Mucho Mojo

by Joe R. Lansdale

  “No shit?” I said.

  “No shit. Painted right there on the fucking wall. Had his hair slicked back and stuff. Had on a white jump suit and aviator glasses. It’s right here in the article. They got a picture.”

  “Yeah?” I said.

  “Yeah,” Charlie said. “They hunt around the tomb some more, they expect to find a mummy with the facial structure of Elvis.”

  “You’re certainly on top of things,” I said.

  “You’d be surprised the stuff I know,” Charlie said. “I keep up with current events. I’m real current. Most current is I had to get out of bed ’cause I heard about a fire tonight, and I heard it was you two assholes set it.”

  “We looked out our window and saw a fire,” Leonard said. “We went over to help pull the victims to safety. We’re goddamn heroes.”

  “That motherfucker’s lying!” Mohawk said.

  “Keep your seat, Melton,” Charlie said.

  “Don’t say anything else,” Florida said to Leonard. “You and Hap be quiet. You’ll do better being quiet.”

  “Ah hell,” Charlie said, “Hap and Leonard, they like to talk.”

  “That’s true,” Leonard said. “We can’t shut up.”

  Hanson opened the door and came in. He went over to the desk. “You mind I have my chair?” he said to Charlie.

  “Naw,” Charlie said, “it’s all right.”

  Charlie got up and went over to Mohawk. He said, “Get up, Melton.”

  Mohawk looked at Charlie. Charlie grinned. Mohawk got up and leaned against the wall. Charlie sat down and used his foot to move the ashtray and the ill-aimed cigarette butts aside. He scooted the chair forward and put his feet on the edge of the desk and rocked back so the chair was against the wall. He looked pretty precarious.

  Hanson sat behind his desk and studied me and Leonard. “First time I seen you guys, I liked you. I don’t like you so much now.”

  “That hurts,” Leonard said. “Shit, man, we like you.”

  “I been eating Rolaids like they’re candy,” Hanson said. “I almost lit my cigar again. And you guys know why? I’m tired of the bullshit. Arson, that’s a serious crime.”

  “So’s selling drugs,” I said. “That boy under our house might even think using them’s a bad idea.”

  “He don’t think nothing,” Hanson said. “He died before he got to the hospital.”

  Silence reigned for a moment. Leonard said, “I think the whole goddamn police force has got some gall, that’s what I think. These fuckers,” he jabbed a finger at Melton, “they been in that house for ages, selling drugs. They fed that boy dope. That boy is dead, man, and I’m not supposed to have a right to get pissed? I know they’re selling drugs. Everyone here knows it, but now you got us on arson, and you’re saying we’ll do time?”

  “Could be,” Hanson said. “I ain’t got shit to do with the way the law works, just with doing what it says.”

  “Some law that lets people like this creep do what they’re doing,” I said. “What happened to justice?”

  “We get enough evidence, we pick ’em up,” Hanson said.

  “And let them go,” Charlie said.

  Hanson looked at Charlie. “You quittin’ the force? You with them?”

  “I’m a cop ’cause I want to lock bad guys up,” Charlie said.

  “I don’t want to pick ’em up so they can come down here to use the phone and toilet. And I certainly don’t want to arrest no citizens on a misunderstanding.”

  “Misunderstanding?” Hanson said.

  Charlie took his feet off the desk and let the chair rock forward. “Couple of citizens see a fire, go in and rescue some people, I don’t see that’s a crime.”

  “They kneed a woman in the face!” Mohawk said. “They knocked out my main man’s teeth.”

  “That woman’s a crack head,” Charlie said, “and she got that way ’cause of you. She’s a hooker. She stabbed a girl friend near to death three years ago. She’s got a record longer than a basketball player’s leg. And your main man, hell, he’s fixed up good now. All them teeth missing. You ought to be grateful. He can suck your dick like a vacuum cleaner.”

  “Just the thought of that gets me excited,” Leonard said.

  “I’d also like to mention the woman got kneed in the face stuck a gun in my balls,” I said.

  “Let’s cool our language,” Hanson said. “We got a lady present.”

  “Why all of a sudden?” Charlie said. “And besides, she ain’t a lady now. She’s a lawyer.”

  Florida smiled. She said, “Marvin, my clients just saw a fire and went to help.”

  “Oh, God,” Hanson said, “not you too.”

  “I’m sure the owner of the dwelling, Mr. Otis—”

  “Some fat cat honkie, I reckon,” Leonard said.

  “One of the fattest,” Florida said. “Mr. Otis, who I know is an upstanding citizen, and a friend of the police chief, would be upset to discover the house he’s renting out is being used to sell drugs.”

  “Naw,” Charlie said. “Old fart gets a slice of the action.”

  “We don’t know that,” Hanson said.

  “We can’t prove it,” Charlie said. “Ain’t the same thing.”

  “I’m sure he would be upset,” Florida persisted. “But I know he’d be happy to hear of the bravery of men like Hap Collins and Leonard Pine, who selflessly went to the rescue of the inhabitants.”

  “We see our duty,” Leonard said, “we do it. We can’t help it. It’s the way we were raised.”

  “Yeah,” Hanson said, “and in the process of doing your duty y’all knocked a man’s teeth out, broke another’s knee, and busted up a woman’s nose.”

  “Hey,” Leonard said. “My knuckles hurt. They’re all scraped up. Show him your head, Hap.” I turned the side of my head toward Hanson. Leonard pointed to it. “See there, he’s got a bruise.”

  “Christ,” Hanson said.

  “Sometimes, in the heat of the moment,” Florida said, “even when you’re trying to do a good deed, you can make mistakes. They were rough, but they saved lives.”

  “They set the fire!” Mohawk said.

  “I been in that place,” Charlie said. “Knocked the door down and come to visit a number of times. Joint’s a shit hole, a fire hazard. Fire could have started any kind of way.”

  “You have a shotgun with you to shoot the fire out,” Hanson said to Leonard. “EMTs said you were carrying a shotgun.”

  “I was cleaning it. We heard the boy under the house, didn’t know what it was, and we’d seen the fire out the window, so I rushed out with it in my hand. I was so excited I forgot I had it.”

  “Shut up!” Hanson said. “Every one of you, shut up. Charlie, take Melton here to the restroom.”

  “I don’t need to go,” Mohawk said.

  Charlie stood up and took Mohawk by the elbow. “Sure you do. Come on, I’ll show you how to fold the toilet paper.”

  Charlie and Mohawk started past us. I said, “Thanks, Charlie.”

  “Us Kmart shoppers got to stick together,” he said, and he and Mohawk went away.

  Hanson said, “All right, let’s cut the bullshit. Here’s the deal. I don’t give a damn about that house or Melton and his asshole buddies. I want them nailed bad as you do. I don’t want any more drugged-out dead kids. But I’ve had all the cat-and-mouse I’m gonna do on this child murder thing. I don’t want any more dead kids that way either. You jerks are gonna come clean, or I’m gonna use this arson thing to nail you, and don’t think I won’t.”

  “And don’t think I won’t give your case a hard time in court,” Florida said. “Melton wouldn’t exactly make a sympathetic witness. Neither would the rest of the house’s occupants.”

  “You’d do that to me?” Hanson said.

  “Business,” Florida said, and smiled at Hanson.

  Hanson smiled back. “Yeah, guess you would. All right, here’s how it’s coming down. You two saw a fire, went to help, couple of oc
cupants panicked, didn’t know you were trying to rescue ’em, so they got rough, and you got rough, but you saved them. OK?”

  Leonard and I agreed.

  “I’ll call Melton back,” Hanson said, “explain to him he wants to fight it, he can fight it, but it’s just gonna be shit for him. He’ll talk tough a couple of minutes and let it slide. He don’t want any court trouble, I’ll promise that.”

  “He hasn’t seen court trouble till I get on his ass,” Florida said.

  I looked at Florida and smiled. She smiled back. For a moment it seemed like we were together again.

  “In return for me being the generous fella I am,” Hanson said, “for not dragging your asses through court and sending you upriver, you’re gonna be sweet as sugar to me. You’re gonna tell me some things you know that I don’t know. Got me?”

  I glanced at Leonard. He nodded. He said, “I guess we’ve played detective enough.”

  He told Hanson about the Hampstead place and what we found. But I noticed he conspicuously left out the sweet Reverend Fitzgerald.

  31.

  Hanson let us go, charge free. Florida took me and Leonard home. When she pulled into the driveway and we got out, she got out too. The smell of burnt lumber from next door was strong in the air. Florida said, “Hap, can we talk a moment?”

  “Sure,” I said.

  Florida looked at Leonard.

  “I’m worn out,” Leonard said. “I’m just going to take a cheerful look of what’s left of next door, then go to sleep.”

  We walked around to the bottle tree and stood there looking at the smoky, blackened shell of the house.

  “Mucho mojo,” Florida said.

  “What?” I said.

  “Much bad magic,” she said. “Next door was mucho mojo. Something my grandmother used to say. Mojo is African for magic.”

  “I thought it was sex,” I said.

  “That’s because you listen to blues records,” she said. “It is sex, or even the sex organs. But that’s bastardized. Meaning sex is like magic. Mojo means magic. My grandmother knew some Spanish, and when things were bad, she’d say ‘mucho mojo.’ Spanish mucho for much, African mojo for magic. But what she meant when she said it was much bad magic. To her, mojo was always bad.”

  “Well, they’re a little less bad next door,” Leonard said.

  “Yeah,” I said. “And we can feel good looking out our windows, but they’ll just move to some other street. They’re not really gone, they’re merely inconvenienced.”

  “I’d rather inconvenience them than just let them go,” Leonard said. “Scum like that get inconvenienced often enough, they might think the career they got isn’t worth it. It’s the good folks of the world that are supposed to be in charge, not the assholes. Though, in my darker moments, I sometimes fear the assholes outnumber us. By the way, Florida, who’s this Otis guy?”

  “White guy who owned the house, and a lot of houses here on the East Side,” Florida said. “I’ve heard he openly refers to these as his nigger rent houses. And it’s pretty well known he gets a cut of the drug pie over here.”

  “And he’s a friend of the police chief’s,” Leonard said.

  “Yes,” Florida said. “And he’ll just build the house back. Cheaply, of course.”

  “Well, that’s for another discussion,” Leonard said. “Good night, Florida. Hap, don’t you stay up late, now. I don’t want you fussin’ when I get you out of bed tomorrow.”

  Leonard went in the house and Florida and I sat on the porch in the glider. I remembered that the glider was where our romance had begun.

  I said, “This is sort of the Dear-John talk, right?”

  “I’ve wanted to talk to you, I just haven’t had the guts, because I really don’t know what to say.”

  “I guess ‘Bye-bye, Hap, and don’t forget your hat’ would be OK.”

  “It’s not like that.”

  “How is it?”

  “I’m going over to Marve’s tonight.”

  “I’d rather you just said, ‘Bye-bye, don’t forget your hat.’”

  “He’s a good man, Hap.”

  “That’s what pisses me off. It’s hard for me to feel self-righteous. I like the big bastard. But I still don’t like hearing it. Not that I didn’t already know.”

  “I wanted you to hear it from me. I just didn’t have the courage to do it right away. I should have said something soon as I knew. Hap, it wasn’t like you and me were a hundred percent anyway. I never said our relationship was forever.”

  “Hurts just the same.”

  “You’ll get over it.”

  “Yeah, but I’d rather it have worked out.”

  “Me too. Really. I do care for you. I maybe even love you a little.”

  “Please.”

  “It just happened, Hap. I don’t know what to tell you. It happened, and it happened fast. It was good between you and me, and you taught me some things about myself, but—”

  “Hanson’s black.”

  “I suppose, if I’m honest with myself, I’ll admit that makes it easier.”

  “You never took me to that movie, Florida. You know, I never even been to your place. I bet Hanson has. Hasn’t he?”

  “Yes. But I knew the night I saw him over here he was the one. I don’t know why. I’d seen him before, but that night was the first time I was really close enough to feel the heat.”

  “Maybe it was just a hot night.”

  She smiled. “No. It wasn’t just a sexual thing. There was that, but it’s not that he’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

  “He’s not the prettiest thing anyone’s ever seen.”

  “But I saw him, and somehow I knew. And the other night, when he took me home, we didn’t go to bed or anything like that. I wanted you to know that. We didn’t just jump in the sack. We talked, and talked, and talked. There was a connection between us that goes deeper than the one you and I’ve got. It’s that simple. Maybe being black does give us a kind of history, but what I feel for Marve isn’t merely because he’s black.”

  “Of course, you two don’t just talk now.”

  “First time we made love was tonight. Charlie called for him at my place when they got the news about the fire and about you and Leonard. After Marve left, you called and told me where you were. But of course, I already knew. I was about to be on my way. I figured you and Leonard could use a lawyer.”

  “Did Charlie calling interrupt anything?”

  “That’s juvenile, Hap.”

  “Sorry.”

  “We were lying in bed talking. Talking about you.”

  “Comparing dick sizes?”

  She got up briskly and started to leave. I caught her wrist and she jerked it away from me. “Let go of me, damnit!”

  “Florida,” I said. “I’m sorry. Really. But this isn’t easy for me.”

  “It’s not easy for me, Hap. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “But you want us to be friends, right? Isn’t that the thrust of this talk?”

  “I know you’re hurt, but I didn’t plan this. It happened, damnit. It just happened.”

  I turned my head and looked toward the pile of blackened rubble that had been the crack house. Smoke was drifting up into the starlight. I turned back and looked at Florida.

  “There really isn’t anything I can say to that,” I said.

  She slowly and carefully sat down beside me. She sat close. I could smell her perfume. It was the same perfume I often smelled on my pillows. She took my hand.

  I said, “You really sounded like someone who was more than an ambulance chaser tonight.”

  “I did, didn’t I?”

  “Hanson knew you got our case in court, personal feelings or not, you’d have given him hell.”

  “And I’d have beat him too. Even if you did burn the house down. And on purpose.”

  “You’ll do all right,” I said. “Maybe you just needed a little rest. Sounds to me, you got your ambition back.”

&nbs
p; “Can we be friends?” she said. “I know it sounds cliché. But I really and truly want to be friends.”

  I spent a minute thinking about it. “Give me some time on it. Right now I look at you, I don’t see you that way. I don’t know how I see you.”

  She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “You’re a good find for the right person, Hap. I’m just not the right person.”

  “That’s what they all say.”

  She stood up and touched my shoulder. “I’ll see you, soon?”

  “Soon as I can handle it,” I said.

  She drove away. I watched her taillights till they were out of sight. The wind picked up and turned cool and hooted in the bottle tree.

  32.

  When I awoke it was early morning and I was lying on the glider and my back ached. Where I’d caught those punches hurt too. My wrist ached from the shock of the blow I’d dealt Mohawk on the side of the head.

  There was a blanket over me and a pillow under my head. Leonard, the one constant in my life, had been out to check on me. I hadn’t even felt him move my head or cover me. Bless him.

  I sat up slowly, feeling the stiffness. The air was intense with the charred aroma of next door. The sunlight was beautiful. It was still cool. I missed Florida.

  Before we left the station last night, Leonard told Hanson about the Hampstead place and what was under it. Today, late morning, Hanson and a hand-picked crew would be out. He was also bringing in a friend from Houston, a retired coroner.

  In spite of his talk, Hanson wasn’t ready to turn what he knew over to the police chief after all. He wanted to make sure everything we told him was as we said, wanted to make sure we’d translated the evidence properly.

  I think he knew too, if he told the police chief what he had discovered, told how Illium was linked, the chief would take the case away from him for not coming forward sooner. But if Leonard and I were right, if Hanson could get all his ducks in a row and solve this case, no matter what the chief thought, things were going to turn out OK. It’d be pretty hard for the chief to fire Hanson for solving a multiple child-murder case, considering the publicity that would surround it.