Unconditional

by Holly Copella

  A moment passed, telling Indy they were on their way into the kitchen. She quickly returned to filling her plate with snacks for the Christmas Eve movie hour as the kitchen door opened. Indy placed two napkins on the tray despite her trembling hands and forced a smile while she greeted her father as he approached. She assumed Liz returned to the party, avoiding the kitchen. Flynn paused by the island counter, gave Indy a strange look, and appeared concerned by her expression. She had tried to cover as best she could, but it was hard keeping things from her father.

  “Are you okay?” Flynn asked while studying her.

  “I'm fine,” she chirped a little too quickly and in a pitch higher than normal.

  His look was almost sympathetic, as if he was about to put down her beloved pet. “Did you want me to stay with Harlan this evening?”

  “No, we're good,” she replied abruptly, then cursed herself for having said it in that tone.

  “There's something I need to ask you, Indy,” he announced, causing alarm to sweep through her body. As he stared into her eyes, every muscle in her body tensed. Her father was clearly uncomfortable. “Has Harlan been behaving inappropriately toward you during his baths?”

  She held her breath to refrain from answering too quickly and arousing suspicion. She added a reassuring smile in an attempt to put him at ease.

  “Nothing I can't handle.”

  Flynn didn’t appear convinced and wasn’t about to let it go. “Has he done something?” he demanded.

  Indy casually shrugged while maintaining her tiny smile. “He might enjoy his baths a little too much, but it's nothing personal. I can handle it.”

  His look was stern. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I'm sure.”

  Indy waited for the explosion she still felt certain would follow, but it never came. Her father seemed very uncomfortable, and he didn’t have to tell her why. She knew. He finally drew a deep breath and straightened proudly but lacked conviction.

  “We need to have a serious discussing about Harlan tomorrow,” he informed her.

  Indy could feel her entire body start to tremble in time with her pounding heart. She could almost feel the tears welling up inside her eyes. Despite her emotions, she managed to convey a calm outward demeanor.

  “I'd better get back to the movie.”

  Indy held back her tears, picked up her tray, and hurried from the kitchen toward the connecting hallway door. It wasn’t the quickest way to the guest bedroom, but she could avoid the small crowd in the family room. She didn’t need her father’s men seeing her cry.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Indy sat in the recliner alongside the king-sized bed while Harlan remained comfortably propped in a sitting position on top of the comforter. She had changed him into a comfortable pair of shorts and a t-shirt, which he could also sleep in if it got too late. Both watched the movie and picked at the food on the tray setting on the rolling table between them. Harlan cheerfully sang along with the song, “You're A Mean One Mr. Grinch”. Indy felt compelled to stare at him and almost couldn’t take her eyes off him. She felt sadness overcome her. She fought her tears and looked away from both him and the television. Despite the continuing song, Harlan no longer sang. Indy looked back at him. He stared at her with a serious look as if he had read her mood. She attempted to wipe her tears away unnoticed.

  “It's okay,” Harlan announced sympathetically, “he returns the presents.”

  Indy attempted to smile at his childlike innocence. He had no idea what was about to happen. Perhaps he wouldn’t even be affected by the move. That small part of him struggling to break free seemed to be buried deep inside. Harlan moved over on the bed and patted the empty spot alongside him. Indy joined him on the bed without hesitation, clung to his arm as if she’d never let go, and rested her head on his shoulder. Harlan appeared pleased and caressed her arm clinging to his. Indy fought her tears and tried to maintain her composure, but it was difficult. She kept thinking about what happened to Harlan and how she thought they’d lose him. She couldn’t stop from speaking her thoughts.

  “It nearly killed me when I thought you might die,” she said softly, wanting so badly to share her feelings with him.

  He gave her a puzzled look. “When was that?”

  Indy drew a deep breath, knowing he didn’t understand what she was talking about, and refrained from looking at him.

  “When you went boom.”

  Although she couldn’t look at him, she knew he was staring at her. She caught a glimpse of the look in his eyes and immediately placed her attention back on the movie. He continued to stare at her with all seriousness.

  “I'm sorry I upset you like that,” he announced then gently wiped the tears from her face.

  Indy tensed to his fingers gently touching her face. She hated to admit his touch sent shock waves through her. She hated to admit that she’d been in love with Harlan, and that those feelings never went away no matter how much she lied to herself that they had. Indy knew she couldn’t look at him. She couldn’t gaze into his dark eyes. She knew what she’d see, and she couldn’t allow those emotions to surface. She nuzzled his shoulder and clung to his arm. His exposed fingers outside his cast gently caressed her lower arm, making her want to crawl inside him. She’d always felt so safe when she was with him. She never wanted to know a life without Harlan in it.

  “I can't bear the thought of losing you, Harlan,” she whispered softly and immediately regretting saying it aloud.

  “Am I going somewhere?” he immediately inquired.

  He may have suffered traumatic memory loss and had his brains slightly scrambled, but there was no escaping Harlan’s astounding perception. It seemed to be one of the few traits he retained despite his injuries.

  Indy sniffed, nuzzled his shoulder, and attempted a tiny smile. “Not if I have a say.”

  Harlan gently pulled away from her arms clinging to his and placed his arm securely around her shoulder. Without hesitation, Indy moved against his chest and clung to him, contented just to listen to his heart beating. He’d held her many times throughout her life. He held her as a child, as a teenager, and as an adult. There was no place she’d rather be. She just wanted him to hold her in his arms forever.

  †

  As the closing movie credits rolled, Indy woke to the dim glow of the television. She was suddenly aware that the pillows had been removed from the head of the bed, and she was now lying on her back on the mattress. Harlan lie partially on top of her while warmly kissing her neck and caressing her hip and thigh with his fingers. Indy gasped with surprise by her current position and instinctively pushed against Harlan's shoulders in an attempt to hold him back. She didn’t know why he was kissing her or what had possessed him, but this wasn’t the man she knew. Despite her resistance, Harlan brushed his lips past hers and then kissed her warmly but passionately. She couldn’t deny it felt wonderful while immediately cursing her body for aching against his. She could feel his arousal pressing against her hip in a gentle and loving manner. Indy attempted to break off the kiss, although her arms weren’t pushing nearly as hard as she felt they should. She didn’t like that she was prolonging his advances, giving her body added time to react with appropriate pleasure. She wasn’t even sure if it was evident she was protesting. Her hands against his shoulders seemed to be firmly caressing rather than actually pushing.

  “Harlan--” she softly managed to protest.

  Harlan's hand ran firmly along her bare leg while sliding her dress upward as he caressed her thigh. Despite the tingling sensation created by his touch, the edge of his cast gently scraped her leg, reminding her he wasn’t in his right mind. He positioned himself on top of her and gently moved his hips against hers. With only his shorts and her thin dress between them, she could easily feel every curvature of his arousal pressing in her most sexually arousing spots. Harlan easily maneuvered his lower body between her legs and continued pressing his hips against hers with a certain gentleness yet maintaining purp
ose. Indy gasped slightly as the hardness of his body easily pressed through her dress and panties. She finally pushed against his shoulders and attempted to hold him back despite his determined gentle thrusts against her. Indy managed to break off the kiss, which she questioned if she had actually been returning it. Harlan immediately sought her neck and kissed her it in all the right places while allowing his arousal to press into her with more determination and desire.

  Indy squirmed beneath him. The sensation was too much. All she could think about was how much she wanted to feel him invading her; how she wanted him to take her as she had fantasized so many times before. She clung to him and softly moaned her pleasure, encouraging him further. Harlan slipped his hands along her hips beneath her panties and attempted to slide them off. Indy suddenly returned to reality, realized what she was doing, and caught his hand to stop him.

  “No, we can't,” she gasped softly, nearly out of breath from her rising lust and the aching in her body.

  “Give one good reason,” he whispered softly into her ear in a moderately playful tone.

  “We're not in that type of relationship,” she whispered without conviction.

  “We love each other,” he announced gently and finally looked into her eyes through the dim glow of the television. “When you touch me, it reminds me I'm alive.”

  Indy stared into his dark eyes just inches from hers. He was alive. He had survived, and right now, that was all that mattered to her. She released his hand partially beneath her panties, shut her eyes, and clung to him. He was right. She loved him, and he was about to be taken from her. Tonight, she wouldn’t deny him what he wanted most…perhaps what she wanted most.

  Chapter Twenty

  It was early Christmas morning. An exhausted Indy was slumped over the kitchen island counter with a cup of tea in front of her and her head in her hands. She heard slow but steady footfalls descending the back, kitchen stairs. She didn’t have to look to the stairs behind her, she knew by the sound of the footfalls it was her father. He walked heavy and slow in the morning, especially after a night of too much holiday cheer. Indy immediately tensed. They were going to have the one conversation she didn’t want to have regarding Harlan. Unfortunately, the events of last night in Harlan’s room still had her mind reeling with every imaginable emotion and overshadowed all else. She somehow feared her father would know what happened between her and Harlan. She felt even more guilt-ridden than she had after losing her virginity in college. The thought of confronting her father this morning was frightening on so many levels. Flynn shuffled into the kitchen with little enthusiasm and kissed her on the head.

  “Merry Christmas, dear,” he announced in an attempt to sound cheerful despite his hung-over state, which was combined with what was undoubtedly a foul mood regarding Harlan’s behavior toward Liz at the party.

  “Merry Christmas, Dad,” she replied with little enthusiasm.

  He shuffled past her, approached the coffeepot, and poured a cup of coffee. Despite not being a coffee drinker, Indy had made a fresh pot as part of her morning ritual. Her father’s men were always more pleasant to be around in the morning after they’ve been successfully caffeinated. It was wise to keep a fresh pot readily available in the morning whenever her father and his men were around. She already knew it was going to be a bad morning, so she wanted to put him in as good a mood as possible. Flynn glanced at her several times while pouring his coffee. She could almost feel his gaze upon her. She could sense that he somehow knew she’d slept with Harlan! It wouldn’t help her case to keep him from being committed, that much was evident.

  “Why do you look like I feel?” he finally asked.

  “I had trouble sleeping,” she replied softly and avoided looking at him.

  It hadn’t been a total lie. She finally lifted her head and stared at her father where he stood by the main counter. He sipped his coffee and appeared to be lost in another world. She decided to go for a direct assault and plead her case for Harlan’s freedom. Indy gathered her courage, straightened proudly, and locked eyes with her father.

  “Dad, about Harlan's behavior last night--”

  Flynn frowned and groaned softly. “Yeah, he's going to need to see the doctor about possible sedation,” he announced as he casually sank against the main counter. “After all we’ve been through; I’d hate to have to hit him.”

  Indy stared at her father with surprise by the calmness of his remark and his jovial nature. “You mean you're not committing him?” she nearly gasped.

  “Committing him?” he suddenly demanded and looked at her with surprise clearly on his face. “No, of course not!” He then hesitated while staring at her. “You still want to take care of him, don't you?”

  She was stunned by the direction their conversation had gone and had to fumble with her answer. “Well, yes, of course, but I thought Liz--”

  Her father suddenly tensed and again avoided looking at her. Something was clearly on his mind.

  “About Liz--” he announced in an oddly timid tone. “Once the guys roll out of bed, we're moving her back home with Kale.”

  Indy almost felt her heart stop beating in her chest. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Somehow, Harlan won! The realization of what he said finally hit her, and the threat to his own happiness was devastating.

  “She's moving out on Christmas day?”

  “It was her decision,” he replied in a casual, matter-of-fact tone that surprised her.

  Indy held her breath while feeling awful for her father. “Is it because of Harlan?”

  He drew a deep breath and met her gaze. “I'm afraid so, honey.” Flynn straightened proudly as if about to bellow out orders to the men. His look was stern and unfaltering. “I'm not sending him to some hospital; not as long as we can take care of him.” His brave front ended as quickly as it had started. “I've known Liz for ten months. Harlan's been family for fifteen years.”

  “I'm sorry about Liz, Dad,” she said gently, “but thank you for Harlan.”

  “As long as you can handle his mood swings and sudden hormonal rushes--” her father announced then fell silent and stared at her almost demandingly as if awaiting her response to his silent question.

  “We'll be fine,” she announced and offered a tiny, pleased smile. “Less than two weeks until his casts come off; then he can start showering himself.”

  Flynn chuckled softly, appearing moderately amused for some odd reason. It was short-lived. “Until then, feel free to give his boys a swift smack if he gets out-of-line.”

  Indy felt the need to laugh but held it back. “I'll keep that in mind.”

  †

  After her conversation with her father in the kitchen, Indy knew she now had to face the reality of what happened last night with Harlan. She stopped outside the partially open guest bedroom doorway, took a deep breath, and gathered her courage. She lightly tapped on the door while pushing it open. Indy uncertainly entered the bedroom and glanced toward the bed, where Harlan silently waited. He sat up in bed, shirtless, while reclined against the headboard with two spare pillows behind his back, and the sheets pulled up to his waist. It was obvious, at least to her, that he was naked beneath the covers. Indy forced herself to wipe any dirty thoughts from her mind, but it was difficult. She remembered every detail of their lovemaking. Despite the rough edges of his casts leaving small abrasions on many areas along her skin, he was surprisingly gentle yet amazingly passionate. Her head was left spinning from his sexual competence, and how he’d made her feel. It was the single most erotic moment of her life…and she knew it could never happen again.

  Even with Maureen filing for divorce, it was still wrong. He wasn’t in his right mind. Most importantly, he was her father’s best friend and team member for the last fifteen years out of his seventeen-year tour. As she stared at his broad shoulders and moderately scarred chest, she felt her body ache for him. She needed to stop those feelings! Harlan hadn’t even realized she had entered the room. He held the t
elevision remote control and pressed the on and off button with frustration. The television turned on and off in response to his frantic, repetitive actions. Indy approached him in the bed. Her desire from last night suddenly waned as she watched him pushing the button to no avail, the frustration clearly on his confused face. The man she loved was off in another world, attempting to save it, while completely unaware that he already had.

  “Won't detonate?” she asked sympathetically.

  He didn’t look at her, but instead stared at the remote as he pressed the button repeatedly and with added vigor. His shattered look saddened her.

  “I don't know what happened,” he replied while repeatedly reliving his nightmare.

  Indy gently took the remote control from him and turned on cartoons. She felt bad that she was treating him almost like a child, but the cartoons relaxed him. Perhaps the soothing effect was from some fond childhood memory. His attention shifted, finally allowing him to look at her, and he grinned in response.

  “Is it bath time?”

  “Yes, it's bath time.”

  Indy felt concern, having to explain to him her inappropriate response to last night’s advances. She knew he would be in full lust mode after their exploits, and she’d have to find a way to tell him what happened couldn’t be repeated. She also needed to curb his desire while she bathed him, because she didn’t need the added reminder of what they’d done. It was going to be difficult enough for her after what happened. He stared at her with boyish innocence and indicated the sheets covering him.

  “I seem to have misplaced my clothes.”

  Something suddenly struck Indy. Was it possible he didn’t remember last night? He remembered his baths, so surely he’d remember their passionate night together. Indy slowly sat on the edge of the bed and offered a curious smile. She had to know for sure, but she needed to approach it with caution. Memory loss or not, Harlan was still the smartest man she’d ever known. She couldn’t risk giving something away that he didn’t need to worry about at the moment.