging around is not nothing,” Shelly stated. She already had four small glasses lined up in front of her, filled with a bright pink liquid. She picked the first one up and tried handing it to me.
“No way,” I protested.
“Come on, just one!”
I shook my head. “Just be happy I came out tonight.”
“Fine, but we’re toasting you anyway!” She wrapped her arm around me. “To my best friend in the whole wide world, who came out tonight even though she didn’t want to!”
The girls threw their heads back and let the cool liquid slide down their throats.
“Enough of this girly shit. Let’s get some whiskey!” Tina leaned over the bar and flagged down the bartender.
“How are you feeling?” Kenzie asked. “You don’t always answer my texts, and I don’t know if you even feel like talking about anything.”
“I’m sorry if you feel like I’ve been ignoring you. I’m just having a hard time with everything. Everybody keeps asking how I’m doing – but how many times can I say the same thing, you know?”
Her eyes were filled with worry. “We came to visit you every day, in the hospital. Shelly told you, right?”
I squeezed her hand. “She told me. I appreciate your support. I really do.”
“Did you ever find out who pulled you from your car?” Tina asked.
“No. Nobody came forward.”
“That’s a shame. Why wouldn’t the person want recognition for such a heroic deed?”
“And the hospital gave you no details?” I knew Kenzie was trying not to pry, but everyone had the same question on their minds.
“Nope,” Shelly shook her head. “They said the emergency staff took her in such a hurry because of the shape she was
in. Nobody paid attention to who the person was.”
“It was just a good Samaritan. If he or she doesn’t want to be found, then I’d like to leave it that way. The end.” I hoped to end the conversation there.
“It doesn’t matter who it was. All that matters is that you’re here,” Kenzie reminded.
“So,” I began, taking a deep breath. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I’ve decided to get my own apartment.”
Shelly’s eyes widened. “How? Where?”
“Chase’s parents are renting out their side apartment.”
“How will you pay rent?”
“They don’t want any money from me. I spoke to them this morning.”
I couldn’t read her expression. The girls sat quietly, waiting for her response.
“I feel really bad about staying at your place,” I continued. “You say that it’s fine, but I know you were planning on asking Brody to move in with you before this all happened. I don’t want to hold you back from anything.”
“You’re not holding me back,” she stated. “You do whatever you want to do, but just know that you can stay with me for as long as you need to.”
“I know. Thank you for that.”
The first few strums of the guitar signaled that the band was ready, and the room erupted in screams. Girls positioned themselves right in front of the stage, undoubtedly trying to be noticed. The lights dimmed, and only the spotlights at the bottom of the stage illuminated the band. Chase unclipped the microphone from the stand, and walked towards the edge of the small stage. The screams got louder as he raised the microphone to his mouth.
“Big Nose Kate’s, it’s Friday night! Are you ready?”
The crowd’s cheers answered his question.
Chase began singing and I immediately recognized the first verse of my favorite Journey song. I watched him move around the stage with such confidence, singing effortlessly in front of the full room. It really should not have surprised me, since he was just as charismatic off stage. In that moment, I understood why girls had always treated him like he was a rock star, though I’d never admit it to him. His voice had just the right combination of smoothness and rasp, perfect for the genre of songs he performed. He jumped up and down to the beat while everyone in the bar sang along.
The guitarist stepped forward to perform his solo, and Chase hopped off the stage. The crowd cleared a path as he ran towards the bar and climbed on top. His eyes were fixed on mine while he sang, slowly stepping over people’s drinks. My heart raced faster as I became more nervous with each step he took. When he had reached where I was sitting, he knelt down and belted out the chorus one last time. Shelly put her arm around me, and we sang along into her beer bottle. He winked at me before leaping off the bar to return to the stage.
My eyes remained glued to Chase for the duration of his set. It was intriguing to watch this other side of him. Had I seen him perform prior to getting to know him, I would have viewed him as nothing more than an attention-whore who was full of himself. Now, I was able to see how happy performing truly made him. I felt saddened knowing that he gave up on his dream for his family.
“I’ll be right back,” I shouted to the girls. I headed to the bathroom while everyone’s attention was still on the stage. A window was cracked open in the stall, and there was a slight chill in the air. Summer weather was quickly disappearing, and it felt good compared to the stifling bar. While I was finishing up at the sink, a parade of half-naked girls burst through the door, which signaled that the band’s first set had ended.
“He looked at me while he was singing that last song, did you see?” one girl boasted.
“Totally,” the others agreed.
“That boy is lickable.” The first one reapplied lip gloss, and blew herself a kiss in the mirror. I rolled my eyes as I tossed the paper towel into the trash.
When I emerged, the bar was crammed with people trying to get refills before the next set. I pushed my way through, as best as I could while protecting my sling.
“Merritt Adams!” An already drunk Shawn was shouting my name as he stumbled in front of me.
“Hey. Happy birthday, Shawn.”
He hit the arm of his friend standing next to him. “Look who it is, Larry.”
Larry’s eyes widened. “Holy shit! Merritt Adams.”
“I told you she wasn’t dead, bro.” Shawn wrapped his arm around me, leaning almost all of his weight on my shoulder. “He thought you were dead after that accident on the news.”
I winced and tried to squirm out from under his arm. “Get off, you’re hurting me.”
“You look pretty damn good for a dead girl!” He was slurring his words into my ear as I pushed him away. Suddenly, Shawn released me as he was yanked backwards by the collar of his shirt.
Chase spun Shawn in the opposite direction, sending him back into the crowd.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I guess nobody was expecting me since I’m supposed to be dead and all.”
“Just ignore him. Is your arm okay?”
“It’s fine. I shouldn’t be here.”
“Of course you should.” He motioned to the dance floor. “Want to dance?”
I shook my head.
Chase started to shake his arms from side to side and gyrate his hips in a circle, all while wiggling his eyebrows wearing a goofy expression on his face. “Are you sure?”
I could not contain my laughter at the sight of his ridiculous dance. “With moves like that, I’m sure you can find someone else to dance with.”
He moved his dancing closer to me. “I don’t want to find someone else. I want to dance with you.”
The closer he got, the harder I laughed. “Stop, Chase! You look like a crazy person.”
He finally stopped. His expression changed as he looked into my eyes. As close as we were, I knew I could not let myself get sucked into his mesmerizing stare. I lowered my gaze, but quickly discovered that looking at his lips was no better. He pressed his body against mine, wrapping his arms around me so I could not escape. It was not aggressive or forceful, like the drunken Shawn from before; it was gentle and warm in his embrace. Plus, Chase smelled much better.
“Your friends are probably waiting for you.” I tried to distract him.
“So let them wait.”
I put my hand on his chest and lightly pushed him back. “Chase…”
He dropped his arms and took a step back. I could tell he was trying to hide a disappointed expression.
“I’m sorry. I promise I owe you a dance once the sling is off.”
“Okay. I’ll hold you to that, you know.”
“I know.”
He escorted me safely to the girls who were holding my seat at the bar.
“You sound great up there!” Shelly shouted.
I nodded in agreement. “You do.”
His eyes lit up. “You think so?”
I motioned to the girls standing in waiting a few feet behind him. “You even got your own groupies.”
He didn’t turn around to look. “So, what’s the verdict? Do I sound as good as Perry?”
“It’s a close call.”
He grinned. “I’m glad you came out tonight.”
“So are we,” Tina interjected. “Who knew all we had to do was send Chase Brooks over to convince you to come out of hiding.”
I raised my middle finger in her face.
“Chase!” One of his bandmates called over to him from a table across the room. “Let’s go!”
“I’m being summoned.” He flashed me a smile before returning to his friends.
“He really likes you, Merr,” Kenzie said gently. “I don’t know if you’re interested, but he definitely is.”
“We’re just friends.”
“If you have to keep stating that you’re just friends – you’re not,” Tina stated bluntly.
Shelly nodded, but said nothing. She knew better than to jump on this bandwagon.
“
Maybe the time isn’t right for you yet, but it will be.” Kenzie was always the peacemaker of the group. I appreciated her softness. “You won’t feel this way forever. You will feel better.”
I was not so sure of that. I didn’t know how to get past the things that had happened to me and act like everything could be good ever again. It was hard enough waking up to find out that I had been in a coma for almost two weeks. I was confused, and it took a while to remember the events that had led to that moment in the hospital bed. I had completely too much to drink, and crashed head-on into a tree. As I recalled why I was drunk in the first place, the unwanted memories came flooding back: I had showed up wasted to my father’s funeral – my father was dead. I couldn’t bear the pain. Nothing was normal; nothing made sense.
Everyone kept telling me that I would feel better in time, but when you’re waiting to feel better, time feels like your worst enemy. What does “better” even mean? When grieving an unexpected loss, how do you feel better, exactly? All I wanted was for everything to go back to the way it used to be. It’s like an eternal feeling of wanting to go home, but never actually getting there. I’m stuck searching for that sense of comfort, not knowing if I’ll ever feel it again.
I tried to be okay for Shelly tonight. I tried to put on a brave face, but being around people made me more depressed. Luckily, Chase’s next set began. I enjoyed the music almost as much as I enjoyed watching him in his glory on stage. He served as a diversion from any and all other thoughts.
When the show was over, he and his bandmates began packing up their equipment.
Shelly stood, holding Brody’s hand. “Do you mind if I stay at Brody’s tonight? Chase can drop us there, and then take you back to my apartment.”
“Of course I don’t mind. You don’t have to ask my permission.”
“Goodnight, bitches.” Tina hugged me. “Don’t be a stranger.”
“Please call so we can hang soon, okay?” Kenzie was next to hug me.
“Sure.”
Shelly, Brody, and I waited for Chase as the rest of the bar cleared out. Two girls stood next to the stage trying to talk to Chase. They were both blonde, one tall and one short.
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