by Cheri Allan
Jim swallowed and looked back toward the cottage. Christ. A woman with a kid? Had he learned nothing from Justine? But then he looked back at Liam’s hopeful expression, and something in him answered hopefully in return.
What harm was there in a little fishing? And who else was going to teach the little guy? “Tell you what… if you see me out here fishing, you can join me if your mom says it’s okay. Deal?”
“Deal!” Liam said, scrambling to his feet.
“Whoa!” Jim pointed to Liam’s pole. “If the fish aren’t going to swallow it, who’s going to take care of the worm on your hook?”
Liam looked out at his line, and his face scrunched up. “Do I hafta eat it?”
Jim barked out a laugh as he, too, rose to his feet. “Not unless you’ve got an older brother that says you do.” Liam shook his head, wide eyed. “Then I guess you’re safe.” Jim reeled in his line and set his pole on the dock. “Here, you give it to me, and I’ll take care of it. This time.”
Liam passed over his pole just as Kate appeared at the porch railing of the cottage to announce dinner was ready. “See you ‘morrow!” Liam called, running up the dock toward his mother.
Jim watched from below the brim of his hat… not the boy bounding up the path toward the cottage… but at Kate as she stood waiting at the top of the steps, the breeze forming her skirt to her thighs. A perverse side of him wished it would pick up the hem, just a little, because he clearly hadn’t tortured himself enough for one day.
And then Liam’s pole jerked in his hand as Kate turned away… and Jim pulled a six-inch perch from the water.
June 25
You don’t need to tell me I make unhealthy choices. I *know* fish is good for you, but try as I might, I’ve never been able to choke it down. I always end up craving the bad-for-you foods. Onion rings and juicy burgers dripping with cheese. The foods you know will come back to bite you, tell you you’re fat and make you miserable in the long run.
It’s so hot today, I’m craving ice cream. Ugh. See? What did I tell you?
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
____________________
“THANKS FOR HANGING OUT WITH me on such short notice.” Rachel swung her legs under the outdoor picnic table and licked her ice cream. It was a steamy June day, and the Lick-n-Dip ice cream stand was hopping. Dang if it wasn’t as good as Jim had said. “I’d just be twiddling my thumbs at Grace’s apartment or window-shopping for things I shouldn’t buy otherwise, and I can’t go to Mom and Dad’s. Doug and I aren’t ready to say anything to them quite yet about the baby, and I know I’d end up blabbing.”
“It’s our secret,” said Kate as she slid into the opposite side of the table.
She’d been pleasantly surprised when Rachel had called and invited her to get together for an hour or two. The day had turned out hot and humid, and crouching in the sun weeding the perennial beds back at the cottage and stressing about her future held a lot less appeal to sitting in the shade, eating ice cream and people-watching. With more thunderstorms predicted for later in the day, the barometric pressure had Kate feeling antsy anyway.
It had nothing to do with her feelings for her sexy neighbor.
“I hope Doug’s interview goes well,” she said.
“Thanks. He’s meeting the head of QC, General Manager and one of the techs today, so it’s a good sign things are moving in the right direction.” Rachel sighed and licked another dribble from the side of her cone. “It feels surreal, though. A month ago we were just a couple in a tiny apartment in Methuen… Now, we’re expecting a baby, and Doug gets this lead for a job in Sugar Falls...” She licked her cone again and stared down the sidewalk at the midday spattering of people going about their business. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s wonderful! Just… surreal.”
Kate nodded. She understood surreal all too well.
The nearby playground had proved too big a temptation to put off, so Liam was running his matchbox cards over the jungle gym bars while Kate and Rachel enjoyed their cones. Kate scooped some of Liam’s overly-melted ice cream from his dish and popped it in her mouth.
“Rachel?” Kate dove across the table and saved Rachel’s cone a second before it hit the top of the picnic table. She grabbed the spare dish she’d asked for ‘just in case’ and shoved it under Rachel’s cone. “Are you all right? You just turned white as a ghost.”
“The ghost of mistakes past,” Rachel mumbled, grabbing a napkin and wiping the ice cream that’d dribbled onto her wrist. She laughed shakily and waved off Kate’s concern. “I’m okay. I’m okay. Just surprised.”
“And not in a good way.”
Rachel shook her head and stared at her cone, now melting in the dish despite their shady cover. “It shouldn’t be a surprise. I mean, I should have expected it.” She ran a hand over her brow and met Kate’s eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” said Kate, still concerned.
Rachel poked at her upturned cone with her index finger. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.”
“I know we don’t really know each other, and I hope you don’t think I’m one of those people that blurts out all her troubles on somebody she just met. As a rule, I’m not. But I don’t want to talk to Grace—she cannot keep a secret—and I don’t know who else...”
“What is it?” Kate prompted.
Rachel grimaced, looked back down the sidewalk then back to Kate. “The truth is…I just saw someone.”
“Someone? I’m not sure what your question—”
Rachel winced. “An ex-boyfriend. Lover, actually.”
Kate’s eyebrows shot up momentarily before she could rein them back in. “Um... how ex, ah, lover are we talking?”
Rachel sighed, picked up a spoon and took a small bite of ice cream. “High school.” She winced. Swallowed. “Doug had gone to college. It was my senior year. I was feeling left behind and questioning everything, and long story short…it happened.”
“Happened,” Kate echoed.
“I had a fling,” Rachel said sotto voce. “Well, not really a fling fling, more of a one-night stand. But then it ended. Over. I—we—broke it off, and we’ve never talked since. At least... until last week.”
“Wait. You talked to this ex—?”
“I called him. I knew I’d be coming to town and I wanted to set some ground rules, you know? In case we ran into each other...” she gave another shaky laugh. “Kate, he wants to see me and I don’t know what to do!”
“Does Doug know anything about this?”
“No! I called while I was at work.”
“No, about your fling—stand— thing. Did you ever tell him?”
Rachel blanched. “No! It would crush him! Doug was my—he likes to say he was my first and last… I could never tell him. Ever.”
“Then I guess you have your answer.”
Rachel stared down at her dish. “I know. It just feels so awkward. The way things ended between us... this guy... and me... I wasn’t very gracious. I blamed him for something that was both of our faults. Don’t I owe him an explanation?”
“Owe him? It’s been years. I’m sure he’s fine by now.”
“He said he just wants to get coffee. There’s no harm in that, is there?”
“Is he single?”
“Yes.”
Oh Lord. “I guess the question is why do you want to have coffee with him?”
“What if we move back to Sugar Falls? That’s what Doug is hoping. That’s what I’m hoping. But what then? It’s a small town, Kate. What if Doug runs into him? What if this guy says something?”
Rachel licked her finger and rubbed at a sticky smear on her forearm. “He sent me a friend request.”
“Ignore it,” Kate told her. “You’re a married woman, Rachel. A pregnant, married woman.”
“I know. I know! I just wonder sometimes what my life would have been like… if things had gone differently.” She swallowed and forced a smile. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I lov
e my husband. I do! But don’t you ever wonder if you’ve made the right choices? If you’d chosen a different path, would things have ended the same way?”
Kate must have made a face, because Rachel reached across and grasped her arm. “Oh God! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean... What choice did you have with your husband’s accident?” Rachel let go and let out a soft sigh as they watched Liam on the slide. “But that’s what I mean, I guess. We never know what’s going to happen in life, and this guy—he was intense and exciting. He drove a motorcycle and had this eagle tattoo right here...” She pointed to a point just below her left shoulder. She shivered and hugged herself despite the heat. “But then…”
“You had regrets.”
Rachel’s eyes flew to Kate’s. “Regrets? No. Never. I mean, yes, it was a mistake, but then I was at college and with Doug, and I never looked back. Never gave this guy another thought.”
“Until now?”
Rachel shook her head and then glanced at the sky overhead, tears glistening. “I always knew we weren’t meant to be together, always knew he belonged to someone else, but I couldn’t bring myself to turn down the opportunity to be with him. I knew it was wrong, but I needed it. I needed to experience that intensity, be that wild, just once in my life before settling down, you know? Doug is wonderful. He’s responsible and sweet and hard-working. But he doesn’t do impulsive. And he certainly wouldn’t do half the stuff—” She cut herself off and dabbed at her eyes with her napkin. “But it couldn’t last.” She laughed without humor. “Actions always have consequences.”
Kate nodded and licked her ice cream, her thoughts tumbling over each other. Randy had been her fling guy. Her dangerous, intense, wild guy. With him, she’d felt everything her carefully choreographed upbringing had protected her from. Excitement. Daring. Disorder. Randy had pulled her outside the stifling, country-club bubble her parents had raised her in, and it had been intoxicating. But instead of having her fling and returning home to marry a nice, stable, reliable guy like Doug, she’d married Randy. And look where that had gotten her.
Kate licked her ice cream with considerably less enthusiasm.
Who could blame Rachel for a fling that happened years ago? If only Kate had had the good sense to end things with Randy when things went downhill—when it became clear the Technicolor excitement of ‘us against the world’ had faded to a dull, unbreachable distance between them. But no. She’d thought she could fix it, this problem they had, like she’d bailed them out so many times before. A baby would surely bring them closer, right? But, after Liam was born, the silent divide in their marriage only grew wider, and Kate had cared for Liam alone—as Randy sat around watching NASCAR and drinking himself into oblivion. She knew she’d been grasping at straws, praying there was some way to bring back what they’d once had, but she knew better now.
Some problems are simply un-fixable.
Kate watched as Liam tumbled onto the ground at the bottom of the slide, giggling to himself. He stood dazedly and grinned at her, and Kate’s heart squeezed hard in return.
Maybe Randy hadn’t been a great husband or father, but she would never regret he’d made her a mother. And, maybe, like Rachel said, her life would have been different if she’d chosen a different path. Maybe she would be different. But, it was the past now. Any chance of choosing the sensible path was behind her. She’d chosen Randy, and now it was her job to be the responsible, reliable one. She had a son to raise, a job to do, a future to prepare for...
Rachel smiled wryly and pushed away her ice cream. “Well, I see I have become that overly new acquaintance that shares way too much personal information for comfort and now you don’t know what to say.”
Kate shook off her reverie. “No! Not at all. I’m glad you feel comfortable confiding in me. I just don’t know how I can help.”
Rachel shrugged. “I suppose I just needed to tell someone. Get it off my chest. I’ll figure it out.”
“What will you do?”
“I don’t know. Did I mention he’s really good-looking?”
Kate raised an eyebrow.
“Not that I’d act on it! That was a joke...” Rachel trailed off.
“There was a reason you broke things off. And you said yourself—Doug’s a good guy.”
“I know. I know,” she sighed. “He is. But he’s no eagle tattoo.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
____________________
“NO,” SAID JIM.
“Don’t be stubborn.” His grandmother pursed her lips. “It’s not a date—”
“Of course it’s a date!” Jim countered. “You said it yourself: Double. Date.”
“It’s just a phrase, James, not a marriage contract.”
“I’m still not going.”
“Why not?”
“It’s a bad idea, that’s all.”
“She’s in mourning,” Grams argued.
“I’m well aware of that.”
“She’s been holed up in that cottage since she arrived. Don’t you think she’d like something to look forward to?”
He pushed his hand through his hair and eyed the potential exits. “Why the big push, huh, Grams? Why can’t you let it be?”
“Because you’re being stubborn. It’s not healthy. You need this. Get out with other young people once in a while. Ever since things fell apart with that woman, you’ve been sitting around night after night waiting for that fool beeper thing to go off.”
“You know why I volunteer. If there’d been more responders that night...” He didn’t have to finish the sentence. They both knew what he was referring to. Twenty years later, the tragic fire that had taken his aunt and uncle was still too fresh to speak of.
Grams nodded, her eyes glistening. “That doesn’t mean they’d want you to sacrifice yourself to their memory. You have a life, James. You need to live it.”
“I am living it.” At that moment, the ‘fool beeper’ Grams had just complained about went off. “I gotta go.”
“You’re going on that double date, James. It’ll be good for you.”
“I’m not.” He grabbed his cap off the hat rack and opened the screen door. “Kate doesn’t need this.”
“I SO NEEDED THIS,” KATE SIGHED as she slid into the vinyl booth at the local diner. “Thanks for inviting me.”
Jim shrugged. He pulled his cap off and set it on the hook at the end of the booth, then slid in next to her. Rachel and Doug settled in the opposite side.
“It was Gram's suggestion,” Rachel said, her hands fluttering like birds as she passed the menus from the end of the booth. “Doug had a final interview today, so we were already in town.”
“Who knows, if we’re lucky, we might be moving back to Sugar Falls sooner than later,” said Doug. “I’m keeping my fingers crossed.”
Kate watched as Rachel refolded her paper napkin on the table and straightened the tines of her fork. “When do you think you’ll hear?”
“They hope to make a decision in the next couple weeks.”
Rachel glanced a brilliant smile at her husband. “We’re so excited.”
Kate nodded encouragingly and pretended to peruse the menu. Aside from taking Liam fishing a couple times, Jim had avoided her ever since the shower incident nearly two weeks ago.
And then he’d stopped by at noon to ask if she were busy tonight—nothing fancy, just casual—and she’d hoped he wasn’t avoiding her after all. It seemed a sign of rare good fortune when Nana had invited Liam to come for a sleepover, just for fun.
Now here she was. Sitting in a 1950’s diner, in her prettiest floral sundress, her toenails painted a delicate pale blue, with a date who refused to even make eye contact.
She sipped her water and nibbled her bottom lip.
Jim set his menu on the table and smoothed his hand down his thigh as if he were trying to press himself down in his seat.
“What do you suggest?” Kate asked, hoping he’d at least look at her if she asked him a direct question.
“It’s all good,” he answered, reaching for his soda.
“They have great onion rings,” Rachel enthused.
“Mmm.” Kate nodded. At least Rachel wasn’t giving her the silent treatment.
“Lots of people like the turkey dinner platter,” Doug suggested. “That’s what I’m getting.”
“What are you getting?” Kate asked, leveling her gaze on Jim. She’d make him talk if she had to pull his lips apart herself.
Jim stared at something beyond her right shoulder. “Bacon burger.”
“I only like burgers if they’re thick and juicy. Are they thick and juicy?”
His eyes skittered over her face, bouncing off her lips, before he put all his concentration into repositioning his silverware. “Ah, yeah. Yeah. They’re good.”
“Sold!” she announced, closing her menu. She reached across to stack it with the others. She couldn’t care less what she ordered. Her mouth was watering—but not for hamburgers. Her entire right side was burning with awareness for the man who was so incredibly close... but apparently making a superhuman effort not to touch her.
After the waitress took their orders, they talked more about Doug’s potential job. Rachel chattered over-brightly and Jim continued to sip his soda, contributing to the conversation only when spoken to.
“Where will you live if you move back to Sugar Falls?” Kate asked.
Doug shrugged. “I don’t know. The housing market is kind of tight here, but nothing could be worse than our current place. It’s on the second floor, only one bedroom—”
“But it’s been home since we were married,” Rachel added.
“Sounds like Randy and me. My husband,” Kate explained. “We had a place just like that for years.”
For the first time, Jim looked up, his expression tight.
“We’ll have to move anyway,” Rachel was saying. “Our apartment will be too small for a baby.”
“We moved, too, right after Liam was born. Randy hated tripping over a crib in the bedroom.”
Jim looked away again, his body rigid beside her.
Smooth move, Kate admonished herself. Way to go, bringing up the dead husband. Twice. She sighed, deflated.
