by Marta Perry
“Aren’t you?” He stared at her, his clear blue eyes clouding.
“No,” she said, knowing that was honest. Maybe it was best he hadn’t asked if she was scared. “I’m not angry. Whoever he was, I forgive him.” She would keep saying that until she knew it was true.
“But...but I heard Mac say the man had to be caught. Isn’t that right?”
Sarah nodded, exchanging glances with Mamm. Did she want to take over? But Mamm’s look persuaded her to continue.
“There’s a difference between forgiving and letting someone get away with wrong,” she said. “If you do something wrong, Daad forgives you, ain’t so? But you still have to take the consequences. If we don’t, how will we ever learn what is right?”
Jonny considered that for a moment, and then he nodded. “I see. Like if I go and play ball instead of doing my chores, I have to do extra so I’ll remember next time.”
“Ja,” she said, relieved.
“So Mac has to catch the man so he won’t do it again.”
Sarah nodded, deciding talking about jail wouldn’t help matters.
“All right,” Mamm said, brisk as she took control. “You boys get about your chores and let Sarah eat in peace.”
The three of them departed noisily, and the kitchen fell quiet.
“That was well done, Sarah,” Grossmammi said, giving an approving nod. “You would be a gut mammi yourself.”
She escaped answering that with a gulp of tea. Usually her grandmother was the soul of tact, not mentioning Sarah’s unmarried state or making comparisons. Had she been infected with Allison’s matchmaking bug?
By the time she’d been moving around a bit, Sarah found the stiffness passing. She’d certain sure be able to get back to a regular routine by tomorrow, and that would be a relief. She wasn’t used to being home during the day anymore, and time dragged when Mamm wouldn’t let her pitch in.
All her wariness returned when she heard a car coming down the lane. If it was Mac with more questions, she’d have to relive last night’s assault again, just when she’d succeeded in dismissing it from her mind for at least a few minutes at a time.
She stepped out onto the back porch and was instantly distracted by the smell of the air. It was fresh and rich after last night’s rain, reviving her just as it did the plants. Even the corn in the field stood up straighter and looked greener, as if it had grown overnight.
Maybe the drought was over. The thought cheered her, making the world seem a less dangerous place than it had recently.
Allison’s car came to a stop by the porch and she got out, carrying a big bouquet. “I know, I know, you have plenty of flowers, but these are from the other businesses at Blackburn House. Emily organized it.”
“That was wonderful kind of her. Of everyone.” Sarah took the blooms, inhaling their rich aroma as she returned Allison’s hug. “But what are you doing here? You should be looking after things at the shop.”
“Don’t be such a slave driver.” Allison kept her arm around Sarah as they went into the kitchen. “Everything is fine at the shop.”
“But you didn’t close early—”
“Of course I didn’t.” Allison went to greet Mammi and Grossmammi, receiving hugs. Allison was one of the few Englisch who’d gotten past Grossmammi’s reserve with strangers, and the elderly woman grandmother now treated her like another one of her chicks, albeit a more brilliantly colored one.
“You’ll have something to eat,” Mammi announced. “Folks have been bringing food in all day to wish Sarah well.”
“If I ate it all, I’d be the size of a tent,” Sarah said. “Luckily the boys don’t need any encouragement.”
Allison nodded agreement to a piece of cinnamon walnut streusel cake and settled at the table. “People want to do something to show how sorry they are for what happened.” She studied Sarah for a moment. “The bruises are nasty, but you look better than I expected after hearing Nick’s account.”
“Ach, I’m fine.” Sarah put her hand to her neck self-consciously. Eager to change the subject, she returned to Allison’s arrival during business hours. “But what about the store? Not that I’m not glad to see you,” she added hastily.
“I told you the shop is fine,” Allison said. “Don’t you believe me? Aaron brought Becky in first thing this morning, and she’s been great. I showed her how to work the register, and after an hour she was faster than I am. To say nothing of knowing a lot more about the fabrics.”
“Takes after her mamm, she does,” Sarah’s mother said, an approving note in her voice. “She’s just the person to help out with the quilt shop.”
Allison nodded. “In fact, she’s so good that I was thinking maybe we ought to ask Becky if she’d like to work a few hours a week. It would free us up a little, and we could be training her to take on more responsibility, in case, say, either of us wanted to get married.” She sent a sly glance toward Sarah.
“You’d better be talking about yourself,” Sarah warned.
“If you’d only see what’s right in front of your face...” Allison began.
Mamm nodded. “You’re not past the age of marrying, not at all.”
“And those girls of Aaron’s couldn’t ask for a better mammi,” Grossmammi added.
Sarah stared at them, aghast. “Are you all conspiring against me?”
“Komm, Sarah.” Mamm was sounding reasonable. “We three know your feelings for Aaron. There’s nothing wrong with it, and you’d be a fine wife to him.”
“To say nothing of the way he looks at you,” Allison added. “Trust me, I’ve seen that look before.”
Sarah grasped at her only defense against hope. “Aaron as much as told me he didn’t think of marrying after losing Mary Ann. Surely that means he loved her too much to care for anyone else.”
And even if Aaron was interested, as that kiss they’d shared had indicated, how could she marry a man who didn’t love her?
“You are thinking you can’t wed someone who doesn’t love you,” Grossmammi said with uncanny accuracy. “But there are other reasons than a broken heart for Aaron thinking he wouldn’t marry after Mary Ann’s death.”
Sarah could only stare at her. “But...what else could it mean?”
“The heart is capable of all sorts of feelings, my Sarah. Regret, sorrow, guilt. And a person’s first love isn’t always his lasting love. It is wonderful fine if it is, but the love that comes from living together and suffering through troubles together can be a much deeper and richer thing.” Grossmammi seemed to be looking back at her life with love and longing.
“Your grandmother is a very wise woman,” Allison said after a moment’s silence. “Listen to her.”
Sarah nodded, not daring to disagree, but not daring to hope, either.
Seeming to sense that they’d given her enough to think about for now, her grandmother turned to Allison. “Did you have many folks in the shop today, then?”
“A ton,” Allison said. “Asking about Sarah, of course. But the funny thing is that most of them ended up buying something, too. I think they wanted to show support. And a number of people offered to help with the festival.” She grinned. “It was as if we were all closing ranks against the firebug. A great feeling.”
Sarah’s mother nodded. “Nothing like trouble to bring folks together, I guess. Is there any news about what the police are doing?”
“Mac was pretty frustrated that the guy got clean away without leaving a trace last night. But he and Fielding have been putting their heads together. He says the investigator now seems a bit readier to admit that Mac knows the area better than he does.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” Maybe that meant they’d start to make some progress, if Fielding admitted he didn’t know everything.
Allison tilted her head to one side. “He tol
d Nick that they’d realized something that might be important. All the fires, except for that one in town, have been in pretty much the same area.”
Sarah considered a moment. “That’s true. We’ve been saying that all along. They were on different roads, but if you just look at the properties, they were all quite close except that one fire. But what does it mean?”
“They’re thinking likely it’s someone who either lives or has lived or worked in this area,” Allison said carefully. “Nick says he thinks Mac is starting to look suspiciously even at his nearest and dearest, he’s so frustrated.”
Sarah nodded slowly. It was a chilling thought that someone she knew, someone she saw often, was the face that belonged on the dark silhouette of her nightmares.
“Someone is coming,” Mamm said, at nearly the same moment shoes sounded on the back porch. “Aaron.”
Noting the change in her voice as she said the name, Sarah felt heat flood her cheeks. She didn’t want to meet him here, under the gaze of the three people who knew so well what her feelings were.
“Komm in,” Mamm said. “You’re just in time to help us eat some of these desserts folks keep bringing in.”
“Denke, Hannah, but I just came to see how Sarah was.” He nodded to the others, and by the time his eyes met hers, she had managed to compose herself.
Allison stood. “Nice to see you, Aaron. But I must be getting back to work. Sarah, you take care.” She bent for a quick hug, giving Sarah a conspiratorial smile.
“Ach, I need to...to pick some tomatoes for supper.” Mamm grabbed a bowl from the counter.
“I’ll help,” Grossmammi said, and in an instant everyone had left, leaving her to face Aaron alone.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
AARON STOOD INSIDE the kitchen door for a moment, unsettled by the flurry of people who seemed to think his arrival a signal to depart. Still, given what he’d come to say, he couldn’t complain.
It was difficult to know what to say to Sarah when his own feelings were so confused, but he owed it to her to try. Otherwise she’d be blaming herself, most likely, for that kiss, which had seemed to catch both of them off guard.
He was so preoccupied with his own thoughts that it wasn’t until he’d taken the chair kittycorner to hers that he took a good look at her. Sarah seemed more herself, that was certain sure, but the bruises stood out starkly against her pale skin. Rage surged through him anew, and his breath caught with the effort to control it.
“Don’t, Aaron.” She managed a slight smile despite how she must be feeling. “You’re angry. I understand. Jonny was the same way when he saw me.”
“Jonny is beginning to turn into a man. He naturally wants to protect his sister.”
“Protecting is one thing, but revenge is another.” There was a decided note in her words, as if she’d considered this carefully already. “I’ll tell you what I told Jonny. I forgive the man, but I want him caught. He has to be stopped before he hurts anyone else, and he must face the consequences of what he did. And we must forgive, because that is who we are.”
Aaron’s hands relaxed, and he smiled a little ruefully. “You are in the right, Sarah. I’ll try. But it’s easier to forgive a wrong done to me than one done to someone I care for.”
The faintest rose color came up in her face, and he wondered if he should have put that another way. But it was true—he did care for Sarah. He just didn’t know where that could lead.
“You’ve been a close friend all my life, ain’t so?” he added.
She nodded, but she still looked a bit unsettled.
Hoping to remove the wary expression from her eyes, he tried to change the subject. “I took Becky to the shop first thing this morning. She said to tell you she’s wonderful glad to help out.”
“I know.” The sparkle came back to Sarah’s gaze. “That’s what Allison was just telling me. In fact, Allison felt so comfortable leaving Becky in charge that she drove out to check on me.”
He nodded, pleased. “I’m certain sure she doesn’t need to worry about Becky. She’s a smart, responsible girl.”
“She is that.” Sarah hesitated. “Allison suggested we ought to hire Becky to help in the shop a few days a week. We can afford it now, and it would free us up a bit.” The flush was back in her cheeks, and he didn’t know why. “Would that bother you, to have Becky working for us? I know you count on her help with Anna and Lena, and we wouldn’t ask her if it might cause a problem.”
He didn’t even have to think of his answer. “Ask her, for sure. I would never want to hold Becky back, and we can manage easily. Becky should follow her heart.”
Maybe that wasn’t the best way to put it. How had it come to be so difficult to talk to Sarah, when it had always been the easiest thing in the world? Glancing around for some way to ease the moment, he noted the lineup of baked goods on the counter.
“I see the sisters have been outdoing themselves, expressing sympathy with food,” he said.
“Ach, ja.” Sarah looked relieved. “Most of the church has been by already. Even Miriam Stoltzfus came with a peanut butter cake, and she has so much on her hands these days that no one would expect it.”
“It’s like her, though. She’d likely say that helping someone else is a good distraction from your own troubles.”
“That sounds like Miriam, all right.” Sarah’s expression grew more serious. “Have you talked to Ben lately? I hear this second blow hit him hard.”
“It has. He was even talking about selling out and heading someplace where there was more available land. It doesn’t surprise me. Seems like there’s less farmland in the county every year. I know that better than most.” The thought of the farm he’d lost still rankled.
Sarah gave a little gasp. “How could I forget? I’ve been wanting to talk to you, but...” She let that trail off. “Well, I didn’t get time, but you must know, in case you’re interested. Julia Everly asked me if you might want to buy that land of hers. She knows it hasn’t been used for farming in a long time, but she thought maybe...anyway, she said you can let her know, and she’ll give you first chance at it.”
“It would take a lot of work,” he said slowly, turning the prospect over in his mind. “Still, it wouldn’t have to be done all at once. The kinder and I could stay on with my folks until things were up and running.” He was thinking aloud, working it out, and gradually beginning to see advantages as well as disadvantages. “The land is good, and it wouldn’t be hard to clear a little more if needed. Do you know how many acres there are?”
Sarah shook her head, looking pleased with the result of her news. “I’ve no idea, but quite a bit, I think. You ought to stop by and talk to Julia about it.”
“Ja, I will. Denke, Sarah. That’s the best news I’ve had in a while.”
“I’m glad.” But a cloud seemed to grow in her candid eyes. “I wonder...”
“What?” he asked, when she didn’t complete the sentence.
“Allison was saying that because almost all of the fires were on property in the same area, Mac thinks that means the arsonist is from out here. But I wonder if that’s right. I mean, what if it’s the location that’s important, not the fires?”
He frowned, not sure he was following. “What could that have to do with it? Barn fires are usually started by people who just want to see something burn. That’s what they always investigate first. Or maybe sometimes a fire might be started because the firebug has a grudge against someone.”
“Maybe I’m being silly,” Sarah said slowly. “But I was remembering Julia saying that someone had approached her to sell that property of hers. And then there was Matt Gibson, selling to a company nobody ever heard of.”
Aaron wanted to dismiss the idea, but he couldn’t. It seemed unlikely, but what if the two things hung together? The repeated fires at Ben’s had him
talking about selling up.
“Why would anyone go to that much trouble to try to buy up property around here? It’s not as if it’s valuable for much except farming.”
“You’re probably right,” Sarah said quickly. “I said it was silly.”
“Not silly at all. I think it’s worth telling Mac about, anyway. But in the meantime, you mustn’t worry about it.”
“I’ll try,” she said, her voice husky, reminding him of her pain.
“Sarah...” The sudden serious tone in his voice must have warned her, because she looked at him warily. “I don’t want to tire you, but there’s something we must talk about. The day I kissed you.”
“You don’t need—”
He interrupted her. “You’re trying to make it easy for me, ain’t so? But you are my dear friend, and I want you to understand.” His lips twisted. “As much as I understand, anyway.”
She nodded, seeming cautiously resigned to listening.
“I told you I felt I could not marry again after Mary Ann’s death.” The words tasted acrid, like the aftertaste of a fire. “You thought that meant I’d loved her so much I couldn’t love anyone else. But that’s not so.”
Sarah stared at him, her eyes wide, the blue seeming to darken. “But I thought...”
“You thought what everyone did. That ours was a real love match.” He shrugged. “Maybe it was. I was the happiest man in the world when Mary Ann said she’d be my wife. But a few years later, I looked at her and felt as if we didn’t really know each other at all.” He stopped, trying to find the words to tell Sarah the rest of it.
“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “But you don’t have to say anything to me that you don’t want to.”
Oddly enough, that made it easier to go on. “We weren’t much younger than most Amish when we got married. But I felt as if I’d been floating along on a cloud. Mary Ann was so pretty and popular. Everyone liked her.” He shook his head, looking down at his clasped hands. “But when you’re that young, you ought to keep on growing for a time, ain’t so? Mary Ann didn’t. She just still wanted to be the pretty girl who was the center of attention. That sounds mean, but that’s how I was thinking when we got her cancer diagnosis. That changed everything, and I felt...” He groped for the right words.
