by GR Griffin
“Why is it you think that just because you gave me a home, regular meals and training sessions automatically meant that I was dedicated to the cause?” She punctuated the last two words with air quotes.
“I was looking out for you ever since you had that pacifier in your mouth. We trained together. You were practically attached to my heels, we were inseparable…” Emperor Zeus pointed meanly at her. “And you left without even saying goodbye… and I still, to this day, have no idea why you did it.”
“Well, when you put it like that, I can see why you’d still hold a grudge.”
Zeus scoffed. “Of course you’d call it a grudge out of all things. You haven’t changed one bit, bounty hunter!”
“Look, did you call me for a reason, or are you gonna stand there all night and lecture me?” As she spoke, she stepped from merlon to merlon, her arms folded.
Zeus sieved his frustration through gritted teeth and cleared his throat. The argument had veered him off track, but the task at hand dragged him back. Precious seconds were ticking away. “The Empire is in need of your professional services. I need you to capture a target.”
“Wait,” Barb replied, “The Empire needs my help, or do you need my help?” He question was met with silence. The lion was in no mood to be playing games. “Fine then, you’ve called the right person anyway.”
The archer returned, dragging his one-hundred pound silver frame up the stairs. He was flushed red under his armour like a kettle boiling. Whether it was out of respect, exhaustion, or both, he fell to his knees and presented his ruler with a roll of paper. “As you requested, my lord,” he struggled to stammer out.
Zeus took the poster and unravelled it while Jeremy made his quiet exit – he tripped and crashed down the steps. Zeus, paying no heed to the blunder, gave a slow nod of approval, his scribe had an amazing violet eye for detail. ‘Wanted’ written large and bold at the top, above a front shot and side shot of the human, exactly how he remembered it. The delinquent’s name beneath with a description:
Fleck. Human. Roughly between three to four-feet tall. Possibly less than ten years of age. Medium length brown hair. Eye colour unknown (do they ever open them?). Light complexion. Last seen wearing a striped, blue shirt, blue shorts, and brown boots. Does not talk much. Gender: kid.
Wanted for the recent escape from Highkeep Enclave. Believed to be hiding within the Plain-plain. Suspect is extremely dangerous and should not be approached or confronted if spotted. They have a history of pacifism and flirting, and will most likely refuse to engage with violence and instead attempt to befriend any monster they come across.
Okay, that doesn’t sound too dangerous, but hey, there’s a one-million cloud coin reward in it for you. Can’t say fairer than that, right?
Please report any information to members of the Monster Military. The Empire wishes the suspect to be captured alive. If this is not possible, please ensure that you have the means to contain the soul for transportation. Payment will be rewarded after the human or soul is within the grounds of Castle Highkeep.
At the very bottom, in letters so small that one needed a magnifying glass, lay the fine print:
Hunt at your own risk. Consult your doctor before attempting any life-threatening or seductive exercise. The Empire is not responsible for any property damage or any damage or death to a person or persons, whether it be physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. Requires willpower. Terms and conditions apply. Your results may vary.
-Master Scribe Rickard
Rickard’s work alright. Zeus handed the wanted poster to Barb. “Everything you need to know is right here,” he explained. “This one could be quite precarious, even for you.”
Barb was on the verge of bursting out in manic laughter. “Precarious?” She took the poster in her gloved hand and looked at it. “What could be so precarious about…?” Upon seeing the face in the mugshot, she stopped. “This…?” She peeked over the sheet at Maxie, her features blanker than untouched paper. “You brought a human here and let them get away? Do you have any idea how much pandemonium this will cause? I seriously didn’t think you’d stoop to this level of crazy.”
Zeus, not wanting to hear about it, snapped, “This is not your place to question, Bounty Hunter. Will you do it or not?”
Barb did not recoil at all. Rather, her eyes reverted back to the pixelated head of dishevelled hair, closed eyes and straight lips. “That depends. I may not have much experience with humans, but I’m looking at Fleck right here and thinking they’re worth more than seven digits. Plus, there’s tax to consider, as well as postage and packaging.” She folded the paper and slid it into her back pocket. “Ten million, take it or leave it.”
“Done,” Zeus responded without hesitation, the synapses in his brain at war, bickering between the shortness of time and the value of resources; those in favour of time won out. There was no point in bargaining, Barb’s reputation was engrained into every blade of grass in the lands. Asking her to lower her price was harder than prying a bone from Private Perro’s lips. Like she just said, take it or leave it. Besides, he needed to throw everything into this hunt. “If you find it, when you find it, bring it to me alive. I’ll be waiting.”
The bounty hunter looked at him uncertainly, placing her hands akimbo. “That’s a bit dehumanising, don’t you think?”
“Dehumanising?” Zeus rose an eyebrow.
“Calling the human ‘it’.”
“I didn’t ask for your opinion, bounty hunter.”
“I’m just saying, when I hunt targets, I understand that they have names and lives outside of the job.”
“I will call it whatever I want,” Lord Zeus retorted, placing extra emphasis on the pronoun, “and if you want your payment, you’ll capture it and bring it to me. Understand?”
Barb puckered a frown and shook her head. “After talking to me like that, Emperor, what makes you so sure that I’ll bring Fleck to you after I’ve caught…?” She pulled the poster back out and examined the target closer. “Him..? Her..? Them, whatever.” Placed it back. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, the reward sounds pretty sweet, but I’m not exactly tightening my belt over here.” Barb patted her belly. Just today, she had succulent pre-stuffed turkey smothered with gravy, dollops of buttered mashed potatoes, organic fish seasoned with fine herbs and beef wellington, all washed down with litres of sparkling grape juice… for breakfast. She ate so much and yet retained the physique of a photo model. “Who knows? After I catch them, there is a chance that they could accidentally get away. Give me one good reason why I should do this for you?”
Zeus’s hands gripped. It was so much easier when your spineless subjects just say “yes” before scurrying off on their hands and knees to do whatever you ordered them to do. “You’ve been stuck catching small time crooks for decades now,” Emperor Maxie persuaded. “I’m willing to bet that it can get rather boring after a while. The human will serve as a grand challenge for someone of your skills.”
Barb stroked her chin, feigning interest. “Ooh, I’m flattered, but… you’re going to have to do better than that.”
“You do realise that once word gets out that a human is loose in the lands, that a threat from below is here to destroy us, the people will look for a hero. They will turn to you, bounty hunter, and they will expect you to save them – your reputation demands it.”
Barb hummed. “Convincing. Very convincing.” Suddenly, she shook her head. “Nah, not convincing enough. You got one more move, big guy. Make it count.”
Zeus stepped over and propped his elbow atop the merlon beside the one Barb was currently standing on. He needed this woman working, and he needed it now. Hidden up his sleeve was one wild card to play. “If you will not do it for me, maybe you’ll do it for your paren—?”
Hearing the beginning of that word was as loud as glass being shattered. Barb cartwheeled straight over the lion’s head, landing before him, and slammed her open palm into his stomach, backing him into a gap between the me
rlons. “This is between you and me, Zeus! Don’t you dare drag them into this!”
Zeus glanced over his shoulder at the drop, the corner of his black cape fluttering over the edge, then back to the bounty hunter. “If you’re trying to threaten me, you’re doing a poor job.” Barb pushed harder, forcing him further out. For such a small creature, she was surprisingly strong, another thing Zeus had himself to blame for. “A fall from this height wouldn’t kill me.”
“No, but it’ll hurt pretty badly.”
Zeus pushed himself away from the ledge. For all Barb’s strength, it was insignificant compared to his own. “Choose your next actions very carefully, bounty hunter. As long as they are under my authority, I have complete control over them, and to some extent, yourself. There’s no limit to what I can do.”
Barb’s other hand clenched into a fist. Her nails split through her leather gloves and dug into her palms. “I should…”
Zeus leaned down and turned his head to the side, presenting a cheek for the bounty hunter to strike. “Throw the first punch,” he whispered. “You’d be lucky if you landed a single blow on me. Who do you think trained you through all those years?”
She pulled her arm back. The urge to deliver a mean punch got incredibly hard to resist. “I learned more on my own than I ever did in this claustrophobic dump. I’ve got a few hundred tricks up my sleeve.”
Zeus looked Barb square in the eyes as he spoke his next words: “Then your efforts will be best spent on the human. I’ve already taken the liberty of placing your parents under lock and key.” He remembered well, the order he issued to the two guardsmen. “Should anything bad happen to me, those two will be the first to know.”
“You wouldn’t dare… You could have done this at any time. Why now?”
“I kept them in my jurisdiction out of what little respect I had left you for, and they have proven themselves to be adequate subjects. The betrayal was yours, not theirs. But your problems with become theirs if you don’t do as I command.”
Barb stepped back, growing the space between them. “What… what happened to you…? Who are you?”
“I am your emperor. You will refer to me as such.”
Barb shook her head. “Nuh uh, no way! The Zeus I knew would never do something like this.”
“Yeah, well guess what: you knew nothing, bounty hunter.”
It was at this moment in time when Barb realised that the Zeus she knew was well and truly buried. “So I’m just a bounty hunter to you, huh?” From out the corner of her eye, the tiniest shred of a tear moistened her eyeball. “Keep your stinkin’ money, Supreme Ruler of the Cosmos,” Barb spat. “I don’t want anything from you or from your stupid empire ever again. I’m only doing this for them.”
“I don’t care. Just do it.” He swung his arm straight out, pointing into the blackness. “Go!”
Barb said nothing. Her head was hung low, a shadow cast across her eyes. A look of disgust smeared all over her. She got a leg up onto the crenel then jumped onto the top of a merlon. Barb was motionless, looking down into the depths below. She took one look back and said in a regretful tone, “You want to know why I did it, don’t you? You might think that my decision to leave was easy, but trust me, it wasn’t. There was one thing – one massive, hairy thing – that was keeping me from going, and that was you… but at the same time, you were the one I had to get away from.”
Zeus stayed his silence, listening to the explanation he has yearned for years to discover.
“It’s… difficult to explain. It’s like… it’s like you’re not Zeus sometimes. There’s something ugly inside you, something that’s been eating away at you for as long as I can remember, consuming you, turning you into something nasty. I remember a kind and caring and quiet prince, but mingled with all those memories, I saw pain and hate and anger, and they were wearing your face. It wasn’t just me, you know. I talked to Juhi, and he saw it too.”
Barb sighed. “Look, Maxie, I don’t want to believe it, but whatever this pain is, it’s dragging you down a dangerous path. If you keep this up, you’re just going to end up bringing everyone down; your friends, your soldiers, your empire, everything you hold dear. Had I stayed, you would have ended up dragging me down too, and I feared if that happened, you would’ve done something terrible. That’s why I had to leave. I’ve spent the last fifty years rolling back and forth in my head whether I truly did the right thing by getting away from you.” She looked away, her green eyes peering sadly out into the darkness. “Looks like I was right, all along…” Barb stepped from the merlon, over the edge. Her wings extended and she took flight, vanishing into the night in less than a second, soundless.
* * *
Parfocorse, a railway town built into the southern area of the Plain-plain, served as the central hub for the trains running across the island. The first and oldest structure in the entire town was the railway station with its rust-eaten arched roofs and aged white bricks. The structures got progressively younger the more they stretched outward, from the dark wood and steep roofs inspired by American Colonial architecture to the flat walls and square windows seen in many of today’s buildings back on Earth.
By now, the sun had diminished. The sky to the east pitch black while the western sky burned the colour of dying coals. The stars coming out like embers rising from the ashes. Orion looked so close, you could almost make out each individual star making up the belt.
Fleck walked down the quiet, paved streets, their path bright by the streetlights overhead. They were willing to bet that the power came from the same place the castle got theirs from. Two monster strolled down on the other side and in the opposite direction, talking, and jackets over shoulders.
Fleck patted their belly as it grumbled. Hungry again. They had just not stopped eating today. The butterscotch cinnamon pie and cereal for breakfast. The picnic for lunch. The recovery lunch with the mummy couple. Time for some dinner, something to tide them over until they can find a bed for the night.
Across the street, the neon signs caught their eyes. A convenience store, called the Con-venience Store, had its sign blaring in white and green. Their motto: Buy something once, shame on you; come back twice, shame on you. There was no shame to be given at this store. A discount poster was stuck on the main display window: Bag of chips for 30CC. Buy one and get another for the same price. Ironically, upon reading that special offer, a monster exited with a bag of chips in each hand – as many as an octopus could carry, with a tail.
From the crossroads, up and down the streets were the many signs of different establishments. A tattoo parlour. A pharmaceutical shop. A perfume shop. A library. An electronics store. Standing on its own between a crowded bar and an empty fitness store was a brightly lit restaurant: Sweet and Sour’s written in flashing neon above the side window. The structure seemed to have taken its roots from Gothic architecture and the inside had the flair of a fast-food joint but the sophistication of a five-star restaurant. A few monsters sat within on separate tables, and all of them were eating contently. If the grub was good enough for those folks, then it was good enough for them. Fleck walked up to the entrance and pushed open the glass door, the bottom brushed softly against the entrance mat.
A waiter behind a lectern greeted the human as they entered. The waiter was also a lectern. “Good evening. Welcome to Sweet and Sour’s.” The animate shelf plucked a menu off the inanimate shelf. “Table for one?”
Fleck raised an index finger, confirming that they were alone.
The lectern waiter turned on his wheels. He said, “This way please,” and lead the customer across the floor, between scores of booths, to the counter. Each booth was fitted with leather seats, easy to keep clean. Each table was adorned with pristine white cloths, flawlessly prepared silverware, spotless dishes, flicking candles, napkin dispensers and condiment racks loaded with sachets of salt, vinegar and pepper, and bottles of ketchup, mustard, and mayonnaise. Two girls to the right sat together, one chowing down on a chargri
lled chicken breast with lettuce and a jacket potato, the other with a greasy bucket of fried chicken made for two.
Behind the counter lay the kitchen, or in this case, kitchens. On one side, chefs decked out in white aprons and white hats juggled between frying pans ablaze with steaks and lobsters, the orange-drabbed employees opposite wrapped burgers and lined them up on the warming trays. After reaching the counter, the waiter proclaimed to the customer that they were here before scooting back to the entrance. Fleck was confused, unsure if they needed to follow him or stay where they were.
The clerk manning a cash register behind the counter – an acne-ridden boy in the final year of his teens, with the deep dark bags of a fourteen hour shift – answered that question for Fleck. He smiled and said, “Welcome to Sweet and Sour’s.” Then frowned just as quickly. “Pick something already, kid.” The words Welcome to Sweet and Sour’s scrolled across the price screen.
Fleck looked down at the menu in hand then up at the one above the counter. They were identical. A few of the options caught Fleck’s eye…
Fake Steak – There’s not much at stake here. 20CC
Creepy Pasta – Spaghetti hoops shaped like human heads, swimming in tomato sauce. Like regular pasta, only creepier. 8CC
Cheese Burger – Yep, just a plain old regular burger (but with cheese!). 10CC
Mint Chocolate Cake – Contains no actual mint, but it’s still pretty radical. 15CC
Cartons of fries were beside homemade cut chips. Crab fried rice next to battered cod. Sausage and mash beside hotdogs. Fleck asked the clerk whether this was a restaurant or a fast-food joint.
“Funny you should say that,” the clerk responded with a tone laced with cynicism. “You see, the chain was started by Mr Sweet and Mr Sour. Sweet wanted a restaurant, but Sour wanted a burger place. They couldn’t decide which to go on, so they compromised – and by that I mean they just mashed the two together.” He went from grumpy to happy in an instant. “But look on the bright side, we’re the only fast food restaurant around. We deliver high quality food as fast as monsterly possible. If you’re worried about your waistline, fear not, for all of our items are low in fat and loaded with essential vitamins and nutrients to get you through the day. Our evening meals are infused with protein to keep you full until breakfast, and full of Vitamin D, Magnesium, Potassium, and Melatonin to ensure you get an excellent night’s sleep.” The enthusiasm drained from his features. “Now be snappy, you’re holding up the line.”
