by Sky Corgan
“You wanted to know about this house.” Lucian's gaze dances over the walls.
It's a strange thing for him to bring up right now, but I am curious. “Yeah.”
“I think I told you it belonged to my parents.”
“You did.”
“I inherited it from them after they died.”
I cock my head back, not wanting to ask the obvious question. He's too young for both of his parents to be dead.
“They died in a car crash. As luck would have it, they died the same year that my wife and son died. Only two months after.” He stabs at the broken yolk left on his plate as if he can actually take a bite of it.
“That's horrible.” My expression instantly turns sympathetic. I'm not sure why he's sharing this with me, but I'm glad that he is. It makes me feel closer to him.
“I moved in here last year.” Lucian sets his fork down and looks everywhere but at my face. I can hear the emotion in his voice, like he's trying desperately to push it back. “I haven't had the heart to change anything in here until now.”
“That's understandable. You went through a lot of traumas. I can't even imagine what it must have been like.” I want to reach across the table and touch his hand, but he looks far too breakable. The air in the room is thick and heavy. I'm not really sure what to say or do to make things better for him.
“Be glad. It's hard losing everyone you love in short proximity.” He furrows his brow at his plate as if it's the enemy.
“I really,” I stutter. “I really wish there was something I could do to help.
He wipes his mouth with his napkin before resting it on his lap and turning to look into the house. “There's nothing that anyone can do. No mortal action can bring them back. That's the thing about death. Once it happens, it happens. You don't get to come back, and everyone that's left behind...Well, they have to deal with it.” He stands and grabs our plates to take them to the kitchen. I think about following, but don't. Maybe he just needs a moment alone to regroup himself.
While he's away, I stand and push my chair in before walking around the house to look at everything that I once thought was just random clutter and junk. These are all his parents' things. It's almost heart-wrenching to think that he's surrounded himself with them for so long, refusing to change anything inside the house, even though it seems to be in disarray.
“What are you doing in here?” Lucian asks when he catches me walking around the office.
I smile softly at him, my hand tracing a ballerina trinket on one of the bookshelves. It's the first time I've taken notice that every room in the house has a woman's touch to it, even rooms like this that typically wouldn't. “I was just trying to get a better feel for who your parents were.”
This seems to please him though I can't help but feel like he doesn't trust me, especially after I turned over the pictures in his bedroom.
“Come on. Let's go watch the news.” He nods towards the living room.
“The news?” I wrinkle my nose at him. It's definitely not the most entertaining thing, and honestly not how I pictured us spending the morning together.
“Amy.” He grins. “It's important to know what's going on in the world. It's especially important to know what's going on locally.”
“If you say so.” I pout, following him out of the room.
For the remainder of the morning, we sit together cuddled up on the couch watching television. It's strangely normal. I think I spend more time looking at Lucian out of my peripheral vision than actually paying attention to what's on the dumb tube, though I have been able to gather from his channel preferences that he's very much into the news, the weather, and history.
By the time he has to start getting ready for work, we're finishing up a documentary on the Pyramids of Giza. I hadn't realized I was starting to fall asleep again until he pulls his arm from around my shoulder. Lazily, I stretch and watch him turn the television off.
“Well, it's about that time,” he says with a sigh.
“Alright.” I stand and allow him to lead me to the door. “I had a wonderful night,” I tell him as I turn on his doorstep to say my goodbyes.
“Me too.” He flashes me that charming smile that I've fallen for time and time again.
“I guess I'll see you later.” I lift my hand to wave awkwardly at him, but he catches my wrist, pulling me toward him until our bodies crash together.
I don't even have time to recover before his lips find mine and he's stealing my breath. There's the slightest taste of coffee on his tongue, and it makes me want to grin. I place my hands on his broad chest, leaning into the kiss, secretly hoping he'll pull me back inside for one final romp between the sheets. Even though I'm horribly late for work—even though I know it would make him late—I don't care. I just want to be with him. I don't want the amazing time I've had to end because I'm afraid that as soon as I drive away, things will return to the way they were.
I can feel Lucian disengaging from me, and I greedily follow him, my lips still reaching for him even after he's broken free from the kiss. I open my eyes and blush, then instantly turn away and practically jog down the path leading to his driveway.
“Bye,” I say over my shoulder.
“Bye.” His voice is filled with amusement and trails off into a chuckle that makes my cheeks burn even more.
It was such a desperate kiss on my end. I shouldn't have done that.
When I climb into my car, I sit there for several moments staring back at the house. I'm trying to savor the memory, to stamp it firmly into my mind to give myself hope that he might have meant everything he did and said. Only time will tell though.
Now that the dream is over, I have reality to face. Lucian never called Tyra to tell her that I would be coming in late. My body tenses at that realization, and I briefly think about going back to his front door to remind him. I'm still embarrassed from the kiss though, so I decide to text him instead.
It's an extra worry that I don't need, but one that I'm not too horribly concerned about. What I am worried about though is facing Derrick. He's going to be so disappointed in me and hurt. Perhaps I'll break it to him gently. Or maybe it would be better just to avoid the subject for a while. The last thing I want him to know is that I spent the night with Lucian.
With a sigh, I tell myself that everything will work out before I put the car in drive and head back to my apartment. Even if I sometimes don't believe that things will work out, they always do somehow. This will be no different. At least, that's what I thought.
CHAPTER THREE
Ever since leaving Lucian's house, all I've been able to think about is what everything that happened means for us. We made love and I slept in his arms and he confessed so many personal things. Then he cooked me breakfast this morning and we cuddled in his living room like a couple. Does that mean we're dating now? Am I in a relationship with him? I desperately want to know the answer, but it's way too impersonal to ask over text, and I don't want to seem naive. I'll have to find out some other way, though I have no idea how.
It's not until I pull up in front of Environ Design that I realize there are more important things to think about. Lucian hasn't sent me a text back to confirm that he spoke to Tyra. Even if he didn't though, I very rarely come in late, and at least I let her know. I shouldn't get in too much trouble for it.
I walk through the glass double doors, and instead of going straight to my desk, I head to Tyra's office. By some miracle, she's actually in there though she's on the phone. When I open my mouth to speak, she holds up her hand to silence me. Briefly, I think about just coming back later, but then I decide to wait. I'd rather talk to her privately about being at Lucian's house early this morning than wait for her to come to my desk where Derrick might be able to hear our conversation.
My nervousness increases as the minutes tick by. Tyra's expression—happy before I entered the room—flattens into something serious and deadpan. She's annoyed that I'm still standing there, and I know I'm press
ing my luck. I already came in late. The last thing I want to do is piss her off more than I probably already have.
Finally, she starts to say her goodbyes. I feel a rush of relief wash over me, but it's cut short as I catch a glimpse of Derrick in my peripheral vision coming into Tyra's office. A hard lump rockets to my throat, choking out any words I might have said to Tyra about being with Lucian this morning.
“Hey ladies, I just wanted to come see if there was anything new about the Reddick project I should know about.” Derrick stops right beside me, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking completely nonchalant.
Inside, I'm raging. He's being nosy, purposely prying.
“I don't know. Amy, is there anything new?” Tyra gives me a queer look.
“No. Nothing at all.” I shake my head, my lips feeling tight as I force a smile. “I just wanted to let you know that I showed up.” It's a lame excuse, especially given the fact that I've been standing in her office waiting for her to get off of the phone for at least a good five minutes.
“Alright. Nothing new, then.” She smiles at Derrick.
Internally, I sigh. Bullet dodged. I'll just email Tyra instead. Hopefully, she won't come to my desk afterward.
I turn to walk out of the office, and Derrick follows. My whole body is tense knowing that he's behind me, maybe because I feel like I've wronged him somehow. I'm not sure why. It's not like we were ever really dating. I just lied about it.
“Oh, and Amy,” Tyra's voice catches me off guard, making me stop in my tracks and Derrick nearly run into me.
“Hm?” I cast a glance over my shoulder, feeling my insides begin to twist.
“Doctor Reddick called. He confirmed that you were at his house all morning.”
***
“Amy, how could you?!”
I'm standing outside of Environ Design rubbing my wrist. Almost the second that we walked out of Tyra's office, Derrick grabbed me and practically dragged me out of the building. I knew this lecture was coming, I had just hoped it could wait until at least lunch time.
“Derrick, this can wait.” I roll my eyes, using rudeness as a defense mechanism.
“We talked about this,” his tone raises an octave, then he looks towards the door to make sure that no one can hear us. Everyone is staring.
“We'll talk about this at lunch,” I growl.
“Did you fuck him?” Disgust is written all over his face.
For a moment, I think about lying. It will calm him if I say no. Then we can go back inside and work peacefully until lunch. I'm really not up for the tension of telling the truth. But at the same time, I just want to get this over with. Telling him now will be like ripping off a band-aid. Plus, I don't want to string out the betrayal of his trust.
“Yes,” I admit, keeping my nose up. I'm not ashamed that I slept with Lucian. Perhaps if he had been dismissive as usual, I would be. But things were different last night. Worlds away from what they have been.
Derrick draws his hand up to his face, and I can almost feel the anger radiating off of him. I stay silent, waiting for him to say something—to pitch a fit or have an all-out fight with me. He doesn't say anything though. And after about two minutes of just standing there looking angry and wounded, he steps past me to pull open the door and go back inside, not even glancing at me.
Inside I crumble. It's entirely unexpected, the pain that comes from him not saying anything at all. His disappointment in me is crushing, almost suffocating. Tears well up in my eyes, and I know I'm going to need another minute before I can go back inside. I don't get that minute though. Tyra pokes her head out the door, and I have to suck up my emotions immediately.
“Is everything alright?” she asks though she looks more irritated than concerned.
“Yeah. I'm fine.” I wipe my face with the back of my arm, praying that I don't smear my makeup.
She holds the door open for me, practically forcing me back inside. Silently, I curse her for not giving me a few more minutes to recover. This is her job though, making sure that I'm doing my job.
“I'm not sure what's going on with you two,” she tells me softly, though her softly is still loud enough for everyone in the office to hear. “But I need you to separate your emotions from work. You're here to do a job, remember.”
“Mhm.” I nod weakly, biting back the vile things that are rolling around in my mouth begging to be spat out. I am doing my job. My job is to keep Lucian Reddick happy, and that's exactly what I've been doing all morning. And it's kind of hard to separate my emotions from work when they're entwined with the project. This fucked up love triangle I have going on. I don't know how to deal with it. Everything would have been fine if she hadn't said anything about me being with Lucian this morning. If Derrick hadn't been nosy and come into her office trying to figure out what was going on.
I suppose it's just deserts though. Only yesterday, I was in Lucian's bedroom turning over all of those pictures. I had no business to do it, yet I did it anyway because I desperately wanted to know his secret. Everything turned out alright though. Better than alright.
This is my karma. Not all secrets revealed have a happy outcome.
***
Even though I came in to work late, the day seems longer than usual. At lunch time, Derrick whizzes past my desk to go eat alone. It hurts, but I understand. The wound of knowing that I spent the night with Lucian is still fresh. Hopefully, he'll get over it in a day or two. He told me before that we could still be friends even if I wasn't interested in him. I hope that holds true.
I text Lucian periodically throughout the day, though he never responds, which only makes me feel worse. By the time I get off from work, I'm beginning to think that he played me again. It wouldn't be an unrealistic possibility. He's very good at pulling me in and pushing me away. At least now I know that he does it because he's damaged. That makes the thought a bit more bearable.
I come home to find Janice sitting on the sofa in the living room watching television. She doesn't even look at me as I walk through the door and set my purse on the bar.
I sigh deeply as I come to sit down on the sofa next to her and kick off my high heels. That's when I notice she has a bowl of popcorn on her lap and is shoving a handful in her mouth while her eyes are glued to the screen. It only takes a few seconds for me to realize that she's watching a horror movie.
“Having fun?” I ask.
She waves her hand, shushing me. “This is the best part.”
I lean back and wait for it, the part of the movie where the girl makes the wrong turn and gets stabbed to death by the murderer, an undeniably attractive guy in a mask. It's an old slasher movie. Well, not old, but older. We've both seen it at least half a dozen times, so I'm not sure why she's getting so excited about it.
“Do you want me to tell you who he kills next?” I whisper into her ear teasingly.
She pushes me away, furrowing her brow. “You suck, Amy.”
“Not yet, but I've been thinking about it.” I trace my tongue across my bottom lip as I recall Lucian's cock being so close to my face, how it smelled, how his pre-seed tasted, how much I wanted to stick that big, fat shaft down my throat and feel him throb in my mouth. Just thinking about it gets me all hot and bothered.
“Another late night with Blue Eyes?” She sounds completely unamused.
“You're getting good at guessing.” I reach over to grab a handful of popcorn.
“Well, you don't visit your parents much anymore.” Her eyes widen for a moment.
“That's not true.” It is true. I really need to go home for a weekend. It's been over a month since I've seen my parents, though I have been in contact with my mom via text.
She grunts in reply, and it annoys me that she's not more excited for me.
“So I told Derrick that I slept with Lucian again, and he's really pissed at me now.”
“He'll get over it. He's not really into you anyway. He just thinks he is.”
I frown, wondering if she's r
ight. In truth, I should be happy if that's the case. It would mean Derrick's bitter feelings will pass quickly and we'll be able to return to how things were before.
“What if he doesn't get over it?” I scrunch up my face, not wanting to think about that possibility.
“If he really cares about you, he will. You guys have been friends forever. Him wanting to date you did kind of come out of left field. He's probably just jealous because there's a new guy in your life and he doesn't know how to cope with it.”
That might be true. Derrick has been the only guy in my life in a really long time.
“But I'm honestly not surprised that he's pissed off about the whole Blue Eyes thing. Even if he wasn't interested in you, I can see why he'd be ticked.”
“What's that supposed to mean?” I turn to her, quickly becoming tired of her strange attitude.
Her shoulders slump and she casts a sideways glance at me. “That guy is no good. We've discussed this.”
“He's...fine,” I hesitate. “He's just...damaged.”
“Sure. They all are.” She gestures absentmindedly in my direction. “And let me guess, you're going to fix him.”
“I'm going to try,” I insist, beginning to think that I might have been better off just going to my room.
“It never works, Amy.” She leans forward and sets the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table. “Besides, you're not into the same stuff that he's into. You probably don't have much in common. It would never work out.”
“What's your problem?” I glare at her.
“Nothing.” She rolls her eyes and sulks back against the sofa.
“It's not nothing.” I look down at her. “Are you on your period or something?”
She snorts and shifts her gaze, which is a good indication that the answer is yes.
“Janice, talk to me. We're best friends. This is what friends are for.” I offer her a weak smile.
“You just don't know what's good for you, and it's kind of annoying.” She crosses her arms over her chest. “You go after this Dom, and then it's blah blah blah he's so awesome, but I want to change him. It doesn't work that way, Amy. There's nothing wrong with him. Nothing that needs to be changed. You shouldn't go after guys like that and expect them to change just because you want sweet romance.”
