He peeked in the kitchen, no sign of her. He headed down the short hallway. When he flipped on the lights in her bedroom, he noticed the sheets were twisted, the quilt thrown back, pillows scattered across the floor.
His heart damn near stopped at seeing her curled up on the bathroom floor. “Shit.” He crouched beside her body and found her pulse in her neck, thank God. “Ainsley?” Ben placed his hand on her forehead. “Baby. You’re burning up.”
“Ben?”
“I’m here, angel. Stay with me. I need to get you to the emergency room.”
“No doctors.”
“Tough shit.”
“I won’t go.” She tried to roll away.
He held her still and tamped down his fear. “Then what should I do?”
She mumbled, “Call Joely.”
Ben grabbed Ainsley’s cell and scrolled until he found Joely’s number. He dropped to his knees beside her on the tile as he hit Send.
The doc picked up on the second ring. “Doc? It’s Ben McKay.”
“Ben. Why are you on Ainsley’s phone?”
“I stopped to see her and found her layin’ on the floor in the bathroom. Her skin is on fire. She won’t go to the ER. It’s freaking me out because she was fine yesterday.” His words came out machine-gun fast.
“Calm down. Can you tell if she’s been throwing up?”
“There’s none on the floor or in her hair or anything.”
“Can you ask her?”
“She’s pretty out of it.”
“Put me on speaker.”
Ben poked the button and held the phone lower. “You’re on.”
“Ainsley, it’s Joely Monroe. Ben says you’re sick. Have you been vomiting?”
“No.” She shuddered and Ben’s stomach roiled. He smoothed her damp hair from her face.
“When did you first start getting sick?”
“Right after I went to work this morning. I couldn’t stay so I came home.”
“Tell me your symptoms.”
“Hot. Cold. Chills. Headache. Body aches. Sore throat.”
“She sneezed a lot last night,” Ben inserted.
“Have you taken meds for any of the symptoms?”
“No.”
“Okay, here’s my on-the-fly diagnosis. She has the flu. Probably the twenty-four-hour variety. Hopefully it already hit its peak.”
“Do I need to take her to the ER?”
“Not unless she gets markedly worse. Right now, she needs to take two Tylenol and in another hour, two Motrin. That should drop her fever. If she’s awake, make her drink lots of water, but don’t wake her to drink. Put cool cloths on her face. That’ll at least give her the impression of coolness until her fever breaks.” A pause. “You are able to stay with her tonight, Ben, or is there someone else she can call?”
He tempered his initial response, No fucking way am I ever leaving her, to a calmer, “I’m staying.” He was freaked the fuck out. He’d never taken care of a sick person before in his life. Sick calves? No problem. Sick person? Not ever.
“This is a pretty quick bug,” the doc said. “But I’ll warn you: it’s highly contagious. You should expect to get sick.”
“I never get sick,” he scoffed at the dial tone.
Ben tried to move her off the bathroom floor. “Come on. Let’s get you into your own bed.”
“It’s too hot in there.”
“It’s cooler. I promise. Let me help you up.” Ben practically carried Ainsley to her room. “Sit on the bed.”
“You’re always so bossy.”
“Part of bein’ a Dom.”
“Well, you’re not my Dom anymore, so let me lay down.”
He resisted the urge to snap, The fuck I’m not your Dom. He breathed slowly and deeply, completely out of his element on so many levels. “First you need to swallow your meds.”
Ainsley screwed up her face.
“They’ll make you feel better.”
Once she’d choked down the pills, she stretched out on the mattress.
“Close your eyes.” He placed a cool washcloth on her forehead.
She sighed. “That’s nice. You’re nice.”
“Thought I was bossy?”
“You are both nice and bossy. I like that about you. Two sides of the same coin.”
He couldn’t help but ask, “Which side do you like better?”
“The nice side. I think you’re afraid of showing that side of yourself to me, more than you are of showing me the Dom side.”
Bullshit. You’re fighting the truth that you like that bossy side of me better.
Ben kicked off his boots and stretched out beside her. He wanted to fix her now. Scoop her up, race to the doctor and demand she be healed. He forced himself to calm down and watch her settle into sleep, reaching for her hand just as he began to drift off.
Ainsley’s restlessness roused him. He glanced at the clock. Only an hour had passed.
She started to push up.
“Easy. Anything you need I’ll get.”
“A drink.”
Ben moved to the edge of the bed and held a glass to her lips. “Here.”
She drank every drop.
“Better?”
“Yeah.”
He switched out the skin-warmed washcloth for a cool one.
Ainsley sighed when he placed it over her forehead. “Thanks, Ben. You don’t have to stay.”
“I want to stay.”
“Why? It’s not like I have any new loan information for you.”
That sounded a little cross. “Thanks for the update.”
“I’m surprised you’d be interested in hanging out with me, especially if we’re not having kinky sex,” she said snarkily.
Ben’s voice was pure Dom. “The lack of kinky sex was your choice. And it’s a damn mystery why I’m obsessed with hanging out with a woman like you who’s beautiful, adventurous, smart and sexy as hell.”
She slid the washcloth down and squinted at him. “You really see me that way?”
He ran his hand down her arm. “Yeah, angel, I do. You know I do. I see you a lot clearer than you see me.”
“Why did you come over tonight?”
To remind you that I’m not some pussy lap dog who will be happy with whatever scraps of friendship you toss at me. “Because I thought you were ditching my calls so I came over to chew your ass.”
“And you probably wanted to spank it too, huh?”
“Like you wouldn’t believe.”
“Ben. That’s not…who we have to be.”
Yes, it is. That’s who we are. And there’s nothing wrong with it. But she didn’t need to deal with that issue now. “Christ, Ainsley, it scared the crap outta me when I saw you on the bathroom floor.”
She reached out and blindly patted his arm, soothing him. “I’m glad you checked on me. It’s a very sweet, friend-like thing to do.”
Sweet and friend-like my ass. Ben nudged the washcloth back into place. “I need to buy you Motrin as per Doc’s orders. Is there anything else you want from the store?”
“Cherry flavored throat lozenges and 7UP.”
“Got it.” Ben tucked the covers around her. “I’ll be back.”
When he returned, Ainsley had fallen asleep again. He puttered around her kitchen. Putting the flowers he’d bought in a vase. Finding a saucepan to heat up canned chicken soup. He bribed her cats with treats and chuckled when the fur balls became slightly less standoffish.
He heard the toilet flush and booked it to the bathroom. “Ainsley? You okay?”
The door opened. “I’m tired of being in bed. I think I’ll sit on the couch.”
She had a pained expression. “What’s wrong?”
“My head is pounding.”
“Maybe it’s the lights.” Ben flipped on a lamp and sat beside her. “Come here.” He placed a pillow on his lap.
Ainsley rested the side of her face on the pillow and practically purred when he gently stroked her hair. “God. I love
how you touch me. No matter how you touch me.”
I know you do. “So…I made nice with your cats.”
“Had to bribe them, did you?”
“Yep. Shamelessly. With multiple treats.”
Her low laugh sent her into a coughing fit. She sat up, blew her nose, took another drink of water and popped a lozenge in her mouth. “Sorry. I hate being sick. You probably were one of those healthy kids, Mr. I-never-get-sick.”
He touched her forehead. Her skin was much cooler.
She snuggled more deeply into him. “I’m tired.” Her breathing changed and he was certain she’d crashed again, when she muttered, “Thanks for taking care of me.”
Ben wrapped a curl around his index finger. “It’s a first for me. I’m more the ‘sorry you’re sick, gotta run’ type of guy.”
“Well, you’re definitely more the ‘I’m your boyfriend and I’ll take care of you’ type now.”
Boyfriend? Was that what he was to her? The role she’d demoted him to?
Oh hell no. Fuck no. The kid gloves he’d been treating her with the last few days were about to come off. Just as soon as she got over this fever-induced delirium.
Naturally, Mr.-I-never-get-sick…got sick.
He swore he was dying. He’d contracted bubonic plague. Malaria. Leprosy. Typhoid. Ben McKay was a horrible patient. But Ainsley stayed with him from the onset of the first sniffles. Fussed over him. Took care of his dogs. And when he reached for her in the middle of the night, she willingly went into his arms and comforted him as he shook from his fever, not from passion.
But even in sickness he’d been in total Dom mode. That’s when the reality of this situation with him began to sink in.
They were at an impasse. Not friends, no longer lovers. They’d be at this turn in the road anyway, even if the loan business wasn’t hanging over them, with the thirty days at an end. So why was she still at a tipping point? Unsure of what she wanted and afraid to tell him?
No. You’re not afraid of Bennett; you’re afraid he’d see right through you when you lie to him.
So an hour later when Ben returned from his trip to town and plopped next to her on his couch after his shower, she had a hard knot in her throat, wondering how she’d keep this discussion matter of fact.
“You’re sniffling. You feel like you’re getting sick again?” he asked with concern.
“No. I was sniffing because you smell nice.”
He lifted a brow. “I’da showered sooner if you’d told me I was stinky.”
“You weren’t. I just like the scent of your soap.” That type of comment is not keeping this neutral, Ainsley.
“Duly noted.” He grabbed the water bottle from the coffee table.
“So your mom stopped by while you were in town.”
He choked on his mouthful of water. “She did? Shit. Sorry about that. She probably was a total pain in the ass.”
Ainsley had wondered how he’d react to Vi’s surprise visit. “No, she was great. We talked about our backgrounds growing up with a father in service to God.”
That startled him. “Guess my grandfather was a real bastard. Kinda sucks that I was named after him. Is your dad like that?”
“No. Just set in his ways. Your mom is an interesting woman. We have a lot in common. I liked her. She asked me out to lunch.”
Ben harrumphed. “She’s a meddling woman.”
“Your mother was a lot warmer to me than Rielle.”
“Jesus. Rielle was here too?”
“Evidently she heard you were sick and brought over a basket of muffins to send you on the road to recovery.” An edge of jealousy crept into her tone despite her intent to curb it.
“Huh. That’s weird.” He pointed to a colorful ball on the chair. “What’s that?”
Why did he blatantly change the subject whenever Rielle was mentioned? “My knitting.”
“Knitting. You knit?”
“Yes. I had to have something productive to do while you were feverish and thrashing around.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Why? Do you think it’s a lame hobby?” Not the right type of hobby for a sub? Are my hands supposed to busy tending to your needs all the time?
Not fair.
Ben shrugged. “Not lame at all. You’ve never mentioned it.”
“We haven’t exactly spent our time talking in the last month.”
“Careful, angel, I might take that as a complaint. Especially when you’re the one who doesn’t wanna talk about stuff.”
Ainsley rested her cheek on the couch cushion. She’d rehearsed this conversation in her head and now was the time to have it for real. “Not a complaint, Ben. Just an observation.”
“I don’t think I’m gonna like this observation, am I?”
“Probably not.” Her eyes searched his. “I like how it’s been between us the last couple days, almost more than I did when we were Dom and sub.”
The wounded look on his face made her feel as if she’d sliced him in two. “You don’t really mean that.”
“Maybe you’re right. But that’s the issue. I don’t know what I mean.” She sighed. “Sex with you… God, I never dreamed a physical relationship could be that all-consuming. And it was between us. Every single time. The amount of intensity varied, but it was always there.” She glanced away, unsure how to finish.
After a minute or so, Ben said, “Can you look at me, please?”
Not a Dom command. She looked at him. In his eyes she saw fear, honesty, trust and power. She saw everything she needed. She saw everything she shouldn’t want. Everything she was too…scared to reach out and take.
“What’s really goin’ on? Did my mother say something to you?”
She shook her head.
His blue eyes snapped fire. “Rielle? Did she open her big mouth? Because—”
Ainsley put her fingers over his lips. “Nothing like that. They were both just curious about why I was at your house. And I didn’t know what to tell them.”
“How about the truth?”
“Which is what, Ben? We met at a sex club? And we were taking a test drive as Dom and sub couple?”
He growled.
“I just…can’t do this anymore. We aren’t lovers.” She smiled sadly. “You don’t want to be my friend, do you?”
“No.”
That hurt. “So, it’s all sex or nothing?”
“Yep. I’ve been following your parameters, Ainsley. But when we’re through with the business aspect of this loan? I want a chance to put things back the way they were.”
“You Dom, me sub.”
His hard gaze pinned her in place. “Really? That’s how you saw what we had together?”
“No.” This was not going as planned. “I thought I wanted to talk to you about this and now I see why I don’t.” She pushed off the couch.
“What are you afraid of?”
Ainsley didn’t answer. She just gathered her things and headed for the door.
Ben hadn’t kissed her at all since that night at her house when she’d suggested friendship. When he helped her put on her coat, she wanted to melt into him. She wished he’d go full Dom on her. Demand she stay.
But he didn’t say a word. He didn’t even walk her out to her car.
That’s when she knew it really was over.
Chapter Twenty-Five
This bullshit situation with Ainsley sucked ass. Stuck in fucking limbo. In purgatory.
Waiting, waiting, waiting.
He hadn’t seen her for two goddamn days. He’d even called her yesterday at the bank to check on the status of his loan, which was a legitimate reason to contact her because it was getting down to the wire and he’d need the money by the end of the week. For some reason him calling to ask about the loan pissed her off. Then his…request to take her to lunch ticked her off too. She’d said no, she’d be in touch, and hung up on him.
Ben had called her again today. First thing. He’d been nice. Polite. Purposely un-Dom-like. And he’d gotte
n the same damn response. A polite fucking brush off.
It’d taken every ounce of strength not to march into her office, throw her over his shoulder and drag her to his place, where he could tie her to the bed, and make her listen to him. Make her understand that he fucking loved her. And this waiting to tell her what she meant to him was killing him.
His phone rang. He’d barely said hello, when Kane barked, “Ben? Hope you ain’t busy, but we’re in need of your peacekeeping abilities.”
“What’s goin’ on?”
“Tell and Colt got into it, and now Brandt and Dalton jumped in. I can’t hold ’em all back from beatin’ the shit outta Colt.”
“Where are you?”
“Uncle Casper’s place.”
Ben hit the brakes and spun a U-turn in the middle of the road. “On my way.”
Seven minutes later he reached the turnoff to Casper’s place.
Tell stood nose to nose with Colt. Brandt and Dalton flanked Tell on either side. Kane had positioned himself to Colt’s right. Their focus shifted when Ben skidded into the driveway. He jumped out of his truck, noticing Colt had seized the opportunity to step back a couple of feet.
“Hey, guys. What’s goin’ on?”
“It’s none of your fuckin’ business what’s goin’ on, Ben, so back the fuck off and go home,” Tell snarled.
That threw him off. Tell was the most even-keeled one in the family. “Fine. Me’n Colt and Kane will go.”
“Colt ain’t goin’ nowhere until he gives us some fuckin’ answers.”
Tell started to push into Colt’s face again, but Ben stepped between them. “Back off, Tell.”
“No. Move outta the way.”
“I said. Back. Off.”
That tone caught Tell’s attention. Some of the rage in his eyes momentarily cleared.
Ben pointed to Colt and Tell. “Now someone start talking.”
“Yeah, Colt, you heard what Ben said. Start talking,” Dalton sneered.
Colt’s arms were folded across his chest. “This would be easier for all of us if you’d just move aside and let me get what I came for.”
“Where is he?”
“Where is who?” Ben asked with total confusion.
“Our dad,” Brandt said. “He’s been gone five days.”
Cowboy Casanova: Rough Riders, Book 12 Page 26
