by E. K. Blair
Dane is either completely out of it, which would be understandable, or he has the best poker face in the world. Nothing in his expression or body language changes as he meets Evan. My eyes flick nervously between the two of them, the right words evading me.
“How long will he be in surgery?” Bennett squeaks, her voice once again meek and frightened.
“I’m not sure.” Dane sighs heavily, moving to slump in a chair.
Zach, always clutch, steps forward. “It’s late, and it might be a while, so I’m going to take the twins home and grab some food for everyone. I’ll be back later.” He turns to Evan. “You’re welcome to stay in my room, man; I know it’s a long drive. Unless you’re leaving now, Laney?”
Bennett latches onto my hand fiercely, her eyes pleading with me to stay, which I had planned to do anyway. “No, I’m staying here,” I say, squeezing Bennett’s hand and smiling Dane’s way. “Evan, can I talk to you?” I gesture with my head, moving us away for some privacy. “Evan, I can’t leave. These people are my friends and they need me. I’m so sorry you came all this way, I hope you understand.”
He lifts my hand with his, placing a soft kiss on my knuckles. “I do understand, Laney; don’t worry a thing about it. I don’t really want to drive back tonight, though. Should I stay with that Zach guy?”
“Stay in my room. I’ll be here, so take my bed.” I grab him my key out of my purse and walk back, handing it to him. “If anything changes, I’ll text you.”
His expression tightens slightly and he chews the inside of his cheek before finally asking, “Laney, are you staying for Bennett or for Dane?”
“Both,” I answer solemnly, honestly, without hesitation.
He nods. “Thought so.”
Zach, and only Zach, turns and waves, a look of understanding on his face, as he walks out with Evan and the twins.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
PLAYLIST
Laney
Eleven days—that’s how long Tate stayed in the hospital. After seven long hours of waiting, the surgeon had come out to say he’d made it through surgery like a champ. Another two hours and Dane, Bennett, and Sawyer had all taken turns going back to see him. Two hours after that, I finally got Bennett to agree to go home and bathe, eat, and change, and I dragged Sawyer with us. Dane wouldn’t leave, but he did at least eat the sandwich I’d brought back.
Evan swung by the hospital on his way out of town, toting a burger, Red Bull, and clean clothes for me. I apologized profusely and he insisted he understood. The first time he got a weekend off and drove all the way to see me and look what happened; what are the odds? Oh well—Tate was fine and that’s all that mattered.
Thanksgiving came and went in a blur. I’d gone home, eaten, and been back in five hours. My dad and Evan both said they understood and the visit had been a short but nice break from all the trips back and forth to the hospital, making sure Bennett was taking care of herself, and managing ball and school. And now, here we all are, almost three weeks since that horrid night; days away from winter break. First semester of college done and so much more learned than what I’d been taught in class.
Tate’s living in that big ole house with Dane while he recovers, and since Bennett’s parents are going on a cruise, she’ll be spending the break out there, too. She’d given her big part away to her understudy, which I know pained her to the core, but was reflective of her beautiful soul. She’d apologized over and over for her little outburst at me. I’m chalking it up to her stress level and Dane’s constant evasiveness and letting it go, truly forgiving her. I do tend to worry about my own problems above all else, so I’m gonna give her this one free pass.
Sawyer and Kirby are heading out in a few days to his parent’s house for a stay before meeting Zach and Avery at the twins’ parents’ house. I’m not sure if the couples have officially split off or drew straws, nor do I have the energy right now to ask. I have one final to finish, and then I’m driving home to give my father his Christmas present early. No, I never got a job, but mysteriously Sawyer had a week-long hunting trip and cabin paid for that he “just couldn’t use,” so there ya have it. My dad will be over the moon and I’ll find a way to pay Sawyer back eventually.
Dane hasn’t been himself since Tate’s accident. The light is gone from his eyes and there’s no bounce in his step. His shoulders sag and he doesn’t speak unless spoken to. I’m very worried about him and downright furious with his parents. If they’d made an appearance at the hospital, it’d been in one of the brief windows of time I hadn’t been there. Just thinking about it makes my blood boil, but I have got to get through this studying before I got off on a rant.
Feeling a sense of accomplishment bigger than any I’ve ever experienced, I turn in my final exam, knowing I nailed it, and skip to my truck. I did it! I finished my first semester of college, and with a damn fine GPA, if I do say so myself. Now I have almost a month off; no school, no ball practice...nothing but wintry, blessed goodness!
“Hey, you!” I squeal cheerfully into the phone as Dane answers.
“Hey, Laney, how are you?” His voice is dull. “I’m good, all done with finals! How’s Tate?”
He scoffs, his voice lightening a bit. “He’s doing great. Bennett’s fussing over him like a mother hen and I’m sitting back and laughing.”
“So you’re good, feeling better?” I ask hopefully. “Yeah, I’m good.”
He’s not helping with this conversation, but I don’t want to let him go. He’s doing it again, keeping me at arm’s length, and I’m in far too good of a mood to allow it. Not to mention, I’ve worked really hard on his Christmas present and am dying to give it to him. I’ve pulled off a few presents I‘m really proud of for less than fifty dollars, but I’m hoping they mean a lot more to him than that because my whole heart went into them.
“So, um,” I swallow down the knot in my throat, “what are your plans for tonight?”
The silence draws out, killing me slowly. “I don’t have any really,” he pauses, “why?”
“I thought maybe I’d come out. I could bring dinner and your Christmas presents.” It’s my best offer. I wish I could see his face right now, a clue to what’s going on in that head of his. Gnawing my nails, I wait endlessly for him to penetrate the silence.
“Don’t worry about dinner, there’s plenty here. I’ll text you the address. Can you GPS it?”
“Yup. I’ll see you in a little while then.”
“See you in a little while, Laney. Be careful.”
Dane’s waiting on the porch as I pull into his driveway. He’s wearing a plain white t-shirt, gray sweats that hang achingly low on his narrow hips, and no shoes. He’s positively mouthwatering and I don’t feel a bit bad that I take my time with the view.
He stays put as I make my way to him, my hands full of presents. “Let me help you. These better not all be for me,” he grumbles.
I follow him in the house, butterflies playing tag in my stomach; melancholy Dane makes me very nervous.
He sets the presents down and turns. “Let me take your coat.”
I shrug it off slowly, suddenly not sure how long I’ll be staying, and watch him closely as he hangs it in the hall closet. “Where are Tate and Bennett?”
“I gave him that end of the house,” he motions with his head, “so we don’t drive each other crazy.” He fights back a smile.
I wrap my arms around my middle, needing some warmth from somewhere. Dane’s usually warm brown eyes are cold, as is his whole demeanor. “Are your parents’ home?” I shift my eyes away from him, looking nowhere really.
He snorts. “No, Laney, no one else is here, just Tate and Bennett.”
It feels a lot like a stand-off as we stand on opposite sides of the room, both refusing to be the next to speak. When I break enough to meet his eyes, he’s already staring but giving nothing away. I’m not sure when exactly, or why specifically, but things have definitely changed between Dane and I. Might as well get this over with
and get the hell out of here, he doesn’t seem to want me here.
“So, how about you open your presents?” I walk over and pick them up, and then sit on the couch, hoping he’ll follow me.
He does eventually join me, sitting miles away. Awkwardly, I scoot closer to him and place the first present in his lap. “Open it, Dane,” I say, nudging his knee with mine, “please.”
Gradually he peels off the gold paper, revealing his first present. I’d gotten him three DVDs; Toy Story, Monsters, Inc., and The Fox and the Hound, his professed favorites. I’d wrapped them, imagining laying with him and watching them all in a row, but something tells me that isn’t ever going to happen now.
For the first time since I arrived, he gives me a genuine smile. “Thank you, Laney. These are great, I love them.”
“You’re very welcome.” I wait for him to say something else, anything, but he doesn’t. He gazes at me, unmoving, so I hand him the next present. “Okay, open this one.”
“You didn’t have to get me anything, Laney.”
“I know I didn’t have to. I wanted to. Now open!”
He digs into this one a little faster than the last and tries to hide his inhale. It’s a CD, pictures of us decorating it. “It’s our playlist, for you to listen to anytime you want,” I explain. I’d downloaded every song Dane and I had shared from the first night I met him...”End of All Time,” “The Cave,” “This Year’s Love”...all of them.
Dane scoots closer to me now, a look on his face I can’t begin to interpret. “Our playlist?” he asks, on a whisper, one eyebrow raised.
I nod, and silently hand him the last present. He, too, remains quiet as he opens it. His hand trembles as he flips through the pages in the binder, the sheet music for every song on the CD. Obviously he knows how to play many of them, but maybe not on both the piano and guitar? And I want to hear him play every single one of them, on both instruments, time and time again; so I printed them all out.
Burning into me, the look in his eyes is now unmistakable. He sets down the binder and moves to me, cradling my face in his hands. Moving up, his fingers glide through my hair all the way to the ends and he rubs them between his fingers. Leaning in closer, he runs his nose along my neck, breathing in my scent the whole way and ending his path with a nip on my earlobe.
“I need some help here, Laney. I thought I could wait out the Evan thing, keep things casual with us, but I was wrong.” He nuzzles his face into my neck. “Then I thought I could let you go.” His hands slide down to grip my waist. “I was wrong again.”
His words, seductively angry whispers against my flesh, inflame parts of me I didn’t know existed. My breath stutters; can he feel my body react?
“So you tell me what’s right, Laney, cause I can’t take being wrong again.”
I lean back, wanting to see his eyes. They’ll tell me everything Dane won’t, every secret, every avoided question, the entire unknown. They’ll let me know it’s okay that I don’t know everything right now; what I do know is enough.
I know that my day is better if I see him in the morning before getting started. I know that I sleep better if his is the last voice I hear. My body knows the minute he walks into a room. My heart knows he needs me to give him time just as badly as I need him to give me answers. My mind knows that if I walk away now, I’ll eventually be fine, but fine isn’t the term I want used to describe my life.
I know if he plays a song around me it’s because he wants me to listen to the words and hear what he’s saying to me. I know he takes care of everyone around him anytime he can and he’d do anything possible to take care of me. And I know the feeling seeping up from my toes, tugging at me, doesn’t happen every day or to everyone.
He pulls me against him, leaning to whisper in my ear, “close your eyes.” He rests his forehead on mine, his hands sneaking lower down my waist. “Do you see us now, Laney? When I close my eyes, all I see is us, perfect. What do you see, Laney?”
The words are right there, fighting to escape, caught in my throat. I picture it behind my eyelids, me and Dane, every day, no one else. Contentment washes over me first, the acceptance of choosing what I really want. Then the wave of excitement, anticipation...want. I want Dane. I want him in a way I’ve never wanted anyone else, not even Evan.
Like a cloud moves out from in front of the sun, the heat and light finding its way through, with clarity, I too realize—Lil Laney will always love Evan and appreciate what we have, but it’s unlike what I have with Dane. The woman I am today wants this man.
I’d known it before I walked in tonight, known it for a while, but it ends tonight. My Christmas present to myself: I’m going to put my feelings first. No more guilt, I’ve hurt no one on purpose; in fact, I’ve kept myself in constant turmoil in an attempt to avoid that very thing, but I can’t fight it any longer.
“I see us,” I whisper back. “I choose us.” Opening my eyes, I stare at him for long seconds. A smile creeps across my face along with my realization.
He sees it, my surrender. His low growl echoes around us and he lifts me, hands gripping my ass. I wrap my legs around his waist and ram my hands in to his hair, attacking his mouth with mine. Our tongues collide in harmony, perfectly stroking each other. God, I love his mouth; hungry, seeking, rough, and sinful. There’s no way anyone has ever walked away from a kiss like this. His hands knead my ass while mine pull his hair. I slide my tongue along the roof of his mouth, teasing, before I pull back and nip his bottom lip, sucking on it.
Tucking my head down, I lick a torturously slow, straight line from the hollow of his throat to his chin. Looking into his eyes, now filled with a hunger so deep I tremble, I purr, “your choice; bedroom or right here.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
MINE
Dane
You don’t kiss like that if you’re still on the fence, right? She chooses us, me. That’s what she said. She could already be driving home, but she came here. She made me those thoughtful gifts, the most wonderful I’ve ever received, so she must mean it. I have to be sure; I can’t take the unsure footing anymore. I almost lost Tate, all I knew for sure I had...I have to know Laney is hanging on to me as tight as I am to her.
I thought things were great with us and then Evan walked in behind her. I don’t want to know why he was there that night at the hospital. I don’t want to know where they’d been before all hell broke loose and they got there. I will never ask and I’m hoping she never tells me. Forward—that’s the only direction we’re going now.
Any red-blooded male would pick bedroom and run in there like he’s on fire, but I have to keep myself in check. She only gets one first time, and I only get one chance to make it perfect for her, for us, so I need to slow my roll. Here’s what’s gonna happen—I’m gonna put on the CD she made me, mostly because I’m dying to hear what she put on there and I can’t imagine making love to Laney without music. Then I’m going to walk her into my room, a threshold no female has ever crossed, and make sure she’s mine. When I’m convinced, I’m gonna make love to her all night. Then tomorrow, I’m gonna do it again.
“Are you sure?” my voice comes out huskier than I’d intended, but damn if this girl doesn’t fuck with my head.
She nods, blonde curls bouncing on her shoulders, full lips swollen and wet from me—ME. Her brown eyes are always big, and beautiful, but right now they’re almost green and they’re half-closed, brimming with desire. Laney Jo Walker tiptoed in that dorm room a doe caught in headlights, walls of stone around her...and now she’s wrapped around me, handing herself over.
Setting her down, I entwine our hands, leading her to the backyard. I need to buy some time. “Baby, let’s get in the hot tub, relax. Sound good?” Looking back at her, I suppress a chuckle at the disappointment I see in her eyes. My baby is hungry for this, which fills me with a pride I can’t explain. “You change and get in. I’ll be right back.” With a long, slow kiss, barely able to pull myself away, I move to leave her.
&n
bsp; This is one of those neon signs flashing “love.” I’m planning the romantic set-up rather than the excuse to leave afterwards. I’m thinking about where I put the candles instead of the KY.
“Umm...” she pouts, sexy and adorable.
“Go on,” I say with a swat on her ass, “I won’t be gone long, I promise.”
I hurry back into the house, mind and body running on all cylinders, ticking off things in my head faster than I can act them out.
Shoot Tate a text. You and Bennett are not to come out for ANYTHING. I mean it! Laney’s here- ruin this and you’ll be back on crutches.
Pop CD in sound system, program to start in T- minus 10 minutes, play in bedroom/backyard only. Tate doesn’t get to hear our soundtrack.
Bound up stairs and almost fall changing into swim trunks.
Grab candles, light, scatter strategically around room.
Sprint to kitchen. Open wine, spill some, who cares. Walk calmly outside with two glasses.
Breathe.
“See, that didn’t take—” Words cease as I swallow my tongue. If I go blind tomorrow, I’m okay with that. “Um, baby, you forgot your suit,” I tease.
“I couldn’t find one.” She bites her bottom lip and shrugs.
Trying to hide my gulp, I wade through the water slowly, moving to her. I hand her a glass of wine and set mine down behind me, turning back to her when the CD starts to play around us, her sweet voice echoing through the backyard.
“Hi, Dane, Merry Christmas! I know it’s nothing fancy, like say, a trip to Disney World, but I hope you like it. I just thought a collaboration of us was worth having all in one place, so you could play it over and over...kinda like it does in my head. And here’s to hoping I get to make you another one next year. Love, Laney.”
I turn and look at her, the most beautiful blush across her face. “Well, that was kinda embarrassing,” she mutters,” I didn’t think I’d be with you when you heard it. While naked.” She casts her gaze down, wrapping her arms around herself.
