by Anna Scott
"Thank you," I said as Reed pulled up in front of my cafe. I opened the door and turned to slide down when I heard the quiet rumble of Reed's deep voice.
"Gilli, about earlier," he began, but after a few seconds, didn't continue. I glanced up at him and could see the turmoil on his face. I knew that whatever had caused that scar hurt him far deeper than whatever showed on his skin.
Shaking my head, I tried to reassure him, "No, it's fine. I shouldn't have done that, but I need to get inside, thanks for the ride, for yesterday - everything." I turned away, but not before I saw the look of frustration cross his face. Instead of dwelling on it, or giving him even a second longer, I jumped down and closed the door.
Just before the metal slammed, I heard him rush out, "Let's..., dinner, we need to..." the rest of his words were cut off as the door created the physical barrier between us. I was grateful for that door, because I sure as hell needed that barrier. He'd been distant the entire ride, short though it was. He might have been focused on whatever he had to get into work to do, or he might have just been done with me. That notion cut deep, but I did my best to press it down and put on my happy face.
The rest of the afternoon was slam packed for me. I had dropped my purse and phone safely inside, into my desk drawer and got to work. Thankfully, the network issue didn't take long to resolve, but after finishing out the remainder of the workday, I still had plenty to do. By the time I made it home, it was well after eight. I'd spent the remainder of the afternoon and into the evening preparing the cafe for the following morning's opening, working on the bookkeeping tasks and sending over the month end reports to the accountant. It was also time for payroll to be completed, so I spent some time on that as well. The entire time, I diligently ignored my cell phone, not wanting to know if anyone had called me. With the cafe closed, I had the phone routed immediately to voicemail so I hadn't been interrupted in hours.
At home, I dove straight in to the school work I needed to complete and again, worked hard to pretend I didn't even own a phone. My house phone rang around nine-thirty but since I had been in the middle of a Women's History paper, I ignored it. My eyes began to blur and feel heavy just after ten, so I went through my routine and fell into bed. Even with the morning of relaxation, the remnants of the migraine from the day before were clinging on. My stomach had mostly settled, thankfully, but I wasn't totally out of the woods yet. I needed a good couple of days to get back to normal, but with the early morning alarm looming closer and closer, I knew I wouldn't get that time to recuperate.
***
"Gillian, your mother is on the phone," Kara called from the front counter. I was in the back working on a new recipe and elbow deep in a new gluten free flour blend I was testing.
"Ask if I can call her back," I shouted back. One thing I knew, if I didn't time it right, the yeast wouldn't grow the way I wanted it to and I didn't have my Bluetooth headset on. My cell phone was still hiding in the bottom of my purse, where I had dropped it the afternoon before. It was silly, I knew, but I was trying to give myself some space from Reed. I wasn't sure if he had called and I didn't really want to know. I knew he hadn't done anything wrong, even the reaction he had the day before wasn't bad, it was just that I had let my guard down too much and wanted to give myself a couple of days to consider why I was behaving the way I was with him. I wasn't an immature person and I had no intentions of turning into one now, I would just take the time I needed to consider things and come up with a logical plan.
Reed had been nothing but sweet and gentle with me since we'd met, it had taken him a long time though to actually ask me out, and I wondered if there was a reason. Maybe he had a girlfriend back then, he didn't seem like the playboy type though and I distinctly remembered him flirting with me pretty shortly after our first encounter.
I didn't understand why I had immediately stepped on the brakes the day before, after Reed's reaction, why did I run like a scared little virgin? Maybe because that was exactly what I was. I had to keep reminding myself that I didn't know all of Reed's secrets and he didn't know all of mine. There might come a time in life where we would share those intimacies, but we weren't there yet.
Why on earth was I so stuck on the way he growled and basically acted like an injured animal when I touched his scar? I knew that it wasn't recent, so the likelihood of the pain still being physical was slim, but the emotional pain was clear to see. I would give myself one more day of hiding out, then I would buck up and at least look at my phone. Tomorrow morning when I woke up, just after coffee, I would look and see if he had called or texted. I did have to accept that he may not have reached out to me at all. He knew where I was, where I lived and worked, so if he had wanted to talk to me, even without my phone being answered, he could have.
It was on that thought, that I pressed on, and focused on creating the best food I knew how to make. If I had nothing else in life, at least I had the cafe. Maybe it wasn't my dream, but it was at least mine.
When I got home later that night, day two of evading, I finally checked my phone. There was one text from Reed. One. Why did that hurt so much? I hadn't called him, hadn't texted him, so why did the fact that he hadn't reached out more than once bother me? Opening the text screen, I read the message.
Reed:Hey Gilli, case is jumping off. I'll be out again for a couple of days. Call when I get back.
Well now, I just felt like a jerk. I knew that he was observant enough to see me freeze up the day before, then I basically ran away from him like a coward. I could admit that his response was over the top, but I didn't know his demons, not yet. Why was I acting all butt hurt because he hadn't yet shared every secret of his life with me? I was a moron. I was skittish, after the way my brother had treated me all my life and the few ridiculous boys I had dated when I was younger. I hadn't been through half of what he probably had. Just the knowledge of his deployment was enough to tell me he had seen more in his life than I had.
I decided to text him back, I wasn't sure if he would even see it, but wanted him to know I at least acknowledged him when he had time, he didn't need to be worrying about me and where my head was in the midst of work stuff. Would he? I wasn't sure, but just in case.
Gillian:Be safe.
Okay, it was a lame response, but it was something. At least I wasn't hiding anymore. Since I had my phone in my hand, I finally remembered that I needed to phone my mother. Thankfully that conversation didn't take too long and wasn't overly painful, she only reminded me once about how much of a screw up I was.
Lying in bed much later that night, I thought again about my reaction to Reed. In that moment, I promised myself that I wouldn't hide from him again. He was probably the best man I'd ever met in my life and I didn't want to screw that up. I didn't have any way of knowing what would happen between us in the future, but what I did know was if I hid from it, I would come to regret it and possibly for a long time. I knew from watching my father, that even when life took turns they never expected, my parents would cling to one another and not push each other away.
My parents were a good example for me of what a healthy relationship looked like. Even after over thirty years of marriage, they were deeply in love with each other. My father still opened doors for my mom, he kissed her sweetly and held her hand all the time. My mother bent over backwards to make his life even the slightest bit easier, she helped him in any way she could and reveled in each and every touch he gave. Never once in my life had I seen her shy away from him, or hide from him. When they argued, they weren't cruel or mean, saying horrible things that couldn't be taken back. They each spoke their mind and gave the other the respect of listening fully to the alternate point of view. Mom told me once that when you truly love someone, you hope for their happiness even more than your own and if it works the way it should, they'll be doing the same thing. She was apathetic with me, but she doted on my brother, why she treated me differently, I didn't understand and accepted that I never would.
Maybe Reed and I would find a love like
that someday and maybe we wouldn't but the one thing I knew was that I respected him immensely. I trusted him and knew that he wouldn't ever do anything to hurt me on purpose. I realized that I had been extremely juvenile in my flight from his home the previous day, I had been selfish. I didn't want to be that kind of person anymore.
"Reed?" I asked when my phone rang about fifteen minutes later. I must have sounded groggy, because I'd almost been asleep.
"Yeah, baby. Were you sleeping?"
"No, not quite."
"Can I come over?"
"Sure, you okay?" I asked, wondering why he was coming over after ten at night. Instead of asking that, I rolled out of bed and walked to the front door. When I peeked out the window, I saw Reed standing on the sidewalk in front of my house.
"I am now," he replied, catching my eye through the window and disconnected the call.
Without another thought, I opened the door and before I knew it, I was wrapped in Reed's strong arms, in my pajamas on the front porch of my house. I didn't care what the neighbors would think, or who would be the first to call my parents and tell them about my cavorting with men in the middle of the night. I didn't care about anything but being in Reed's arms once again.
He had my feet dangling off the ground, and I realized belatedly that we were moving. He had moved us inside, and was turning to close the door, when my lips disengaged from his. I stared up into his sparkling eyes, a questioning expression on my face. If I were honest, I probably looked relieved too.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, unable to stop myself. It didn't matter, I wanted him to be there, to be with me, but I didn't understand his sudden appearance when he was supposed to be working.
"I couldn't spend another night like last night, Gilli. I just couldn't be without you again."
My heart swelled with some unknown emotion, one I was pretty sure was love. I had no response, so to show my gratitude, but I wanted to give him something, so I kissed him.
Reed moved us through the house and within seconds, I was on my back in my bed, with Reed Allen coming down over me. Somehow, in the three seconds we were separated, he had toed off his boots and pulled his shirt over his head. I watched the muscles move across his chest and shoulders as he moved, until I couldn't see anything because he was kissing me again.
We stayed like that for an eon, kissing and petting, hugging and groping. I reveled in the feel of his taught warm skin and the sensation of his lips sliding over my skin. Somehow, my top was gone and Reed's mouth was clamped onto my needy breast. Holding his head in place, I tilted my hips, remembering just how amazing Reed's bulging jeans felt against my center. He pressed into me as I pressed up onto him and I moaned loudly, from the rhythmic movements of his mouth or his hips, I wasn't sure. I was awash in sensation and didn't ever want to surface again.
Reed's mouth moved from one breast to the other, to my neck and my mouth again. I caressed the strength I could feel in his shoulders and biceps, being careful not to let my hands wander down too far, I didn't want things to get derailed again if I lingered too long on his scar.
"Touch me baby, don't hold back," he whispered into my ear.
"Reed, I -" I started but hesitated, not sure what to say.
"No, Gilli, I screwed up. Don't hold back baby. I love your touch; I need to feel your hands on me. Please, baby, I'll tell you everything I can later, but right now I need you."
Shaking my head, I started to protest, but he didn't give me the chance. Reed fused his mouth to mine again and again, as my hands traveled freely over every part of his body I could reach. When my fingertips reached the waistband of his jeans, I tried to slip the button loose so I could feel his firm butt, when I tried a few times and couldn't get it, I huffed and pulled my mouth from his.
"Take these off," I demanded, just before my lips found his neck.
"You sure?"
"I'm sure honey, take them off." I knew if his pants came off, that it was one less layer of protection between us, and I didn't care. I knew that Reed was a great man, one I cared a great deal for. I wasn't sure yet if I loved him, but I was pretty sure that if I wasn't already that I soon would be. Another thing I knew for sure, was that no one would be as gentle with me as he would be.
"Wow," I sighed as I caught my first sight of Reed's nearly naked body. He stood at the side of the bed in nothing but a pair of dark blue boxer briefs that hugged his enormous frame beautifully. My eyes feasted on the delicious buffet of flesh before me, but when I caught sight of the enormous manhood, barely contained behind the strained cotton, I was transfixed.
"Gilli?" Reed asked, apparently noticing that I was staring blatantly at one particular part of his anatomy.
"Huh? Um - oh, yeah, sorry," I blinked and tried to move my focus from his shorts to his eyes. I glanced up at his face, then down, up and down, then up. I really tried to hold my eyes there, but I didn't succeed, I couldn't keep my eyes or my mind off of what he looked like out of those skin tight shorts.
"Gillian," he called again and I really made an effort to lock onto his eyes for longer. I failed.
"Baby, why are you staring at my cock? You're making me feel self-conscious."
My brows scrunched when my brain registered what he had just said. "You? Seriously, you are not self-conscious. Look at that thing!" I exclaimed without thinking.
"Damn, baby, you're going to give me a big...ego." He was teasing me, right? I was pretty sure he was, though honestly, I wasn't really listening to anything he was saying.
"Yeah, I don't think you have anything to worry about."
"You think?"
"Can you stop talking to me? I'm busy."
"Busy doing what, exactly?"
"Wondering," I replied dreamily. I had stopped trying to move my eyes back to his. I hadn't ever seen one, not a grown man's cock and I couldn't stop myself from imagining it. "What does it feel like?" I asked, beginning to move slowly to the side of the bed. Normally, I would have been concerned about my own nudity, save the tiny pair of lace panties I was wearing, but right then, I didn't even care.
"What does my cock feel like?"
"Mmmhm," I practically moaned, my heart was racing so fast I was almost breathless, as I moved closer, my arm reaching out.
"Right now, hard and desperate."
"Can I?" I sort of asked, as one finger extended and traced the outline of his sizeable package.
"Jesus, yes," he coughed out, his abs contracting with my touch.
I found myself sitting on the edge of the bed, my fingers exploring the hot, hard feel of him through his extremely soft briefs and the other hand snuck around and gripped his firm ass. Without realizing it, I was pulling him closer to me, I wanted to see him, to touch all of him.
Trailing my hands up to the waistband of his boxers, my eyes met his and he nodded in answer to my unasked question. Very carefully I slid the elastic band down, carefully pulling it away from him, so I didn't catch it on anything. As soon as the shorts cleared, it sprang forward and smacked me in the cheek. My eyes were so wide with shock that I wasn't even sure what to do. I just sat there for a second with Reed's penis on my face.
"Shit, baby, sorry," Reed rushed out laughter in his voice. He started to back away, but before he was successful, I pulled him to me again and I couldn't help but laugh too.
"Oh my stars, I'm going to get a bruise on my cheek and people are going to ask what it's from," I giggled uncontrollably.
"If anyone asks, baby, you tell them that I wacked you by accident with a really big stick," Reed told me, his laughter getting louder. It was funny, the entire thing, but the best part of it from my perspective was that I was looking at a man's cock for the first time in my life and instead of being afraid or nervous, we were both laughing. "Your cheek might have given me an ouchie, you know," he suggested, and when I peered up at him, I could see that he was smirking.
"Awe, we can't have that now, what should I do to make it better," I asked, trying to be seductive but failin
g, because I couldn't stop laughing.
Instead of waiting for his response, I leaned in and kissed the tip of him. The muscles of Reed's stomach clenched and I wondered if I could make them do that again, so I tried, but this time I used my tongue. It was strange at first, being that I'd never done anything like that before, but I tried to recall what I had read about that particular act in the copious amount of romance novels I had. I knew that when Reed had his mouth on me, it felt amazing, the best thing I had ever felt in my life and I wanted to give him that same pleasure.
He was big, like really big, so I did my best with my limited knowledge and opened my mouth to pull him inside. Reed's low grunt caught my attention and I looked up from his dick to his eyes. He was staring down at me with an expression so full of lust and hunger, I was practically scorched with the heat of it. My insides liquefied and that feeling in my belly that I was becoming used to, sizzled with my own warmth and desire.
With my lips wrapped securely around my teeth, I struggled to get him in farther than a few inches without choking.
"Use your, damn baby, use your hand too."
I'd been cupping his fine ass with both hands, so I lazily slid one around to the front, pulled my mouth off completely and wrapped my fingers around him. I watched his thick girth, only partially covered by my slender fingers and I pumped up and down for several strokes and couldn't get over the way he looked, huge and hard, my hand appeared tiny and almost frail.
On a downward glide, I leaned forward and licked all around the head and noticed that when my tongue pressed against the underside he shuddered and thrust forward. As I pulled him into my wet and willing mouth again and again, every time I slid him out, I pressed my tongue to that special spot. It wasn't long before I heard Reed's breathing change, it was stuttered and then slow, a fast pant followed by a moan of ecstasy. His hand cupped the side of my face and I looked up at him again, the lust and longing were still there in his eyes, but I saw something else too, something deeper, maybe even loving.
Reed's entire body tightened when I pressed against him hard with my tongue and tightened my suction at the same time. After several long and drawn out pulls, he stepped back abruptly, and I watched as his cock sprang free and smacked his abdomen. I looked sharply up at him, hoping that I hadn't done anything wrong. Maybe I'd been too rough or something.
