“Perhaps if you perform the transfer, without any unintended consequences, tricks, or loopholes, I’ll be inclined to let you do some accessorizing…”
“What part of ‘I don’t wanna hear this’ do you people not understand?” I roared, ignoring the innuendo filled wink mom gave dad.
“Fine,” dad said, “I’ll uphold my end as long as you uphold yours. Normally it’s a simple matter of transferring the curse from one Nyx to another, but we’re going to have to circumnavigate the Ord…” Dad’s explanation was drowned out by a deep rumbling as the ground pitched and a horrid screech rent the air.
“Noooooooooooo!”
All of the sudden the ground under my feet shifted sideways and I stumbled, hitting my head on the makeshift altar hard enough to see stars. I groaned as I sat up and saw a bunch of people scrambling to their feet as well.
“Of all the times to have a fracking quake!” I heard Betty curse, but I wasn’t so sure that’s what it was. In fact, when the holy flame turned a most unholy purple, I knew that it hadn’t been a quake.
“Everyone get back!” I warned as the electric violet flames twisted into the familiar shape of a man. Part of me was flattered that he’d come looking for me, but part of me wondered how, and more importantly, why he decided to show up at this particular moment.
“Donna, don’t do it! What are you thinking?”
The flattery quickly faded, only to be replaced by a serious amount of WTF.
“What am I thinking? I’m thinking about finally being rid of the curse on me, Clyde. What are you doing here?”
“I thought you were going to give me form?”
“Why on earth would you think that?” I asked, cringing at how defensive I sounded. There was no way he could know what I’d been planning, was there? I mean, he was in my head, but some of my thoughts were still my own. At least, I hoped.
“I thought you were going to find me a body, a real body, in your realm?”
“When did I say that?”
“Well, err… You didn’t have to say anything! You know the only way we can truly be together is in your world, Donna, and I know you want to be with me.”
“Wow! Pretty sure of yourself, Clyde.”
“I’m an incubus, of course I’m sure! I’m the perfect mate! You certainly couldn’t ever do better.”
I’m not sure what was worse, the embarrassment of realizing that I’d actually wanted this guy, or the fact that, like a bad dream, everyone who had been warning me about him was here, witnessing what should have been a private conversation.
“Of all the chauvinistic pig-like BS I’ve ever heard,” Louise muttered from her corner. I gave her a grateful smile, but held up my hand.
“No, it’s okay, Louise,” I said with a smile. “Clyde’s right, after all. I can’t do any better. At least, not while I’m still under this curse.” I turned back to Clyde and narrowed my eyes. “Which is why you’re really here, isn’t it?”
“Um, what?”
“You’re insecure, Clyde,” I said with a smug smile as he opened his mouth to protest. “I’m a Nyx. You and I both know that once this curse is lifted, I’ll pretty much have my choice of any guy I want. You’re afraid I’m not going to want you.”
“Why? Why wouldn’t you want me? No, that’s not… You couldn’t possibly…” he sputtered. I understood, to a point. After all, the guy was an incubus. I’m pretty sure no one has ever said no to him before.
“Clyde, think about it,” I said, cutting off his babbling. “Even if I were to bring you over here, I’d still be cursed. We couldn’t be together.’
“What? But of course we could!”
“Um… I’m pretty sure that a no sex curse means no sex,” I said with no small amount of exasperation.
“Oh Donna, Donna, Donna! Don’t you understand? I don’t want to have sex with you, I love you!”
“You what?”
Perhaps I’d hit my head harder than I thought.
“I love you,” he said again, clear as day. “Sex is my job, darling. It’s nothing more than the happy-for-now ending that is good enough for some women who will never do better. You, my pure and mostly unspoilt beauty, are worthy of a happily-ever-after. Why complicate that with sex?”
“Did you… Am I… Are you…?”
I sputtered nonsense for a good long while, trying to wrap my head around the illogic of Clyde’s declaration. I wasn’t sure if I should feel flattered, insulted, or if I shouldn’t just commit myself to a mental institution for having ever considered a relationship with such a twisted and clearly insane creature of Chaos.
“What Donna’s trying to say is, go happy-for-now yourself, buddy,” Betty spit through gritted teeth.
“Donna, I can think of at least three different and equally painful spells to blast this thrift store Casanova into smithereens,” Louise added in a voice that made several of the men present wince.
“Did you think yourself worthy of a body, Clyde?”
Dad’s voice boomed from behind me and I jumped. Thanks to Clyde’s brand of crazy, I had all but forgotten about him. The emphasis he put on the name was not lost to me and it certainly wasn’t lost to Clyde, who was trying his best to shrink away. Too bad for him, that wasn’t going to happen. Served him right to get caught in a holy flame.
“Fa Be’yoh! I um… that is… No, of course… Um… You’re looking very solid… in that body… that is…”
“Are you quite finished?”
“Uh… Yes sir.”
I was amused to see that a man made of holy fire could sweat. Profusely even.
“Very well,” Dad said with a deep sigh. “Understand, Clyde, that I am willing to take some responsibility for the events that have led us to where we all are right now. Were it not for a… rather hasty decision on my part a few years ago, you’d have forgotten my daughter and moved on. However, your being here right now, combined with your inability to focus on your work shows me that I cannot take complete responsibility for your insubordination.”
“Sir?”
“You were asked on several occasions to at least meet your quotas before going to bother Donna.”
“B-b-but I…”
“Your performance, or should I say, lack thereof, has disgraced my name.”
“Well, perhaps if I’ve got some incentive, like say… physical form?”
“You’ve got form,” dad deadpanned, waving lazily toward the flame.
“I’m made of fire.”
“Well,” I added with a wink, “I guess you shouldn’t have asked for a hot bod then, hmm?”
I ignored the collective groan that went up around me. I thought it was a rather clever joke. Clyde, on the other hand, didn’t seem to understand that it might be in his best interest to know when to shut up.
“But… Why, this is not fair! You’ve admitted this is your doing! Why should you get a perfect body? Why don’t… um… okay, never mi-”
“Why you little…”
I could feel the energy shift. There wasn’t a whole lot that dad could do within this realm, but while he was within the circle, he was still tethered to the Chaos realm. As such, he still had power over his subordinates. The anguished cries had most of the men around the circle making faces and looking like they wanted to bolt.
“Um, hey,” I cut in. “I know Clyde’s kind of a hot mess, but maybe killing him is a little harsh.”
“Oh, he’ll wish he was dead when I’m through with him,” dad growled.
“Actually…” A plan began to unfold in my head as I spoke. A rather wicked, yet completely justified plan, if I do say so myself. “I think I’ve got an idea that would benefit everyone. You’re not really attached to the idea of sticking around here are you?”
Dad narrowed his eyes. “What exactly are you getting at?”
“I’m just saying that Clyde is awfully covetous of that body mom made you.”
“Donna!” It was mom’s turn to pipe up. “You aren’t still thinking of
allowing this… this… nuisance… form, are you?”
“Why not?” I asked with a wink. “In exchange for performing the transfer, I’m willing to let dad go back to the realm. Once he’s gone, Clyde can take over the golem as long as-”
“I agree to that!” Clyde all but shouted over me. I gave mom a pointed look before continuing.
“Ahem… As long as he understands that he’s getting the body as is.”
A look of dawning realization struck both of my parents and for a minute, I thought Clyde was going to figure out that he’d made a mistake.
“Do it! Please!”
Or not. The look of absolute desperation as he begged almost had me feeling sorry for the guy. Almost.
“Sounds fair to me,” mom said with a shrug before turning to dad. “It’s too bad. I really could have used some help in the garden.”
At the thought of physical labor, dad winced.
“Yes, well then, let’s get on with it. Myrna, I am going to at least need a tether.”
Mom had me stand with Nai in front of dad and put a hand on each of our shoulders while dad performed the transfer. Because Nai was volunteering, the transfer took all of two minutes, despite the complexity of the spell. Granted, the reason the spell was complex in the first place was because it was meant to be used against someone’s will. There is a very good reason why offensive magic is not easy by design. I imagine we as a species would have gone extinct long ago if hexing each other was a simple matter of the right incantation or combination of herbs.
“Well, you ready to go back?” I asked dad. I didn’t feel any different, but mom assured us that the transfer had worked and honestly, I was ready to be rid of at least one of my problems.
“If I may have a moment first?”
“Huh?” Mom’s request was odd enough, but the way she was looking at dad was even weirder. “Um, sure.”
I stepped back, intending to give them privacy, but before I could turn away, mom rushed forward and slapped dad so hard across the cheek that the sound echoed throughout the glade.
“That was for Taffy,” she said in a sharp hiss before hauling off and slapping him across the other cheek. “And that was for me! Now then,” she said, turning to give me her best sweet old mother face, “you may proceed.”
I could have sworn I heard several snickers coming from different corners of the glade. Desmond looked as if he wanted to protest sending my dad back, but to my surprise, he kept silent as Betty and Bogie began chanting the incantation that would send him back to the realm. Finally, after the body had reverted back to mud and stone, a cleansing was done and we began the ceremony again, this time to draw Clyde into the golem.
This transition went a lot faster. In fact, Clyde was so enthusiastic about his human body that he was already beginning to transform before we’d even finished the incantation to bind him. As such, it didn’t take him very long to figure out his mistake.
“Donna! Something is wrong! This body is defective!”
The look of pure horror on Clyde’s face was priceless. I nearly felt bad for him.
“No, I’m afraid not,” I said, unable to keep the smug smirk from my own face. “You agreed to this body as is.”
“But there’s no… Donna! There’s no… My god, I’m missing my…”
“Penis? Really Clyde? You’re an incubus and you can’t say penis? Good grief! You’re worse than Desmond.”
I heard mom snicker and saw the Warrior frown out of the corner of my eye.
“Of course I can say it! What I am saying is that it is missing! How am I supposed to sire heirs without one?”
“You’re not,” I said in a high pitched, sweet voice. “Why on earth would you want to spend time working? I thought you said you love me?”
“Well, err… of course I love you, Donna…”
“But you don’t want to have sex with me,” I said, still keeping the obnoxious smile on my face.
“But… well…”
“No, Clyde, there’s no backtracking now, darling. You wanted a clean, mostly unspoilt happily ever after. Well buddy, you’ve got one. Meanwhile, I’ve got several years of pent up frustration that I need to go take care of.”
“But… What? You can’t do that!”
“Oh? But when the tables were turned you seemed to think that it was just fine for you to go out and take care of your needs.”
“Well, yes, but see… That’s different! You’re a woman!”
As the echoes of Clyde’s ill-advised declaration died away, an unnatural silence, the likes of which I’d never before experienced, took over the glade. At almost the same time, the energy began to reach critical levels and I didn’t even need to look to see who was causing the fluctuations. Surprisingly, despite Clyde’s outburst, I felt calm. I held up a hand, warning the others to hold back.
“Oh dude, you are so effed,” Nai said with a snort.
“I know someone with a pig farm,” Louise suggested.
“I’ve got this sudden urge to make pies using Mrs. Lovett’s recipe,” added Betty, earning her a nervous glance from Bogie.
“I appreciate your concern,” I said, turning a grateful smile to the women. “But I’ve got this.”
“Donna, if you’re even considering keeping this guy around, I will disown you.”
I turned to my mother with a wide smile.
“Oh, you won’t have to worry about that. Clyde here is gonna be a little busy.”
“B-b-busy? On the contrary! It seems you’ve ensured I will certainly not be getting busy!”
“I said you’d be busy, not that you’d be getting busy,” I corrected. “How many heirs do you have, Clyde?”
“I don’t even know. I lost count long ago.”
He actually had the audacity to puff out his chest as he spoke.
“I see. You know, Clyde, it wasn’t easy growing up without my dad around. It’s not something I’d wish on any child. In fact, I kind of feel as if it’s my duty to help some of those kids become reunited with their father. What do you think?”
As the realization of what I was suggesting hit home, Clyde gasped and strained at the bindings.
“Surely you wouldn’t!”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Can we…” he swallowed hard. “Can we talk about this?”
“You know what, Clyde? I’m kind of tired of talk. It’s time to take action,” I said with a snarl.
“That is completely unfair!”
“Is it? But it’s not unfair to impregnate an unsuspecting woman, throw her life into discord, and leave her with a child she may or may not have the ability to take care of? No, I think it’s time you step up and do the right thing.”
He turned desperately to Desmond.
“Warrior! Are you not required to destroy me?”
Desmond’s grin was predatory.
“I’m required to keep the likes of you from wreaking havoc in my realm and I’m inclined to agree with the lady.”
It was pretty obvious Clyde wasn’t expecting that answer. His eyes turned to everyone in turn, but as the outer circle closed in, it became clear that no one had any objection.
“Um, you guys don’t have to stick around for this part,” I said, mostly to the men present. “I just need the coven to take over the binding triad.”
Seth handed the binding cord to Louise and tapped Jem on the shoulder. The latter was looking slightly confused and more than a little green as he followed the others out of the glade.
“Now then,” I said as I took the lead position in front of the altar, “let’s start with a basic tracker and we’ll move on to the Maury special.”
“Donna, please, please, please reconsider, love…” Clyde begged.
“Don’t you dare try and butter me up,” I warned.
“That’s right,” mom scolded. “This Rose has thorns.”
I let out a snort, but Louise groaned.
“So that’s where you got it.”
“Got what?�
��
“Your sense of humor,” she answered, rolling her eyes. “If you can call it that.”
Chapter 13
The End Begins
I can’t say that I was too happy with the idea of sending Donna’s sire back to the realm. This was not the same as allowing Discordant anomalies like Bogie and Mort to live. Fa Be’yoh was still an active threat to Order. Sure, his house had been disgraced and it was not likely that any of the incubi in his stable would be offered any lucrative assignments, but they would still be in operation and it took everything in my power not to voice my objection.
Ultimately, I had to agree with the decision made by the Rose women. Removing the incubus from Donna’s head and nullifying his power served not only to dispatch a dangerous Discordant. It also took a lifetime of strain and pressure from Donna’s shoulders, and we were going to need all of her focus on the impending war.
As everyone filed out of the clearing, I hung back, just outside the protection of the circle. It wasn’t that I had no faith in the power of the witches, or Myrna for that matter, but a Discordant’s greatest weapon could be its tongue. I wanted to be on hand should Clyde try to talk his way back into Donna’s heart.
I needn’t have worried.
Hell hath no fury might be something of an understatement, though I cannot truthfully admit any sympathy for the incubus. The women had barely ended the tracking spell and already it seemed he was being pulled in several directions by past paramours. I turned away, intending to regroup with the others on Myrna’s patio, but a few feet away, Seth stood in the shadow of a large pine.
We had much to discuss and it would be hypocritical of me to expect Donna to resolve all of her personal emotional issues before the battle began while I left my own unresolved. Yet as I opened my mouth, my own conflicted state left me dumbstruck.
“Walk with me?” Seth’s own voice was quiet, cracked, and filled with just as much uncertainty as I was feeling. With a nod, I followed him through the woods, staying within the boundaries of Myrna’s property, but away from where the others were gathering. The silence stretched on between us, but I was powerless to do anything about it. At the edge of the tree line, but still distanced from the others, he stopped.
Rise of the Discordant: The Complete Five Book Series Page 68
