Instead, I went for a run. I headed for the woods that bordered the southern edge of the university campus. There was no point in lying to myself. I chose this route with the specific intention of running into some early rising wolves.
I do not know what I was thinking, revealing to Seth the one truth that could endanger us all. I don’t know if I was thinking. I couldn’t count the number of times I’d looked at Seth only to see Sarah staring back at me instead. Or how many times he’d used her exact words to admonish and keep me humble. In each instance, there was a nagging in my heart that wanted to reveal the truth, but I’d always managed to suppress it, knowing that the truth would complicate matters unnecessarily.
Seth had a right to know. In all honesty, I was surprised that neither Louise nor Nai had let slip what they knew. Perhaps there was something to the saying: The truth will set you free. Granted, I certainly didn’t feel free. But what did I know of freedom? Born a slave, died a slave, and when death gave me liberties, I abused them and found myself with a new set of chains. Yet, despite the utter mess I made, there was a part of me that felt I’d done the right thing.
So why do I feel as if I’ve done something wrong?
I ran for nearly a full half hour before I caught the scent of wolf and followed it down to the river, where I was pleased to find not one, but nearly a whole pack. Killing them did nothing to alleviate my guilt. It never did. But at least there were ten less of the flea-bitten bastards now. No, there was only one way I was going to even begin to reconcile what I had started.
* * *
“So the truth has been revealed,” said the Creator, resplendent in the shimmering scales of the benevolent dragon god of the east. “You had your reasons, I assume?”
“I can’t be sure that I did,” Desmond admitted with a deep sigh. “The words were gone from my mouth before my brain had a chance to catch up. Surely, you know this.”
The dragon writhed, bowing its enormous head in a semblance of a nod.
“I know that in you there is conflict, Desmond. But even your Creator is incapable of parsing all of the nuances and complexities of your mind. That, I might add, is by design.”
“Some mysteries of the universe must remain.”
“Why Desmond,” the Creator smiled widely, revealing several rows of sharp teeth, “I daresay you are learning. But you are not yet an enlightened being, so let us talk about that. You are here of your own accord. Do you feel that you have done the right thing?”
“I am not sure,” Desmond said quietly. “As I said, I do not believe the decision was conscious. The timing is not well. As you are well aware, Blackbird hangs in the balance. It is now simply a matter of days, weeks at best, before we are engaged in a full war with the forces of Chaos. I fear that personal conflict may become a distraction. I do not wish to discover that my slip of the tongue was the factor that tipped the scales in favor of Chaos.”
The Creator paused, its serpentine body writhing in place as it considered Desmond’s words.
“I am most certain that there is no way to avoid the distraction of personal conflict. That damage is done. But Desmond, you have weathered such storms in the past, have you not? The battle is inevitable, but all conflict brings about change. Perhaps that which you fear may prove to be the catalyst that tips the scales back in our favor?”
“Was that a prediction?” Desmond asked, barely able to keep the sarcasm to a respectable level.
“Do you wish it to be?” the Creator countered with a fair amount of its own snark. “You are quick to dismiss, Desmond. Too quick at times. Everything happens for a reason. That is the way of Order. What’s done is done. All paths now lead into battle. You would do well to prepare for what lies ahead. Do not dwell on what might have been.”
* * *
As usual, the Creator’s words held cryptic hints and veiled instruction. Unfortunately, I was not in a mindset to dwell on what I should be learning just yet. Granted, I wasn’t in the proper mindset to do what I could not avoid either, but the hour had grown late. I could no longer put off making an appearance at the Five Penny.
Seth sat at the bar, speaking to Bogie. Of course, he had to have sensed my discomfort and from the overly casual way he glanced in my direction and nodded, it was obvious that he was just as uncomfortable. I had no one to blame but myself.
“Anything out of the ordinary?” I asked addressing both him and Bogie.
“Nothing to report yet,” Seth muttered while taking a long drink from his glass of beer. It appeared there was still awkwardness between us.
“Where is Donna?” I asked Bogie, who looked as if he was about to make a comment that would do nothing to alleviate the situation.
“I sent her home. The poor kid weren’t doing us or herself no favors by being here.”
“You can say that again.”
Louise slipped in between Seth and myself and gave us each a strange look before giving Bogie her drink order.
“Uh oh,” she muttered, just loud enough to hear. “I don’t know what you did, big guy, but I can so feel the awkward. I’m here if you need a heart to heart.”
“That’s quite all right,” I said, perhaps a hair too quickly. “But thank you,” I added, softening my tone. This was not proving to be one of the easier moments in my life.
“Is she getting any sleep?” Seth asked Louise.
“Honestly, I don’t know. She keeps such different hours from Betty and I that it’s hard to say what’s going on. Although…” She trailed off and pulled out her cell phone. “Oh good. I don’t have anything scheduled tomorrow afternoon. Hey Bogie. Do you think you might be able to cover Betty for a couple of hours tomorrow?”
“What are you planning?” I asked.
Louise pursed her lips and tapped away at her phone for a minute before smiling and putting the device away. With a grin that seemed a little too predatory, she answered, “An intervention.”
“You think that’s a good idea?” Bogie asked, setting a glass full of amber liquid in front of me.
“What’s in here?”
“Red shirt,” he answered, giving the glass a nudge in my direction. “I know you says you don’t drink on the job, but if I may be so bold, Des, you look like you need it.”
“I’d prefer a glass of water,” I growled, but instead of jumping, Bogie just stared at me with a look that bordered on concerned parent. I had to admit, the lure of a depressant to take the edge off my shattered nerves was tempting. “Perhaps a glass of red wine,” I conceded, sliding the beer over to Seth, who watched the entire exchange with slightly glassy eyes. Apparently, he’d had more than his usual two beers this evening. I probably should have been concerned, but to be honest, slightly inebriated Seth was easier to deal with than emotionally confused Seth.
“Why wouldn’t it be a good idea?” Louise asked.
“Come on,” Bogie said, setting down the bottle he’d held. “You know Red better than I do. She don’t like being bossed around anymore than any of yous do. Tell her not to do somethin’ and that might just make her wanna do it more, ya know?”
“He’s got a valid point,” I added with an apologetic smile.
“I don’t know,” Louise said, tapping her long, painted fingernail against her lip. “I can’t just sit back and do nothing. I mean, she’s my coven sister. I have a responsibility. What do you think, Seth?”
“Hmm?” Seth raised his eyebrows and set down the beer, which I noticed was already half drained. “If you’re that concerned, you should say something. Sometimes it’s better to just tell the truth rather than hide it because you think someone isn’t strong enough to handle it.”
Though he was speaking to Louise, his eyes, suddenly much clearer than they had been a moment before, were on me.
Seth was the Observer, not me, though I could not help but to wonder if the clarity with which I felt the pain and betrayal was not intentional. Even worse, both Louise and Bogie seemed to have gotten the vibe that something was not
right and both looked as if they wanted to say something. I’d never in my life been so relieved to see a group of vampires descend on the Five Penny as I was at that moment.
“Pardon me,” I said and drained the entire glass of wine in one swallow before heading off in the direction of the back door.
By the time the sun was coming up, I’d dispatched several vampires, a couple of early arriving winter fairies, and nearly enough werewolves to satisfy my hatred for the beasts. Nearly. I’d returned to the Five Penny only once and that was to make sure, from a hidden distance, mind you, that Seth made it home safely, if not soberly.
Part of me, the dark and petty part that I tried my hardest not to nurture, felt that any repercussive hangover Seth experienced was his own damned fault. After all, as upset as he was, he could have handled the information like a grown adult. But a bigger part of me, the part that I could not avoid, knew better and left a bottle of aspirin, a glass of water, and one of Arkady’s cleansing tinctures on the kitchen table before retiring to the refuge of my own room.
* * *
“I don’t care how many times we’ve been over this, Arkady. I need to test every variable together before I am comfortable eliminating any of them.”
I’d begun to develop a new daily routine. Upon awakening, I would go immediately to the mill site and check the integrity of the barrier. If it needed, I would work with Arkady to develop a fortification. Only once I was certain that it would withstand another strong quake would I leave. I knew as well as anyone that my efforts would soon prove to be fruitless. The war was coming and there was nothing we could do to stop it.
But I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t have a history of tackling seemingly impossible situations rather than face those I found uncomfortable. It was a flaw, yes, but one I managed to avoid addressing for a number of years. Besides, it seemed fittingly ironic that I would spend my time attempting to strengthen a barrier that would inevitably be torn asunder rather than chip away at the seemingly impenetrable one that had sprung up between Seth and myself.
I reached into my pocket, expecting to find an infusion of golden ash and sunflower oil, but instead, my fingers wrapped around a candy bar. A Snickers, to be precise. Arkady was not known for his subtlety.
“Fine, I get it,” I muttered. Admittedly, I’d not bothered with breakfast and it was now passing the noon hour. “I’ll break for lunch, but when I get back here, I expect to have a selection of golden ash infusions to test.”
Automatically, I slipped from the Cycle and headed in the direction of the unemployment office before I realized what I was doing. I switched directions and headed for Myrna’s, but again paused. As much as I enjoyed the psychic’s company, I was anxious to get back to working on the mill and Myrna could at times be a talker. After a brief deliberation, I decided a fast food restaurant, while not ideal, would satisfy my hunger and allow me to quickly get back to work.
Upon returning to the mill, I sensed immediately that I was not alone. I’d been gone for less than a half hour and with the wards, it was unlikely that an unsuspecting soul wandered in by mistake, but that didn’t make me any less uneasy. I moved to position myself behind one of the partitions that was still standing before stepping back into the Cycle. From there I could see the chasm in the earth and much to my unease, but to no surprise, I spied a familiar head of red hair hunched over the side.
I walked slowly, deliberately scuffing my feet across the loose rubble that littered the ground. Sneaking up on a witch was never a good idea and as close as Donna was to the edge of the sinkhole, I didn’t want to be responsible for an accidental fall either. She turned around slowly and I tried not to let my shock register visibly.
“Oh, hey Desmond,” she said in the raspy voice of someone who hadn’t gotten nearly enough rest for far too long. She wasn’t even trying to hide behind a glamour. Her skin was drawn and had a grayish, waxy pallor. The dark hollows under her eyes gave her a skeletal appearance and even her hair, which was usually a vibrant shade of red, seemed dull.
“Donna, are you getting any sleep at all?” I asked. Yes, it was blunt, but to be frank, her physical appearance was worrisome and her appearance here, at the mill, was alarming.
“Sleep? Oh I’m getting plenty of sleep,” she said with a sarcastic snort. “I’m just not getting any rest,” she added.
“Forgive me if this sounds accusatory, but I have to admit, Donna, hearing that and seeing you out here is worrisome.”
She frowned and rolled her eyes.
“Desmond, I’m not dumb. I’m not out here looking for a way to open the portal and I’m not even trying to summon Clyde, so don’t worry.”
“Clyde?”
“I was sick of referring to him as my incubus problem so I named him,” she explained. “I’m trying to figure out how to get to my dad.”
“I beg your pardon?”
The alarm bells in my head became claxons.
“Oh come on, Desmond! Look at me! I’m falling apart and it’s all that bastard’s fault! I’m not here to join forces or find the good in him or any of that other Darth Vader crap. I’m looking for a way to end this and I just know it all starts with him. I don’t care what anyone says, I’m cursed.”
“I thought you had… um… you know…”
“Had sex to break the curse?” she finished with yet another sarcastic sneer. “It’s sex, Desmond. I know you’re old fashioned and all, but people have been having sex since forever and I’m sure you’re no exception.”
“Actually…” I began, but changed my mind. Correcting her assessment of me would serve no purpose and likely cause me unnecessary discomfort. “As you were saying, you broke the curse. What is it that you think your sire did?”
“I broke the family curse, but I’m pretty sure I have another curse on me,” she explained. “A different curse that makes me… um… Look, Des, you’re usually pretty blunt and honest, right?”
“To a fault at times,” I muttered with a grimace.
“Tell me then, am I gross?”
“Gross?”
“You know what I mean. Do I have any habits or do I do things that might be kind of well… disgusting?”
Apparently, there was no way for me to avoid having an uncomfortable conversation.
“You are… spirited and um… well, you’re not constrained by certain expectations that society may have, so I can see where… uh…”
“Oh for goddess sake, Desmond, it wasn’t a trick question!”
“Okay, yes,” I said bracing for whatever backlash I was about to receive. “You have some habits that could be described as… off putting.”
“I see,” she said. The defeated tone told me that she had hoped to hear a different answer, but was not surprised by the one I gave. “How off putting are we talking? Like, no second date off putting?”
“Donna,” I warned.
“Sorry, Des, but I refuse to believe that a couple of bad habits are the reason why I haven’t been able to hold anyone’s interest long enough to get a second date. I know plenty of women with bad habits and loads of them are in relationships. I can’t help but think that there’s still a curse on me.”
As much as I didn’t want to talk about this, she had a point. If she had indeed done as she claimed, she would not be losing any sleep due to incubus activity.
“Donna, I’m not a doctor and I don’t claim to be an expert, but is there a possibility that you… well that maybe there was a technicality… or something…”
“Trust me, the damage was done,” she said in a way that left no question. “Besides, I already know that curse was lifted because all Clyde can do is show up and hang out in my dreams. He’s not able to get close enough to try anything else.”
I definitely did not like the ring of disappointment with which she disclosed the last bit of information.
“Have you considered the possibility that this…Clyde is not an incubus at all? Perhaps another Discordant is using mimicry. Perhaps,�
�� I added with a pointed look, “the whole point was to get you out here.”
“Don’t think I hadn’t thought of that,” she muttered. “Still, the token wasn’t a fake, so I know dad has something to do with it. I just…” She cut off with a deep sigh. I felt bad. It was clear she was suffering, but at the same time, this worried me even more. The less restful sleep she got, the more likely Donna was to do something rash, like blow open the portal in an attempt to summon her sire. For all I knew, this could very well be the way the war will begin, however, I wasn’t keen on having it happen today.
A hushed conversation with Arkady produced a small bottle of sky blue liquid that seemed to swirl in lazy circles of its own accord. “Here,” I said, holding it out to Donna. She took the bottle and frowned.
“Isn’t this just Betty’s sleep draught?” she asked warily. “I’ve used this. All it does is turn my dreams into an avant-garde film fest and Clyde still gets the starring role.”
“Arkady added a dash of cloudshine and a sensitivity trigger. You should have dreamless rest without oversleeping. I would recommend trying only a small amount as his draughts have been known to pack a punch, but Donna, you would do well to go home and try to rest. This is the weekend before Halloween. I fear we’re going to need all hands on deck.”
“I guess it’s worth a shot,” she said with a weak smile. “Thanks, Des. And thank Arkady for me as well.”
“I will,” I assured and waited until she left the mill before resuming my experimentation with the barrier. At least it seemed that Donna had not been there long enough to actually do any damage, though the fact that she had been out here at all was frightening. I made a mental note to visit Myrna at my earliest convenience.
Chapter 5
Who Are You Calling Pretty?
“Ah, Seth. I see we have come back to distrust,” said the Creator, noting not only the Observer’s dark expression, but that he had once again given it the form of the trickster Coyote.
Rise of the Discordant: The Complete Five Book Series Page 57
