Maybe she’d ask him after he’d undressed her and taken in the new lingerie she’d bought from Victoria’s Secret. Yes, she might never live up to the supermodels in his little black book, but he’d never treated her like she was anything less than perfect since they’d reunited. Which said more about her than him. If he wasn’t making the comparisons or finding her lacking, why should she?
As she approached his house, she heard a screaming angry guitar blasting down the street. He’d talked about the soundproofed recording studio he was going to build in the basement, but she wondered if he knew just how far his sound currently carried. She stepped on the porch and rang the bell before shaking her head. Of course he wasn’t going to hear her.
Grabbing her phone from her purse, she called his cell phone. It rang and rang and then flipped to voice mail. She tried again, but the sound continued, and she noticed a couple of neighbors were shooting evil glares in the house’s direction.
Worried about Nik, she hurried around the back of the house and found the side gate open, as was the back door. Jenny let herself and ran up the stairs, listening for which set of rooms the sound was coming from. The music was haunting and violent, as if a guitar could literally call out in pain.
She pushed open the door to apartment four and found Nik with his back to the doorway. His shirt was off, and his jeans hung low on his hips. He was covered in sweat and playing his guitar as if his life depended on it. Lust flashed through her, leaving her aching for him.
The room had been emptied of furniture and half of its walls. Balls of paper littered the dark wood flooring. She reached down for the one closest to her and opened it. Handwritten music. While they were in Muskoka, he’d told her that for all the technology in the world, he still loved the old-school way of annotating music onto paper. She saw musical notes that ran in orderly lines, until they didn’t . . . until they turned into scribbles and a large X across the page.
Nik’s hair was tied back off his face, but it stuck to his back, and his movements were jerky. Without him saying a word, she could feel the pain he was in, could feel the chaos that surrounded him. As much as she wanted to tell him how the neighbors weren’t impressed with the music he was creating, she could feel the honesty of it and didn’t have the heart to stop him from seeking comfort in it from whatever had him so churned up inside. Instead, she leaned against the doorjamb and waited for him to burn through whatever he needed to.
She braced herself for the storm that had always followed when Nik had found himself in emotional turmoil.
It could have been minutes or hours before he finished—she had no clue—but he suddenly stopped, the reverb filling the room until he hit a pedal on the floor and killed the sound. Her ears buzzed, but she could still hear Nik breathing heavily.
“You should go,” he said between breaths without even turning around.
She didn’t ask how he knew she was there. “No. I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”
“You deserve better than what I need, Jenny. Just go, please. I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said, his voice gruff. He leaned his guitar against the wall.
Ignoring his request, she walked farther into the room. She allowed her fingertips to stroke his soaked skin from his neck to the curve of his butt, watching as goose bumps broke out over his biceps. Unable to resist, she pressed her lips to his shoulder blade, tasting the salt on his skin.
“What if I want what you need, Nik?” she murmured against his skin, her confidence growing as he inhaled deeply. “What if watching you play like that turned me on, seeing you so committed to what you were creating? What if being here for you is the most important step I can take to fixing what’s between us?”
Nik turned, and she was shocked by the look of pure sex on his face. His body was jacked, and, as she glanced down, she saw he was already hard. He was turned on, and she wondered if it was the music, the fact that he’d known she was there, or some other reason altogether.
Not that it mattered, because she was as aroused as he was, and this was only going to end one way.
“You want this?” he asked. “You want me how I am right now? Because I don’t fucking know who I am. Who this is.” He gestured up and down his body. “I just know that I need something to block all of this out.”
“Nik,” she said, placing her hand over his heart. “I want all the different parts of you. Keeping any of them from me is the same as keeping secrets. Show me. Show me this side of you. Take what you need from me. I can handle it. Please.”
He didn’t need telling twice. The sounds of buttons hitting the floor startled her as he ripped her blouse apart, leaving her exposed to him. His dark eyes devoured her for a moment before he buried his face in the crook of her neck.
Jenny shivered as he licked and then sucked the side of her neck aggressively before kissing it frantically.
Nik walked her backward until she slammed up against the wall. “Last time I’ll say it. Leave now.” His eyes were wild, his breath frantic.
She shook her head. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“You had your chance,” Nik said as he turned her around and pushed her up against the wall.
His hand slid down her front, and he reached for the button and zipper of her jeans, opening both before he tugged them down to her ankles. Without allowing her to take her boots off so she could step out of her jeans, he pushed her legs as far apart as they’d go.
“You know what I want to do to you?” he breathed against her ear as his hands came up to massage her breasts firmly. “I want to push my fingers inside you and I want to be rough, Jenny. I want to feel you fucking my hand. I want to feel you grinding so fucking hard that your legs can barely hold you upright.”
Every part of her tightened deliciously as the fingers of one hand trailed down her stomach and slid into her underwear. Would he do what he said? Would he take her roughly? She knew she was turned on, could feel the telltale wetness. She wanted him to. To try it. To see if she liked it as much as she thought she would. As much as he needed her to.
And then she gasped as he did.
With little foreplay—which was unnecessary anyway—Nik slid one finger and then two inside her. “Fuck,” he groaned. “Yeah, just like that.”
His fingers set a punishing pace, but she gripped his wrist and held it in place anyway, blindingly thrusting her hips against his hand.
“Nik,” she gasped.
He lowered his other hand and ripped her underwear down to her mid-thighs.
She wanted to open her legs farther. Wanted to give him more access to what he needed so badly, but she was pinned by her jeans around her ankles and her panties around her thighs.
Nik changed the angle, and her legs began to buckle. “No you don’t,” he said, trapping his hand between her and the wall. “I need you on your feet. I am so not done with you.” He pressed his erection against her butt. “Once you come, I’m going to pull you back from this wall, make you bend over, and fuck you so hard from behind you aren’t going to remember your name.”
She looked over her shoulder and found his mouth. Their kiss was frantic, passionate, messy, and perfect. He smacked of desperation, and the urgency sent her over the edge. “Oh. God. Nik. Yes,” she groaned against his mouth.
His tongue found hers again, then he took her bottom lip between his teeth. With him still clothed, grinding into her from behind, he was forcing her to press against his hand.
The orgasm started from her very core, from where Nik’s calloused fingers rubbed her in just the right place. “Nik, I’m going to—”
“I know, Jenny. Give it to me. Show me how much you want what I can give you. Come all over my fingers. Soak them. Show me.”
And she did.
She exploded. Her vision blurred, her legs shook.
She wasn’t sure she could remain standing.
Before she could catch her breath, Nik dragged her ruined blouse down her arms and unsnapped the clasp of her bra. “Step back
,” he instructed. His voice didn’t even sound like his own.
With her jeans still round her ankles, she shuffled her feet back until she could lean forward and place her hands against the wall.
“Fuck, I hope you’re ready for this,” Nik said.
She heard the pop of his button and the whisper of his zipper. With a glance over her shoulder, she could see that he had lowered his jeans just enough to free his erection, which was huge and angry. Never had she been so desperate to have sex with someone yet so scared about how she would feel afterward. How could she walk away from this? From him? Even though he had the power to break her all over again, she felt closer to him now than she ever had.
“I see you, Nik,” she said, giving voice to her own thoughts. “I see who you are right now.”
“Don’t,” Nik urged, but she could hear the waver in his voice. Before she could say another word, he lined himself up against her and pushed himself home.
* * *
Holy fucking shit.
He was a dick.
He was . . . no . . . he wasn’t. She’d said she’d wanted this. Begged him to take her.
He looked down at the two of them. Barely undressed, her movement constricted, and fuck if it didn’t make his dick even harder.
“I see who you are right now.”
To shake her words from his mind, he began to move. Long hard strokes as he held on to that perfect fucking ass of hers, slamming himself home so hard her hands slid against the wall.
“Oh. Yes.” Her words were punctuated by his thrusts.
Sweat poured down his forehead, and pain scorched his heart as he took everything she was willing to give and a whole lot more besides.
She deserves better than this.
God, no. He couldn’t go there. Couldn’t let his thoughts reconcile that the woman he was fucking up against the wall in a half-demolished house was his Jenny. Because even if he did, even as the thought destroyed him, he wouldn’t be able to stop the overwhelming need to take her. To have her. To finally show someone everything he’d been bottling up for twenty years, even though he didn’t know how to control it.
He bent forward and reached for her, pulling her up so she was standing, her back sliding against his sweat-soaked chest. Their height difference made it less than perfect, but those fuck-me ankle boots with stiletto heels brought her close enough to him that he could still thrust inside her while playing with those breasts he loved so much.
But even there, he couldn’t be gentle. He tugged on her nipples until she gasped and threw her head back against his shoulder, and then he kissed her neck. They were going to fall, so he pulled out of her and, despite the crass way he needed her, he lowered her to the floor gently.
Jenny placed her hand on his cheek. “Nik,” she whispered, her lips swollen from his kisses, her chin red from his stubble. Tenderness. Something he couldn’t deal with. At least not yet.
Quickly he tugged off her shoes, jeans, and underwear before removing his own. He should take her to his room, to the large bed and soft sheets, but somehow he didn’t want this, whatever it was, to sully the place he wanted to show her nothing but love. Instead he flipped her flat on her stomach and lay over the top of her, using one hand to keep the bulk of his weight off her, the other to guide himself back into her.
The extra friction from her ass cheeks had his balls tightening in no time, but he wanted her to come one more time. He slid his hand between her and the floor, ignoring the way the hard wood bit into his knuckles, and found her clit.
“I’m so fucking close,” he said between thrusts. “And I want to feel you come all over me as I join you.” He thrust hard. “You have me so wired, I’m going to fucking explode inside you.” They moved along the floor but didn’t give a fuck. “Take me over the edge, Jenny.”
Jenny turned her head to face him, and the look in her eye was all he needed. She was as close as he was. All it took was altering the angle slightly, and her mouth opened as she began to clutch around him, to squeeze his dick so freaking tight. “N-Nik,” she stammered, a tear escaping the corner of her eye.
“Jenny,” he growled as his spine tingled, and his balls tightened, and the bottom fell out of his world as an orgasm stronger than any he’d ever known roared through every part of him. He rode it out, milking every sensation from it, as his heart clutched in his chest.
Jenny.
Fuck, he was squashing the shit out of her on a wooden floor. His hand ached simply from being pressed against it beneath her. Carefully, he slid his hand away and lifted off her. “Jenny,” he said, brushing her hair back off her face. “Fuck, Jenny. I’m sorry.”
Loathing joined all the other emotions he’d felt today. Wasn’t it enough that he couldn’t find Lennon, that he hadn’t been able to reach him on his phone? Now he’d hurt Jenny.
His breathing became jerky as panic began to settle. Jenny still wouldn’t look at him. FUCK!
Nik stood and scooped Jenny up off the floor. “I’ve got you, babe,” he murmured through the stillness of the room. His body felt like it had gone ten rounds with Muhammad Ali, and he could only imagine how sore and bruised he’d left Jenny. He carried her upstairs to the new showers, which finally had doors on them, and was grateful that he’d asked Leo and the crew to leave early. The rest of the room wasn’t finished, but he could sit her down on the bench and tend to her. Thankfully, he’d already started to use it, and there were towels and toiletries on hand.
When he placed her down on the seat, he used his hands to brush the hair back off her face, devastated to see tear tracks down her face. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t even know where to start in explaining this.”
Jenny shook her head, and ran her thumb over his bottom lip. “There is no need to be sorry, Nik,” she said softly. “You didn’t hurt me . . . I mean, not physically. But emotionally, I could feel everything you were feeling, and”—a single tear escaped and ran down her cheek—“I could feel how lost you were.”
Nik used his knuckle to catch her tears. Tears she was crying over him. For him. His heart was squeezed so tight he didn’t think it would be able to beat anymore. She should never have to do that. He was the strong one. He was the one who could be there for her, not the other way around. “I’m not worth your tears, but I’m . . . ‘touched’ is such a lame word, but I am. Let me take care of you, Jenny. Just sit there a minute.” He stepped up and turned on the shower, letting it run over his hand until it was hot, then turned on all the jets. Water came pounding down from above and from both sides of the shower. Nik reached for Jenny’s hand. “Come here,” he said, and backed under the spray as she followed.
They stood in silence, letting the water wash them both clean of sweat and sex.
Jenny turned her face up to his. “So what happened?”
“I told the band that I wanted some space, and somewhere between me doing a shitty job of explaining why and them taking everything I said the wrong way, the shit hit the fan and I’m not even sure I know how to repair it.” Nik reached for the shampoo and poured some into the palm of his hand before placing the bottle back on the shelf. He spread the shampoo between the palms of his hands and began to wash her hair.
Jenny tilted her head back and closed her eyes. There was something so incredibly intimate about the action, and for a moment he was grateful to the vision they’d had for this shower all those years ago.
“They are your brothers in every way that matters, Nik. And disagreements always happen. You’ll find a way to make it right, together.”
Nik wasn’t so sure. But they still had a tour starting in less than two weeks, and regardless of how they all felt about one another, it wasn’t something they could get out of. And even if they could, he cared enough about the fans and the music they had created together. It wasn’t that he hated metal. He didn’t. He felt tremendous pride about their back catalog, but he just wanted to perform something else. “For once, I don’t know what that looks like. I don’t kn
ow how you make it right when we all want such very different things.”
He nudged Jenny’s chin so that he could rinse away the shampoo for her hair, then began to wash his own.
“Why can’t you just take it one day at a time?” Jenny asked. “I mean, Elliott has a recording studio in his basement, right? And when the time comes around to make the next album, won’t yours be ready? Can’t you just agree to take some time and see how you feel? You know, nothing solid. Allow yourself to just wake up one morning and feel inspired.”
Nik sighed. “You’d think it would be that easy, wouldn’t you? But it’s not. We worked with the same producer for the last four albums, and you have to book his time. And the label needs time to promote ahead of release, and those kinds of things are done months in advance. I tried to explain to the guys that next year was going to be crazy for everyone personally. Engagements, weddings, babies, new houses,” Nik said, looking around the bathroom. “I want to be around if and when you finally move in here. I want us to have that honeymoon period of just being together and setting up house.”
Jenny reached for the shower gel and turned away from him as she soaped herself with her hands. “We have plenty of time to worry about that,” she said. “Let’s just stay focused on what happens between you and the band.”
An uneasiness settled over him. “Jenny, look at me please.”
She finished soaping herself and then allowed the shower to rinse her off before she turned. “No, seriously, it’s fine. Like you said, next year is pretty hectic for everybody. We don’t need to add additional pressure as to when we move in together. Plus, we need some time to—”
“I’m not expecting you to move in right away,” Nik said. “I get it, we need some time. But is that where we’re headed?”
Jenny swallowed and looked away from him. “Nik,” she said softly. “We can worry about us later.”
“Later? Like how much later? Not next year, the year after? Even before I knew there was a chance you could end up back in my life, I started to build a house for you. I see you in every room. The details on every architectural drawing are the ones we dreamed up long before we ever knew we’d be able to afford it.” Nik rinsed off and stepped out of the shower, tying a towel around his waist.
Nikan Rebuilt Page 20
