She picked up the remote, propped her feet up on the couch, and said to herself as she turned the TV on, "Only one way to find out. I need to ask her."
"What's the reason for this family meeting? " Aisha asked impatiently.
"Yeah, and I want to know why you think you're grown enough to schedule a family meeting, when that's my job," Martha, Kenisha's mother called out from the couch where she lay with her head propped on a pillow.
Kenisha had called her brother and two sisters and asked them to meet her at her mother's apartment. Actually, Kevin was already at her mother's. His girlfriend had kicked him out two years ago, and he hadn't been able to find another woman with low enough self-esteem to offer him another free place to stay.
Clearing her throat, Kenisha stood in front of her family and said, "I asked you all to meet me here, because I have something important to say. As soon as Angelina gets here, I'll tell everyone what I need you to know."
"What are we supposed to do? Sit here and wait for Angelina? That girl will be late to her own funeral," Aisha said as she glanced at the clock on the wall as if she had some important job to get to.
As if on cue, Angelina opened the front door and ran in."Sorry I'm late. The traffic getting over here was awful."
"Oh, so it was the traffic today, huh?"
"Shut up, Aisha," Angelina spat in her sister's direction.
"Okay, okay, no picking fights today," Kenisha said as she tried to take charge of the meeting again."Angelina showed up, and that's good enough for me." Clearing her throat again, she began, "I'm not going to beat around the bush here. I've got cancer, and the doctors don't know if I'm going to make it."
The room became so silent that Kenisha was afraid to say another word. She had sent her and Aisha's kids upstairs to play while she talked to the adults, but she couldn't even hear any sound or movement upstairs. That worried her, so she ran upstairs to check on the kids. All seven children were seated in front of the television watching the Disney channel. She turned around and ran back downstairs.
Her mother was no longer lounging on the couch, she was sitting up, watching Kenisha walk back into the living room."Did you just say what I think you said?" Martha asked.
Taking a deep breath, Kenisha responded, "Yes, I have cancer."It was getting easier to say now. When she was first told, Kenisha couldn't form her mouth around the words.
"I need a drink." Martha stood up and walked into the kitchen.
"Are you sure, sis?" Kevin asked as he tried to focus his glazed eyes on the real world.
Kenisha nodded.
"Doctors give misdiagnoses all the time. Did you get a second opinion?" Angelina asked.
Kenisha sat down in the chair she had placed in the center of the room."I wish they were wrong. But I've had two other doctors confirm, so I'm taking radiation treatments now, and I'm going to need help with my kids."
Martha came back into the living room with a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand, a Miller Light in the other, and a glass cradled between the two bottles. She set the glass on her coffee table and poured the Jack into her glass. After taking a few drinks, she asked Kenisha, "Why'd you wait so long to tell us this wonderful news?"
Was Martha really upset, or was she just using this as an excuse to drink? "I didn't want to talk about it," Kenisha admitted.
"So why you talking about it now?" Martha asked as she leaned her head back and took a swig from her glass. She slammed the glass back on the table and then said, "Let me answer that. You need something from us, so now you want to share with your family."
Was this Martha's first drink today? Her voice was beginning to slur, and Kenisha didn't think that even Jack could work that fast."Yes, mother, I need your help." She looked around the room at her brother and two sisters, and then added, "I need everybody's help. I'm taking radiation treatments right now, and I need someone to watch my kids."
"If you had listened to me and kept your legs closed, you wouldn't need no babysitter, probably wouldn't have cancer now, either," Martha said, voice still slurring as she twisted off the cap of her beer.
Aisha, who hadn't said a word since Kenisha announced that she had cancer, stood up and shouted, "Leave her alone!" Aisha ran toward Kenisha and enveloped her sister in her arms."I'm sorry, sis. I promise I'll help you. Whatever you need, you can count on me."
Kenisha hugged Aisha back. A tear rolled down Kenisha's face. Her sister was irresponsible and a dreamer, but Kenisha was truly touched by Aisha's response to her illness."Thank you, Isha, I'm going to need a lot of help."
They broke their embrace. Aisha wiped the tears that were rolling down her face. She put her arm around Kenisha's shoulders and said, "That's why we need a star in this family. If I was a movie star, I could do a telethon for cancer research or something."
"Just your being here is good enough for me," Kenisha told her.
"You know that girl is looking for any excuse she can find to get on television. One day she is going to embarrass us all," Martha said.
"Maybe you and I can do a show together, Martha," Aisha said with a smirk on her face.
"Like that Frankie and Neffe show? You can forget it," Martha said."You're not getting me on television so you can cry about what a drunk your mother is, just to boost your nonexistent career." Martha lifted the glass to her lips and swallowed the contents.
"You just don't want to help nobody," Aisha accused her mother.
How did this meeting turn into the Aisha's "Got Dreams" hour? Kenisha lifted her hand like she did in high school, and said, "I have to get some more radiation treatments before they can operate, so I'm going to need a ride to and from radiation."
As if remembering that this meeting wasn't about her, Aisha turned back to Kenisha and said, "I can do that. You'll see, little sis, I'm going to be there for you."
"I also need someone to watch my kids during radiation and while I'm in the hospital for the surgery." Kenisha looked around the room hoping to find someone just as eager about watching her kids as Aisha had been about taking her to radiation. But no one volunteered. As Kenisha looked around the room, she began to wonder if she even wanted any of them to watch her children. Her mother was a drunk, Kevin was a crackhead, and Aisha was highly irresponsible. Angelina was only twenty and was trying to get through college, but if Kenisha had to leave her kids with anyone, it would be Angelina. She turned to Angelina and said, "I know you've got your own life, Angie, and you were the one who did the right thing by not having any kids, so you shouldn't have to watch mine, but I need you."
"You said one thing right," Martha said as she tried to position herself in an upright position."Angelina ain't got no kids, and she ain't gon' be watching yours."
"That ain't right. Angelina don't never have to do nothing for this family," Kevin complained.
"And she ain't gon' never do nothing for y'all. Angelina is gon' make something of herself, and I'm not about to let y'all pull her down," Martha said.
"Then who is going to watch the kids while I'm taking Kenisha back and forth to her radiation treatments?" Aisha asked.
"She can bring them babies over here. I'll watch them," Martha said.
"Are you going to be drinking?" Kenisha asked.
Martha put her hands on her hips."I drank when you were a kid, and I guess you turned out all right."
"No, I didn't," Kenisha responded with fire in her voice."You were just too drunk to notice the things that happened to me." After that comment, the room erupted. Kevin and Aisha were on Kenisha's side. Angelina, as always, thought they were being too hard on Martha. But the arguments stopped when Martha passed out on the couch.
Aisha took out her camera as she stood over Martha. She turned on the video part of her digital camera and began filming Martha snoring.
"What are you doing?" Kenisha asked.
"I'm getting some footage. Producers love dysfunctional family stories. If I sent them all the footage I have on Martha, I would be in for sure. And then, bam .
. . cancer research telethon, here we come."
5
Monday morning couldn't come fast enough for Deidre. She felt trapped in the house with Johnson all weekend long. Every time she looked at him, she saw pity in his eyes, and she didn't want his pity. She wanted his child. But God didn't appear to be interested in what she wanted.
So on Sunday she only half listened to her pastor's message. Oh, she still loved God and was committed to the cause of Christ, but if she was being truthful with herself, Deidre had to admit that a part of her had tuned out. She had wanted to curl up in bed and do nothing but lie under her comforter and watch HGTV all day. But Johnson got up raring to go, as if God had done so much for him that he couldn't wait to get to church and thank Him for it. But Deidre got out of bed out of obligation. Years ago she had read in the Bible that Christians should assemble together even more as "that day" approached. She had always been taught that "that day" was the rapture, but maybe "that day" was also when Christians have just plain ole tuned out.
They made it to church in time for praise and worship. Deidre thought she was doing a good job of hiding her feelings as she lifted her hands in praise and sang just as loud as the rest of the congregants. When it was offering time, she'd walked up to the offering baskets and put her tithes in with a cheerful heart. Deidre had even danced back to her seat. When Pastor Monroe preached his sermon, she leaned in a few times as if she were truly interested in what he was talking about. But in truth, she couldn't replay one word of his sermon.
When the service was over, Deidre stood up, grabbed Johnson's arm, and told anyone who asked that she was blessed of the Lord as she made her way out of the church. Deidre smiled as they neared the exit; she had done it again. She had not let on that she was sick inside. But before they could walk through the exit doors, Mother Barrow tapped Johnson on the shoulder and asked to speak with them for a moment in the prayer room.
Why do we have to go to the prayer room? Deidre wanted to scream.
Johnson said, "Sure thing, Mother Barrow." He turned Deidre away from the exit without asking her if it was okay and walked her back through the church into the prayer room.
Mother Barrow closed the door behind them."Sit down," she instructed as she pointed to the couch."From all that shouting and dancing Deidre was doing, I'm sure she's worn out by now."
Deidre didn't see a smirk or anything on Mother Barrow's face, but she was sure that Mother Barrow knew that she hadn't really been praising the Lord, but putting up a front. Deidre's first thought had been to ask the elderly woman to mind her own business. But she had known Mother Barrow for six years, and in that time, the woman had been nothing but kind to her. Deidre couldn't see repaying that with rudeness, so she sat down on the couch with Johnson and said nothing.
"Now, don't go catatonic on me, Deidre. I'm sure no one else noticed that you weren't really in the mood for church today. I wouldn't have noticed it, either, but God gave me a word for you. After receiving His word, I knew it must have taken all the strength you could muster to get out of bed and come to church today."
Deidre felt a tear roll down her cheek. How Mother Barrow could possibly know exactly what she'd been feeling was beyond her, but she had gotten it right. And it was taking all the strength Deidre had not to break down in front of Mother Barrow and Johnson.
"The Lord told me that your heart is broken over not being able to conceive," Mother Barrow said.
Yeah, right, the Lord told her. Deidre had told Mother Barrow herself that she was having trouble conceiving and had asked for prayer. Now the old woman was trying to act like she had some hotline to God. Deidre had half a mind to get up and walk out of the prayer room without so much as a goodbye; then Mother Barrow said something that made her put her whole mind into leaving the room.
"The Lord wanted me to tell you that the struggle is over. Your home will be filled with laughs, love, and children."
Johnson started grinning. He stood up and hugged Mother Barrow."Thank you, thank you so much for saying that."
But Deidre wasn't smiling. She stood up and pulled Johnson away from Mother Barrow."Let's go."
Johnson picked Deidre up and swung her around."Did you hear what she said, honey? Isn't God awesome?"
"Put me down, Johnson."
He put her down.
"Let's go. I've got some papers to grade before school tomorrow."
The light went out of Johnson's eyes as he turned to Mother Barrow."We've got to go, but I really appreciate that you would tell us what God showed you."
Deidre felt as if the walls were closing in on her, and if she didn't get out of this room right now, she would be crushed. She opened the door and left that prayer room fast. She kept walking until she made it to Johnson's car. She got in on the passenger's side, and it was at that moment she noticed how hard she was breathing. She needed an inhaler, and she didn't even have asthma.
Johnson got in the car."Why'd you leave like that?"
Deidre couldn't answer him. She was too busy trying to calm her breathing before her heart exploded.
"Are you having a panic attack?" Johnson grabbed her head and pressed it between her legs."Sit like this for a few minutes, and try to calm down."
How could she calm down? Johnson had just been guaranteed that he would have a house full of children, but Deidre knew that wasn't true. It would never be true, unless Johnson married another woman with a functional uterus.
Rubbing her back, Johnson spoke in a slow, soothing tone."Take slower breaths, honey. It's all right. Everything is okay."
Counting backward—10-9-8-7-6—Deidre felt her body begin to relax. Her breathing slowed down as she sat back up in the passenger's seat. She couldn't look at Johnson. Couldn't bring herself to witness the longing in his eyes.
"What happened back there? Mother Barrow just gave us some great news, and you acted as if she gave you a death sentence."
"Not now, Johnson. Please, just take me home." Deidre leaned back in the passenger's seat and stared out the window while Johnson stared at her.
Most of the people had already cleared out of the parking lot, but Deidre spotted Sister Winslow holding her three-month-old baby girl as she walked to her car. She was cooing to the baby, so lost in her love that she wasn't paying attention as she walked through the parking lot. She stepped in front of Brother Andrew's car as he pulled out of his spot, and he pressed on the brake. Sister Winslow looked up with an apologetic smile. Brother Andrew rolled down his window and said good-naturedly, "You new mothers are all alike. Too in love to watch where you're going."
Deidre almost started crying again. Why couldn't that be her? Why couldn't she give Johnson what he wanted? But she knew the answer to that, and no prophecy from Mother Barrow was going to change her situation. Johnson finally got the hint, stopped staring at her, and turned on the car.
"We're going to finish this when we get home," he said as they drove off.
But Deidre made sure that they didn't finish anything. After dinner she had suddenly gotten so sick that she had to lie down for the rest of the evening. She told Johnson that she felt too ill to talk, like she might throw up if she opened her mouth too many times. And that was true; the stress of the day had caused Deidre's stomach to flutter.
Miraculously, though, she jumped out of bed bright and early Monday morning, got ready for work, and left the house before Johnson had a chance to grill her about her strange behavior on Sunday.
Walking through the halls of Jane Adams, Deidre watched her kids go from one class to the next. They chatted with friends, laughed, and goofed around in the halls, most of it good-natured fun. But there were a few children who tried Deidre's patience on a daily basis. Ronny Nickels was at the head of her list. And as usual, when Deidre turned the corner over by the third-graders' hallway, she found Ronny shoving a kid against the lockers. Deidre grabbed Ronny and moved him away from his latest victim."Go straight to my office, Ronny. I'll be there in a minute," Deidre said as she extended her i
ndex finger in the direction of the principal's office.
"I wasn't doing nothing," Ronny said as he pulled away from Deidre.
"You've done your last bit of nothing around here for a while." Deidre continued pointing toward her office as Ronny stomped off. She then turned to the little boy who had been shoved against the locker and asked, "Are you okay?"
"Yes, ma'am. Thank you."
Deidre watched the little boy run off to his next class as if nothing had happened. Kids were like that, able to turn the other cheek and move on. But adults held onto bitterness until it ate them alive. But maybe that's because by the time children grow into adulthood, they've turned so many cheeks that they're just plum worn out.
She continued her stroll down the hall, saying hello to children and teachers as they made their way to class. Back in her office, Deidre stopped at the desk of her administrative assistant, Christina Michael."Call Ms. Nickels and let her know that Ronny is being suspended so she'll need to come pick him up."
"Can't we just let him stay until the end of the day, and then we can send him home with a note?" Christina asked timidly.
Deidre's heart went out to Christina. None of her staff wanted to talk to Shameka Nickels. She was a hateful woman who cursed out the staff of Jane Adams Elementary School on a regular basis. Most of the staff gave Ronny a pass on a lot of his antics just so they wouldn't have to deal with his mother. But the way Deidre was feeling today, she'd willingly take on that woman."Don't worry about it, Christina. I'll call her myself."
"Are you sure about that, boss? I mean, you shouldn't have to handle my responsibilities."
Long Time Coming Page 4
