by Chii Rempel
“Nothing, darling,” I say, panting for air, “Nothing at all.”
Xander shakes his head and swipes into the room straight to the cabinet. The glass decanter opens with a cling and the blonde starts pouring five glasses of wine.
“We’ll need a drink,” he explains without turning to face us.
A look of surprise passes between Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, so I assume Xander hasn’t told them anything about why we’re all gathered here. Xavier and I initially preferred to keep this between the three of us, but Xander convinced us that the two merchants could be valuable allies in our attempt to overthrow Claudius and crown Xander as the rightful king. Because that is what we are planning to do. I can officially add insanity to my résumé.
Xander hands Guildenstern and Rosencrantz a cup of wine.
“Please make yourselves comfortable on the bed, as the divan is currently occupied. Unfortunately, I can’t offer any further seating-accommodations,” he says and gestures towards the large bed.
“I’m fine with the bed,” Guildenstern states and lets himself fall on the end of the mattress.
Rosencrantz joins him more gracefully. “And pull that stick out your arse, Xander, would you?”
Xavier chuckles and Xander grants him with a warning look.
“Xander starts speaking way too formally whenever he’s nervous,” I explain, gratefully accepting a cup of wine from Xander.
“He still does that?” Guildenstern asks amusedly. “Remember the time he was … what, twelve? He tried to convince Sylva to let him –”
“No time for a stroll down memory lane,” Xander interrupts quickly. “We have important matters to discuss.” As he hands Xavier the last of the glasses, he drowns his own in one go and goes to pour himself another.
“Well then please let us in on what is going on in that head of yours, oh mighty princeling,” Guildenstern drawls. Xander throws him an irritated glance.
“No more wine for you,” the prince declares.
“Oh, come on!” the giant protests.
Rosencrantz pats his comrade on the shoulder compassionately, then turns to Xander. “But seriously, what did you want to tell us?”
Xander breathes out deeply. “I’m going to need to sit down for this.”
“Please go ahead, there’s enough room on the bed,” Rosencrantz points out and wiggles to make some space. Xander shakes his head, a smirk settling on his face. “No need,” he says, coming over to the divan, “I have a perfect seat.”
Throwing a hand over Xavier’s shoulders, Xander plants himself demonstratively in the other man’s lap. I should have known Xander would turn out to be the bragging kind of boyfriend.
Xavier glances at the prince in surprise, who’s not looking back at him. But the dust of colour on Xander’s cheeks suggests that he is not as calm about his bold move as his expression might suggest. Xavier smiles a private smile and drapes an arm around the other’s waist.
I watch Guildenstern and Rosencrantz share a knowing look before they turn back to Xander with matching feral grins on their faces.
“Sooooooo,” Guildenstern taunts.
“That finally happened,” Rosencrantz adds.
“Not the time to talk about it, guys,” Xander coughs.
“Then maybe you want to finally come to the point.”
“Well, yes,” Xander starts, “but you need to promise me to hear me out till the end. Because this story will sound strange, but it’s the truth. And I desperately need your help.”
The merchants’ faces turn serious as they nod firmly. I snuggle myself back against the cushions. This is going to be a long evening.
Xander
I tell them the whole story. From the night Xavier found the skull and was visited by the ghost of my father. Our miserable attempt at finding said ghost. My involuntary stumble upon the vættirs, the spirits of the forest, up unto my meeting with my father. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern listen without uttering a word, nodding here and there, but their emotions stay hidden behind a professional face. I can’t read them. I don’t know what they think. Do they believe me? Do they think me mad? I surely don’t hope so. It was me who decided to include them in our plan – a plan that is yet to be made – because I trust them to trust me. I hope I’m not misplacing my trust.
Xavier has been running encouraging circles along my lower back the whole time.
“So, now you know everything,” I finish, “What do you think?”
I watch my two friends with a mixture of anxiousness and determination. There’s no telling what would happen should they decide not to believe me and rat me out to my uncle. They look at me with a mix of natural scepticism and honest loyalty. Finally, Guildenstern nods. Rosencrantz’s eyes flash with the prospect of a challenge – the prospect of a war. “How do you suggest we proceed, my prince.”
I sigh with open relief and sag against Xavier’s chest. He puts both arms around me protectively. There’s a part of me that objects to showing the others my vulnerability … a prince should stand tall and proud, after all. But the other part of me just feels happy to be held, to know I’m not alone in this, to see my friends have my back – quite literally.
Xavier leans forward to look at the others, his arms still tight around me, his expression fierce. “We put Xander on the throne, where he rightfully belongs,” he declares, “even if we have to set the world on fire doing it.”
The evening flashes by, mercilessly yielding to the protective embrace of the night. I’m getting tired, but this is not done yet. The initially careful discussion turned into a heated argument turned into strategic procedure. Now, we’re all at the end of our words and yet the night only started.
“We cannot – in all seriousness – kill the king,” Arcadia insists for the umpteenth time. Her voice has lost all strength by now, but her eyes are clear as ever.
“He is not the king yet!” Guildenstern interjects. He’s moved down to the floor and is now sprawled against the end of the bed.
“I won’t be satisfied until Claudius is in the dirt, where he belongs,” I hiss, although even my hissing sounds tired. That’s the moment the door to my room opens and Ansgar trudges in, balancing the tray of tea I ordered in his hands. Everybody immediately shuts up. I just hope we weren’t being too loud.
“Thank you, Ansgar, please just put it on the table,” I say.
The look that passes his eyes as he sees me lying half on top of Xavier, with my legs dangled on Arcadia, could only be described as disapproving. I wouldn’t have taken the servant for the judging type, he always seemed so … approachable. I shake off the feeling of disappointment and instead, concentrate on the steaming cups of liquid life on the table. As soon as Ansgar leaves the room, I jump up and grab for one, cradling the cup in my hands like a baby bird.
“Still as obsessed with that plant-stuff as ever,” Rosencrantz mused, shaking his head. “There’s only one drink that gets me this excited and it starts with T and ends with the wonderful name of equila.”
“Don’t mock the tea,” I caution, “Or this is the last you’ll see of this castle, Rosy.”
“Ohhhh,” the giant roars, “so this is what you’d give me up for? Tea?”
“I’d give anything up for tea,” I simply state, “Don’t feel special.”
“Anything?” Rosencrantz asks with a grin on his face. “Even … let’s say, Xavier?”
There’s a collective ooooh that follows his words.
I roll my eyes and take a sip from the cup. With a smirk towards Xavier, I say: “I might be persuaded to put him on the same level as tea.”
“Wow,” Arcadia throws in, “that’s as much of a declaration of love as it gets.”
I shrug my shoulders innocently and turn my attention back to my tea, but not without risking a last glance at Xavier first. He’s looking at me with an amused smile that is so full of happiness that I have to avert my eyes so as not to blush.
“Guys,” Arcadia says, sitting up, “as lovely as this has be
en, I need to excuse myself for the night. I’m pretty sure everybody should go to bed. We’re in no state of mind to make any rational decisions anymore.” She stretches and just barely manages to suppress a yawn. “Let’s meet again tomorrow, shall we?”
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern nod in agreement, both getting up and following Arcadia to the door.
“See you tomorrow, guys,” Rosencrantz says to me and Xavier.
“Don’t do anything we wouldn’t do,” Guildenstern adds with a wink.
“Don’t listen to them, boys,” Arcadia calls back, “do absolutely everything these idiots wouldn’t do.”
18
Xavier
Xander and I are left alone, as the rest of our party leaves for the night and we are left with the remains of excitement and anticipation in the room. It makes my skin prickle and my fingers twitch. There’s no way I can sleep tonight. But Xander looks like he might fall asleep where he stands, so I should probably … what exactly is it that I should do? Do I bring him to bed? Do I join him there? Last night, we slept separately in our own beds, but tonight feels different. Tonight feels like something has shifted. Are we boyfriends now? Oh gods, am I really the prince’s boyfriend? I don’t know if I should be excited or terrified by that idea. But, if I’m Xander’s boyfriend, then … well, that doesn’t sound scary at all. That actually sounds pretty fucking amazing.
I realise that I must have spaced out, as Xander is looking at me with a raised eyebrow. I cough, embarrassed, and try to muster a smile. “So, uhh …”
Yeah, very eloquent, Xavier.
“Care for a walk?” Xander suddenly asks with a fond smile. “I’m tired as hell but I don’t think I’ll find any sleep now.” He reaches out a hand. I take it without a second thought. Yep, this definitely feels amazing.
I follow him along the path into the woods. The sky is bright with a full moon today. The light reflects on Xander’s pale hair and makes it nearly white. A ghostly look and yet it suits him. The air is crisp and cold and I’m grateful for the heavy coat I’m wearing. Still, I reach around Xander’s shoulders and pull him close, searching for his warmth. He wriggles an arm around my waist and snuggles into me. It’s thrilling to see how well we fit together, how right he feels in my arms.
“Xavier?” he mutters, breaching the silence that has followed us since the castle.
“Hm?” I hum in answer.
“There’s something I’d like you to have,” he says, reaching into the pocket of his trousers. “Please don’t freak out.”
“Why would I –” My words fail me as I see the tiny object in Xander’s palm, shimmering in the moonlight. The silver looks darker in the night, quieter, but it doesn’t make the object any less intimidating. I stop.
“Xander, I can’t –”
“Don’t,” he interrupts, shutting me up with a finger on my lips. He stands right before me, looking up at me with a serious expression. “I know what you’re going to say, and I don’t want to hear it. There’s no one else in the world I’d like to give this coin to more than you, Xavier Colson. I don’t … I’m not asking you to marry me, don’t get me wrong, this would be way too sudden and frankly, absolutely not the place to do so. If I ever ask you to marry me, it will be in broad daylight, in front of an audience who will gasp in surprise and shock and I will know for sure your answer will be nothing other than yes.
But this is not the time. I’m giving you this coin as a token, for you to keep save and for me to know I’m always at your side, no matter what happens.”
He takes my hand and presses the coin into it, closing my fist around the metal. All the while, his eyes never leave my face.
“Xander,” I whisper, savouring the name on my lips. There’s so much I want to say. I want to tell him that I’ll always be at his side, not matter what. I want to convince him that there’s no need for a token to remind me of him, because he never leaves my mind. But this is important to him. So I only nod.
“Thank you.”
I place the coin in the breast pocket of my shirt, as I fear I might lose it inside my coat. “I’ll always keep it safe. But I don’t need a reminder that you’ll always be with me, because you will be there, Xander. Now that I have you, I’m not letting you go, I told you so.”
“You don’t know … you don’t know what will happen. We might get caught, I might be imprisoned or sent away! I just … I want to make sure you have something of mine.”
I nod again, pulling him into my arms. He sighs into my neck and winds his arms around my back tightly. I won’t object. If it makes him feel better, he can have his way. I’ll know that no matter what happens, nothing will keep me away from him. No imprisonment, no distance, not even death. I will follow him wherever his path may lead.
We stay entangled in each other for a few moments, relishing the other one’s proximity and warmth. When Xander pulls slightly away to look into my eyes, he smiles.
“Come on, I actually wanted to show you something,” he whispers and frees himself from my arms. “If they show themselves.”
He tugs at my arm and I follow him. I know where we’re going without him having to tell me. We take a longer route, passing the red wooden bridge before going deeper into the forest.
The clearing is looking brighter than on that night I found Xander here, frightened and crying. The memory of it makes my stomach churn and I clench his hand tighter in mine. He throws me a quick glance over his shoulder, before navigating us into the middle of the round space.
“This is where I’ve seen him,” Xander explains. I nod. He doesn’t need to explain, there’s only one person he could be referring to. I believe no words can express meeting one’s dead father again anyway.
“Do you think he’ll come back tonight?” I ask.
Xander shakes his head absently. “No. I don’t think he’ll ever come back again. He did what he came to do. All words are said.”
Xander’s trying to be strong. But I still see the sadness behind his eyes, hear the sorrow in his voice. I wish there was something I could do to ease his pain. But for now, I have to settle on being there for him and hope it is enough.
“What did you want to show me?” I ask, just to say something.
He glances at me and gives me a small smile. “Let’s see if they’ll come.”
“They?”
“The vættirs. The spirits of this forest. I’ve seen them the last two times I’ve been here alone. They were here when … my father spoke to me.”
I shift on my feet, a little uncomfortable. “You know it’s never a good sign when spirits appear? They usually convey a message … a sign.”
Xander’s smile is a soft one, a small one. A quiet secret hiding behind his lips. “I know.”
I look at him, trying to figure out what is going on inside his pretty head. We stand there, me watching him, him watching the forest. There’s no wind, no sound coming from the trees, no rustling in the bushes. It is as if time is standing still and only the beating of our two hearts is proof of the seconds passing. We don’t see the vættirs that night. Nothing out of the ordinary happens, and yet, I can’t shake the feeling that I have glimpsed into a different world.
Xander
We return to Trelburg shivering and freezing. But Xavier’s hand is still clasped in mine and when our eyes meet, I’m not cold anymore. It’s beginning to dawn outside. The sun is slowly creeping over the horizon, bringing with it yet another day full of empty promises. However, I couldn’t care less. Not with my best friend at my side. Not with the love of my life finally mine.
We’re both past the point where we’re still thinking clearly. Staying awake for that long does that to a person. Our lips are blue and our skin is ice, so I suggest a detour before going to bed. One more thing before I allow the night to end.
The bathroom is filling with steam, as the hot water runs into the tub. We’ve left our coats in my room, as we staggered into the adjoined bathroom, hands reaching for each other, as if we can’t
bear to not touch the other for a second.
I stare into Xavier’s dark-brown eyes as I move closer to him, my fingers on the hem of his shirt. His mouth is a little agape, his eyes fixed on my lips. I don’t kiss him. Not yet.
I start unbuttoning his shirt, slowly. Firstly, because my fingers are still warming up and the little buttons don’t want to obey me, but mostly because otherwise I feel I might die from sudden overheating. I take my time getting rid of his shirt, watching him closely for signs that this is going too far. The signs never come.
As the white shirt slides from his shoulders to the ground, I stare at the wonderous skin before me. I’ve seen Xavier naked countless of times, yet never this close. Never this … open and allowed to touch.
Xavier makes quicker work of my shirt. His hands immediately land on my chest, trailing down my stomach and back up to my neck, leaving goose bumps in their wake. I shiver, but this time, it has nothing to do with the cold.
“Your skin is so soft,” Xavier mumbles, amazed. I chuckle. “I would hope so, as I spent half of my time taking bubble baths.”
He lets out a breathy laugh. “Has anyone told you you’re spoiled?”
“I believe you’ve done so a number of times,” I say, guiding him to the tub. “I don’t hear you complaining now.” I step out of my shoes and shed my trousers right together with my pants, leaving me completely bare before Xavier’s eyes. A little part of me is still waiting for him to get scared, to realise that this is in fact not what he wants, that he prefers the soft curves of female bodies … But as I’m met with the heat of his gaze, full of affection and want, all my doubts are blown away.
I close the distance between us and melt against his lips.
“We don’t have to do anything tonight,” I breathe, our lips touching at the movement. “But how does the prospect of a shared bubble bath sound?”
He growls in response and kisses me quickly. “How about I do a little?” His hands start trailing down my stomach again, lower. I let out a chuckle that quickly turns into a breathless groan. “Yes, please.”
