by Mary Whitney
“Same here. I usually watch football on satellite TV on Sunday mornings.”
For a moment, I thought he meant American football, but then I clued in. “Oh. Soccer. Right. It would be on early here with the time difference, wouldn’t it?”
“It is, but my mum thinks I should spend my Sundays differently.”
“So does mine.” Then I was at a loss for words, grabbing at my dress again. Somehow being with him outside the safe confines of school left me unable to make small talk with him.
My shyness must have amused him, because he gave me a huge grin. Out of nowhere, he declared, “You look lovely. You know, I’ve never seen eyes like yours before. They’re so brown that they’re almost black. They’re amazing.”
My mouth fell open. I eventually got a “Thank you” out, but I wasn’t sure how audible it was. Why did he say that? I could feel flames take over my cheeks. Great. As if he needed more proof of how I really felt about him. I tried to make a joke out of it by grumbling, “You made me blush.”
“I know.” He had a cocky smile as he spoke, but his face softened and his voice lowered. “You look even prettier now.”
And then I was speechless. For all my trying, I was right back where I’d started with Adam Kincaid: in the middle of a hopeless crush. I just stared at him, but I noticed something was different. He held my gaze, too. After a few seconds, my breath caught as I realized that wherever I was, he was right there with me.
“Nicki, I’m so sorry,” he said, the words tumbling out of him. “Truly, I am.”
I was confused for a minute because I didn’t know what he was apologizing for. Then I remembered the Halloween discussion. With a quick shake of my head, I brushed it off. “Don’t worry about it. Halloween was fine.” But remembering the disastrous talk with Mom about Lauren’s stuff, I let something escape. “And what wasn’t fine isn’t changing, so it doesn’t matter.”
“But it does matter, doesn’t it?” His eyes seemed so earnest. “Maybe you could tell me about it sometime?”
Shrugging my shoulders at the thought, I choked out, “I don’t know.” How on earth would that possibly work? He had a girlfriend. I couldn’t bare my soul to him; I’d be crushed by my crush.
“Nicki, really, I’m sorry for everything. I’ve made a mess of it all.” He winced as he said it.
His apology was so heartfelt, I looked down and shifted my weight. When I looked up again, his grimace slowly morphed into a smile. “I just wish we could start all over again.”
My heart stopped. Every possible fidget occurred one after the other. I touched my necklace, crossed my legs, and looked to the side before finding the right sentiment. When I looked into his eyes, they were shining at me. I grinned, but I stopped when I saw a hand on his shoulder.
The hand was older, and I looked up to see his mother. She smiled and said in an English accent that seemed a little closer to David’s than Adam’s, “Hello, I’m Judith Kincaid. You must be Nicki, Gloria Stuart’s daughter.”
I knew that I needed to stop being embarrassed and instead muster all of my manners to impress her. I smiled. “Yes. Hello, Mrs. Kincaid. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“The pleasure’s all mine. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
From who? I thought. She was still smiling warmly at me. Then I remembered David. She may have heard something from David. Yikes. Don’t want to go there.
Luckily, I didn’t have to respond before she said, “Maybe now that Adam’s seen you here, he’ll come to church more often.”
My usual negative reaction to everything related to Adam came out. “I really doubt that,” I said and immediately wanted to take it back.
Adam looked at me in disbelief. He must have thought I was being snarky to his mom.
Oh, God. There goes my first impression.
She looked at me quizzically. “Really, why’s that, then?”
Uh oh. I had to dig myself out. I conjured up a little laugh. “I mean, I don’t come to church that often either.”
She smiled. “Well, it sounds like your mother and I have something in common.”
“I think you do.” She laughed with me as I said it. For some reason, I got the feeling she knew she was helping me out. Still, I decided that I needed to flee before I said something else inappropriate, irrational, or just plain rude. “I should probably find my mom. It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Kincaid. I’ll see you at school tomorrow, Adam.”
After we exchanged goodbyes, I spotted Mom and headed toward her. It was a miracle I was walking while my mind couldn’t get over what Adam had said to me. I tried to make sense of it, but I couldn’t. I knew that how he treated me the next day at school would be the deciding factor if things had changed. I didn’t want to tell Rachel and Lisa, though; it would be too humiliating if things ended up just like they’d always been.
When I got home, I watched endless reruns of 21 Jump Street for the rest of the day to keep my mind off him. Like it worked—not.
Chapter 10
ON MONDAY MORNING, my stomach did flips as I made my way to the lockers. Adam was there alone with the same smile that he’d had for me the day before. I was so happy, until I spied Meredith coming from behind. I quickly started tackling my combination. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed her hand him a note without saying anything.
Adam addressed her bluntly, “I called you yesterday.”
It was obvious that whatever was going on was not good. Of course, I wanted to know details, but I didn’t want to witness them firsthand like this. It was way too awkward.
I grabbed my books and heard Meredith snap at him, “And I called you back.”
Wow. Iciness. Time to get out of here. I closed my door and muttered, “Have a good day.”
Adam didn’t show up at his locker the rest of the morning. Something was up, but what? As much as I didn’t want to actually see the events unfold, I also didn’t like the idea of having to fish for information from Rachel or Lisa. It turned out I didn’t have to.
As usual, I went to the bathroom at the end of lunch. No one was ever in there then, but I always went to the farthest stall. I was readjusting my tights when I heard the door open and an incredulous voice ask, “No way. They broke up for good?”
Another voice replied, “I swear. Meredith told me this morning. It’s finally a done deal, and she’s a wreck.”
It was totally creepy for me to hang out in a bathroom stall eavesdropping on gossip, especially gossip that mattered to me. I knew I should walk out, but I couldn’t. I had to hear it. Desperate for an alibi, I pulled my tights back down and sat on the toilet.
The first girl’s voice asked, “Well, what happened? I thought they were a great couple. They were so cute together. I mean, I even heard she lost her virginity to him this summer.”
My eyes bugged hearing that. Meredith had been a virgin before Adam? Wow. We had all been wrong about her.
Then the voice with all the information answered, “Yeah, that’s all true, but things weren’t perfect, you know. Meredith said he always would run hot and cold with her, and things started to go downhill when school started.”
There was no reason for me to take credit for it, but that last part made me smile. My smile got bigger when she added, “They haven’t gone out since that hot cousin of his was in town.”
“Gosh. I had no idea what was going on,” the other girl said.
“She was so into him that I don’t think she wanted people to know that things weren’t good. She was crying before class. I told her she could do so much better.”
I scrunched up my face because that was doubtful. Meredith’s last boyfriend, Stacy, was a dumb football player who had no neck.
“You think so?” the other voice asked in doubt. “He’s way cuter than Stacy.”
“Adam seems weird to me. He’s got some friends that are freaks. And Meredith says he’s uncircumcised, which is totally disgusting if you ask me.”
My hands flew to my mouth to st
op myself from giggling. Rachel would laugh hysterically when she heard it. When I started to wonder what Adam’s uncircumcised penis might look like, I got a little distracted.
“Uncircumcised? Eww. That is gross.” That seemed to turn her opinion against him. “And you know what? You’re right. He’s hot and all, but there’s something weird about him. That drama guy Tom he hangs with has got to be gay, and that girl Rachel is a total bitch.”
I couldn’t let that one go. I flushed the toilet again, tugged my tights up my legs, and stepped out to the sinks. Well, there they were—Brittany Taylor and Cici Arnold, two very popular airheads. I barely knew them, and I was pretty sure they knew little or nothing of me.
I smiled as I started to wash my hands.
Brittany scowled at me. “You were eavesdropping.”
Drying my hands, I was a polite bitch. “It was hard not to. I was here first. You should’ve made sure that you were alone.”
I turned, and as I opened the door, I heard Cici say, “She’s friends with Rachel.”
“Well, she’s a bitch, too,” said Brittany.
Grinning, I left the bathroom. None of it really changed anything for me, but the details were fascinating. I couldn’t wait to tell Lisa and Rachel.
Adam wasn’t at the lockers before English, and then he walked into class late. He gave me a half-smile and a “Hello,” but he didn’t look happy at all. The day must have sucked for him. I wondered what he would think about me eavesdropping on two of the silliest girls at Bellaire High School discussing his uncircumcised penis. I had to stop myself from laughing.
Lisa smiled at me and whispered, “What’s so funny?”
I shook my head. “I’ll tell you later.” Pressing my lips together to keep from smiling, I saw out of the corner of my eye that Adam was staring into his book. He was obviously not reading a word of it, and he didn’t look up the entire period.
After class, I went to my locker to get my economics book for the test the next day. A few hours of rote memorization were all it was going to take to study for it, so I’d have plenty of time for a gossip session with Lisa and Rachel. Just as I was about to leave, Adam walked up. He looked grim.
“Bye, Adam,” I said with a small wave. “Have a good night.” What do you say in a situation like this?
“You, too.” He looked like he might say more, but instead he just started to work his locker combination.
When I got home, it didn’t take long for my phone to ring with Rachel saying, “So I’m guessing you know.”
“Yes, but only because I overheard a gossip session between Brittany Taylor and Cici Arnold while I was in the bathroom.”
Rachel squealed, “Oh my God. I’m coming over. If Lisa is free, I’ll get her, too.”
By five, Lisa and Rachel were in my living room. Lisa had only begrudgingly tagged along. “I still don’t trust the guy, Nicki.”
Ignoring her last comment, I urged them on. “Whatever. This is good gossip.”
“Is that why you were laughing to yourself in English?” Lisa asked.
“Sort of. I saw that Adam was having a bad day, which isn’t funny.” I snickered. “But then I started laughing because he would feel ten times worse if he knew that Meredith had told half the cheerleading squad that he was uncircumcised.”
Rachel, God love her, started bouncing up and down and screamed, “Oh my God!”
Lisa burst out laughing, but then cocked her head to the side. “Hmm. I guess they really don’t do that as much over there.”
Still giddy, Rachel said, “That’s the gossip jackpot—like, I can’t even tell Tom. He would be pissed at me for repeating it.”
“Adam’s not my favorite person,” said Lisa, pursing her lips, “but that really is shitty of Meredith. How fucking stupid and naïve is she that she would tell Brittany that? She has diarrhea of the mouth.”
“C’mon, Lisa. We are so not above talking graphically about guys’ penises,” I said. I also couldn’t believe that she had defended Adam.
“I guess so, but it feels like she violated a confidence.”
“My problem is how I can ever talk to him again without thinking about what his dick looks like.” Rachel giggled.
“So, what else did you hear?” said Lisa, turning to me.
“I heard that she lost her virginity to him.”
“Lucky bitch.” Rachel scowled. “And here I thought she was a slut all this time, but instead she gets to lose it to a guy like him.”
“And I heard that he was hot and cold with her—like sometimes he was into her and then sometimes not.”
“That would be his M.O.,” Lisa said.
“Anyway,” I said, dismissing her comment, “apparently for the last few weeks he’s been all cold. And today they broke up. I saw them at the lockers this morning, and something was definitely weird. I guess they broke up after that.”
“That’s what I heard.” Rachel nodded. “Adam caught up with Tom as we were walking to drama. I went on ahead so I didn’t listen firsthand, but later Tom told me a little. I think Adam and Meredith both cut a class to talk. The conversation went poorly because Meredith didn’t really see it coming.”
Then Rachel shook her head and squinted. “And it’s stupid that she didn’t expect it because apparently he’s wanted to break up with her for weeks. I got pissed at Tom when he told me that today. He wouldn’t admit that he’d known it. Anyway, that’s all I got from him—and all I probably will get. He thinks I would just go tell you whatever I heard.”
“Well, wouldn’t you?” Lisa questioned as though testing her loyalty.
“Of course!” Rachel snickered. “He’s right not to trust me.”
“Okay,” Lisa said. “Then the discussion is over. They broke up. And we now know something about Adam’s anatomy that we could have come up with ourselves had we thought about it.”
Rachel smiled smugly. “Well, we can test that theory. Nicki, had you already thought about Adam’s dick? Had you already figured out he was uncircumcised?”
“No!” I threw a sofa pillow at her. I wasn’t about to tell her the truth.
“Touchy…I was just asking. Anyway, Lisa is right. There’s not much else to say at this point.”
“There’s one other thing,” I said to Rachel and raised my eyebrows. “Just so you know, Brittany and Cici called you and me bitches.”
“Excellent!” she chortled.
When I was lying in bed after studying for my economics test, I finally let myself think about the fact that Adam was single. Is that what he meant when he said he wished we could start over? He isn’t dating Meredith anymore? Maybe. An image leapt into my mind of the line of girls—all much better looking than me—who would die to go out with him. Then I remembered when he’d said I was lovely. I sighed and rolled over, trying to find some sleep.
Chapter 11
IN MY SEEMINGLY CONSTANT STATE OF ANXIETY, I walked up to the lockers the next day. What was it going to be like talking to Adam, the single guy? We exchanged hellos, but he wasn’t smiling. Fine. I didn’t want to smile either.
I had my head in my locker when I heard him say, “I suppose you know about Meredith and me.”
My hand stopped as it touched my folder. I couldn’t believe he’d brought it up. I had to say something in return, so I looked from behind the door and nodded. “Um. Yeah.”
“It’s been…difficult.” He shuffled his feet with unease.
What was I supposed to say? I’m sorry? Ha! The idea that they were broken up made me want to smile. And truth be told, I was a terrible person. I wasn’t sorry that he was having a hard time with it. I felt badly for him, but not that much considering he’d brought it on himself and dragged me through part of it. Then I wondered why he was telling me about all this. I did not want to be his confidant about Meredith.
After a moment too long of silence, I simply stated a fact. “It’s always hard, right?”
He nodded slowly. “I guess you’re right.”
<
br /> “I hope things get better.”
“They will,” he said, his charming smile slowly forming. “I’ll see you later.”
For the rest of the week, Adam and I saw each other during school and when out with the gang, but we didn’t really talk much. Occasionally, I’d steal a look at him and catch him looking at me. He’d always stop at once and turn away. In the back of my heart, I hoped he was simply waiting for an acceptable period of mourning before flirting with me again. I hated to think that day at church would be the last of it.
The following Monday, Mrs. Anderson started class by saying, “I have good news and bad news for you today. First, the bad news: your essay on To Kill a Mockingbird is due next Monday. It should be an analysis of the relationship between two characters of your choosing. The good news is that next week we’ll watch the movie version of the book.”
Everyone began laughing and chatting. Lisa turned to me and said, “That’s cool, don’t you think? I can do my trig homework in here. What do you think you’re going to write on?”
I didn’t say anything. I was panicking. I knew my tolerance for things that reminded me of Lauren. I wasn’t going to be able to sit in class and watch that film without breaking down. How was I going to get out of this? Not to mention that I still hadn’t picked up the book again. How was I supposed to write anything? But writing a paper in my room wasn’t half as bad as watching Scout on the screen in a classroom full of people and thinking about Lauren the whole time.
“Nicki, hello? You didn’t answer me.”
Snapping out of it, I replied, “Sorry. I spaced out.” An idea popped into my mind. “I think I’m going to write about Mayella and her dad.”
“You’re kidding me, right?”
“No.” I had my reasons. I just didn’t want to get into them with Lisa. I’d never told her about Scout and Lauren, and I didn’t want to start the conversation now.
“You want to write about incest? About child molestation? Why? It’s disgusting. Not to mention that it’s one of the most depressing parts of the book.”
I looked down for a moment. No, the most depressing parts are anything to do with Scout. I made light of it with a shrug. “Well, I bet no one else will write about them. And, besides, I think the topic will creep out Mrs. Anderson. She might give me an A just so she doesn’t have to read it.”
