Tootsie Rolls: 1 point
Lemon-flavored anything: 0 points
Pen from guy who sells real estate: 0 points
Anything healthy, including raisins or apples: 0 points
Weird chewy generic Halloween candy with burning aftertaste: –1 point.
So pour out your pillowcase and get ready for some high stakes deals on the basement floor. Don’t forget to keep your personal favorites a secret or you’ll pay a fool’s ransom. (If you sacrifice three bags of chips for a Twinkie, you’ve been had.) Lastly, know who you’re up against—does anyone have nut allergies or unhealthy addictions to lime flavoring that you can exploit?
Get in there and get deal-making.
Get in there and get teeth-breaking.
Get in there and get
AWESOME!
Getting the emergency exit row on the airplane when you’re heading home
Have you heard the news?
Apparently, the day before Thanksgiving is the busiest day of the year to travel. Yes, that’s when college kids fly home with backpacks full of dirty undies, twentysomethings cross coasts to see webcam lovers, and families all come together for our one big chance to say thanks.
Thanks!
Now before it’s all smiles and pumpkin pie, you really do have to get home first. And if you’re flying, you’ve got to deal with traffic jams, long lines, and packed flights.
My brothers and sisters, I’m gonna tell you straight up: If you’re stuck flying, you really don’t want to sit next to me on an airplane. Chances are good I’ll start drooling on your shoulder, accidentally crank your headset volume, or chat your ear off with boring anecdotes while you attempt to stare dreamily at cloudscapes out the window. Yes, you’ll politely nod and smile while I go on for half an hour about my terrible cell phone plan or the bloating I’ve been feeling lately. Honestly, if you end up sitting beside me on a plane, I’ve got just one thing to say to you.
Sorry.
Nobody can save you now.
See, I’ve only seen one successful strategy for avoiding the torture that is My Company. I took a flight recently where the woman next to me cocooned herself into a sensory deprivation chamber of headphones, blankets, and earplugs as soon as we sat down. She no doubt sensed my impending chat attack and defended against it immediately, even elbow-snagging the armrest for good measure.
Since the two of us happened to be sitting in the emergency exit row, I therefore became solely responsible for busting the door open if our plane crash-landed. Yes, the flight attendant coached me on emergency moves and I nodded with steely eyes and firm lips while Snoozy Samantha snored on beside me.
After the plane took off, I sat back in my chair feeling like the hero of the flight. After all, it could all come down to me. Sure, the harsh, unforgiving Andes might crunch our plane, but they would never crunch my spirit.
As modest payment for accepting this critical role, I scored some extra legroom to stretch out and relax. While everyone else had their knees in their laps, I was free to leg around freely, keeping my muscles warm and ready in case the going got tough.
Now, as if all that weren’t good enough—the hero status, the legroom, the babes—there’s also one more big perk emergency exit row folks get for sitting there.
We get out first.
Yes, when the inflatable slide pops open into the river or the flashing red lights shine a smoky path into the fiery forest, we are the emergency exit door kicker-openers . . . running out first . . . leading the way . . . saving the day.
AWESOME!
The Kids Table
It gets crowded in the kitchen.
When the whole family comes over for the big feast, suddenly Uncle and Auntie’s seating plans get to be pretty tight squeezing. Extra chairs are brought from upstairs and elbows bump elbows in these beautifully big turkey and stuffing chow downs.
Sometimes it gets so full that the dinner party gets divided by age. Grown-ups hit The Adult Table to catch up on mortgage rates and family gossip while the kids get banished to The Kids Table.
Yes, The Kids Table is where all the kids eat dinner at holiday family gatherings.
It’s generally a rickety card table from the basement pushed beside a yellow plastic one from the playroom that ends up turning Grandma’s hallway into an eat-in kitchen. Sometimes it’s two different heights, sometimes the chairs are broken, and usually the whole thing is covered in a plastic Thanksgiving tablecloth freshly ripped from the dollar store cellophane.
No matter what though, The Kids Table is a great place to find burps, laughs, and juice spills at a holiday meal. Everyone’s enjoying a warm evening with cousins decked out in their finest cable-knit sweaters, rosy red cheeks, and massive bedhead.
The Kids Table is great for many reasons.
First off, no parents, no problems. Nope, they’re all baking pies, playing ping-pong, or eating twenty feet away. The parenting theory here is that the kids sort of form a group safety net who will likely come screaming if somebody gets hurt, so no need for a pesky watchful eye. So with all adults distracted, rules fly out the window and suddenly elbows lean up on tables, chewed-up brussel sprouts get hidden in napkins, and somebody starts eating mashed potatoes with their bare hands.
And no matter how old everybody is, the rule at The Kids Table is that you must act like you’re seven. Teenagers who think they’re too old for the table quickly start blowing bubbles in their milk, pouring salt in people’s drinks, and giggling like mad. Then someone pops a loud fart and everyone laughs for ten straight minutes.
Lastly, let’s not forget that The Kids Table eats first and sometimes features special items, like lasagna with no onions, random chopped-up hot dogs, or real Coke.
People, a lot of good times and great moments happen at The Kids Table. Little ones learn from older siblings and cousins. Childhood bonds and friendships are formed over toys, tears, and gravy spills. And for kids, it’s good practice for eating with high school pals at the local greasy spoon when someone gets their driver’s license or scarfing a hangover breakfast with college roommates at the dining hall.
So thank you, The Kids Table.
For all you do.
AWESOME!
Digging a hole in your mashed potatoes and filling it up with gravy
Get your mash on long.
Get your mash on strong.
How great is it that a bunch of rock-hard brown things yanked from the dirt can turn into a creamy smooth-n-salty canvas of deliciousness right in the middle of our plates? I’m talking salty lumps, I’m talking tasty bumps, I’m talking mashed potatoes, people.
Mashed potatoes are one of the few foods that achieve that rare 10 out of 10 on sculptability:• Lakes and ponds. The classic. Nobody’s bending turkey into teapots or folding broccoli into bathtubs, but we’ve got no problems carving sloppy potatoes into gravy ponds in no time flat.
• Broken dams. Need some gravy on that turkey? No problem—just slice a gully in the side of Lake Gravy and watch the salty brown goodness lay a flash flood on that bird.
• Retaining walls. Sorry? What’s that? Unruly cranberry sauce is threatening to contaminate your stuffing? No problem! Just smear some mashed potato paste across your plate like mortar and keep all the flavors where they belong.
• Buried volcano. When you’ve got the gravy pond sitting pretty on your plate, it’s sometimes fun letting it soak in and then quickly flipping the entire structure onto itself, completely submerging the gravy under a thin sheen of potato. Now you’ve got a starchy chest full of treasure.
And because mashed potatoes offer so much potential, it’s not uncommon to see other creations like green-bean porcupines or lumpy Pyramids of Giza in the middle of a mashed potato plate. There really is no limit to the possibilities, so just remember to dig for the moment, sculpt for the memories, and build for your life.
AWESOME!
Getting the bigger half of the wishbone
Turkey forensic scientist
s, international dream researchers, and amateur wishologists have assembled a significant stack of well-researched papers mathematically suggesting this actually means nothing.
But we both know it’s proof your dreams will come true.
AWESOME!
Getting away with putting three desserts on your plate
It’s time to fill your plate with two kinds of pie, Grandma’s homemade squares, a few scattered pieces of fruit, and a big swirl of whipped cream over everything.
Nobody will judge you on Thanksgiving.
Just make sure you use the big plate.
AWESOME!
The Turkey Coma
After getting stuffed with stuffing and packed with potatoes , someone kindly rolls you to the couch and covers you with old blankets and rogue scraps of newspaper for your post–holiday meal snooze. Yes, now it’s time to smile sweetly and pop outta your pants before spacing into a turkey high.
Best sleep ever.
AWESOME!
Singing the national anthem with a big crowd
Thanksgiving includes football.
Hey, don’t look at me. They’re not my rules. But hands up if you grew up in a house where the women mashed potatoes and set tables while the guys stood around a big screen holding beers. Yeah, if you celebrated Thanksgiving by watching grown men crack each other’s skulls while running around chasing a ball, you are not alone.
And there is something beautiful about football games.
Especially if you go to one live.
See, when we walk into the stadium we’re all strangers.
Pushing into opposite sides of the football field always feels like we’re getting ready to battle, getting ready to fight, and getting ready to cheer. Grab your flag, pump your fist, and finish that beer as we all amp up for the big game.
And that’s why it’s a beautiful moment when the national anthem hits the speakers and slices through the crowd. Suddenly we all stop for a minute and swish and swirl together . . . standing beside each other, singing the same song, proud of our home country, and all just standing strong . . .
AWESOME!
The loudest guy at the game
There’s always one.
It’s the beer belly guy with the megaphone, the face-painted lady with the dangly earrings, or the boozy teens with the letters on their chests. These folks don’t rest, and we all can attest that they make our entire fan experience better than the best.
The loudest guy at the game cheers on the crowd. The loudest guy at the game makes the home fans proud.
The loudest guy at the game . . . is just really damn loud.
AWESOME!
When your favorite football team is in the big nationally televised game
May be you’re the San Diego Chargers fan who watches every game wearing a football helmet and a big foam thumb on your couch. Maybe you’re a die-hard freak for the Redskins, Patriots, or Jets. Or maybe you can’t stop watching the Cincinnati Bengals climb up the standings.
Whatever your bag, one thing’s for sure: There’s nothing finer than watching your favorite team on national television. For so many reasons:• Pressure. The audience for your team shoots up exponentially and your favorite players are broadcast into strange living rooms around the country. This is the big moment where everybody will judge you, so you better be ready to perform. Don’t let it get to your head.
• Better announcers. Okay, you may lose some of the local favorites who cheer for your club all the time. But you gain the veterans who’ve been broadcasting for years. Plus, don’t forget the better 3D graphics and special blimp camera.
• Feel like you’re home. Hey, if you don’t live in your hometown anymore, the big show might be one of the few chances you get to see your team play. How great is it to watch your across-the-country team in your new local bar? That’s what I’m talking about.
Yes, when your favorite football team is in the nationally televised game, it feels special sitting down at home and watching them play on the big stage. So take the phone off the hook, make some popcorn, and settle in for a great night with a few million friends.
AWESOME!
The Echo Meal
The Echo Meal is any perfectly re-created plate of turkey, veggies, stuffing, and pie made from all the leftovers from yesterday’s pig-out. Microwaved brussels sprouts, steamed turkey chunks, and stirred up gravy all combine into a perfect follow-up to the feast.
AWESOME!
Getting through it
That was a tough one.
Come on in and stop for a second to shake your head, dust yourself off, and look back at how far you’ve come.
Sure, it’s been a long year. Some crushing lows slapped you and smacked you around. There were times your heart dipped and you squinted back tears while your stomach squeezed so tightly you couldn’t sleep. There were moments you walked around in a glossy-eyeball daze—when loved ones hurt, friends didn’t stay, or someone dear to your heart slowly drifted away.
Sleepless nights, stressful nights, with teething babies, slurring customers, bad bosses, bickering boyfriends, or blank computer screens. You were feeling and you were dealing and you were reeling and you were healing.
But as you walked your hard path down your long and bumpy road, some little drops of confidence dripped like coffee into your head and into your heart. As you stumbled and got back up, a quiet inner strength slowly seeped into your bones. And as you climbed over obstacles set in your way, some relaxed satisfaction and growing self-awareness glimmered like bright lights at the bottom of your stomach.
Yes, this year changed you and grew you in so many ways you don’t even feel or notice yet. As you struggled you empathized, as you slipped you understood, as you worked you earned . . .. . . as you looked you learned
. . . as you dared you grew
. . . and as you jumped you flew.
Your dreams are still focusing and your passion is growing. Your energy is still bubbling and your story keeps going.
You’ve been through so much and gained a year’s supply of experience along the way. You’re stronger than you were last year and stronger than you realize. Sure, there were times you bent, but you definitely didn’t break. There were times you caved, but you definitely didn’t flake.
Listen up: You got bigger, you got better, and you got the scars to prove it.
So stop for a second today to smile and look back at everything you’ve done this year . . . everything you’ve seen . . . everywhere you’ve been . . .
You’ve taken more illegal naps and had more blurry-eyed late nights.
You’ve danced to more wedding songs and smiled at more beautiful sights.
You’ve seen more scorching sunsets and heard more head-bopping songs.
You’ve tripped a few times, but baby, you kept rolling right along.
Yes, you’ve hugged more old friends and kissed some brand new pretty faces.
You’ve cheered more on the sidelines and visited some brand new pretty places.
You tasted more meals, you got more deals, and you’ve sniffed more flower blossoms.
And you made it all the way through this year because you’re so completely
AWESOME!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Neil Pasricha is terrible at wrapping gifts, can’t carve a turkey, and always forgets birthdays. He’s just a regular guy who loves seeing the first shipment of eggnog in the store, eating all the chocolate in the Advent calendar at once, and driving around town to see all the Christmas lights.
My Awesome Things
AWESOME!
WHAT’S YOUR AWESOME THING
Let’s keep the awesome going! If you’d like your awesome thing to be considered for use on www.l000awesomethings.com, just write up something less than five hundred words and send it over. We’ll pick some favorites and mail those selected a basket of awesome goodies for your troubles. Go to the website to see how to submit. Thanks for reading, thanks for sending your thoughts, and thanks for
being
AWESOME!
Keep reading for a sneak preview of Neil Pasricha's new book
THE HAPPINESS EQUATION
Secret #1
The First Thing You Must Do Before You Can Be Happy
1
6 words that will forever change how you see happiness
Let’s start off with some bad news.
The happiness model we’re taught from a young age is actually completely backward.
We think we work hard in order to achieve big success and then we’re happy.
We think the scribble goes like this:
Study hard! → Straight A’s! → Be happy!
Interview lots! → Great job! → Be happy!
Work overtime! → Get promoted! → Be happy!
But it doesn’t work like that in real life. That model is broken. We do great work, have a big success, but instead of being happy, we just set new goals. Now we study for the next job, the next degree, the next promotion. Why stop at a college degree when you can get a master’s? Why stop at Director when you can be VP? Why stop at one house when you can have two? We never get to happiness. It keeps getting pushed further and further away.
What happens when we snap “Be happy” off the end of this scribble and stick it on the beginning? Then these important six words look like this:
Now everything changes. Everything changes. If we start with being happy, then we feel great. We look great. We exercise. We connect. What happens? We end up doing great work because we feel great doing it. What does great work lead to? Big success. Massive feelings of accomplishment and the resulting degrees, promotions, and phone calls from your mom telling you she’s proud of you.
The Book of (Holiday) Awesome Page 8
