by Anna Scott
"There's my girl," my mom smiled and held her arms out to take Kelly from me. She looked good. She had more color in her face since the last time I'd seen her and didn't seem nearly as tired, though it was still early in the day. Once I transferred Kelly over to her, I took Blazer's leash from her wrist and guided everyone inside.
Blazer's entire body moved with the force of his wagging tail, but the terse "Stay," command I gave him seemed to do enough to keep him in place. He was looking up to Kelly and over to Gillian, back and forth, waiting to see who would pet him first. Instead, I knelt down and gave him a good scratch. "Good boy, good stay Blazer."
Gillian made it to our little group, gave my mom an awkward hug since Kelly was still in her arms, then leaned down to greet my dog. She didn't look at me, but gave all her attention to the newcomers.
That action irritated me more. It was unlike her to pull away from me, to ignore me. Since we became an us, she hadn't done that except that one afternoon where she fled from my bed and proceeded to ignore me for the next couple of days. I still didn't know what had caused her freak out, what I did know was that it wasn't the call she received shortly after escaping to the bathroom from one of her employees. She was freaked before the call came in, and I had let it go, but maybe I should have checked her emotions sooner. I was pretty sure that when I came back to her after that little time apart and we made love for the first time, things were good - which they were. Now though, I wasn't going to have it. I didn't give two shits if she was pissed at me. We weren't going to let some stupid assed argument come between us. It had only been a few weeks, but we were solid, we were creating something real and we sure as fuck weren't going to stop now. Shit could fester, get blown out of proportions and I knew that too. Maybe I'd been a dick before, I didn't yell, but she knew I was pissed. If I was honest, I was more worried about the situation and the girls' safety than anything else. Shit, maybe I did need to fucking apologize.
When Gilli righted herself, I took a side step so I was right next to her and pulled her into my side. I leaned down and kissed her cheek. When she shot a stunned look up at me, I gave her a smile and watched as she fought her lips tipping up. Putting my lips to her ear, I whispered, "I'm sorry for being an ass, precious." Gillian's entire body relaxed into me. She slid her arm around my back and gave me a quick squeeze, accepting. She was just her, she wasn't game playing and manipulation, Gillian was honest with her emotions, honest with her intentions, she was just honest, and truth be told, I loved that.
Still holding my girl, I took Kelly back from my mom, holding her high with the same arm I had the leash dangling. Kelly's little girl squeals and squeaks of excitement, trying to get her hands on Blazer told me we only had seconds to introduce the two correctly. Blazer was beside himself with anticipation and I knew his training was fighting hard his instinct to jump and play. Gillian, Kelly and I took a seat on the couch, mama in the armchair across from us and I caught the look of satisfaction on my mom's face as she looked at us all. Pajama clad, sleep mussed, all of us still rumpled from the night, it didn't matter, I knew that mama liked what she saw. Even though it had only been weeks, I was pretty sure if I didn't get a ring on Gillian's finger soon, I'd start to hear about it from my mother.
"Kelly, let me introduce you to Blazer. Blazer, this is Kelly."
"Hi, boy!" I had to force down the chuckle at her enthusiasm.
his name.
As Kelly held her little hand out, Blazer licked her fingers. Before she could clamp onto his fur though, I took her hand and showed her how to present herself to the dog to be sniffed, and then once the dog was comfortable, how to pet him and the areas to avoid. Though I was sure Blazer wouldn't freak if she stroked his fur too roughly or messed with his feet or food, I thought those were good lessons for Kelly to have.
"Get down," Kelly demanded, reaching out the best she could for the dog. I took her stuffed animal from her arm, handed it to Gilli and moved to the floor to continue the supervised first visit. After about three minutes, I realized that I had just been replaced as Blazer's best friend.
It was hours later, the security system and cameras were in place and working exactly how I wanted. Everyone was dressed, Blazer was in the fenced back yard at Gillian's house and my mom had gone home. We were walking through The Village Shopping Center in Allen.
It was an upscale mall with all the shops we needed to hit. I wasn't a shopper, not even close, but sometimes a guy has to sacrifice to provide for the women in his life. Kelly's stroller was filled with bags from Dillard's and Macy's and some little kid store that Kelly pointed to as we walked passed. The shop owner was smart, there was an adorable pink frilly dress in the window along with a bunch of other fancy crap that I thought was unnecessary, but who could say no to a pink loving two-year-old? I had bought her a bunch of stuff in Shreveport, but I knew even then that it wasn't nearly enough, and it wasn't. She needed more clothes, furniture for her room, bedding, room decorations, toys, books, and I was pretty sure there was a new BMW stuffed in there somewhere.
Thankfully, we hit the kids' furniture store first, ordered what Gillian liked and were having it delivered the following day. The first argument came as we stood at the checkout counter and before Gillian could get her wallet from the diaper bag at the bottom of the stroller, I pulled out my card and had it swiped. I was actually signing the receipt when she straightened up and watched me. When I glanced at her face, she looked at me in horror. Completely taken aback by her reaction, I looked at her in question, looked around assuming she must have seen something or someone that upset her, but no, she was looking at me.
"Can you please void that transaction?" She said to the salesperson behind the counter.
"Ma'am?" The mid-twenties man asked obviously confused.
"Stop, Gillian," I ordered, probably more abruptly than I should have. The woman did have pride after all and she wasn't one to let someone else take care of her.
"Reed, you can't pay for all this stuff," she hissed quietly, attempting to keep anyone from overhearing, but when the young guy lifted his brows, as if he was worried for my safety, I knew she failed.
"I've got this, precious, don't worry about it." The furniture cost a fortune. She picked a cute whitewashed set that was made to look distressed. The drawer pulls and every detail was cute, perfect for a little girl, and the best thing about it was that the crib converted to a toddler bed and then a full size bed as the child aged. Since Kelly was already two, about to turn three, we both knew that she would outgrow the crib sooner than later, and we didn't want to waste money on one that we would only use for a few months. I checked the construction of the display pieces and was satisfied that they were actual wood and put together well. I didn't want shit that was going to fall apart in five years.
I accepted the sales slip and wrapped my arm around Gillian, hoping to get her to the truck before we had the conversation that may well turn into an argument, I could see the frustration brewing in her hazel eyes, the gold flecks sparking with her annoyance. I didn't want to cause a scene and I knew that Gilli wouldn't want that either. She was a private person, quiet and reserved, not someone to talk loudly in public or to do anything that would attract negative attention. If we had an argument in the middle of a children's furniture store, she would be mortified later.
Thankfully, I succeeded in getting her and Kelly settled in the privacy of the truck before we continued. With Kelly in the back though we were mindful of our words, our tone and our volume.
"Reed, I don't know what you think, but I can afford these things. I'm not rolling in it, but I can support myself." She had slid closer to me and was looking pleadingly up into my eyes. She looked upset, but there was something more to it.
"I have no doubt that you can baby, but I want to do things for you. I want to take care of you, to take care of my girls."
Her face softened just a little, but I could still see the concern furrowing her brows. "Don't pity me, I can't stand pity."
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"What?" I asked a little too loudly. I jerked back and looked at her. I didn't know what showed on my face, but pity was never in my mind. "That never even crossed my mind. I don't pity you, why the hell would I? You're my girl, I'm helping you with Kelly the best way I know how, and if things keep going the way they are, that isn't going to stop."
"But it's too much - it's too expensive."
"It isn't too much; it isn't nearly enough."
"You already bought all the stuff last week, I - I didn't even - you wouldn't let me pay you back."
"What's this about, precious?"
I watched her closely, she blinked, bit her lip and looked out the front window. She stayed quiet for several seconds, the silence stretched so long that I worried what she was about to say. Was I too pushy? Was I rushing her too much?
"I'm afraid," she whispered as I noticed the tear roll down her cheek. My heart clenched both from her words and the sight of that damned tear. Reaching out, I swiped it away and leaned in closer.
"Precious," I whispered, pulling her tight into me. She burrowed close, grabbed a fistful of my tee and I felt her body wrack with silent sobs. I knew that she was working hard to stay quiet for Kelly's sake. That sweet little angel was sitting just a couple of feet away in the back seat and if she was paying attention, she would notice what was going on. "Can you tell me what you're afraid of, or do you want to wait until we get home?"
She shook her head against me, and sniffed. "No, I'm okay. It's just so much, you're doing so much and I don't want you to get sick of me and all this..."
"Shhh, no baby, no. Quiet now. I'm not doing any more than I absolutely want to do, okay? I promise, when we get some alone time later, we'll talk this out, okay?"
Thankfully, Gillian nodded her agreement or understanding or whatever. She stayed in my arms a few more minutes before pulling herself together. I heard her take in a deep breath, she lifted her hand and wiped under her eyes and straightened up. She was going to be okay - I was going to make damn sure of it.
Right then, I was distracted watching my girl, laughing at something Kelly had just said, her head thrown back and the memories of the earlier argument washed away. I was so distracted that I hadn't noticed the woman standing feet in front of us staring at me, holding Kelly in one arm and pushing a stroller full of little girl bags with the other. I was focused on Gillian.
"Reed," a voice from my past whispered as I passed right by her without seeing. I stopped abruptly at the all too familiar voice and turned my head to look into the sad and questioning eyes of the woman I once thought I loved. Looking at her again, I knew that I never had, not really. I was only a boy when I loved Sandy, it was a young and immature love, that could have grown into something more if we had stayed together, but it didn't.
"Sandy," I replied, total shock at seeing her making my voice deeper than normal. Gillian had stopped beside me and I felt her arm move to my back. I didn't look down at her, as I usually would, I couldn't tear my eyes off the woman in front of me. She was changed, there was nothing there to make my heart skip, nothing there that drew me to her, she was only a long ago memory from a time in my life I would have rather forgotten. I was searching her face, looking for whatever it was that had drawn me to her all those years ago. I looked into the eyes that had broken my heart, to the woman who had so callously discarded me and fear jolted me, scared to death that just as Sandy had, that Gillian would get fed up and leave me to.
"Um, I - uh, well, hi. How are you?"
"Great, you?" The stilted words shared were odd, it was uncomfortable talking to her, and if it weren't completely rude, I would have walked away with my girls and not looked back.
"Yeah, I'm good. I, well, I just moved home. I was going to, I mean, I um. I was going to give you a call." She was nervous and I was numb, what the hell was she nervous about? She fluttered her hand in front of her face, her left hand and I noticed that it was bare. For a moment, I wondered if she had gotten a divorce, then I realized that as much as it made me an asshole, I didn't really give a shit.
"Well, good luck with that. I'm gonna get my girls some dinner," I told her, starting to walk away.
"Reed, are you, is this," she didn't have a chance to finish her sentence, because I walked the fuck away from the biggest mistake in my past. It wasn't only that I had put my trust, my fucking stakes in that selfish cold hearted woman, it was that I let that mistake color the choices I had made over the past year.
All the shit with Gillian, fucking tip toeing around her wasting time. Yeah, I dated, and had a few one night stands, but none of them, not fucking one was anyone I had any interest in going the distance with. If I hadn't been so fucked up over the mistakes I made with Sandy and all the shit swirling in my head, I would have made my move on her then and we would have been a fuck of a lot more solid than we were now. Fucking Sandy, just looking at her, I had to wonder what the fuck I ever saw in her. Sure, she was pretty, but she was fake. I could see it in her face, the conniving glint in her eyes was clear now, something I missed way back then. Fucking childish mistakes. Sandy didn't have what it took to go the distance, not with a soldier and sure as hell not with an ATF agent. Not once had Gillian bitched about having to change plans last minute or me rolling out of her bed in the middle of the night because I was getting called in. She rolled with it, she got out of the fucking bed and made me coffee. Fucking Sandy.
I knew my mood was black as we sat through a subdued dinner. I was still pissed, at myself, at Sandy, at my fucking youthful indulgences, thinking that just because that bitch gave me her pussy, and I got my first taste of sweet that I was in love with her. Now that I knew the feel of true sweet, of innocent sweet, I was pretty fucking sure that I hadn't been Sandy's first. Fucking lying bitch hooked me, fucking lied to me and I damn well knew it. Why she played that game, I didn't know, but she sure as fuck did. Why she wanted my ring on her finger, why she accepted my marriage proposal when it was offered, I fucking did not understand, but that bitch was back for a fucking reason and she sure as fuck wasn't going to do shit to mess with Gillian. If I fucking found out that she stepped foot, fucking looked toward Gillian, anything I'd lose my shit and that selfish bitch would feel my wrath.
Gillian stayed pretty quiet, interacting with Kelly, but leaving me alone. It was probably best, I was in one pissed off mood and after that meltdown in the truck earlier in the day, after that fucking morning with the god damned phone calls, it was probably best we not have our talk tonight. I wasn't sure that Gillian could take me on with that shit hanging over my head.
"Reed, look," Kelly exclaimed punching me in the arm with her chubby little fist. I shook my head to clear it and put my focus back where it needed to be, on my girls. Sandy had fucked me up already and I sure as hell didn't need to let her in anymore than I had. Gillian was my reason to change, my reason to trust, my reason to believe in the future we could create together. I'm not perfect and damn straight, she could find someone better, someone with an easier job, someone who could be there with her every night, who wouldn't have to jump up at three am and go deal with the scum of the earth, but I'd be fucking nuts if I let her find that shit out. I was going to stop the fucking doubting and trust the strong woman before me. I'd give myself a day to get out of my fucking head, then Gillian and I were going to talk this shit out. What I felt for her already, as quickly as it had come on was a shit ton more than I had ever felt for Sandy.
I knew that I was too distant, that I was fucked, but after some time and a good night sleep, I'd make it up to her. I'd make her see that even though our lives together would never be normal, it would be good. We would make it work together.
Chapter 10
Gillian
A cold dread snaked down my spine as I looked at the stunning woman standing there outside of Dillard's and talking to Reed. He had gone stone still for several beats and I wondered who the heck this woman was. It didn't take a genius to figure out that they had been something to each other
once, but I didn't know what that was. Since I didn't really have any, and Reed never mentioned it, we hadn't ever had the exes talk. I was seeing just then that maybe we should have. I listened to them speak, it was stilted.
The woman, "Sandy," was obviously dismayed and as she eyed Kelly and me. She had definitely gotten the wrong impression, but no matter how catty I was for doing it, I slid my hand around Reed's back and made sure to keep my left hand out of her view. Since Reed didn't introduce us, and he didn't correct her obvious assumption, I wasn't going to give it away. I had no way of knowing how well they knew each other, or how long it had been since they had last spoken. This Sandy may know that Kelly wasn't Reed's daughter, she may even know that I wasn't his wife.
Reed seemed frozen in place. He stared at her and I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking about. Did he regret whatever had happened between them, did he miss her?
He finally unstuck his feet and moved us along, but the woman continued talking, trying to get his attention. When I squeezed him, he didn't react to my touch and we walked on in silence. No reaction - he made no reaction - at all. Never once in all the time I'd known him had he not reacted when I touched him. Even before we started dating, even if I brushed against him when I was walking by he reacted to me, now wrapping my arm around him, squeezing him, I got nothing? What on earth was that crap about.
The scene with the woman stayed with me through our dinner, where Kelly at chicken nuggets and fries, even though I tried to get her to eat the orange slices I ordered for her instead. She kept taking the perfectly crispy fries off Reed's plate and he was so lost in his own mind that he didn't notice either one of us until Kelly started punching him in the arm. Already, Kelly craved his attention, she trusted him and considering how I had seen her with other men, that was practically a miracle. He reengaged with her after that, but I purposely busied myself and avoided eye contact with him so I didn't know if he had remembered I was there or not. I felt petty and small, insignificant and unnecessary. When we walked to the truck, Reed held Kelly in his arms, but he didn't touch me, didn't hold my hand, he didn't even help me up into the truck like he usually did.
