“You think you can swing me by my girl’s house?”
“I'm sorry I can't. I'm meeting Zay and I'm already late.” I lied again.
“It's just up the street it won't take but a minute and then you can drop me right back here.”
“Sorry girl I can't.” I said and kept walking. I knew Kelly would be pissed but I wasn't in the mood to play chauffeur. “I got you next time girl.” I yelled over my shoulder but kept it moving.
I made my way out side and got in my Jetta that was in desperate need of a wash. I pulled out of dorm parking lot with no idea where I was going so naturally I decided to detour and go see Xavier. I hadn't really talked to him much since our trip home to see Leigh play but I was trying not to read too much into it. That's how he was, in and out of my life whenever he wanted with no explanations even though he claimed this time would be different. So much for that.
When I got to his dorm I parked, got out and entered the lobby. I wasn’t in the mood to climb stairs even though it was closer to his end of the hall so I took the elevator up to his floor and walked to the end of the hallway. As soon as I reached his room I could hear voices and the TV blasting. The main door was open so I just walked in like I always did and found Chaz and a few others deep into a game on Xbox. They were yelling and talking trash to each other and hadn’t even noticed that I was there until I spoke.
“What's sup Chaz, he in there?” I asked and pointed to Xavier’s room.
Chaz nodded but kept playing so I walked towards Xavier’s room, knocked and then pushed the door open. The light was off but the TV was on with the volume so low that she could barely hear it. Xavier was stretched out on his bed sleep with one arm bent at the elbow behind his head and the other resting on his chest. I placed my keys and phone on his dresser before sat down on the bed next to him.
When he felt me beside to him he opened his eyes, stretched and then laid his hand on her leg.
“What are you doing here?” He mumbled. His voice was deep and hoarse like he had been asleep for a while.
“I haven’t seen you in a minute.” I said.
“Yeah I know.” Was all he said no explanation.
“So what's up with you?” I asked.
“Nothing just busy.”
“I see.”
“You miss me?” He pulled me by the waist until I fell into him and then wrapped his arms around me.
“Not really. Just wanted to make sure you're still alive.”
“Which means you missed me.” He tried to kiss my cheek but I turned away.
“No it means I just wanted to make sure you were still alive.” I said dryly.
Xavier rolled over on top of me and carefully positioned his body so that I wouldn’t be crushed by his weight. “You.” He kissed the left side of my neck “missed” he kissed the right side of my neck “me.” He ended with a kiss on my lips.
“I just...” he kissed me again before I could finish my sentence. He was in a playful mood but I definitely wasn’t which meant that an argument was coming.
“Would you quit it?” I said when he released our kiss.
“What if I don't want to?” He said and then buried his face into the side of my neck. He pressed his body firmly against me but still mindful about allowing all of his weight to hit me.
“Come on Zay I'm serious.” Xavier rolled over onto his back, covered his face with his arms and I sat up.
“So why haven't I seen you lately?” I turned toward him and crossed my legs so that I was sitting Indian style, my knees touching his side.
“I told you, I’ve been busy.”
“Yeah okay.” I mumbled. I didn't really want to start an argument but I was tired of the way he acted like he didn't owe me an explanation about things and so much for him doing things right this time. That was certainly short lived.
“Did you come here to fight?” He asked arms still folded and resting on his forehead so I couldn't really see his face.
“I came because I don't understand how you go from give us another chance to me not seeing or talking to you at all.”
We both sat there silently for what seemed like forever before I decided to speak again.
“I'm gonna go.” I said softly. I sat there for another minute or so before I actually moved half expecting him to stop me but when he didn’t I finally uncrossed my legs, turned towards the side of the bed and stood up.
Xavier still didn't say a word nor did he move. I picked up my phone and keys off his dresser and then walked towards his bedroom door.
“Ky wait, don't leave.” Xavier said. He scooted to the foot of his bed and stood up.
“I think it’s better if I leave.” I said just as I reached for the doorknob but he grabbed my hand and pulled it towards him. I didn't know why but I could feel tears forming in my eyes. Typical reaction for me since I cried about almost everything. I was always an emotional wreck and he already knew that.
“Stay.” Was all he said and then kissed me on the forehead before he pulled me into his chest and secured his arms around me resting his closed fist in the small of my back. “I'm sorry.”
“I can't do this. It's like it doesn't even matter to you.”
“It matters.” He said calmly.
“Yeah when it's convenient for you.” I pulled away and stepped back. I was glad it was dark in his room because I didn't want him to see my tears. They made me feel silly especially since I couldn't explain why they were falling in the first place.
“I know that you know better than that.” His voice was low and calm.
“I really don't.” My voice was labored and unsteady.
He let me go and then lead me to the leather rolling chair that sat in front of his desk. He sat down and then forced me to sit on his lap before he locked his arms around my waist.
“You wanna talk, okay let's talk.”
“What's there to say?” I mumbled.
“Apparently a lot.”
“It really doesn't matter anyway because we always end up in the same place no matter what we say.”
“Ky that's not solving anything so tell me what's up?”
“I just don't understand why we're still doing the same thing after all this time. You come around when you want making promises about us and then we end up here.” I rushed the words out so fast fearing that I wouldn't say what I really wanted to if I took the time to think about it.
“What's here?” He asked calmly not affected by my emotional outburst which I expected because he never really got excited about much of anything and he was used to me getting emotional about almost everything.
“I never know where we stand. If we're together, if we're just friends. I don't know what we are.”
“What do you want us to be?” He asked still calm as ever while I was on the verge of tears.
“I just want you to be here.” I could feel the tears really kick into to gear but I refused to wipe my face and bring attention to them.
“I'm always here Ky maybe not the way you want me to be but I'm always here.”
“What if that's not good enough anymore?” I was struggling to get the words out.
“Then what do you need me to be?”
“I need you.”
“You know you got me.” He lifted my hand and slide his fingers through mine.
“Well then I need to know that I’m the only one that has you. That it’s just us and I need you not to feel like it’s not okay to disappear on me, show up whenever you feel like it and then act like it’s no big deal.”
“It's not like I'm hiding from you. You know how it goes during basketball season. We've had four out of town games in the past two weeks. I practice, I go to class, I ball, I work at the rec center and I sleep. It's not like I'm with somebody else. I'm just not with you and not because I don’t wanna be but I just can’t be.”
“That's what I mean. You’re always like it is what it is Ky, just deal with it.”
“That is not what I'm saying.” He
said sounding irritated. I knew that he was but I had to get it out.
“I get that its basketball season and you can't just drop everything but you could at least call or text. I literally haven't heard from you in like two weeks okay many that’s a little of an exaggeration and probably wouldn't have if I wouldn’t have come here.”
Xavier used his legs to turn the chair towards his desk. He pulled the draw open, picked up his extremely shattered phone and handed it to me.
“This is why I haven't talked to you. We were playing football in the hall last week and it fell out of my pocket. It won't even turn on and I told you that we’ve had out of town games so I haven't been get another one yet.”
I twisted the shattered phone in my hands and immediately felt bad.
“When I told you I wanted another chance I meant it. I'm not gonna always say and do the right things but this time I'm really trying. You've got this kinda stuff all figured out, you always have but I'm still working on it. You just gotta be patient Ky.”
I still didn't say anything so he did. “Are we good?”
“Yeah.” Was all I could get out.
“You don't sound like it.”
“We're good.” I said before I relaxed and leaned back into him.
“So are we done with all these tears then.” He smiled and then slide his finger down my nose knowing that it would aggravate me.
Someone knocked on Xavier’s door and then stuck their head in. “Aye bruh we're about to order pizza, you in?”
Xavier looked up at me. “You want pizza?” I nodded yes.
“One large half pepperoni half cheese.” Xavier said to Chaz.
“Hold up so I can get my wallet.” Xavier said.
I stood up followed by Xavier who reached into his back pocket of his jeans and pulled out his wallet. He opened it and handed Chaz some money.
“You want change?” Chaz asked.
“Nah put it with the rest.”
“Good because I'm broke.” Chaz said and laughed.
“How are you always trying to eat but never have any money?” Xavier asked.
“I'm a business man bruh, always searching for opportunities.” I laughed because he reminded me of Toni when he said that.
Chaz winked at me and pulled the door shut. Xavier locked it walked over to me since I had decided to take his place in his computer chair. He reached for my hands, pulled me to my feet and then kissed me. He lifted my sweatshirt and then pulled it over my head while I raised her arms to help him. He dropped it on the floor reached over his shoulder to pull off his shirt and the dropped it on top of my sweatshirt before he stepped backwards toward his bed pulling me with him.
“So since we're good can we finish what we started earlier?”
“You mean what you started.” I said.
He had a sly grin on his face and then laughed “Whatever, let’s just agree to disagree.”
Xavier Lee
I hated extended practices because we really didn’t do anything productive. It was just an excuse for coach to make us run which was dumb because at this point in the season, if you didn’t have it you weren’t going to get it. Thank goodness I was in decent shape because it really didn’t faze me but some of the team was struggling to keep up, especially Davis. We had been running the same plays for about an hour straight. Coach made sure that he kept a steady flow of players rotating in and out the entire time so none of us really got a chance to rest. This time even I was struggling because for the first time in a long time Ky actually stayed up late with me so I running on empty with sleep.
“Alright guys, lets run this one more time with some intensity and that’s it for today.” Coach yelled from the stands.
“42” I yelled and began dribbling the ball. I didn't move until James a freshman who was guarding me actually stepped towards me. I held the ball in front of me at chest level and the pushed it out towards him, teasing him because he knew he couldn't take it from me before I sent a strong bounce pass to trey who was out wide clapping his hands asking for the ball. As soon as I let it go I took off in the opposite direction and ran straight down the paint and then held my hands up as if I was expecting the ball. Trey dribbled and then faked like he was sending it to me but instead threw it to Davis who stepped out wide down low and then with one good bounce of the ball went up strong sending the ball through the net slapping the corner of the backboard.
“Yeah be a man about yours.” Trey yelled and then pointed at Davis
“You know how I do.” Davis yelled back.
“Alright guys bus leaves at 2:00 tomorrow, locker room by 12:00 don't make me come looking for you! Zay break it down.” Coach said and then began writing something on his clipboard.
We all leaned in and pilled our hands together and I began the breakdown while everyone else joined in:
“WHO ARE WE….SPARTANS….WHO ARE WE….SPARTANS….SPARTANS BREAK IT DOWN….ONE TEAM, ONE WIN!”
“Aye bruh, you going to the Sigma party tonight?” Ethan asked.
I doubt it. I'm probably just chilling and you better not either because if coach finds out that's your ass bruh.”
“Yeah, I’m thinking I might fall through there for a minute and that’s about it.”
“Alright now, you know your girl is gonna be on some extra stuff, you know Toni is crazy.”
“Man you know I don’t roll like that. She calls no shots here.” Ethan bragged.
“She might not call any shots but don’t put it past her to send some your way.” I said and laughed.
“She’s not that crazy.” Ethan said. “But for real I’m just chillin’ so she has nothing to be crazy about.”
“Bruh do they ever need a reason?” I asked and held my hands up.
“True.” He said and laughed “It’s all good though. She knows I got her.”
“Aye what you do is on you, just know that girls can smell a mess up a mile away so think before you leap.”
“I feel ya.”
When I got back to my dorm the living room was full of people and they were all around the TV watching Chaz and some dude that I didn’t know playing a game of Madden. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with people so I grabbed a soda and then went straight to my room. I laid on the floor because I was still sweaty from practice and too lazy to shower. My body ached all over and as much as I hated taking ice baths I was way overdue for one. It helped with recovery after games and practices but it was pure torture. Since I had some downtime I decided to call my sister to check in, I hadn’t talk to her in a minute.
“What’s up dork?” I said when she answered.
“You’re a math geek and you’re calling me a dork.” She fired back.
“Being smart doesn't make you a dork, being lame does.” I said jokingly.
“Well if I'm a dork, then you’re a dork because I’m just like you.”
“I don't know if you should tell people that.” I said and then laughed.
“Well it's true and I'm proud of it too.” She said confidently.
“Then I guess we’re just a couple of dorks.”
“When are you coming home, I miss you?”
“I miss you too and I don’t know yet. I’ll have to see but it will definitely be a soon okay.”
“That’s not fair.” she whined.
“Life isn’t fair baby girl.”
“I just want you to come home.” She pouted.
“I know and I will soon. I just don’t want to make you a promise that I can’t keep, okay?” I tried to make her feel better.
“Okay.”
“So how was your last game? Auntie told me you won so let me get those stats.”
She perked up a little. “I hit five three and one of them was about two feet outside of the three point line. I went to the line three times and made all six.”
“Aye, that’s what’s up. You keep it up and you’ll be shooting from half court before you know it.”
“I hope so. I’ve been practicing and I’m g
etting close.” She said cheerfully.
“That’s good work hard and get better. You been working on a quicker shot?”
“Yep, it’s better, coach even said so.”
“That’s what’s up.”
“Where’s Kya is she with you?”
“Nah, I might see her later though.”
“I’m glad that you are together again. You’re happy when you’re with her.”
I laughed at the fact that my thirteen year old sister was giving me advice about my relationship. “And how do you figure that?”
“Because you are. I can just tell and I like Ky, she’s like my big sister and….” She paused for a minute “and since moms not here...” She said softly.
“I know baby girl. I miss her too.”
“Auntie told me that she named me Leigh and you Lee so that we would always have a part of her. Do you believe that?”
“Yes I do, because it true. She told me herself, Xavier Lee, Leigh Alexandria and Victoria Leigh. We’re all connected forever, no matter what so she’s always with you and so am I, Okay?”
“Okay.”
“And besides, what do you need a sister for when you have the best big brother in the whole wide world.” I said referring back to her comment about Ky trying to lighten the mood.
“You’re okay.” She teased “But Ky knows girl stuff and you don’t.”
“I know girl stuff.”
“You don’t know how to be a girl genius, you just know how to be with girls.”
I tried not to read too much into that even though I knew that Leigh had a front row seat to my past no matter how careful I was about trying to keep it away from her. Unfortunately I couldn’t stop the random visits from pissed off females who thought that showing up at my house would somehow change my mind about how insignificant they were to me.
“I know everything, you should never doubt me.” I said not really wanting to have a conversation about my past. “And what do you mean by ‘okay’ anyway, it doesn’t get any better than me?”
“You’re okay.” She laughed.
“Just okay? That just hurt my feelings. I’m hanging up now so that I can go cry, how’s that for girls stuff?” I laughed.
Kya & Xavier: It's Always Been You (Life As We Know It Book 1) Page 9
