by Anna Scott
"Gillian has a nasty headache. I'm not sure what I can do."
"What are her symptoms?" She asked, without missing a beat. She knew about Gillian, we'd talked about her before, but mom wasn't up on just how serious things had gotten between us over the past couple of weeks.
I told her what I knew, the vomiting, how she was curled up under the blankets and pillows, I even told her about how her face had paled and she was weak and almost passed out. When I told my very pious mother about the woman I was well on my way to falling in love with currently sleeping in my bed, I expected a lecture about respecting Gillian and the sanctity of marriage. Instead, she rolled right over it and dove head first in to mother-hen mode.
"It sounds like a migraine to me, there are a lot of symptoms people can have, but there are a few things you can do to help." She went through a list of items I could try. Sadly, a lot of the things I needed I didn't have on hand. I started to make a list so that I could run out and grab them, but mom insisted that she needed to run out anyway, so she would grab it all and drop it by.
Opening the front door to my house a quick forty-five minutes later, I saw my mom standing on the porch, a happy smile on her face. She was loaded down with seven grocery bags. Quickly reaching out to take them from her, I glanced inside and saw a lot more than the soda, migraine medicine and dairy free sorbet she had promised to bring. There were frozen vegetables, produce, a rotisserie chicken, some containers from the deli and if I wasn't mistaken, one bag was full of her homemade goodness. My mother made the most amazing chicken soup and homemade bread.
Moving back with bags in hand, I awkwardly motioned for her to come inside. She followed and I noticed that her eyes were wide with excitement as she took in the familiar space. Nothing had changed since she'd been there the day before, so I could only imagine that she was looking for a trace of Gilli in the room. As I walked to the kitchen to put the items away, I looked around and saw Gillian's purse tossed on the table, her phone lying next to it and a small plate in the kitchen that I had been preparing for her. It had crackers, grapes and some sliced ham on it. I was hoping to get something into her stomach to help ease the nausea.
Mama was eyeing the plate and looked at me strangely. I wondered what she was thinking, but didn't have to wait long. She asked "Reed, is there a chance? Could she, well, could Gillian be..." Her stuttered words and worried face took me completely off guard and I had to try hard to figure out what exactly she was asking. I honestly had no clue.
"What, mama? Could Gilli be what?"
Motioning to the crackers, she clarified, "In the family way, could Gillian be, you know?"
Shock wracked my body as I stared at my extremely conservative church secretary mother. It took me an eon to answer, and when I did, my words were quiet and almost defensive.
"No, no mama, no. I mean, we don't, we haven't, we just - um, no. We haven't been dating very long." My face was beet red and I knew it. She was seriously asking me if I'd gotten Gillian pregnant. I couldn't believe it. I had to think for a minute, maybe - no, I wasn't going to go there. Gillian hadn't dated anyone in a long time and I knew that she was that kind of girl. She had already confessed that she was a virgin and I hadn't let my own overly eager dick get anywhere near her - yet.
Mom took a deep breath, and I watched as the nervousness and tension drained from her face. She smiled at me and I stared at her.
"Well, it would be too soon and I would prefer that you were married before you blessed me with grandbabies."
Damn, babies? I wasn't even close to ready to talk about that. Think about it, yes, but talk to my mother about it? Hell no. A loud gagging sound and then the pounding of little feet could be heard from my bedroom, ignoring my mom, I ran. I wondered if this would be what it was like to take care of a pregnant Gillian. Would she struggle with morning sickness like Aurora had? Would I lose my shit and worry like crazy like Luke? I hoped not on the first and conceded that probably yes, I would on the second.
I skidded to a stop at the closed bathroom door. I wanted to walk in there, but wasn't sure Gilli would appreciate that. "Fuck it," I muttered quietly to myself, before turning the knob and pushing the door open. Gillian was kneeling on the cold tile floor, dry heaving. She hadn't had anything aside from a little bit of water in her stomach, but it appeared that her body was doing its best to expel anything it possibly could.
Grabbing a washcloth from the shelf, I turned the tap and dampened the cloth. After wringing it out, I moved in behind Gillian and knelt behind her on the floor. I placed the cold cloth against her neck. She had stopped retching and when she felt the cloth, and me behind her, she relaxed back into me. Taking hold of my wrist, she brought my hand around to her face. Gently, I wiped down her brow, and down to her neck.
"What would I do without you?" She whispered, resting her head against my shoulder. I didn't know if she meant to say that out loud, but it didn't matter, they were words I would never forget.
"You'll never find out," I promised just as quietly. I held her like that for a long time. Eventually, her entire body relaxed, and I knew that she was asleep once more. Very carefully, I slid my arm under her knees and stood with her cradled close. Her head was against my chest and her arm was slung around my neck, she was resting, but I could still see the pain on her face, her brows were furrowed and eyes were shut tight.
"Reed?" I heard mom call quietly from the doorway to my room. I was looking down at Gillian's angelic face and saw her eyes fly open in surprise.
Gillian's body tightened and I could see the confusion crossing over her features. I looked up as I walked into the bedroom and saw my mom's concerned face as she looked at Gillian for the first time.
"Hey mama, will you get me some crackers or something?" I asked, then looked down at Gillian, "Is there anything that sounds good?"
"No." Her eyes had widened even further when I addressed my mother, and I realized that she probably wouldn't be thrilled with me for orchestrating this first meeting when she was at less than her best.
My mom walked out of the room, presumably to get something for Gilli to eat, and I settled her back onto the bed. Pulling back the covers, I carefully slid her onto the white cotton sheets and watched as she repositioned herself so that her eyes were once again covered by the pillow. I stroked her hair and sat carefully on the bed next to her.
"Your mom is here?" She asked quietly, her words muffled slightly by the pillows.
"Yeah, she dropped off some food and stuff for your headache."
"That was nice," she replied and for a second, I was almost glad that she wasn't physically able to kick my ass right then.
"How are you feeling?"
Instead of answering, she groaned and rolled deeper into the pillow. She pulled her knees up to her chest and seemed to relax again. I noticed that her hand was under the pillow too, which was moving. I wondered what in the hell she was doing, but before I could find out, my mom walked into the room, a tray that I didn't even know I had in her hand laden down with so much stuff I had no idea what it all was.
"Okay, sweetie. Here we go. Let's see if I can't help you. Reed, turn the blinds so they're angled toward the ceiling and close the drapes the rest of the way." Mom instructed me in her soft but no-nonsense tone. After I did what I was told, I looked back at the bed and watched. Mom had somehow gotten Gillian out from under the pillow, was placing an ice pack under her neck at the base of her skull, then placed a damp cloth that she had put some kind of oil or something on from a dropper. The room filled with the scent of peppermint. After Gillian seemed to settle with the cloth covering her forehead and eyes, mom moved the covers and removed Gillian's socks. With another oil of some kind, she started to rub rhythmically into specific areas on her feet.
Walking back to the bed, I asked her if there was anything I could do, being sure to keep my voice as soft as possible.
"Yes, honey, go let Blazer back in. He's out back and isn't happy with me for taking him away from Gilli
an."
I chuckled to myself for just a moment and went to let in my dog. The moment the door was open, he pushed inside and darted back to the bedroom. I watched him, completely shocked by his uncharacteristic behavior. Usually, Blazer waited until I told him to come inside before he entered the house. He was a rambunctious dog to be sure, but his behavior with Gillian since I'd brought her home was completely new.
"It's okay boy, we'll get her better," I heard mom cooing to my dog, who had plastered himself to Gillian's side again. Gilli's hand was resting on top of Blazer's head, he appeared to be trying to ease her pain. I knew that animals could sense distress, and would provide emotional support but I hadn't ever seen it quite so blatantly displayed like that.
I stood like an idiot, just inside the doorway and watched. Gillian laid on my bed absolutely still, while my mom attended to her. It seemed that she really knew what she was doing. As I looked on, the sleeve of my mom's shirt rode up and I noticed that she was thinner than I remembered. It didn't seem like she noticed her blouse's slip, and then I saw them - bruises.
"Mama?" I whispered, fear making my deep voice thready. What the fuck was going on? Was someone hurting her? She wasn't seeing anyone that I knew of, was she keeping a relationship with some asshole abuser from me?
"Shhh," she scolded and cut her eyes to me. My eyes were fixed on her forearm, she turned her head to see what I was looking at. Quickly, she pushed her sleeve back down and covered the disturbing bruises. When we made eye contact, she rolled her eyes at me and shook her head slightly. Did she know what I was thinking? There was one thing I did know, after we got Gillian better, mama and I would be talking about those bruises.
"Just one more sip," Gillian requested a while later. I had watched mama move from massaging her feet to rubbing her temples and some specific spots on the top of her head. She moved methodically, and even instructed me to replace the damp cloth every ten minutes. She alternated between sprinkling it with lavender oil and the next with peppermint. I was told to get more ice packs or the heating pad every fifteen minutes and was even sent out of the room while mom turned Gillian over and rubbed her back. I saw her pushing up Gillian's shirt and almost chuckled at the thought that mama was preserving Gillian's modesty from me. I had seen and tasted almost every inch of that woman's body, but of course that wasn't something I would be sharing with my mother.
I hadn't heard the women exchange more than a few words, but I hoped that in some way that they were bonding. It was good to see mama caring for my Gillian, even if I felt useless. I wished that I could have done all those things for Gilli, and wondered how my mom learned what to do for headaches like that. The one thing I noticed, was the lack of random pills or heavy pain killers. I had offered to call Gilli's doctor to get some medicine, but mama assured me that the old ways were better. Gilli agreed with my mom, promising that if the pain didn't improve by the morning, she would take some migraine medicine. Apparently, it knocked her out for about eight hours and she felt horrible for a day or so after taking it. Since she lived alone, she didn't take it often. She worried that she was so out of it, that she wouldn't hear if someone broke into her house. The concept seemed reasonable to me, but I hated the idea of her being in pain that long.
"Did you have an aura?" Mama asked Gillian a while later. I had taken a seat on the opposite side of the bed. I was stroking Gillian's hair and generally just trying to be there as a support for her.
"No, no aura. I think it was stress and probably the weather change," Gilli answered, her voice still quiet but the sound of pain that had been so prevalent before was gone.
"Ah, yes. The weather used to do me in too, and hormones of course."
Hormones? My God, was my mother going to start talking about woman stuff? Sure, I knew about it, had even bought tampons a couple of times for a girlfriend, but it wasn't something I felt comfortable having a conversation about.
Gillian laughed, though quietly, she actually laughed. "I get that sometimes too, but mostly when I was younger."
"It was bad for me when I was pregnant, those were the worst," mama shared, conversationally. Yes, they were talking about it. I shifted on the bed, uncomfortable with the conversation. Gillian's eyes opened and she looked at me. Her cheeks pinked and she looked away.
Not wanting her to feel embarrassed, I leaned down and kissed her forehead. Pulling up, just inches from her, I looked deep into her beautiful eyes and watched as her eyes smiled. Her lips didn't move, but I could see the light coming back to her expressive eyes.
Mom eventually left Gillian to rest. She had fallen asleep about thirty minutes before, and after I sat with Gilli a little while longer, I went into the kitchen to join my mom.
"She's lovely, son," mama exclaimed when I walked into the room.
I didn't answer verbally, but nodded. Gillian was lovely, but I wasn't sure what I should say to mom about her. "What are you making?" I asked, watching her bustle around the kitchen.
"I'm just heating the soup and toasting the bread. Hopefully it will be soothing to her stomach. She needs some sustenance."
"No dairy in anything, right?"
"Of course not, I picked up some vegan margarine at the store too. I didn't have any at home."
The kitchen had come alive with the scent of bubbling chicken soup and fresh bread. Blazer finally came in to join us, while Gillian slept. Taking the opportunity, I fed him and let him out again. Mom had been right earlier in the day, he was reluctant to go out and be away from Gilli. I understood, I felt the same way. I didn't want to be too far away from her just in case she needed me.
My mom and I stood in the kitchen for several minutes. She worked quietly, making food and cleaning up as she went along, I emptied the dishwasher and filled it, then got down bowls and plates for the food. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, mom and I had worked side by side in the kitchen hundreds of times over the years, but there was something different today. An underlying question hung in the air, one I didn't yet know the answer to.
"It seems to me," mama started, then paused, apparently forming her next statement carefully. "It seems to me that you are rather serious about Gillian."
"I am," I confirmed, but didn't elaborate. Honestly, I didn't know what to say to her.
"You've mentioned her to me before, a while back. Is there a reason that you only started dating a few weeks ago?" That question took me by surprise. I didn't answer right away, doing my best to come up with an answer that would make sense.
"Yes and no. I talked to her, but couldn't get a read on her. I was unsure of her interest in me."
"Reed, I think there's more to it. Were you dating someone else?"
"No, but my job - it takes a lot from me and it's a lot to ask of someone else. To expect her to put up with the last minute schedule changes, the late nights and days away, it's hard to know if she would be willing to accept all that."
"She isn't Sandy; I can already see that Gillian is not a selfish young girl. She's strong and loyal. Gillian isn't immature and heartless." My eyes bugged out as I whipped my head around to look at her, I hadn't ever heard her talk so bluntly about Sandy, or anyone. My mother was one to keep her opinions to herself. She didn't offer up advice unless it was asked for, and even then she did it carefully, gently.
"I know she isn't, but other women - there have been others I've dated who didn't want that kind of life. You know the dangers I face, mom, but it's who I am. I'd say that I would change my job and do something with less risk, but it just isn't me."
"You're right, it isn't you. You need to make a difference, to do good things, and you do. There is no good that comes from you trusting your heart to a young girl who doesn't know her own mind yet and then when things go wrong, you shut out every other good woman because there is a chance she might do the same. That isn't fair son, it isn't fair to you or to her."
Damn, mama wasn't beating around the bush. Was she right? Was I keeping Gillian at arms length because of the pain Sandy had
caused? Maybe, maybe I was, or I had been. I didn't think I was doing that anymore.
"I can see that, but I'm not doing that now."
"Good, because just the little bit I saw today gives me hope. You weren't made to be alone. Some people can do that, but you aren't one of them."
"Mama, are you seeing someone?" My voice was hesitant. I was afraid of the answer, because if someone had laid a hand on my mother, I was going to kick the living shit out of him, even if he was old.
It was mom's turn to look at me with widened eyes. "No, of course not. Why would you ask that?"
"How did you get the bruises on your arm?" I just went for it. I wasn't holding back, I wanted a straight answer and I was damn well going to get it.
Taking a deep breath, she looked down, adjusted the cuff of her sleeve and met my eyes once more. "No one is hurting me, Reed."
"Okay, then why is your forearm bruised like that?"
"It's from an IV. I'm anemic and had an iron infusion a couple of days ago."
Ice ran through my veins. Worry engulfed me and I had to know what was going on. "What is it, mama?" I asked quietly, so quietly I wasn't sure if she heard me.
"I don't know. I've been struggling with my iron levels for a while, so my doctor sent me to a specialist. He's running some tests."
"What kind of tests?"
"A lot of them, trying to figure out what's going on, that's all."
"Are you okay?" I felt stupid asking her that, obviously she wasn't okay. If she had to go in and have iron pumped into her body through an IV, she wasn't okay.
"Yes, son, I'll be fine. Don't worry, okay?"
"I can't promise that, mama. I love you, you know."
"I love you too, Reed. I love you too."
A while later, I went back in to check on Gillian. She was curled up with Blazer, one of her arms draped across him. In that moment, I wondered why she didn't have any pets. She obviously loved my dog and it was clear to see that he loved her. I couldn't blame him for that. I was pretty sure I was falling in love with her myself.
