Shit. I sucked in a deep breath and caught up to her. I fell into step beside her and looked down at her. “Nine and a half years ago.”
She froze, her gaze remaining on the ground. “So, six months? Your marriage lasted six month?”
“Two days. We filed for divorce after two days. It took six months for the paperwork to go through and the divorce to be finalized.”
“Ha! Something the great Langdon Millingham failed at. Bet that went down in the record books.”
Muddy stumbled and gasped when I caught her and tugged her into my arms. Pressed against my chest, she looked up at me and her tear filled eyes started to leak. Her bottom lip trembled.
I pressed my lips to the top of her head as I held her. My words were little more than a whisper. “I failed you. Until tonight, I didn’t even know how much.”
She braced her hands against my shoulders and tried pushing me away. “Let me go, Lang.”
I couldn’t do it while she was crying. “Stop, Sunshine. Stop fighting me.”
If anything, it made her fight harder. She kneed me dangerously close to my package and then escaped my grasp. “I hate you. You ruined my life before, but I’m not letting you do it again. Go away. Go back to whatever it is you’ve been doing for nine and a half years that wasn’t finding me and making it right. I never want to see you again.”
I stopped chasing after her and stood completely still. “You don’t mean that. I’m your mate.”
“Just like you’ve been my mate all these years? Yes, I do mean it.” She turned and ran.
This time, she got far enough away that her scent was just a tease. I shifted and ran after her as fast as my four legs would allow. Almost immediately, I found her trailing through the woods behind her house. She hissed when I came up behind her and I shifted back.
“What don’t you get, Langdon?”
I stood there, naked, more than willing to grovel for her. I wasn’t the kind of man to give up, no matter how much time it took. Not with something that meant as much to me as she did. My frustration led to anger, led to fury.
“I fucked up. Big time. You don’t think I know that? I should have fucking followed you back then. I should have fucking fought for you. Fuck Deacon Allred. I should have told my parents and the rest of my family to fuck off and selfishly gone off and lived my own life. The one I wanted to live. With you.” I was so angry, I was shouting and waving my arms in the air for emphasis.
“Deacon Allred? What are you talking about?”
“I knew I’d made a mistake right after the ceremony. I came to your house the next day. That’s how I found out you were gone, that you’d run off with Deacon Allred. My heart broke in pieces when I found out, Muddy. Shattered. So many times over the past decade I thought of looking you up, of going to find you, but I was determined not to be selfish. I swore I’d stay away and let you find happiness. I owed it to you.”
“Deacon Allred? Deke the freak? The pervert who was caught hiding in the girls’ locker room with a video camera? You thought I ran off with Deke the freak?”
My chest throbbed and I tasted bile in the back of my throat. “Well, I knew he had a crush on you. Everyone knew. I just never realized it was reciprocated.”
“It wasn’t reciprocated! Deke Allred left for college the day of your wedding. I don’t know what happened to him after that.”
I stood stunned. He what? I couldn’t even react when she hissed at me. I could only stare as she made her way to her house and slammed the door shut behind her. The click of the deadbolt as it locked in place was her final comment on the matter.
There was no Deke? All this time, I thought… I ran my hands down my face and grunted. The situation was worse than I’d thought. Here, I’d been hoping for a joyous reunion. I was so misguided. Everything was a mess.
I was her mate, though. She needed me, and I’d do whatever it took to make this right for her. I’d failed her once, I wasn’t giving up this time. I’d make it up to her. Muddy was a woman worth fighting for, and this time I would fight for her.
14
Muddy
The next morning was rough. I felt like shit, which seemed to be a pattern lately. Laverne and her gang of geriatric misfits were in fine form, scream-laughing and hooting like a bunch of barn owls as the sun came up. My brain was throbbing like I’d spent the night beating my head into a wall. All night, I’d dreamt of Lang, of his hands on me. In my dream, he was grabbing me and pulling me into him again, and again, I wasn’t pushing him away. I was giving in to the urges, listening to my lioness as she purred over his touch.
Sick.
I shook my head as I poured coffee into a large mug for myself. It didn’t matter what my body or dreams wanted. Lang was a bad apple. I didn’t need that in my life. I’d been fine without him for years. I didn’t need him now.
My lioness was one big unhappy tail flick in my head. She was built for a mate, after all. Her eagerness to play after waking up from those dreams of Lang spoke volumes about how much she was built for a mate.
It’d be better if he just left. Having him around was going to make me insane. Between him and the Flamingos, I felt like I was being pulled in eighteen different directions.
Jay walked into the kitchen, looked me over, and shook his head. “It’s amazing that you can look rougher and rougher every morning.”
I scowled. “I sign your paychecks, turdball.”
He just grinned. “What the fuck happened to you last night, really? You look like your lion tried to eat you.”
I looked down at myself. Clean jeans and a mostly clean shirt. I’d spilled some coffee on it while guzzling from the large mug I’d poured myself. My shoes matched each other, my hair was the same as it was every day. I didn’t know what he was getting at. “The fuck?”
He laughed and started grabbing stuff out of the fridge. “Exactly. You’re barely here. You look haggard. Why don’t you let me and Anna handle everything today? You can go back to sleep.”
“No more sleep. Sleep is not my friend right now.”
“You could go run or go do whatever else you do when you’re not here. Just get out of here and try to breathe again.”
“I’m breathing. I’m breathing just fine.” I stopped short and looked down at my empty coffee mug. Forcing out a sigh, I rolled my shoulders. They could still feel Lang’s hands on them. “Maybe less coffee and more work.”
“Muddy.”
“Jay. I’m a big girl. I know what I need. You don’t have to worry.”
He raised his eyebrows and nodded. “Sure. Whatever you say. I’m going to start breakfast.”
I stared at the coffee machine for a few seconds, debating pouring myself more, and then decided I’d go sit with Laverne and let her distract me with whatever antics she was surely up to.
As soon as she saw me, though, she shook her head. “No, no. You look like trouble this morning. I’m having an excellent morning and I don’t want you getting your funk all over me.”
I stared at her for a few seconds and then balled up my fists. “Hush, old lady, or I’ll spit in your coffee.”
She leaned forward conspiratorially. “Would that turn me into something like you?” Her eyes sparkled and it made my stomach drop.
“What do you mean?”
“I saw you turn into a damn tiger. At first, I thought I hadn’t put on my glasses. But, nope. I was wearing them. And, just as sure as the nose on my face, you turned into a big tiger.”
There were countless appropriate ways to handle the situation. I could’ve tried to convince her she’d been seeing things, though I suspected that trying to convince Laverne of anything she didn’t want to believe would prove futile. I could’ve told her that I didn’t know what she was talking about and let her spout off all she wanted, figuring she’d only sound like a crazy old lady if she tried to tell other people. Instead, I just went with it.
“Lion. Not a tiger, a lioness.”
She wagged her empty mug unde
r my nose. “Could a little spit from the feline herself turn me into one of them lionesses, too?”
“Only one way to find out. I’ll be back with your coffee.” Of course my saliva wouldn’t turn her into a lion. Shifters were born, not made.
I went back to the kitchen and frowned at Jay before getting on with my tasks. I refilled Laverne’s coffee, and didn’t spit in it, because I wasn’t that rude. Most of the time. But, hey, let the old girl have some fun with it. I managed to get through the morning service and only broke a couple of plates. Things weren’t great, but they were going.
Before the lunch service started, I heard a commotion from downstairs. I finished up the bed I was making and slowly made my way down the stairs, hoping it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle with only a portion of functional brain.
As I came down the stairs, I detected a scent I couldn’t place. It was faint and a bit like little girl’s lip gloss and kids’ bubbles, the kind you blow through wands. I turned the corner into the dining room and stopped short. I don’t know what I’d been expecting, but it wasn’t what I was staring at. My dining room was filled in every corner with large pots and vases of every size and variety of sunflowers.
“Oh, my goodness.” Anna grabbed my arm and squeezed. “Look at all of these. This is amazing.”
Jay strolled out of the kitchen, his mouth cocked to one side. “Someone is showing off.”
Anna grabbed a card from a vase closest to us and read it with widening eyes. “Muddy, please let me in. We need to talk. Yours, Lang.”
Jay whistled. “There has to be a couple grand in flowers here. Looks like you hooked a big fish. Where do you even find sunflowers this time of year?”
I scowled and grabbed the card. Reading the typed words, I scowled even harder. He hadn’t even bothered to write the card himself. He’d probably just made a call, had some secretary do it. I ripped it up and tossed it in the trashcan behind the front desk. “Help me get these out to the dumpster so we can carry on with lunch.”
Anna pouted. “The dumpster? No way. These are beautiful, Muddy.”
“Then take them home. I don’t care where they go, as long as they’re gone. I don’t want to look at them.”
She nodded and grabbed one of the arrangements. It was obviously heavy, but she managed it. “I’ll be back.”
Jay, watching her, growled in my direction. “Get it together, Muddy.”
Grabbing one of the vases, I carried it to the front porch. I had it together. I was fine. Everything was fine. Lang just had to go.
“Do you like them?” The devil himself spoke up from right off the bottom of the porch steps.
I looked down and there he was standing with his hands in his pants pockets and a wide, white-toothed grin spread across his face. He looked amazing to my sluggish brain. Lord, why did he have to be so handsome? I shook my head to clear the stupid thoughts and folded my arms across my chest. “You’ve wasted your money, Lang.”
He watched as I put the vase down and stepped away from it. “I’ve got plenty, Muddy.”
“Exactly.” I shook my head. “I’ve got work to do.”
I left him outside, looking confused about what I’d meant. He didn’t get it. He’d never get it.
15
Lang
“She didn’t like the flowers.” I slammed my truck door shut and tried my best to stay calm. It wasn’t Andrea’s fault the flowers failed.
“She didn’t like them? How could she not like them? They are from three different specialty greenhouses around the country. They were flown in especially for her. They are exquisite.”
“I don’t know, Andrea! She just didn’t like them. I have to think of something else.” I wasn’t used to having to make grand gestures for women. I had no idea where to even start. What could I do for Muddy? Outside of flowers, I was drawing a blank.
“Well, what does she like?”
I growled as I navigated my truck back towards the rental house where I was staying. “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean, you don’t know? Is everything okay, Mr. Millingham? You’ve never done anything like this for a woman, as long as I’ve worked for you. Actually, I didn’t even know you were into women.”
“I’m fine, Andrea, and I’m not gay. I just need to come up with something better than flowers. This is important.”
“What about music? Does she like music?”
I rubbed my hand down my face. I didn’t know. She’d liked it when she was seventeen, but who knew what had changed?
“Maybe there’s a certain band she likes. You could take her to a concert.”
I vaguely remembered a band she liked back then. What was it? I groaned. “There was this band she used to like. They had some sappy songs about love.”
“Well, that narrows it down.”
I cleared my throat. “Andrea.”
She sighed. “Sorry, Mr. Millingham. I’m just not sure why you’re going through so much effort for a woman that you know nothing about. Is there something going on? Is this about your parents?”
“The band would’ve been big ten or eleven years ago. I think their name was something about flowers, or butterflies, or something. Just find them and call me back when you do. And, Andrea?”
“Yes?”
“Stop asking so many questions.”
I hung up and parked in front of my temporary home. I needed to go in and grab something to eat, but I was stressed and upset. I’d hoped the flowers would work to at least get her to sit down and talk to me. I wanted to explain, and to apologize. The sunflowers reminded me of her. With her flaming red hair and peaches and cream complexion, she’d always reminded me of a bright, sunny day. Hence, my nickname for her.
Maybe she hated flowers.
I was irritated that I couldn’t remember the name of the sappy band. They’d been a big deal to Muddy back then. She’d played that song while we made love for the first time.
What kind of asshole was I that I couldn’t remember something like that? What kind of asshole was I that I could stay away from my mate all these years and not even know she was hurting?
I hung my head and tried to go back in time to think of it. All I ended up doing was pissing myself off. I could still see the innocence in her eyes as they were back then. She’d been innocent and full of hope. She hadn’t cared that my parents hated her. She’d ignored the awful things they said. I realize now that she did it for me. She would’ve walked through fire for me.
I was a selfish, stupid asshole to ignore her obvious devotion. It wasn’t that I didn’t love her. I loved the hell out of her. She was my mate. I was blinded by what I thought was my duty. That I was doing the right thing. I thought I was doing the sacrificing, I had no idea what I was putting her through.
What she’d said over at Alec Patterson’s, that she was trash, and I’d chosen Michelle East over her. Wow. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. My parents had me convinced that I wouldn’t be a good son if I didn’t go through with the wedding. And, I did it, even though I didn’t care about my money, or my family’s money, or the deal that marrying Michelle solidified.
I should have fought against them. Fuck, I should have fought for Muddy. But instead, I failed her. I damned sure wasn’t making that mistake again. I’d fight for her, and I’d keep fighting for her. I would not stop fighting until she knew how much I loved her, that in my eyes she was worth more than a hundred Michelle Elizabeth Easts.
Muddy had always been the only woman for me. I hadn’t been able to touch another woman since. I hadn’t wanted to. The first time we made love was fucking fireworks and shooting stars. Leaving her side afterwards had been brutal. Yet, I’d done it. I’d made the stupid sacrifice. I’d gone through with the farce of a wedding. Fortunately, Michelle had felt about the same way I had, and was relieved that I wanted nothing more than to file for divorce the next day and run to Muddy.
Except, when I’d arrived, Muddy was gone.
She must h
ave been crushed. I could only imagine how horrible she must have felt. And, then what did I do when I came to Helen’s Corner? The sex had been too rough and too fast. Just as world-stopping as the first time, but I messed up again, taking her that way. I should’ve used patience and control and made it special. I should have let her know how much it meant to me. How much she meant. I should’ve done so many things differently.
How ironic that the one thing I cared most about was the one thing I couldn’t seem to stop fucking up. I had to work with what I had. I had to convince Muddy that I could do better. The flowers hadn’t worked, but I was not about to give up.
When Andrea called me back a few hours later with the name of a few bands that had hit songs ten years ago and a list of their most sappy songs. I picked the one I thought was right and had her arrange everything. They’d be arriving in Helen’s Corner the next day to set up and perform a one song set in front of Muddy’s house. Surely, that would work. It had to. It was a big, grand gesture. Women liked that, right? If that’s what women liked, that’s what Muddy would get.
I slept like shit that night. I was excited and hopeful about the show, but I was also painfully aware that Muddy was so close, yet not in my arms. I shifted and went for a run, but I was still all too aware that my mate was in the same town. My wolf wanted to go to her. He thought I was fucking it up and he could do better.
By the time I got to the little makeshift stage later that day and found the band there, setting up, I was wound tighter than my mother at a discount chain store.
It felt like everything was moving at a snail’s pace. I wanted the show on the road. I couldn’t wait for Muddy to come out and be blown away. I envisioned her softening up, maybe we’d talk, she’d forgive me, and we’d move on to happily ever after.
When the band finally started playing and people started filling the street, I waited against the front of my truck. I leaned against it, doing my best to look casual and like I wasn’t a nervous wreck inside.
Wolf Purebred Page 7
