by M. D. Melai
When I woke up Friday morning, I was beyond excited. It was the first day of October and our first official cold spell. It had been chilly on our runs lately, but today was the first time I could actually see my breath.
“What do you and Dante have planned for this evening?” I asked Violet halfway through our run.
“Umm, I don’t know. He said he got a text from Benito this morning, so he didn’t know what we might be doing,” Violet responded.
“Well, hopefully whatever Benito wanted won’t keep him very long.”
“I hope you’re right,” she said. “Are you ready for your date tonight?”
“Yes, I am,” I said without hesitation. “I’m ready to be out of the house and spend more time with Emilio.”
“Well, when you get back, I want a play by play of every detail of the evening,” she said seriously.
“Don’t you always?” I laughed before I stepped up my pace. We didn’t mention anything else again.
I spent the rest of the day working. My father’s property would be done by the middle of next week and I was already working on another project Violet had dropped off at lunch.
We had a new client who wanted a complete renovation of their home. They wanted Violet and me to gut the house, take the walls down to just the main frame, and start all over again. Violet said next week sometime she was going to have Emilio clear me to go out again to actually meet the clients.
In her words, “these clients are Lily clients,” which in translation meant, “these clients are crazy and I need Lily to interpret what the hell they are saying.” Those kinds of clients made the job interesting.
At six o’clock, I shut everything down and started getting ready. Emilio had told me early that morning he would be seeing me around eight this evening.
I took a shower, blow-dried my hair, put on my makeup, and then spent twenty minutes trying to decide how I wanted my hair to look for the evening. I finally settled on curls. I tried on five different outfits before settling on a long dark purple dress.
It was seven thirty when I finally headed downstairs to get my purse together, when I realized I didn’t have my phone. I knew it wasn’t upstairs with me, so I must have left it in my office.
The light was blinking when I found it underneath a mountain of paperwork. I got excited hoping it was Emilio calling or texting to let me know he was on his way. I hit the button to light up the phone and it was Emilio who had called and texted, but the text I started to read was not the text I was expecting.
Hey. I tried calling you. Something came up at the club. I’m not going to make it. I’m so sorry! I will make it up to you. We will go out tomorrow night for sure. I promise. Ti amo.
I was upset, but I understood.
Violet had texted earlier and said her and Dante were going out tonight. Lorenzo and Paolo were gone for the evening, and Elle, well I didn’t care. I was once again alone and all dressed up with nowhere to go.
For a moment, my mind drifted to the last time this had happened. Emilio couldn’t make our date and Lucas surprised me by showing up and taking me to Coney Island. It had been such a good night and I had so much fun. It was before I knew who my family was, before I knew who Lucas really was.
You can’t think of him Lily.
I sighed at my own thought and texted Emilio back.
Okay.
I didn’t waste any time getting out of my clothes. I couldn’t believe I had just spent the last hour and a half getting ready and it was all for nothing—not to mention I would have to do it all over again tomorrow!
After I changed my clothes, I headed into the kitchen and warmed up last night’s dinner. Then I headed to the living room to watch some TV and try to forget about my lonely evening ahead.
I caught the last hour of Pretty Woman, and when it ended, I took my dishes to the kitchen. As I was loading them in the dishwasher, I wondered what to do next. I wasn’t tired, and I didn’t want to watch another movie. Work was all caught up, so I made my way to the basement.
I felt bad for snooping on Emilio. I was better than that, or at least thought I was, but in the end, I wanted to see what was keeping him from our date. What was so important that he couldn’t make it?
I opened the panels, punched in the code, walked in, and sat down. I had figured out by now how to change all the screens, so I flipped the view to the middle screen, turned up the volume, and sat back in the chair to watch.
The music was blaring, people were dancing, and out of the corner of my eye, I watched as someone brought out a cake. The music stopped shortly and a voice I recognized came over the speakers—my father’s.
“Can I have everyone’s attention?” he asked standing up by the DJ. I didn’t even know he was in town.
Is that my mother standing beside him? Yes, it is!
She was smiling and looked relaxed.
What the hell?
Elle appeared beside my mother and then Emilio beside her. He was smiling and laughing at someone off to the side. Then he grabbed Elle around the waist, pulled her in close, and buried his face in her neck.
All of them were smiling! My family—with Elle and not me!
I immediately wrapped my arms around my body like I was trying to hold myself together. What was going on? I was so confused. What were they all doing there? I suddenly felt as if someone knocked the air out of me.
My father began again. “Thank you all for coming out to celebrate tonight. We are overjoyed that Emilio and Liliana have decided to get married.”
Married?
Married!
“I would like to make a toast to my beautiful daughter and soon to be son-in-law. May you have a long and happy marriage, and may the life you build together be strong and rich in love.”
I looked away, not being able to take any more. When I looked back, Emilio had leaned in and kissed Elle.
I started to try and take deep breaths, but I couldn’t.
What the hell just happened?
I jumped up and ran from the control room, not even putting the panels back.
I was starting to hyperventilate by the time I reached the top of the stairs. The image of what I had just seen replayed over and over in my head. My father was smiling and was so happy. That was the happiest I had ever seen him, and I wasn’t even there. He introduced Emilio and Elle, not Emilio and me.
Why didn’t anyone ask my opinion on this? I felt the tears roll down my face before I even realized I was crying.
I was mad, because everyone was at an engagement party I had dreamed about my entire life with the man I always saw standing beside me. My parents were happy, smiling, and looking on. There were no words to describe the hurt and pain I was feeling at that moment. I was devastated beyond what my own heart could handle.
I had made it through so much in the last couple of years, but this last year was the hardest. I had made it through Emilio leaving me the first time, me being thrown down a set of stairs, Roman’s death, being kidnapped, confined to a house, and forced to watch everyone’s lives go on but mine, but this—I didn’t know if I could survive it.
I was mad that no one had thought to ask my opinion on this and that they were having a party without me. But, the one thing that cut the deepest out of this whole situation was my parents’ faces as they looked at both Emilio and Elle. They clearly knew it wasn’t me, and I had never seen them so happy.
I stood in the middle of the living room looking around through blurred vision with so much anger built up. I didn’t know what else to do, so I did what felt right at that moment—I just started screaming. I screamed for the young woman who was slowly fading into the background, for all the hurt that was still left from the past year, and for the girl who just wanted to, for once, see the smile that her father wore tonight to be for her.
Tears streamed down my face as I hit my knees and hunched over. My body was being racked with grief. I eventually rolled over into the fetal position and cried myself to sleep.
/> ***
“Liliana!” A voice jarred me from my sleep. It was Emilio.
When I felt his warm arms slide underneath me, my eyes immediately flew open.
“Don’t touch me!” I screamed as I pulled away from him.
“Lily!” Violet exclaimed.
“What happened to you?” Dante asked as he pushed Emilio and Violet aside. “Did someone get in the house? Did someone hurt you?”
I didn’t say anything. I just looked at all of them: Violet, Dante, Emilio, and Elle. They stood there shocked and worried. Emilio reached out to me again and I slid away from him.
“I said don’t touch me,” I seethed out at him.
“Lily, please tell us what the hell happened here?” Emilio’s voice became frantic now.
I stood up and staggered for a minute. My muscles were stiff from being curled up on the floor.
“Where were you tonight?” I blatantly asked Emilio once I was steady on my feet.
“I was at the club,” he said looking at me like I was crazy.
“For what?”
“We had a private party and I had to stay for it.”
I was getting madder by the minute. He wasn’t telling me the complete truth.
“What kind of party?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” he said, telling a complete lie.
“You’re a damn liar, you know that!” I screamed at him. “I know you’re lying to me!”
“Liliana,” he said as he went to grab my hand again, and I, once again, backed up even further.
“I saw it! All of it! I saw you, my parents, and Elle standing there, happy! As he announced our engagement! But you know who wasn’t there? Me! I wasn’t there!”
“Lily, please.” Emilio was visibly upset now. Violet and Dante looked mortified, and Elle just stood there with wide eyes.
“So who is going to be walking down the aisle when this wedding happens? Me or her?” I said as I pointed to Elle, who was starting to cower.
“And you,” I said turning towards her, “you wanted my life? Well, I guess you have it now! You have my job, you have Emilio, and now you have a big fat engagement ring on that finger of yours!”
“Lily—” Dante began, but I cut him off.
“Don’t you even… don’t you dare try to fix this one.”
“We didn’t know,” Violet began. “I swear none of us had a clue.”
“You couldn’t text or call me and be like ‘Hey Lily, apparently you’re getting married and I’m at your engagement party!’ Violet, you knew I would go down there and see it! You too Emilio! All those damn camera’s everywhere, did you think I wouldn’t see it?”
Violet’s eyes filled with tears as she backed away. Dante looked at me with sad eyes as he backed away to put his arm around Violet.
“I was going to tell you,” Emilio blurted out.
“When?” I yelled. “Before or after you married her?”
“I was going to tell you tonight.”
“Tonight?” I half laughed at him.
“It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I didn’t know there was going to be a party. I swear.”
“So, you knew you were going to be getting engaged to Elle, but you didn’t know about a party? Can you tell how sorry I feel for you now? When were you going to ask me Emilio? When were you going to ask me to marry you?”
“Lily...,” he pleaded.
“I don’t know how I feel about you Emilio. Sometimes I love you so much it hurts, and then sometimes I’m so aggravated with you I just want to slap you, but I keep trying…,” I started to cry now and that just made me even more upset.
“I keep going back and forth with myself. My mind and heart are constantly battling for the right answer.” I looked from his face to Dante, to Violet’s, and then Elle’s. “I can’t even look at any of you right now. I’m disgusted.”
I turned and faced Elle. “Elle, you’re no longer welcomed in this house. You get your things and leave! If I ever catch you at this house again, then I will personally rip those brown locks from your head.”
I had never watched someone move so fast in my life. Elle scrambled out of the room and up the stairs faster than anyone I had ever seen.
“You can’t do that,” Emilio stated.
“Are you defending her?” I asked with hurt in my voice, as his face dropped.
“No, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Of course you didn’t. You never mean it like that? So, how do you mean it?” I asked with my eyes set firmly on his.
“I meant…,” he trailed off.
“Do you love her?”
“Do I what?”
“You heard me the first time I asked you Emilio. Don’t you dare play stupid with me!”
“I love you Lily, you know that,” he said strongly.
“Who is me?” I said as I pointed to myself. “The me you see here every night, or the me you spend your days with, because the me here and the me you are spending your days with are not the same person.” I looked at him for a moment as hurt poured off me.
“I’m doing the best I can!” he yelled back at me as he threw his hands up in the air before cuffing the back of his neck.
“Your best isn’t good enough!” I screamed back. “I LOVE YOU! I love you so much that I came back here to New Jersey to try and make things work and to see if we could have a second chance at whatever it is we have. I love you so much I stayed here, in this house, confined every damn day to see your face. I love you enough that if you would have consulted me on this I might have been okay with it. I would be even better if you would have got down on your knee and asked me to marry you.”
Emilio had tears rolling down his face as he reached for me once again, and once again, I stepped back.
“Lily, please. We can talk about this in the morning, when we both have had some sleep and can talk rationally about this.”
“I’m done talking about this Emilio,” I said as I turned to walk away.
“Liliana please,” he begged as the strings of my heart tugged.
I knew what I was going to have to say and it hurt me. I felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest. It was ten times the pain I had felt before.
I took a deep breath and sucked up my tears before I turned to meet Emilio’s eyes, and with all the power and rage I could conjure up, the words flew out of my mouth.
“I hate you Emilio! I hate you with every fiber in my body!”
I had broken him with those words and I knew it. His face immediately fell and he covered up his eyes with his hands. Dante and Violet were just as shocked. Emilio turned, headed out the back door, and then took off running.
Things could have been a lot different if he would have just told me what was going to happen in the first place. Why didn’t he just tell me?
I stared at Dante and Violet and then made my way upstairs. A part of me wanted Emilio to turn around and come for me. I wanted for him to embrace me and tell me everything was going to be okay, but he didn’t.
He just kept running.
Chapter 8
I barely made it past the door when I entered my room. I slammed it so hard the pictures on the walls crashed to the ground. My body slid down the door as my legs gave out from under me.
Violet stayed away for the night, and I was fine with that. I wanted to be alone. Emilio paced outside my door for hours, and every once in a while, he would stop and lean against it like he was going to knock or say something. I could hear him mumble to himself, and eventually he slid down the other side of my door. I knew he was asleep when I heard his even breathing.
I dozed in and out of sleep after that. The events of the last few hours played over and over in my head. I had abandoned crying. I was just mad now. My entire life was starting to not feel like my life at all.
Early the next morning, I heard Elle’s voice outside my door trying to wake up Emilio. He snorted loudly a few times before he finally came to. Once he was awake, she told hi
m she had everything packed and was ready to go when he was. I could hear him as he wrestled around before getting up.
“I’ll be back in a little bit,” Emilio spoke to my door. “Maybe we can talk then?”
I didn’t respond. That was a question he wasn’t going to get an answer to. I heard their footsteps as they headed downstairs, and I was glad Elle took my warning seriously. I had had enough of her. She would never be me.
I sat there for a few more minutes before I unlocked my door for Violet and headed to take a shower. I knew she was going to need clean clothes for the day.
I locked the bathroom door as soon as I entered, turned on the shower, and then looked at myself in the mirror. The girl staring back at me looked like a mess. She had puffy, bloodshot eyes with dark circles from lack of sleep and stress. Mascara ran down her face, and her loose bun had dropped. I couldn’t believe she was me.
I took a long shower. The hot water ran over my head and body, which instantly relaxed me. I had calmed down some from last night, and my anger was now focused on its rightful owner.
There was only one thing that I regretted saying last night and it was when I told Emilio I hated him. If I could have, then I would have taken it back instantly. I would apologize soon, but I would need time since I didn’t want to see him.
I was upset with Violet and Dante too, but mostly I was mad at my parents. All they had to do was explain to me what was going on and I would have understood. However this situation got started, I knew it stemmed from my father.
I let the hot water run its course and then I got out of the shower. I towel dried and brushed out my hair the best I could. I hadn’t planned on leaving my room today, so all I did was change into something more comfortable.
Violet was sitting on the bed when I came out. She looked tired. I could tell she hadn’t slept much.
She sat quietly as I finished getting dressed and didn’t speak up until I turned and looked her in the eyes.
“Are you going to be level-headed?” she asked as she glared at me.
“Well, I might have been, but now I’m not so sure,” I snapped back at her.
“I didn’t come to fight with you Lily.” She frowned at me.
