by J. L. Drake
Flopping my head back to the pillow, I closed my eyes and let some tears fall.
“Jesus, Lexi, that was an incredibly dangerous deal to make.”
“I did it for Elliot.” Drying my cheeks, I flinched at the pain in my shoulder. “Elliot got jumped one night and defended himself with a golf club. Ended up killing a girl, thinking it was someone else. He was going to get life until I struck a deal with a DEA agent.”
“Yellow?” Keith suddenly realized who Yellow was.
“Whenever I had some information for them, I would put a yellow rose in with the red ones on my parents’ grave. He knew what day I went to visit, so he’d wait for the signal.”
Keith sank into the chair next to me. “How long have you been doing this?”
“Eight months.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have understood.”
I nearly smiled, and I knew he caught it. “Keith, you came walking back into my life like the force of a hundred men.”
“I guess, but still…Lexi.”
I turned to face him. “Where is the safe house located?”
He closed his eyes, getting my point.
“We all have secrets, Keith. Some we can share, and some we can’t.”
Keith tossed his ball hat on the bed and rubbed his head.
“Look, we can go through all of this after we get you home.”
Home…
My mouth was dry and I needed water. How was I going to explain?
“Um, I think I’m going to take a breather for a bit. All of this has been a bit too much.”
His expression became worried. “Breather?”
“I need some time to think. My brother, who was my best friend, just killed himself. Will, someone I’ve known and lived with under the same roof, killed my parents. I need some time to process that before I can look ahead to the future.”
He stood, looking pissed. “I know, and we can do that together.”
I shook my head slowly. “I need some time alone, Keith.
“Time?” I could see that word stung him. “Was ten years not enough?”
I bit down on my cheek, trying not to lash out. “Don’t put that decade all on me! You left me, remember?”
“Fuck, Lexi, we wasted half of our lives chasing each other. Here we are with a chance to be us again, and you want to take another break.” His hands covered his face. “Here we go again. History repeating itself. Well, now I know how Cole felt.”
Huh?
“This—” I paused, seeing everything so damn clearly now, “—is why we don’t work.”
I’m not sure how much time passed as we stared in opposite directions. We were so different; that was evident now. One of us just had to pull the trigger.
“Sell the ring.”
His head snapped up.
“Sell the ring.” My eyes softened so he knew I wasn’t trying to fight anymore. I was so tired of fighting. “I’m not good for you.” My words tore from me, and acid filled the open wounds. Why was this so hard? Because I was truly saying goodbye, but in the right way this time. No hurtful digs, just “I love you so much, and that’s why I’m letting you go.” It could never work.
“We have so much baggage it will just sink us. You need to be loved, Keith, in a way I never can.”
He leaned forward and grabbed my hand. “You don’t get to make that call, Lexi.”
“Yes, I do.” I kissed his fingers.
“No, Lexi, don’t.” His eyes filled and spilled over. I had never seen Keith cry like that, and it just about killed me.
“I love you, Keith. Always have, always will. But sometimes that’s not enough.”
“Lexi, you just need some time to heal.”
“Hey.” I pulled him closer and kissed his cheek as a goodbye. “You don’t get it. I don’t want to be saved.”
He suddenly stood like he finally got it, and then turned away. I couldn’t watch, so I closed my eyes before I heard the door shut behind him.
“Goodbye, Keith.”
There. I did it. I did it for him.
My good arm flew across my face as I cried myself out.
I heard he came by every day, but I made sure he couldn’t see me. I even left a day early so he couldn’t intercept me. It was harsh, but Keith had to see I meant what I said or he would never give up.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Eight Months Later
Lexi
Pushing the cart through the aisle was a lot easier before. I really took it for granted. My cart was overflowing with junk food, but I didn’t care. Dipping my plain chip in the peanut butter made my eyes roll back in my head. I was so hungry.
My phone lit up, and I answered.
“Hi, Emma, where are you?”
“Just at the pharmacy. I’ll be at least another twenty. You still at the market?”
Dropping a package of gummy worms into the cart, I sighed. “Yes, buying way too much, but whatever.”
“Who cares?” She laughed. “Lucky bitch. I’ll meet up when I’m done.”
“’Kay.”
Stopping at the candy department, my eyes stung when I spotted the Hubba Bubba tape. I really missed all his friends, especially Mark. I wondered what Keith was up to, but really, that wasn’t any of my business anymore. My life was here now.
I took the little money I had squirrelled away from Antonio’s club and drove to Nova Scotia where my cousin Emma had offered me a place to stay. She had made the same offer after my parents died, but at that time I couldn’t bring myself to leave Boston. It was where my parents were. I realized I had missed Canada, and it helped me reunite with my roots. I did hear Father Kai went to jail. I didn’t care to know why. I was just happy at the news and hoped he was now someone’s bitch.
Clark tried to reach out. I answered once and heard the Devil’s Reach never got charged with the killings of the Almas Perdidas members. Something about one of them testifying it was another crew from North Carolina. Of course the police department kept quiet. They were just happy to get their city back. He did mention one of Trigger’s crew came in and spoke to him and wanted to say they were sorry I got hurt, and they were in my debt. Clark said he had told them it was me who gave them the location of where their member’s body was. He told me their motto was “Never Forget.” I asked Clark what that meant, and he said I should ask Keith. I didn’t say anything to that. What was there to say? Afterward, I changed my number and left.
I needed to start over.
***
Keith
“Hey, Keith?” Mike poked his head in the door. “Frank called, and Officer Caden just sent his paperwork through. He is officially part of the house.”
Removing my glasses, I leaned back in the leather chair Savannah gave me as a move-in gift. I let out a deep breath. “That’s a relief.”
Mike nodded, coming into my office as I pulled out two crystal snifters and a bottle of brandy. Pouring us each a double, I placed his in front of him as he sank into the chair, looking as tired as I was.
Raising it in the air, I leaned forward to tap his. “Dusk is finally fully staffed.”
I closed my eyes and let the warm amber slide down my throat. This had been a maddening experience. I had so much more respect for the Logans. Filling a houseful of people you needed to be able to trust was incredibly hard.
“Oh,” I leaned back and pointed to the table off to the side, “a package came for you today.”
Mike quickly glanced over. “Thanks.”
“Look, I have to know, what is in those boxes?”
His eyes closed before he started to open the box. “I was always the big kid, tall, thick, scary looking. I didn’t have friends, and the ones I did only used me as their shield. One day my mother came home with one of these.” He held up an odd looking troll doll with blue hair. “Ugliest things I’ve ever seen, but they became my friends. They never made fun of me, never hurt me, never looked at me funny. They were just always there.” He smiled, placing it back in the box.
“My mom sends them to me every month. I tried to tell her I don’t want them anymore, but truth is they carry some kind of comfort.” He started to laugh. “Now you know why I never shared it with you guys.”
“Yeah, Mark would have a field day.”
“Yeah.”
“Secret is safe with me.”
“I know it is.”
I left it at that; no need to go on.
Mike would be my right hand man at the Dusk house. Cole, of course, had the same rules for him. He must visit Shadows, and he must remain on Blackstone.
I wasn’t overly surprised when Mike asked to be transferred here. We had always gotten along, and our personalities matched well.
“I think I may have recruited Davie.” Mike grinned, sliding the glass over to me and resting his ankle over his knee. “Savannah nearly removed my balls when she heard me speaking with Dell.”
It was the running joke right now for us to piss off Savannah with stealing their staff.
“You better watch your back.” I laughed. “She’s getting better with her paybacks. I found one of Liv’s diapers jammed in my suitcase. Thankfully, Mark sniffed it out before I left.”
“Thanks for the heads up.” He stood. “All right, boss, I need to go see how Abby is dealing with the kitchen staff. Thank God she offered to help out.”
“Yeah, sounds good.”
Once he left, I grabbed some paperwork and headed out onto my patio. It wasn’t long before I passed out.
***
“Yes, I got the memo, thanks.” I balanced the phone between my shoulder and ear as I tied my sneakers. “Oh, Cole, I hired that young guy you wanted. Um, Officer Caden. He officially moves in this Friday.”
“Wow, that’s great. So you’re fully staffed?”
“I am.” I glanced at the time and saw I was late. “Shit, Cole, I have to go. Can I call you later?”
“Sure thing.”
Hurrying down the stairs and into my car, I sped through the three checkpoints and onto the open Ashville road.
Things were different now. I was the primary operator of the new safe house in North Carolina. Still a member of Team Blackstone, I went there a lot. I did miss Montana, but I was there so much it was like I never left. Besides, Mark’s twin boys were a handful and liked to bite.
I loved being so close to my family and getting to spend a lot more time with them. Three loved being married, and Two’s relationship with Clark was moving along pretty fast. Nan was particularly happy to have me around to keep the bar stocked.
As for Lexi, she had decided to drop off the radar. We both spent a lifetime chasing something that just wasn’t there. It hurt like hell, and I would always be in love with her. I did meet someone. She worked at the bike shop in town. She was nice. She just had a lot of energy I found I couldn’t really to connect with, but I was sure in time it would get easier.
You shouldn’t have to try to like someone’s personality. You either click or you don’t. I tried to push Savannah’s words out of my head.
“Hi.” Amelia’s eyes lit up as I came forward and kissed her lips.
“Hey, how are you?”
“Better now.” She smiled and held my hand as I looked over the menu. “Oh, so…” She pulled out a catalog. “What do you think about Barbados?”
My stomach twisted. She wanted to do a trip with her sister and knew I’d done a lot of traveling. So she was picking my brain. However, I didn’t want to think about Barbados…
“How about Cuba?” I offered instead.
“Ohh…” She flipped through the pages and pointed to the white beach. “Yes, I could vacation there, no problem.”
My phone vibrated twice in my pocket. I pulled it free and saw it was an unknown text. That’s odd. I quickly Googled the area code. Canada?
Opening the message, it took a moment for the picture to download.
Unknown Number: Thought you should know…234 Ocean View Rd, Queensland NS Canada.
The picture popped up, and I nearly choked on my water.
“Are you okay, hun?
“No.”
The End...
Come on, like I’d end it like that!
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Epilogue
Halifax International Airport was small enough that I found the car rental place easily.
“Seriously.” I shook my head at the girl behind the counter.
“Sorry, sir, but that’s all we have right now.”
“Right.” I grabbed my bag and made my way toward the Prius.
After a Tim Horton’s coffee run, I opened my phone and typed in the address from the text message.
Her picture stared at me. I had printed it off. It was beautiful. She was on a patio, in a long yellow dress, staring off toward the ocean, holding her very pregnant belly and looking so happy.
Pulling onto the highway, I headed toward Queensland Beach. I wished I hadn’t had the coffee, as the twisty roads made my bladder ache. Thankfully, there was a little diner called Trellis that was kind enough to let me use their restroom. I decided to eat something since I wasn’t sure how this visit was going to go.
Sitting at a table in the corner, I texted Cole to check in, and then called Mike to see how things were going at the house.
“What can I get for you?” the lady asked, holding up a note pad.
“Ah, fish and chips, please.”
“Water?” She eyed my empty glass.
“Please.” She went to leave, and I stopped her. “Can I ask you a question?” She turned and looked interested. I leaned down and removed her picture from my bag. “Do you know her?”
She took the photo and chuckled before she handed it back to me. “Lexi? Yeah, she actually works here.”
Seriously?
Her head tilted, and she looked me over hard. “Oh my God,” she whispered before she broke into a smile. “You’re Keith, aren’t you?”
I tried not to get excited about the fact that Lexi had spoken about me.
“You know about me?”
She looked over her shoulder before she rested the coffee pot on the table.
“She carries your picture around. She told us that you were in Iraq on tour.” She shrugged. “I always thought she was making you up so people knew she was off the market.” I couldn’t help but smile. That was Lexi for you.
“Debbie?” The manager called her name.
She held up a finger. “Look, she’s working tomorrow morning. I’m sure she’ll be excited to see you. She’s convinced your son is going to have your eyes.”
Son?
I felt as though I was punched in the gut, not sure if I might laugh or cry or maybe both at the same time.
I didn’t end up eating my dinner. I just started at her photo, and the word son bounced around in my head.
That’s my boy in there. My hand covered my smile, and my heart leaped with excitement. A boy.
Finally, after Debbie packaged up my food, she helped me get a room at the Sea Breeze Inn for the night.
My room was small but had a bed, a shower, and a fridge, so I was happy. Opening the patio doors, I leaned my weight on the rail and watched the whitecaps flicker in the moonlight.
The coastline here was spectacular. The ocean wasn’t blue, but a light gray, the beach a soft brown, but it was the smell of the seaweed I really enjoyed. It reminded me so much of home. I loved the Atlantic.
I held the phone to my ear as it rang.
“Hello?” Mark whispered.
“Hey.” I wondered why I wasn’t calling Savannah, but for whatever reason, Mark seemed to be the right fit for this. “Got a minute?”
“Yeah, hang on.” I heard him whisper something to Mia, who hummed in agreement, then a door being shut. He yawned, then cleared his throat. “What can I do for you?”
“Well, I found out where she’s working, and that she’s pregnant with my son.”
“Shut the hell up! A boy! Oh, dude, this is amazing.” I could hear his excitement. Th
e boys would be ruling Shadows again. Well, maybe…
“Thanks, man. I, ah, I heard she was talking about me. One girl even knew who I was. Guess she’s saying I’m away on tour right now. I’m led to believe it was her cousin who send the text, and that is who she is living with.”
“Really? Huh.”
I leaned forward and rubbed my head and sighed heavily. “I don’t know what I’m doing here, Mark. I mean, I’m so pissed that she didn’t tell me, but on the other hand, I think she’s happy here. I-I don’t know what to do.”
“Honestly, Keith, I can’t answer that, but what I will say is you’ve been chasing this girl for the past decade. You’re like magnets. There’s always something that happens so the two of you collide again. Maybe this is a sign. I think you need to tell her once and for all what you’re really feeling. Bottom line is she’s having your baby, so you will forever be connected.”
“Yeah, that’s true.”
I kicked my feet up and changed the subject. He was right. I just need to be honest and see where it went. Regardless, I would still have a piece of Lexi, not even just a piece of her, but a piece of us both. Our son.
“How’s the boys?”
“Dude, they bite!” His voice went high and made me laugh. Right there, that was why I called Mark. “I think they get it from Mia.”
“Clearly.”
“Hopefully, they’ll have their father’s dance moves. That would be such a waste of a talent to have it stop with me.”
“If you can teach Nan to Cabbage Patch, there’s no doubt your boys will be able to move.”
“Mmm, true.” We both went silent, and I closed my eyes, seeing Lexi’s smile. “You good?”
“Yeah, I am. Thanks, Mark.”
“Thank me when you get her back.”
The next morning, I packed my bag in the car in case a quick exit was needed.
Stepping into the diner, I nodded at Debbie, whose face glowed when she saw me. She nodded toward an empty table I was guessing was in Lexi’s section.
