by Hazel Parker
“I’m not bourgeois,” I said, putting my hands on my hips.
“Good,” he said smiling. “Then you won’t mind the evening skinny-dipping either.”
I gulped and thanked God I shaved this morning.
“Nope. As long as you promise me there aren’t any alligators in the water.”
He chuckled. “It’s a natural spring. You can literally drink right from it, and it leads nowhere. Guaranteed, there are no alligators or crocs.”
“Good then.”
He moved around the cabinet decisively and went out the back to a small pit. The side of the cabin had tarp-covered wood, already chopped, and he threw it into the pit and worked up a fire.
“You really know what you’re doing,” I said as I watched him in awe. He didn’t need my help at all.
“I like working with my hands,” he said, dumping a can of ravioli into the pot and setting it in a blacked metal rack that held the pot over the fire.
I wondered what else he could do with his hands and smiled at the nasty things I came up with in less than 30 seconds. He had no idea that I was thinking of stripping him in the woods.
“Here you go,” he smiled, handing me a fork.
We ate out of the small pot together, sitting side by side in companionable silence. I could only guess what was on his mind as we chewed without needing to talk.
Evan
All she was doing was eating. Just eating canned ravioli and yet I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Just watching her eat had turned me on. I ate silently, thinking of all the girls I’d dealt with. Easily none of the one’s I’d considered seriously in the past two years would have even thought about eating anything canned. She didn’t even question it. I tried to look out of my peripheral vision so she wouldn’t catch me staring. I liked her and I shocked myself with just how much.
I liked the way she smiled to herself. I liked the way she was unassuming about everything. I liked how her big eyes took everything in and how sexy she was without even trying. I liked how she didn’t try to fill in the silence with aimless discussion or talk just to hear herself talk.
She just… Ate. And together we watched the clouds pass along in the sky. That was the most relaxed I’d felt in a while. The past few months had felt something close to stagnant. Every day was the same. Some variation of the club, the gym, and home. I didn’t like it, and I hadn’t known how to fix it. Kaylen was a beautiful surprise, and I enjoyed how much she shook up my world.
After washing the pot and quenching the fire, I unlaced my boots.
“We’re taking off our shoes now?” she said, unlacing her own.
“Yeah. Where we’re going, we won’t need them.”
Once standing, I took her hand again. I couldn’t help myself. It felt like second nature walking with hers in mine, and I had to remind myself that she technically wasn’t mine. If she was, I would have pulled her to my side, but then, I was just content with holding her hand. I couldn’t tell if it was me or her, but her hand felt like it was burning my skin. In a good way. I could barely put words to it, but somehow, my world was revolving around the axis that was our connecting hands. Strange but not so uncomfortable that I’d wanted to pull away.
The forest path was wide, the trees were separated intentionally for firewood. The sunlight shone down brilliantly with the intense heat usually reserved for beaches and tanning without the benefit of a cooling breeze from the water. But all that changed after less than ten minutes of walking. Suddenly, the trees canopied up with shade and the early blooms of berries that weren’t edible. The sky vanished almost completely, only a few fragments of blue remained like scattered pieces of an impossible jigsaw puzzle. The air was rich with the fragrance of leaves.
We walked into a seemingly open crevice without a trail. But it wasn’t. I’ve had a map of this entire forest stored in my head since the years of scavenging with my dad and on my own. It didn’t matter how many plants grew or how many trees fell down, I could find my way in and out of here. There were several dead-end trails and small hidden troves under trees that were secretly hallowed out.
I took in the colors with unshielded eyes and I offered my hand to Kaylen to assist her over fallen trees and wherever the path gave way to rocky steps. Roots crisscrossed, gnarled, and snaked in uneven patterns across the forest floor in imagery reserved for picture books, and it was as beautiful as the first time I ever came here. It felt a lot like magic. I could admit I tended to live in high tower of concrete, but my heart was and will always live right here. Here I was my best self, forgetting to protect myself.
The only movement was that of the occasional bird, startling in a tree, or a squirrel dashing up a nearby trunk. The running water of the brook had the same hypnotic quality as music; I wanted to stop just to drink in the sound. I took in all the air my lungs will hold and expelled it slowly. These hikes in the forest were like a trip out of my life, a visit to somewhere the measuring of time was done only by the rising and setting of the sun, and Kaylen was beside me every step of the way. I normally preferred to walk this trek by myself. The only company I’d made an allowance for was my father, and now he was gone. No one, not even my mother or my twin brother walked this path with me, and sharing it with Kaylen felt more like a glimpse into my soul rather than an intrusion.
“Do you know how to swim?” I asked, disturbing the blanket of our silence.
“Yes,” she whispered, understanding the magic of this place.
“Are you afraid of heights?”
“Um,” she hesitated. “Depends.”
“On?” I said as we came to the edge.
“How high.”
“Not that high,” I smiled to myself. I’d climbed this ledge countless times. It was like the jump at the end of the staircase to me. It looked high, but I’d come to trust I wouldn’t fall to my death or break any bones.
She looked unsure. “Will you go with me?”
There was nothing more I’d rather do. I didn’t want to let go of her hand, not for one jump, not ever.
“On three.”
“One,” she said.
“Two.”
“Three,” I pulled her in a running leap forward.
For a few precious seconds, we were suspended in the air, limbs flailing, mouths agape. Kaylen squealed and I laughed loudly. Then the cool water hit our heated skin. We rose to the surface with hair plastered to our faces, spitting water like animated water fountains.
Kaylen laughed and instinctively, I pull her snug to my body. I didn’t feel the pain in my right hand; I could only feel her as I paddled my legs beneath us.
“That was fun,” she said breathlessly. Something in the way she sounded, the way her face was inches from mine, breathing the same air, caused my pants to tighten. My wet jeans provided no barrier as I hardened underneath her.
“This place is beautiful,” she said, looking up to the sky. I could see water droplets chasing each other down the column of her neck, and the truth fell out of my mouth.
“You’re beautiful.”
Kaylen’s eyebrows shot up as she turned from the sky to catch the lust in my eyes. Before she could backtrack, I cupped her neck and intertwined my hands between the wet strands of her hair and pulled her close. I licked the last place I saw those water droplets trailed. My tongued licked up the column of her neck and across her jaw until my lips found hers. I hadn’t meant to maul her or lose control, but when her tongue snaked into my mouth, I lost it. The hot feeling of her skin against the coolness of the water. I growled into her mouth, tracing her tongue with mine, sucking on it and forcing my hands under the suctioned tightness of her t-shirt. I could feel her hardened nipples in my hand. I wanted her so bad, but I couldn’t. The jeans I wore were disastrously restrictive. Her hand played against the smoothness of my back, sending shivers down my spine. I could feel her body quivering in my arms and I was willing to bet money she was wet and willing. If only I could. I sucked on her bottom lip, willing myself to let go and
all too soon, I let go of her open and eager mouth.
Everything between us was bliss. I wanted to hold onto that moment for a lifetime.
I turned and floated on my back.
“Do you know how to float?”
“Yeah,” she whispered, and hand in hand, we floated. The ethereal blue sky our new center.
“Tell me something?” she asked.
After moments of silence I replied: “Anything.”
“Tell me a secret.”
I decided to start off strong. “I hate that people can’t tell the difference between me and my brother. Now you.”
“I’m divorced.”
I didn’t see it coming at all. She couldn’t have been older than twenty-five.
“I know what you’re thinking,” she said, interrupting my silence. “I look too young. But I made a poor decision at nineteen and only recently fixed it.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. Wow,” she repeated. “Your turn.”
“My mother has dementia.” That was a mood killer if I’d ever heard one, but for some reason, I wanted her to know. There was a long pause. I didn’t know what to say, but I wanted to say more. I was grateful that we were floating on our backs. It felt like I could have been talking to myself. I risked a glance to my left and saw that she was staring at the sky too.
I wanted her to see my vulnerable side and I wanted to know what she thought of it. I spoke in a tone just above a whisper. “My mom has dementia, and I fear one day she’ll forget that there’s two of us. You know? People already think we’re just like one person.”
“Evan, that would never happen,” she said, turning over and pulling me close to her. “Your mother couldn’t forget giving birth to you two. I’ve never given birth myself, but from what I’ve seen, it’s a life changing event. She would never forget you. You’re not your brother. You’re you, and I see you. You’re not your brother.”
I could see the sincerity in her eyes. She was serious. “Now you.” My hoarse voice whispered.
“My husband told me I was worthless and that no one would ever want me. He told me I was bad in bed, that I was a bad wife and…”
I couldn’t stand to hear another negative word come out her mouth. My fingers moved on their own to cover her lips and she froze.
“You are none of those things.”
“And I’m afraid that he’s right.” Her voice trailed off like she was afraid to say anything else.
“I’m sure that’s not true. There’s no way you can actually believe that.”
She resumed her position and we floated together, free of gravity. There was something freeing in floating. Relaxing until the point of being able to drown and yet not. I was aware of the time; I’d always had an internal clock. I sighed heavily, resigned to having to leave this moment.
“Time to go,” I said. She nodded before swimming out to shore.
The heaviness of my jeans only got worse as I stepped onto the man-made bank. The sand crunched in between my toes. I turned back to see the water one more time before I left. The way the sun shone off the rippling brook, its golden light warped in the twisted, glass waves. No description can truly capture its majesty, and few words can express its beauty.
“We’ll be able to watch the sunset from the road, but in the forest it’s not as safe at night. She nodded and unconsciously held out her hand. I took it, and together we walked back to the cabin. The heated air dried us somewhat, and within minutes, our shoes were laced and we were driving back.
We were facing the horizon when the sun set. There was nothing but open road, and the stillness of nature boldly lighting the heavens. Scarlet, then amethyst emblazoned the enormous sky, then it darkened to obsidian. As the night deepened, fireflies blinked more frequently until the canopy below, billowing in dark waves, sparked with benign, green embers under a star-speckled sky. Kaylen moved closer, snuggling against my back, and we watched the horizon, faces aglow with traces of soft smiles.
I begrudgingly parked in front of Kaylen’s apartment building. Everything in me wanted to go in. I didn’t want to leave. As pathetic as it sounded, I would even keep my dick in my pants if she wanted, but I just wanted to hold her. I liked how she smelled. Like flowers and honey. Right now, she smelled more like the lake, and I liked her fragrance even more.
“I had fun today,” she said, handing me the helmet.
“Keep it,” I said, handing it back to her. “It’s yours.”
It really was. I didn’t take strays on my bike. I brought the helmet brand new from the garage today when I knew I was taking her out.
“Really?” She smiled like it was Christmas.
“Really.”
She hugged it to her chest.
“I had fun today too.”
Hand in hand we walked to her door, and I waited until she had unlocked it. She fiddled with the keys as if she didn’t know which was which. I knew that that was unlikely, considering there were only three keys on the chain.
All I needed to hear was some variation of “come in,” but after a moment she stuck her key in the door and smiled shyly.
“Goodnight, Evan.”
I reached down and cupped her face. If I wasn’t spending the night, the least I would do was make sure she spent all of it thinking about me.
I kissed her earlobe first, softly, with just the right hint of passion, then worked my way down her neck to her collarbone before coming right back up for the lips I knew would be waiting. As I kissed her neck a wave of pure pleasure ran through my entire body. She was intoxicating.
She moaned softly and I could feel it as much as I hear it. Why is there so much fire between us?
I can’t do this. I’ll devour her.
So I pulled back.
“Goodnight,” I whispered.
“Goodnight,” she whispered back, closing the door behind her.
Chapter Five
Kaylen
The world around me blurred as I looked into his eyes. My arms reached up and tangled around his neck into his thick luxurious hair. I breathed in sharply and kissed him delicately, his arms encircling my waist, drawing me in. His lips were hungry for mine. So many thoughts were swirling through my mind.
I want to let him in.
Should I let him stay the night?
I want to let him stay the night.
God, he can kiss.
Jesus, I want him to touch me.
I should tell him to touch me.
Just as I opened my mouth to ask him, he pulled back.
I could see the lust burning in his eyes. He obviously needs me. He wants me too. How can I step away from this?
“Goodnight,” he said, just barely holding in a growl.
“Goodnight,” I whispered back.
I closed the door and leaned against it, banging my head slightly against the frame.
“What am I doing?” I moaned aloud.
No one would answer. I showered, cooked dinner for myself, and took myself to bed. Despite being on fire for Evan, I was ridiculously exhausted. I’d done more exercise than I normally would have in a whole month.
My eyes were closed and I knew it was just a dream but it was so good I might as well have been awake.
“Harder,” I screamed as Ethan plowed into me. I was bent over someone’s desk, I didn’t care whose.
He gripped my hips so tightly I feared I’d wake with bruises. I moaned aloud every time his balls smacked the skin between my ass and pussy. He reached forward, wedging hid hand into the small space between my body and the table as he fingered my clit. I threw my head back to find Evan staring from across the room. His eyes were electric and I could feel him watching, his gaze tracing me all the way from my head to my toes. Everywhere he looked my skin tingled in a frenzy of static, and unable to process that much pleasure, I exploded.
I woke myself whimpering and panting. I hadn’t had a wet dream since high school. Good Lord. I laid in my own sweat and threw myself back into the pillows. T
hese men were driving me crazy. The clock read 3 AM. I punched my pillow and tried to convince myself I could go back to sleep, but I couldn’t. So I woke up three hours early for my shift and sat drinking coffee. I rarely woke up this early for anything; I didn’t have class, and I didn’t have kids. But the silence of the early morning met me and the stillness calmed my mind. It was so rare for me to be up and able to think clearly. I was either working, sleeping, or wondering what things I had to do before I had to work again. Dating was a part of that, sitting and thinking wasn’t.
The past few years were nothing like the reality I was living now. I could remember meeting my ex-husband. We met when I was in college at nineteen and somehow he’d managed to convince me that he was a good man. He wined and dined me, showed me a world a college girl like me had never seen before. I thought he was my prince charming. He was my prince charming, and despite my parents’ protests, I accepted when he asked me to marry him. We were married just before my twentieth birthday.
Five years. That’s how long I was married to him. Five years in a downward spiral and coming to a realization that what we had wasn’t love. I held my own enough to finish college and get my degree but after that, Kenneth made one thing very clear. My only priority in life would be him.
I secretly studied and got licensed as a nurse, and when Kenneth found out he said, “You better not forget what your first job is.”
He wasn’t kidding. My husband used to demand I cook him breakfast every morning, no matter how late my shifts ran. I could remember slaving over the stove, cooking the same thing every morning—bacon, crispy and burnt, with two eggs over easy. Now I had nothing and no one to cook for but myself, and I liked it.
I could remember the nasty moments toward the bitter end. The fighting. The screaming. The heated arguments going back and forth. Kenneth’s theatrics demanding everything I earned or helped him earn be in his name. I walked away from our marriage with nothing but my name.
“I want a divorce.” My voice shook as his eyes met mine.
I remember his laugh. He literally bent over and cackled. "You're kidding, right?”
