Thank the stars they were home. At least she’d now have some time alone to gather her scattered self together enough to face the evening meal.
She jumped at the touch on her arm.
‘Lady Mairi?’
She saw the worry shadowing Ranald’s blue-grey eyes and suffered an immediate bout of remorse for his misplaced concern.
‘Ranald, I cannot thank you enough for such a glorious day spent riding.’
‘It is I who am thankful for your delightful company and for your kind understanding.’
‘You cannot command the grouse hiding in the bushes, Ranald,’ Mairi said with a smile, and was rewarded with a smile in return. ‘Will you escort me inside the keep so I can freshen up before the evening meal?’
‘I’d be honoured, Lady Mairi.’ Ranald offered her his arm and she gratefully took it.
The whole exchange gave Mairi the chance to focus her attention on someone other than her personal guard. Ranald talked more about their ride, complimenting the sights they’d seen and the calm way she’d dealt with her unexpected dash.
The Great Hall was alive with preparations for the coming meal and Mairi allowed herself to be drawn in by the activity and her companion.
They reached the bottom of the stairs. "Would you like me to escort you to your chamber, Lady Mairi?’
‘My thanks, Ranald, but I can go the rest of the way on my own. I will see you soon, at dinner.’
His arm fell away, and then so did the distractions from the hall the further she climbed. There remained only the scuffing of her shoes on the stone steps in the dimly lit stairwell and the powerful presence of the silent man a few steps behind.
What was it about Duff that drew her mind and her body? He was a man, just like any other. Except he wasn’t. Her hands bunched in her skirts she held high to climb the stairs. He said not a word, yet he consumed her.
The memory of how she’d glared at him when he’d set her safely on the ground turned her stomach and set her teeth. He deserved better. He was only doing what he believed was necessary and likely didn’t know he was making her ordered life difficult.
Her father had made Duff’s presence a must. It was up to her to find a way to survive him being near. She didn’t have to suffer it forever. Only four days remained of him watching over her. Four days was nothing compared to the rest of her life.
Mairi approached her door and stopped before it. She turned her head to one side, and peering down at the floor said, ‘Thank you,’ over her shoulder. She wasn’t brave enough to look at Duff, for fear of seeing the promises she’d glimpsed in his eyes when he’d saved her. Promises she wanted to explore.
***
A short time later, as Mairi left her chamber to go below for the evening meal, she discovered no amount of preparation helped her to completely ignore Duff. Initially she won a small victory against herself by not looking at him, but it was no use.
She could feel him. The instant she opened her door, a strong, warm presence greeted her. He was like stepping into the sun’s light first thing in the morning. You didn’t have to view the sun to know it was there. You could feel it.
He shone from the shadows on her right. She walked to the top of the stairs and stopped, felt him halt close behind her. She drew a deep resigned breath and said, ‘What do you think of Ranald’s horse venture?’
A slight pause before he responded told her he was surprised by her question. Almost as surprised as she was for asking. But knowing it was impossible for her to ignore Duff, and since he was spending as much time with her suitors as she was, Mairi might as well quench her curiosity and find out his thoughts on certain matters.
‘I believe it is a good plan.’
She half turned and nodded before descending the stairs. Once she entered the hall, she could see her father and her suitors were already at the laird’s table sharing a cup and conversation. As she neared her place, she heard Ranald mention her horse’s flight.
‘But as you can see,’ all eyes at the table turned to her, ‘I survived the adventure unharmed.’ She smiled to prove the ordeal hadn’t frightened her.
‘Nae doubt your excellent riding skills came to your aid,’ her father said.
‘I have you to thank for that, Father.’ At this moment it seemed only yesterday he’d spent hours teaching her to ride, and not fifteen years past.
‘You were a lass of only three summers and a champion from that very first day,’ he said, smiling at her and shaking his head as if in wonder.
A lump formed in Mairi’s throat as she stared at her father, wishing they were alone and having this conversation. They always spoke of present duties, never memories. Memories hurt too much.
Ranald stood and pulled out her chair. ‘Then I have you to thank for passing on your skills years ago, Alastair.’ Mairi took her seat. ‘And Duff to thank for rescuing Mairi today.’
Mairi swallowed. It was generous of Ranald to acknowledge Duff’s part, but she preferred not to have to relive it. Impossible.
She glanced at her father in time to see him raise his brows at Ranald, his way of silently asking to know more. Mairi stifled a groan and looked at Ranald as he explained to all what had happened. But she was fully aware of the man who walked behind the others and found his chair at the end of the trestle.
‘It seems I have chosen your personal guard well,’ her father said, giving her a slow nod. ‘I have also witnessed Duff rescuing Mairi from her runaway horse. An impressive sight.’
Mairi forced a smile at her father’s recollection, even though her skin was tingling with the remembrance of being held in Duff’s arms.
‘Where was it you said you were from, Duff?’
The air seemed to shift at Angus Hay’s query.
‘I am from the Borders.’
Deep. Precise.
‘And what is your family name again, Duff?’
The air thickened at Ranald Barclay’s enquiry.
‘Elliot.’
Proud. Direct.
Tension emanated from the far end of the table. Mairi couldn’t stop herself from glancing at Duff.
Straight backed, almost rigid, he sat looking from Angus to Ranald as if he were waiting for them to ask more. As if he were expecting them to. Did her suitors suddenly view Duff as a rival for her hand?
‘I still feel as if I have seen you somewhere before,’ Ranald said.
‘It is possible, Ranald. I’ve been visiting the Highlands for nigh on a year and have travelled from Aberdeen to Inverness and more in between.’
Ranald watched Duff and slowly began to nod as if it could be a possibility. But Mairi sensed his acceptance was only for show.
‘The Elliot’s are a fortunate family,’ her father said. ‘I expect if they possess the same skills as Duff, I would be loath to dishonour anyone of them.’
‘Nae dishonour was intended,’ Angus said.
‘Nae, none,’ Ranald agreed.
Alastair smiled at each man before looking back at Duff. ‘Nae doubt your family will be glad to have you back, once you’ve completed your duties here.’ Duff inclined his head and her father turned the conversation back to Mairi. ‘So, other than your riding mishap, you enjoyed your day, Daughter?’
Mairi tugged her gaze from the unfamiliar look on Duff’s face. She was having a hard time deciphering his thoughts. The only way she could describe his expression was troubled. But why?
Her father cleared his throat, reminding Mairi she hadn’t responded to his question.
‘I did indeed, Father.’ She smiled and gratefully accepted her goblet from her sire. ‘It was a memorable day.’
***
Duff had to force his hand to move forward and lift his cup from the table. But the weight of unwanted emotions crushing him made such a simple task more difficult.
The familiar feeling of sadness pressed down upon him at the reminder that he’d never have his rightful name to share. He also needed to tell Alastair Gordon the truth of who he was, o
r wasn’t, and give the laird the chance to find another, someone more worthy, to protect his precious daughter. A task becoming more difficult due to wanting Mairi for himself.
Duff managed to lift the cup higher and took a swallow of the water within. But his mouth remained as dry as a fallen leaf left lying in the summer sun. He took another swig and forced the liquid down past the knot of loss that balled in his throat.
The servants carried their laden platters to the laird’s table. As soon as the meal was done, Duff would ask to have a word with his host and tell Alastair the truth about who and what he was. Then he’d leave. Balfour might be out of action but Iain would gladly accept such a duty.
Conversation thankfully turned from him to the rest of the day’s events. Duff ate the chunks of beef, drowning in thick, rich gravy, and the accompanying greens, and mopped up any residue with a heel of brown bread. It all tasted the same.
Once he’d made his confession to Alastair, he’d gather his few possessions from his assigned chamber, fetch Duncan and head for Braemar. Just as he’d planned before he’d interfered in an attack that was none of his concern.
They’d find a secluded spot under a sturdy tree to spend the night. It wouldn’t be the first time he and his mount has slumbered beneath a dark sky filled with stars. He suddenly looked forward to it. His only responsibility for the next few days would be himself and his horse.
Duff drank to wash the taste of ashes from his tongue. He dreaded the thought of revealing his lack of a name to the proud Gordon laird. His stomach clenched at the thought that Mairi would soon know he was a no one. A bastard without a name. His pride had never been a problem before.
He lowered his cup and looked at the woman who had made it a problem. Flaming torchlight gleamed liquid in her golden hair as she turned to reply to something her father said. Her full lips parted as she spoke, the words lost to Duff with her nervous smile. Long, pale fingers lifted her cloth napkin and gently dabbed at the corners of her mouth. Something grabbed hold inside Duff’s chest and squeezed.
He’d never cared to impress anyone. He’d never done anything but what he believed was right. He’d certainly never claimed to be something or someone he was not.
Having watched over Mairi for the last few days, he’d experienced feelings and uncertainties he’d never suffered before. And it had all started the moment he’d first rescued her, held her and saw a fire in her eyes that had burned his astuteness to the ashes he now supped on and awakened his vanity regarding his self-worth.
Mairi was dangerous. She made him yearn for things he could never have, things that had never tempted him before.
Watching her now, he understood exactly how much trouble he was in, for if he had the opportunity to relive the day he’d first cradled her against him, he knew he would do and say exactly the same things.
Christ! She made him want to be more than he was. She made him want her to see him in the best possible light. She made him want her, yet she didn’t even know it.
It was for the best that he’d soon be gone. She had her duty to her clan and he had a place in the Borders he had always been welcome. He’d come to the Highlands to find his origins, but had found something else.
He’d found the woman he could have loved and would have married, if he’d been worthy.
‘Tell us, Ewan, what are your plans for my daughter tomorrow?’
Alastair’s question captured Duff’s attention. Although he wouldn’t be here the morn, he was still curious as to how Ewan Strachan planned to impress Mairi. Ewan was the youngest of her three suitors and for that reason alone, perhaps her best choice.
‘I’d like to take Lady Mairi hunting,’ Ewan said.’
Duff was already looking at Mairi while she watched Ewan and witnessed the momentary surprise that widened her blue eyes and then was gone.
‘Hunting,’ Alastair repeated. ‘Are you willing to spend the day hunting, Mairi?’
The Gordon laird was giving his daughter an opportunity to decline, yet he hadn’t done so for the previous activities her other two suitors had chosen. Did Alastair believe hunting was inappropriate for his daughter, or was there another reason? Perhaps her fear of blades.
‘Of course I am willing, Father.’ Mairi’s smile and cheerful response gave the impression that she loved to hunt, but Duff had seen her true reaction before she had time to mask it. Why hadn’t she declined?
I fear nothing!
‘Then the coming day is planned,’ Alastair said to Mairi and then turned to face Ewan. ‘I know you and your brothers have hunted in Gordon Forest once every year for many years, but if there is anything you require for the hunt, be sure to ask Douglas to arrange it for you before you seek your bed.’
‘I will. My thanks, Alastair,’ Ewan replied. ‘We are lucky to have the Gordon clan as our neighbour and appreciate you allowing us to hunt within Gordon Forest and fill our larder each year before winter sets in.’
Alastair acknowledged Ewan’s gratitude with a nod and said, ‘I’m off to find my bed, and I suspect my daughter is also ready to retire.’
‘I am, Father.’
‘Then come and I will escort you to your chamber.’
With her father escorting Mairi to her room, Duff was uncertain whether he should go with them. He hesitated a moment as Alastair and Mairi rose from their seats.
‘A word, Duff,’ the Gordon laird said.
Duff stood and followed father and daughter as they walked, arms linked, to the stairwell and up. Heads close, the two spoke quietly, but Duff kept a slight distance between him and them and couldn’t hear their conversation. They reached the landing to Mairi’s chamber and Duff stopped at the top of the steps as Alastair walked his daughter to her door.
They shared another few words before Mairi entered her room and Alastair returned to the stairs.
‘You have my thanks,’ Alastair said as they resumed climbing the stairs to the laird’s chamber. He stopped. ‘And my heartfelt gratitude for keeping my daughter safe today.’ Warmth spread from the back of Duff’s neck and across his shoulders. He’d only done what he’d vowed to do.
‘I had nae concerns about Mairi either fishing or riding,’ Alastair continued, ‘but I do have concerns about her hunting.’
They reached the level above and Alastair turned to Duff, but he did not speak immediately. It was as if he couldn’t find enough air to fill his lungs, despite the ease of their climb.
Perhaps he should make his confession now. But before he could, the laird drew in one more much-needed breath and continued. ‘As you’ll likely know, everyone on a hunt must carry a weapon to defend themselves, should the need arise.’ The laird spoke without any struggle and the tension bunching Duff’s muscles, due to concerns for his health, fled. ‘I worry Mairi will carry her weapon but will be too unprepared or frightened to use it, even if she is in danger.’
Duff was aware of Mairi’s fear of even the sight of blades, but he couldn’t help wondering what Mairi would think of her father’s concerns. She did her best to appear strong and capable in all things, especially in front of her father. She wouldn’t be pleased both her sire and Duff saw beneath her façade.
Alastair looked in the direction of his chamber before his gaze returned to meet Duff’s. ‘Ewan will likely be concentrating on whatever he is hunting, but I know without doubt that with you there to protect Mairi, she will be safe.’ Alastair reached up and squeezed Duff’s shoulder. ‘My thanks again, Duff. I wish you a good night.’
Duff watched Alastair Gordon walk into his room, the words he’d planned to use to confess his lie stuck in his throat.
Chapter Fifteen
Mairi took her father’s arm as they exited the hall and descended into the bailey. She wasn’t looking forward to going hunting. She was also concerned about her father. He’d been unusually quiet throughout the morning meal, and even the talk of weapons had failed to encourage him to join in the conversation.
They approached the sadd
led horses standing before the stable. ‘If you’d prefer, I can stay and keep you company, Father,’ Mairi said.
Her father patted the back of her hand he held and half turned to her. ‘Nae, Daughter. I will spend the day entertaining your other two suitors and will await your safe return.’
Could concern for her be the reason for his subdued manner? She loathed such a thought. ‘You’re not worried for me, are you? I am certain Ewan would not have suggested such an outing if he didn’t believe he could keep me safe.’
‘Some men put their own wants and wishes before others, Daughter.’ He glanced to where her suitors stood a small distance away and lowered his voice. ‘I am not saying Ewan is one such man, but I know you will be safe because Duff will be with you.’
‘I can take care of myself.’
‘You say that after yesterday’s riding mishap?’
‘There was nae need for Duff to interfere. I was regaining control of my mount.’ She desperately wanted her father to believe she could protect herself and her clan.
‘Perhaps, but Duff believed it was necessary.’
‘Then he believed wrong.’ Her father gave her a curious look. ‘Father, do you not think Ewan or Ranald or Angus feel disappointment, knowing you think I need Duff’s protection while in their care?’
‘At this time, I do not care what any of them think.’ He gently squeezed her hand. ‘They are distracted by the task of winning you over. Duff’s only task is keeping you safe.’
But Duff was proving to be her greatest distraction. A problem she could never share with her father. Not when he’d already handpicked the men she was to choose a husband from.
Duff wasn’t one of them and it would be wise for her to remember that.
‘Are you ready to mount, Lady Mairi?’ Ewan stepped up beside her.
Mairi turned and looked at the handsome, dark-haired man she was to spend today with. ‘Aye, Ewan.’
‘If you’ll allow me, I will assist you.’
‘I’d appreciate your help,’ she said with a smile.
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