Jesse

by Reina Torres

  Caroline’s lips parted on a silent ‘ah.’ “Well, I can imagine why he’d rather go with you. The folks who work for us are the best, you don’t have to worry with them, but there’s at least a hundred other people that the studio hired. With all of those folks moving around, and most of them men, I can just bet that Jesse’s worried something would happen to you if he wasn’t there.”

  She sat back, leaning against the seat. “I wish you wouldn’t make so much sense. It’s so much easier to get frustrated when I feel like I have a reason to do it.”

  A hand touched her arm and Etta looked down to see Caroline’s hand settle on top of hers. “I know exactly how you feel, Etta. Holt used to be like that too. Oh, don’t get me wrong, he worries about me, but now I can tell him to back off when I want to. I just don’t do it a lot because I like the way he worries over me.

  “I worry over him too.” Caroline’s sigh was wistful and warm. “I think I’m a very lucky woman to have him and my boys- and my son.”

  Etta heard the change of words and felt Caroline’s mood dampen, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask Caroline about it. She could almost taste the pain, like the iron tang of blood on her tongue.

  She wasn’t in any hurry to bring up death to anyone, let alone a woman as sweet and welcoming as Caroline had been. But she could say something that came from the heart and hope that it mattered.

  “They’re lucky to have you.”

  A smile reappeared on Caroline’s face, but it wasn’t quite as bright.

  “Thank you, dear. That means a lot.”

  The rest of the drive was filled with little bits of conversation on nothing in particular and Etta was glad. It was safer that way. She didn’t want to touch on a painful subject if she could help it.

  JESSE

  As he listened to Randy Calhoun flap his jaw, Jesse was seriously trying to figure a way to shove the Hollywood actor’s head in the horse trough and call it ‘training.’

  He had to admit that once Randy had actually decided to put effort into the work, he’d advance quickly. They’d gotten him to feel secure in the saddle. He could mount without making the horses side-step and toss their heads. He was even fairly good at taking a nice easy ride around a couple of the open fields.

  The one thing that wasn’t going so well was taking the horse anywhere that wasn’t flat as a board. The instant the trail started to climb or dip, Randy would tense up and jerk in the saddle.

  Their horses were good enough that they didn’t bolt or throw him outright, but neither were they happy to have him saw on the reins.

  Jesse was ready to throw the man bodily off his horse if he didn’t loosen up his hold.

  “Look! It’s your horses not me, cowboy. I don’t feel safe riding them up and down an incline, okay? They get stiff and I feel like they’re twisting up underneath me like they’re going to jump up in the air and knock me to the ground!”

  Randy pulled on the reins and Jesse saw Tango’s head rear up and the roan’s eyes showed white with pain.

  “Relax your grip!”

  “My grip?” Randy turned toward Jesse, but his hands pulled in and off to the opposite side of his body, turning the horse.

  The counter movements nearly unseated the actor and part of Jesse couldn’t help but wish it had happened. Maybe then the man would learn that this was exactly as dangerous as he’d been warning Randy it was.

  But he needed this to work. For his family. He repeated the phrase silently in his head. For his family.

  For his family.

  Urging his own mount closer, he brought Yellowstone up alongside, the palomino pressed easily up against his stablemate, shoulder to hip.

  The touch calmed Tango enough for Jesse to reach over and pry Randy’s fingers off the reins. Once he had control, he eased Yellowstone away far enough that Randy’s boot wasn’t trapped between the horses.

  “Get off.”

  Maybe it was the volume of his words that cut through Randy’s building frustration. Or maybe it was the way that Jesse pushed the words through his clenched teeth, but Randy quieted down and calmed down.

  “What did you say?”

  “Get down. Off of. The Horse.”

  Randy may have remained quiet in that moment, but his eyes were focused on Jesse as he got off the horse and stood on the worn trail.

  “Now what?”

  “Now?” Jesse had to work to calm the horse that now felt almost a hundred and sixty pounds lighter. And that meant the horse really wanted to get home and take a nice long rest. The horse needed to let his mouth heal up too. That’s what was really bothering him. “You know, I made a promise to my father that I was going to make you a passable horseman for this film.

  “And I am a man of my words.”

  “So?” Randy didn’t make a move besides glaring openly at Jesse.

  “So,” Jesse looked down his nose literally and figuratively at the man with dust on his too-new clothing, “you’re going to have to learn a lesson that my father taught to a man just… almost like you.”

  “Who’s that?”

  The caustic tone of Randy’s voice wasn’t lost on any of them. The horses side-stepped too.

  “A man who started out like an ass and ended up a good friend. Now I’m not saying the same will be true for us, because I don’t really like you much.”

  “Well, thanks for those kind words, cowboy. But don’t worry, I don’t want to be friends with you either.”

  “But you do want to look good on a horse.”

  “That’s the whole reason why I’m out here this goddamn early. Now, can we get on with it?”

  Jesse felt the muscle tick in his jaw. He felt the heat climb up his neck and sear his ears.

  “All right, Randy. You want the lesson, you got it. A horse isn’t a toy. It’s not even one of your fancy cars which you can wreck and pay men to put back together. A horse is something more valuable than any of that. A horse gives you their loyalty and trust if you give it to them. They may not be human, but that likely makes them better than us. They give what they get.

  “And you’re going to learn that today.”

  Randy huffed out a breath and stared up at him. “I’m already tired and I’m basically done with this for today. So, can you just do me a favor and get this over with.”

  Jesse gave his demand due consideration. “Sure. Whatever you want, Randy.”

  Murmuring under his voice, Jesse soothed Tango’s nerves and let the reins out just a bit to give the gelding some space. When Jesse had a comfortable hold on the roan’s attention, he set his heels in the side of his horse and they started off.

  When they started to pick up their hooves and move, he heard Randy call after him.

  “Hey! What am I supposed to do?”

  Slowing the horses for a moment, Jesse turned a bit in the saddle and called over his shoulder. “Walk!”

  Jesse could hear Randy’s threats long enough to know that the man had a pretty fair vocabulary of curse words.

  “Save your breath,” Jesse laughed to himself, “you’re going to need it to get back.”

  When he finished forking hay into the last stall of the row, Jesse noticed that there was someone standing in the doorway. It wasn’t Etta. He’d recognize her silhouette anywhere. She was never far from his thoughts and didn’t that realization kick him in the kidneys? His unexpected visitor was taller, curvier, and when she started forward, he set aside his pitchfork and straightened up. It was right then that she lifted her hand and swept her fingers through her hair. The straight lengths of cornsilk-blonde fell like fringe from her fingers and brought a bunch of memories rushing to the surface. “Alice?”

  Yep. Her laughter said it all. Light and sweet, with a hint of sadness that he felt echoed in his own heart.

  “Your mom said you were out here.”

  Jesse felt another twinge of sadness in his chest. Alice used to call his mother ‘Mom.’

  “Jesse?”

  He heard
the hitch in her voice and looked up to meet her eyes. “Yeah?”

  “I wanted to come by and see you before filming starts up.”

  Folding his arms across his chest, he nodded. “Is something wrong?”

  The way she stood there in the middle of the barn like she was afraid to touch something told him some of what he needed to know.

  “I… I just wanted to talk to you and see if you’d rather I stay away.” She was close enough that he could see the tears welling up on her lashes. “I mean, I don’t even know if I could handle being here without him, but if it made you uncomfortable-”

  “Alice-”

  “You’ve got the weight of this on your shoulders like Frank used to, Jesse. It’s got to be doubly hard on you.”

  She looked down at the ground and he felt like he should be doing something or saying something to make this easier for her, but he had no idea what to do. He felt the same way with his parents. What could he do to make up for the fact that Frank had been taken from them?

  “I’ll make it work, Alice. You’ll see.”

  She reached out and he swore she was about to touch him, but she didn’t. Instead, she dropped her hand back at her side.

  “You don’t have to prove anything to me, Jesse. I know Frank was hard on you from time to time, but he knew you’d do what had to be done.”

  Jesse couldn’t argue with her words. He did what he had to back then. He knew what filming at the ranch meant for the family, but he’d never lived and breathed it like Frank. He woke up mornings ready to work and Jesse had dragged himself out of bed because he knew if he didn’t do it on his own, Frank would yank off his blanket and throw it in the tub.

  Things had changed since Frank died, including Jesse, but he just wasn’t sure he was up to the task.

  What would happen to his family if something went wrong? He certainly didn’t want to find out.

  “You remind me a little of him right now.”

  Jesse’s head snapped up and he looked at Alice, his heart aching in his chest.

  “I… what?”

  Her smile was almost full.

  “You remind me of him, standing here. I’d catch him from time to time, staring off into nothing, his shoulders tense like he was carrying the world on his back.”

  “It must have been before he joined up,” he surmised. “Thinking over his decision.”

  “No, not Frank.” Jesse looked up and saw Alice’s smile. “He knew what he was doing there. I didn’t understand it myself, but he told me he’d explain it when he got back.”

  Her wistful look returned. “I’m talking about working here.” One of the horses bumped into a wall, the sound was loud enough to startle both of them.

  “He worried that he wasn’t setting a good example for you.”

  Jesse almost choked on her words. “Good example?” He swore under his breath. “I’ll never be able to come close to measuring up. I’ll never be good enough to do his memory justice.”

  “Oh, Jesse,” he felt her hand on his shoulder and reached out.

  He’d never know if she stepped closer or if he’d pulled her close, but he hugged Alice close and felt comfort in her arms.

  It was an odd sensation, holding her like that. Alice was Frank’s girl and she’d never stop being the woman who had turned his brother into a one-woman man. And the woman Frank was planning to marry when he got home, so she’d always have a place in the family as far as Jesse and his parents were concerned. “You know,” he cleared his throat as they slowly stepped back from each other, “if Frank had seen me hugging you, he would have kicked my ass.”

  She laughed and he had to blink away the tears before she saw them.

  “He would have done no such thing.”

  He had to cough to ease the knot in his throat.

  “He would have! You remember the time we took that picture with you at the wrap party for that movie, ‘Deputy Dawson’?”

  Alice shrugged. “Of course! I still have that photo.”

  “I put my arm around you since I was standing on one side.”

  “And Frank was on the other side.”

  “Yeah?”

  “You don’t remember the murder in his eyes?”

  “I remember him being upset because… because…”

  “Because,” Jesse clarified, “it was my arm around your shoulders.”

  There was a moment of silence before Alice gave him a sideways look. “But he had his arm around my waist.”

  “Yep.”

  “But he wanted to have his arm around my shoulders? How could he do both at once?”

  “He was a man in love, Alice. I don’t think he was in his right mind.” Chuckling, Jesse completed the tale. “After he got home from dropping you off, he came into my room and woke me up. Told me that he knew I was his brother and while he knew I’d never try anything with you he wanted to make sure I understood that if I didn’t keep my hands to myself when you were around he’d kick my ass up and down Main Street.”

  Her first instinct was to break out in laughter, but he saw her hesitate and squint as if she could see into the past with the naked eye.

  “Really?”

  It was the worry in her expression that got to him. “I don’t think so, but I could see how upset he was that night so I wasn’t going to be stupid enough to call him on it.” It took a minute for Jesse to get the words in his head to fall into place, but when he did, he shared them with Alice.

  “I think that’s the night he realized that he was in love with you.”

  A hint of a tear caught along her lashes.

  “I didn’t think about it then, but looking back on it, I’m pretty sure it was. Sitting there on the edge of my bed, his hand fisted in my shirt, he looked away and grumbled almost under his breath. I’m pretty sure I heard most of what he said. ‘You’ll understand someday, J. You’ll understand when you find her.’”

  Alice’s big blue eyes blinked open and closed again as she struggled to hold herself together. “Oh, Jesse, really?”

  He reached out and pulled her into his arms and placed a kiss on her cheek. “He loved you, Alice. He loved you so much.”

  “I loved him too,” she hiccupped and turned her face into his shoulder as the tears fell. “So much that I’ll never be whole again.”

  He didn’t know what to say to that because he felt like that too. Felt like Frank’s loss had torn his heart wide open, but he also felt that their conversation had brought back a little bit of his brother. Like they’d summoned him right there beside them and maybe he felt like that aching chasm inside of him started to heal.

  ETTA

  There were no words to describe the way Etta felt.

  She had volunteered to go tell Jesse that lunch was ready. Caroline had explained that the crew ate near their trucks. They had a caterer that was contracted for the films and there were enough people on hand to warrant the expense for the studio.

  Caroline had been about to split herself in two to get both men to the table and Etta was more than happy to go to the barn and bring Jesse back.

  It wasn’t hard to admit to herself, in private, that she liked spending time with him, more than she should. She knew that working for his family was a gift and she really didn’t want to do a thing to jeopardize that. After all, her own family was all but gone, and she wanted to preserve the ties that she was building.

  And there was always the hope that in time, an attraction might turn into something. Caroline had already told her about a few married couples that work on the motion pictures filmed at the ranch, who had met while they were working there.

  Crazy? Probably.

  But wasn’t love itself kind of crazy?

  Like arguing with yourself about your crush on the handsome son of your employers.

  Yep, she was destined to lose her mind if she let things get out of hand.

  The broad doors on either side of the barn were wide open and even though Caroline had reminded her that barns, eve
n ones on movie sets, smelled like… barns.

  Still, she hardly smelled anything as she walked up toward the open doorway humming the melody to ‘Brandy.’

  And then it hit her.

  No, not the smell of the barn.

  What was happening, inside the barn.

  Jesse was hugging a woman.

  Really hugging her.

  All of her ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybe somedays’ were suddenly gone, leaving her a little off balance and a little nauseous.

  “Okay.” She told herself it was going to be, “Okay.”

  He hadn’t seen her.

  He didn’t need to see the look on her face because she knew it was a doozy.

  Even with the midday heat she felt her cheeks go cold and her fingers went a little numb.

  “I can’t believe it.” But she wasn’t mad or upset at Jesse. “This is all on me.”

  Stepping away from the door she knew she needed to walk away and find a place to sit… or pace… or laugh at herself.

  What had happened to the girl who wanted to do it all on her own?

  Well, she had a heart and eyes to see what was in front of her.

  That she’d done the very thing she’d sworn not to do.

  Get wrapped up in Jesse Sutton.

  Hanging her head down she just kept walking.

  Thank goodness she heard the people ahead before she walked right into their midst.

  Or right into someone.

  That would have been mortifying.

  Looking ahead, she saw some picnic tables set off to the side, near a stand of trees. She could go and introduce herself, but she was sure that her face looked drawn and pale.

  Skirting around the picnic area, she walked between a few trailers and narrowly missed walking into someone nearly a foot taller than her.

  Etta knew she needed to turn around and go back to the house. She was being ridiculous. All she had to do was lift her chin up and smile like she’d done at any number of marketing events for her father.