by Nola Cross
What was I thinking? Her cheeks were soaked with heat as she recalled how he’d asked her to take off her top, and the hungry way he’d stared at her naked breasts. In the heat of the moment it had been kind of thrilling, but now she was just plain embarrassed. She hoped Tracy wouldn’t notice. So far, she’d been able to fend off most of her best friend’s questions about the past week, but she knew it was just a matter of time before Tracy would wear her down.
In the past she would have looked forward to confiding every juicy detail, but for some reason she couldn’t identify she was loathe to discuss the particulars of her time with Hawk. Maybe it was because Tracy had teased her about him for so many years.
Tracy sat down next to her. “I still can’t believe your dad’s getting married in a month.”
The rushed wedding schedule had been a surprise to Desi too. When she arrived home that morning her dad had been at work, so she’d called Cora to touch base. Not only was the engagement party being held this weekend, but the ceremony itself would take place in just four weeks. The printer had put a rush on the invitations, which had gone out in yesterday’s mail. Amazing what all could transpire when one left home for a week.
“I know. I had no idea he was getting serious with any of his lady friends. I wish I’d had the chance to get to know her better.”
“Her? You mean your step-mom? You’re going to have a step-mom, Dez.” For some reason, that seemed to strike Tracy as funny.
“Yeah. So?” Desi frowned. “I just can’t figure out why they’re in such a hurry to get married. My dad’s been single forever.”
“You can’t?” Her friend’s brows rose high over her blue eyes as she leaned close. “What’s the most common reason a wedding has to happen in a hurry?”
“What? No. You will not convince me that Seville is pregnant.” Her father’s girlfriend was as tall and willowy as a runway model. Not an extra ounce on her. Besides, nobody got married because they had to anymore. Did they?
“I heard it through the grapevine, I’m just sayin’.”
“Well, the grapevine has been wrong before.” No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t picture her dad starting a whole new family, not when he’d been pretty much emotionally absent for her own childhood.
There were still so many unanswered questions. Her dad wasn’t picking up his cellphone, and Cora hadn’t wanted to discuss anything but the plans for tomorrow’s party. When Desi asked her point-blank if she knew where the newlyweds planned to live, the older woman seemed to be as ignorant on the topic as she herself was.
“Did you find out yet if Seville is going to move in with you and your dad?” It was almost like Tracy was reading her restless thoughts.
“No.” Desi hesitated and then decided to forge ahead. “You know, I was hoping to be able to talk this all over with my dad first, but I’m thinking that if he moves in with Seville, I might be able to get a couple of roommates and stay where I am.”
Tracy’s eyes went round. “For real? How much would rent be? Maybe I can swing it.”
“That’s the thing. I don’t know much about the household finances yet. I’d have to work that all out before I could officially ask you to move in.”
“But that would be so cool, wouldn’t it? Do you have a third person in mind?”
“I haven’t thought ahead that far, but it would have to be someone we both get along with.”
Tracy clapped her hands together. “I know the perfect guy.”
“A guy? I don’t know about—”
“Oh, don’t worry about that part of it. He’s gay.”
“Who’s gay?”
“My chemistry lab partner, Paul Johnson. Remember I introduced you guys that time in the cafeteria?”
Desi remembered now. Paul was tall, quiet, and good looking. “What makes you think he’s looking for a place?”
“He told me so just a few days ago. If you want to snag him, you should talk to him right away. He has to get out of his current apartment by the end of the month.”
The timing would be perfect.
“Well, I guess it would be okay to have a guy live with us. He’d come in handy for opening jars and stuff.”
Tracy clapped her hands again. “And I can have a live-in chemistry tutor, ’cause that’s pretty much the only way I’ll pass that class. When can you talk to your dad about it?”
“I’ll try to tonight if he’s home.”
Chapter 18
Hawk woke early Saturday morning from another dream about Desi. He lay with his eyes closed in a vain attempt to recall the details, but the more he struggled to remember, the hazier the dream became. All he could grasp was she’d been laughing about something he said, her beautiful face alight, her hair blowing back in loose ebony waves around her shoulders. They’d been sitting next to each other on a beach somewhere, and he’d been just about to lean in for a long, sexy kiss.
He missed her like crazy. In his head. In his body.
How was it possible to miss someone this much when she’d been in his house for just seven days? It didn’t make sense, but he’d barely been able to think of anything else in the twenty-four hours she’d been gone.
Yesterday, after Sarah had fitted him with his silver ion gloves, he’d done his physical therapy routine, given himself a quick sponge bath, and then driven to South Bay Classics. It was great to be able to accomplish those basic tasks for himself, but without Desi there to encourage and congratulate him, the whole experience seemed anticlimactic. Even the enthusiastic greeting he got from the guys at the garage felt flat, and he ended up staying just an hour or so. Although the gloves gave him increased flexibility, the doctor’s orders to take it slow made it impossible for him to help out with actual repairs. He signed a few checks and took off again.
On the way home he’d stopped at the local flower shop and sent a dozen roses to Desi’s house. He hesitated over the card for several minutes, deciding at last that Thanks for everything was the safest message he could send. Then he drove in an aimless pattern for a while, stopped for a fast food burger, and finally found himself in Point Defiance Park near the spot he and Desi had parked a few days before.
Once again the spring rains spattered the windshield, almost obscuring the view of the Puget Sound, but he barely noticed. He couldn’t keep his mind from wandering, remembering their kiss and the laughter, reliving all the good feelings she stirred in him.
What would Walt have to say about this current sense of confusion? Would his old friend advise him to go after her? Or just let things be? Try as he might to conjure the ghost of his mentor, nothing but his own mental chaos filled his thoughts.
If he did make the trip to Portland, what would be the point? He could hardly tell her it meant nothing. She’d no doubt construe his actions as some kind of promise he wasn’t yet ready to give.
Dinner had been a solitary affair, leftover Chinese food on the couch with Norman. Afterward he washed his plate and his oatmeal bowl from breakfast, then did his range of motion exercises while he watched reruns of his favorite sit-com. All the while, the house grew dark and quiet around him, reminding him how alone he was. A little after nine he’d fallen asleep in the recliner and tossed and turned until the dream awoke him.
Damn dream.
Ignoring the erection he’d been left with, he sat up and stretched and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Norman trilled a greeting from across the room. The furnace sputtered on. How had he never noticed before how empty the little house felt in the morning? Was he always in such a rush to get to the garage that he hadn’t let it register?
Distracting himself from that troubling thought, he made quick work of his hand exercises and then headed for the kitchen. At least there was some good news: his burns were healing. He didn’t need a doctor or nurse to confirm that. It was obvious from the decrease in pain these last two days, even when he’d cut way back on the Oxy. Another week or so and he’d be able to get back to a pretty normal life.
But what was normal? He wasn’t sure he knew anymore. For the past year or so he’d had that plan to enlarge the garage, expand his business. This morning that idea held little appeal. What was the point of striving for success if he had no one to share it with?
He had Desi to thank for pointing out that missing piece, but that didn’t mean it had to be Desi herself who filled the role. Did it? After all, the girl had goals and dreams of her own that didn’t include him or a move to Tacoma. He was just being selfish again. Ridiculous.
Fighting the descending pall of loneliness, he poured a cup of cold leftover coffee into a mug, set it in the microwave, and leaned back against the counter to wait. What would she be doing today? Oh yes, the big engagement party. For a moment he had the crazy impulse to call her, make sure she got those flowers he’d sent. But he caught himself just as he was about to pick up his cellphone. She didn’t need him poking his nose into her life. He couldn’t give her what she wanted. She was better off without him.
The microwave beeped and he sprang to life, grabbing the cup with such force that hot coffee sloshed onto the back of his hand. The glove did its job, protecting his tender skin, but the little accident brought him back to reality.
Focus, man. He needed to put Desi out of his mind and move on.
* * * *
Desi used a rhinestone-dusted clip to pull her hair back on one side, then tucked a rose she’d taken from the bouquet Hawk sent behind her ear. The white buds had been waiting for her when she and Tracy got home from decorating the church, and had unfurled overnight, their lush fragrance filling her bedroom. Against the black sheen of her hair, the rose looked almost tropical. It was the perfect accent to her pale pink dress with its daring neckline and narrow skirt.
Would Hawk like the dress she’d chosen? She stepped back from the mirror and turned to the side, smoothing the fabric down over her hips. Tracy had helped her pick it out this morning in a rushed shopping excursion to the mall. Her friend had assured her she looked hot, even hotter once she put on a matching pair of stilettos.
But what was the point of looking hot if the man she loved wasn’t there to see it?
That’s right. She loved Hawk. She’d fully admitted it to herself today. Being away from him made her realize just how much she missed him, and there was no use kidding herself about it.
But his terse message on the florist’s card—Thanks for everything—made it pretty clear he wasn’t interested in deepening their connection. What the hell did he mean by that anyway? Was he being sincere in his gratitude for the assistance she’d given him all week, the food she’d prepared, the laundry and chauffeur services, the bandage changes? Or did he intend it as innuendo about their time together yesterday morning?
Or was he just kissing her off?
She’d sent him a quick text last night, thanking him for the flowers, but so far he hadn’t responded. Maybe he just hadn’t heard the text notification tone. Or maybe his phone battery was low.
Or maybe he was kissing her off. Her tummy clenched every time she thought about it. She could always invent some new reason to text him again, but wouldn’t that seem clingy and insecure? Not the mature image she’d been trying to project.
She ran her tongue over her lips as she leaned forward to apply her lipstick, and all at once she was struggling not to think about the firm, velvet texture of his flesh in her mouth, the salty taste he’d left behind. The way his thighs had tensed beneath her fingers as she placed her hands on his body. He had seemed to like what she’d done with her hands and her mouth. But maybe she’d come across instead as clumsy and naïve, and he’d only pretended to like it.
What about this shade of lipstick? Would he like the perfume she was wearing tonight?
Stop! She threw her lipstick down on the bathroom counter in disgust. She couldn’t go on mooning over Hawk. He didn’t want her in the same way she wanted him.
Besides, she had other things to think about, to plan for. Why just this morning she’d managed to corner her dad and have that long-awaited conversation about renting the house from him. To her amazement, he’d agreed without any argument, saying he’d had the same thought.
Apparently Seville lived in one of those exclusive high-rise condos down on the riverfront. There would be room there for just the two of them. It boggled the mind to imagine her dad living in such luxury, but far be it for her to express her doubts. She’d never seen him so jovial, so magnanimous. He was like a whole new man. Maybe he’d be able to pull it off.
Jordan Taylor’s only stipulation was that he get to meet and approve her prospective roommates. That seemed like a reasonable request, so she’d called Paul Johnson and talked things over with him. He was more than interested, especially when she told him how affordable the rent would be. He agreed to stop in at the party tonight and meet her dad.
It was going to be so fun living with Tracy and Paul. The three of them would help each other keep their lives and careers on track. She’d get back into her nursing studies with renewed commitment and maybe add some hours to her part-time job at the hospital. With so much to do and so much on her mind, it wouldn’t matter in the least whether she ever heard from Hawk again.
* * * *
It was almost eight PM when Hawk pulled his car up to the curb in front of the Sweet Redemption Baptist Church. The adjoining parking lot was packed with cars, and a row of high windows on the north end of the building spilled rectangles of light across the dark lawn. Strains of soft dance music lifted on the night air. This had to be the reception hall Desi had mentioned.
He took a deep breath, trying to still the hammering of his heart.
What the hell am I doing here?
He didn’t know, wasn’t sure what he hoped to accomplish. He just knew he hadn’t been able to shut out that blasted inner voice that kept prodding him to come. At the very least he owed her a sincere thank you. That stupid, brusque note he’d sent with the flowers could have been taken the wrong way. He sure as shit hadn’t meant to hurt her feelings, and the more he thought about the short message, the more uneasy he felt. He’d gotten her text this morning thanking him for the flowers. He hadn’t known what to say back. After battling with himself all day, he’d surrendered to the base urge to get in his car and come.
What do you want, man?
He brushed the niggling question aside, but it popped back into his mind again a minute later. He had to admit he didn’t know what he wanted, aside from seeing Desi again. Once he was with her, he’d play it by ear. He had the silver ion gloves to show her. She’d be interested in those for sure. It was as much of a plan as he could come up with for the time being.
Before he could change his mind, he jumped out of the car, locked it, and strode toward the church. Inside the reception hall, the lights had been lowered and a dozen or more couples danced cheek to cheek to a slow ballad coming from the stereo speakers across the room. Against one wall a long, lighted table had been set with trays of elegant looking cookies, little slices of cake, and glasses of champagne. Folding chairs lined the far wall, where knots of people chatted and enjoyed their drinks.
Hawk stood back against the coatroom wall and surveyed the crowd, looking for a familiar face. After several minutes Jordan Taylor danced past with a tall, attractive woman in his arms. She was wearing white and the two of them were deep in conversation. He guessed that had to be the bride. But where the hell had Desi’s cokehead dad ever learned those smooth moves?
“Hawk!”
He turned to see Tracy weaving her way toward him, champagne glass in hand. The blonde girl was dressed in a sequined pants outfit that hugged her generous figure.
“Hi there! Desi didn’t tell me you would be coming.” She rolled her eyes and put her fingers to her lips, stifling a hiccough. “Oops. I mean, hi. Hello. Welcome to the party.”
“Thanks. It’s great to see you again, Tracy. Have you seen Desi?”
She squinted toward the dance floor. “She’s here somewhere.
I’ll go see if I can find her. Stay right here.”
Tracy shouldered her way back into the crowd and Hawk took a seat on one of the nearby folding chairs. The music wound down for a moment, and he became aware of the murmur of voices coming from the coatroom behind him.
“Does that work for you?” a woman asked.
“Oh yeah,” a guy’s voice said with more than a little enthusiasm. “That’s perfect.”
Hawk grinned to himself. No need to spell out what was going on behind that closed door. Cupid was no doubt doing his thing tonight at the Sweet Redemption Baptist Church. More power to them. With any luck he and Desi…
The dance music resumed and now he could just make out snatches of their conversation. He caught the word roommate and something about chemistry, and then the woman laughed.
It was a laugh he was all too familiar with.
Hawk catapulted from the chair and spun around to stare at the wall he’d been leaning against. Was he nuts or was that Desiree in the coatroom with some guy? Doing perfect things for him and laughing about chemistry? His heart crashed to his feet. It had to be a mistake. It must be some other woman with the same musical laugh.
Just then the knob on the coatroom door turned. Reacting on gut instinct, Hawk made a dash for a nearby dark corner and slid behind a stone pillar, turning just in time to see Desi emerge, followed by a tall, blond guy in a tailored suit. The man touched her arm and she stopped and looked up at him. He bent and said something to her, and she smiled and nodded and took his hand. They walked to the middle of the dance floor, and as Hawk looked on, Desi moved into his embrace.
She was a vision in a short pink dress that showed off her long legs and the sexiest pair of high heels he’d ever seen. She’d left her hair loose except for a single white flower at her temple. With a sinking sensation, Hawk realized it was one of the roses he’d sent her. How fitting that she’d wear it to attract some other man. As he watched, the two of them danced away with their heads bent close together, laughing together like lovers.
