As the guy approached, I took a sweep of the room and saw that Nate had left his frat buddies’ table and had gone to sit near Bennett. He chose a stool with his back to the wall, which gave him a clear shot of me. His lips tilted up and I raised my hand in a low wave.
His gaze was substantial, like a drag of fingertips across my flesh and I crossed my legs to keep from remembering how his tongue felt against my skin. I struggled to draw my gaze away from his probing eyes to concentrate on the guy in front of me now.
“Hey,” the dude said, his voice low and husky. In closer range, I noticed his green eyes and how much they highlighted the colorful tattoos on his bicep.
“Hey,” I said, trying to find my voice.
“I know you,” he said, clunking down in the seat next to mine. “You work the front at Raw Ink.”
“Yeah,” I nodded, suddenly remembering him. “You’re one of Lila’s clients.”
“Right,” he said. “She’s given me some kick-ass ink. Can I buy you another beer?”
“No need,” I said, holding up my hand. “I’ll probably only have one. I’m here with the guys from the shop.”
I nodded toward the back table and his gaze followed mine. Nate held my eyes solid as a block of ice, except that it was heated and melting me from the inside out.
Chapter Thirty-three
Nate
My eyes were glued to Jessie’s and I couldn’t easily pull them away, mainly because of the huge discomfort in my chest—like a flaming-hot coal of possessiveness. Which, if I was being honest, was really something else entirely. And it came in the perfect shade of green.
I felt Bennett’s hand knock mine twice, and then his voice in the distance. But all I could think about was the fact that I had Jessie in her bed the other night, my face was between her legs, and now she was talking to some douche, not even realizing how fucking hot she looked in that damn skirt, with her combat boots and tight top.
Since when in the heck had I ever thought heavy, clunky shoes on a girl were sexy? But I recalled what was beneath all of that makeup and clothing and that thought alone made my pants tighten unbearably. And now my knee was jiggling a million miles an hour.
“Dude, I think you got it bad,” Bennett said and those words snapped me right out of my thoughts.
“What the hell are you talking about?” I grabbed my beer and took a long pull.
“Finally got your attention,” Bennett said with a smirk.
I shrugged, not in the mood for any jokes tonight. Even if it was coming from Ben, my close friend, who knew me pretty damn well.
I looked at Bennett and then at his girlfriend, Avery, who had just arrived and was thankfully engaged in a conversation with one of the female tattoo artists, named Lila. No way did I want her to give me the business about chicks, even though I probably should’ve sought advice from someone like her. Someone who’d been more like me just a year ago—moving from bed to bed, running away from her past.
She was a straight shooter and would probably know what to say in this situation.
But what was this situation, exactly?
Jessie and I were friends, first and foremost. But we had also gotten it on twice now. Once rough and once soft, all on my terms, and then I walked away without any further discussion. She had every right to do whatever in the hell she wanted.
I thought about Jessie night and day, even jacked off to fantasies of her, but my brain was a jumble of mush. My family situation was a disaster because of what I’d brought on myself. My mother and brother weren’t speaking to me and I was working through it with my counselor.
Even though deep inside I knew I’d done the right thing with my family, I couldn’t help feeling culpable or wishing that I’d never opened my mouth to begin with. Not only that, even though I had confronted my father, I still couldn’t shake that same fear that gnawed away at me. And until I was free of that, I had no right to drag Jessie into my mess.
“What’s going on lately with you, man?” Bennett asked quietly, so that the others at the table, who had now moved on to play flip cup, would have a hard time deciphering our conversation.
I turned my attention back to Bennett. “What do you mean?”
He leaned over the table. “Something going down between you and Jessie?”
“Why do you ask?” What the fuck—was it written all over my face or something?
“Whenever you two are in the same room, you’re tense and always have your eye on her.”
“We’re friends, you know that.”
“Be real with me, Nate,” he said. “I get it if you don’t want to talk about it, but I’m no dummy. The way you acted at Quinn’s party?”
I just stared at him, heat clawing at my neck. When I didn’t say anything, he continued.
“You and Jessie have always had your little teasing back and forth, but you’ve never acted like this around her before.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “Like how?”
He looked over his shoulder and swept his gaze across Jessie and the guy at the bar, who were now huddled closer, talking. “Like you want to get up and beat the shit out of that dude talking to her, that’s what.”
My shoulders slumped, the resistance sliding out of me. “That obvious, huh?”
“To me it is, I don’t about know how it looks to anybody else,” he said, keeping his voice soft. “What gives? Something happen between you guys?”
I looked my friend in the eye now. “Yeah, maybe.”
He tipped his chin. “That why you fixed her tire? You with her that night?”
I nodded and his eyes narrowed at me.
“She’s got my brain all twisted, man,” I said, sighing. “I’m just trying to figure it out.”
“Since I’ve never seen you strung out like this, I can understand the twisted part,” he said, signaling the server for another round. “But I’m not sure I understand what the problem is. Jessie’s a good girl.”
“The problem is: I don’t do relationships,” I said. “And besides, we’re so different.”
Bennett looked over at Avery as if perhaps recounting how different they seemed in the beginning of their relationship as well. In fact, I recalled a conversation I had with Avery once in front of the bonfire at the clambake last year. I remember telling her that if I found a strong connection with someone I’d investigate it, too.
Was that a load of bullshit I was telling her back then? I saw what was between them and it was so damn strong—like a current running through the air.
“Not sure we’ve ever thoroughly discussed the reason why you don’t do relationships,” Bennett said. Did he really want to begin talking about this in a bar?
“There’s not a lot to tell except that I didn’t have much to look at growing up. My father is a prick to my mom, you might have even already figured the rest out, and I don’t want—”
I stopped right there. Saying this out loud again was freaking me out. Not because it was Bennett. In fact, I wanted him to know. It was just that I had kept it so close to my vest my entire life and releasing it in these small bursts felt a lot like pulling a Band-Aid off clean—hopefully to find healed skin beneath.
“It’s cool man, I get it,” Bennett said, letting me off the hook. “I do think I already know some of it, so someday when we’re alone, maybe you can tell me the rest.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Thanks, man.”
“Not a problem,” he said, and then followed my gaze over to Jessie again.
“I’ll figure it all out,” I said. “I’m not trying to hurt her, man.”
I was saying so damn much in that sentence that Bennett wasn’t even aware of.
“Oh, I’m not worried you’ll hurt her. Jessie is strong, independent, amazing really,” he said ticking off the qualities I liked about her already. “I’m afraid you’ll be the one that ends up hurt if you don’t get your ass in gear.”
I was left reeling from his comment as Cory called Bennett’s name, attempting t
o pull him into whatever game they were playing.
Fuck, he was right, as was evidenced by what was happening right in front of me at the bar.
A few minutes later, Jessie stood and headed down the hall toward the bathroom. I saw the guy check her out the whole way across the bar and then he got up to move in that direction. No fucking way would she invite that shit from him. I bolted upright, my chair practically crashing to the floor, my hands clenched into fists.
The entire table looked up at me but I didn’t give a shit.
“What the hell, man?” Cory said, but I ignored him.
I stalked after Jessie into the hallway. When I saw the same dude talking to her against the wall, my chest seized up, and I was unable to inhale a decent breath.
“You okay, Jessie?” I said as I neared her.
She looked over his shoulder and rolled her eyes. Actually fucking rolled her eyes at me. What in the hell?
The guy turned and looked me up and down. “She’s fine. We’re just talking.”
Then he spun back to Jessie and said, “Who the hell is that?”
But before Jessie could answer I cut in. “All you’re doing is talking, huh? That’s why you follow a girl down a dark hall after you just got done hitting on her for a long time at the bar?”
Jessie’s jaw hung open as her eyes flared at me. Actually flared. Did she want to be with this guy? I didn’t give two shits; she wasn’t going to be. Not as long as I could help it.
“Rich boy, take a hike,” the dude with the crazy neck tattoos and ear gauges said. “Unless you want to deal with me.”
“He’s a friend looking out for me, that’s all.” Jessie pushed away from him and backed herself toward the restroom door. “And he could probably take you down, in case you haven’t already gotten a good look at his guns. So both of you just leave me the hell alone and let me pee in peace.”
The dude gave me another once-over before he prowled past me back to the bar. Jessie stepped into the bathroom but before she could close the door, I pushed my way inside.
She backed herself against the sink, surprised by my intrusion, and suddenly I remembered how she’d walked in on me that night while I had a girl in here in much the same position. I think she remembered as well because there was this look in her eye that was a cross between desire and rigidity.
“Really, Nate?” she said, her hands planted firmly on her hips, much like that one night. “You’re gonna go all caveman on me just because some guy was talking to me at the bar?”
I stepped closer and saw how her breathing faltered.
“I thought you like how I go all caveman on you,” I said, now running my fingers up her leg to her hip.
She inhaled sharply. “Sure I like it in the bedroom, but in public, not so much.”
Something about that statement made the synapses fire inside my brain.
“What’s the difference?” I said inching nearer and trailing my nose along her jawline.
“The difference is . . . that one is behind closed doors and is about playing a role during . . . s . . . sex,” she said, almost breathless. “The other is in front of other people and makes you look like an ass.”
God, Jessie was such an enigma. Submissive in bed and assertive in every other area in her life. Was that possible—to only play a certain role in the bedroom and not have it infiltrate other areas of your life?
Did that mean I could keep my different tastes, desires, and personas separate as well?
I thought about my parents. My father wanted to control my mother in every possible way and he did it with fear, by ruling with an iron fist.
But I didn’t want to control Jessie or anybody else for that matter.
So what was that shit I just pulled in the hallway?
That was jealousy, plain and simple. Something I’d never felt before. Because I wanted this girl, more that I ever wanted anybody else in my life. And I didn’t know how to make her mine without fucking everything else up.
I ground my hips into hers so that she knew just how turned on she’d made me. My lips were hot on her neck as they trailed up to her ear. “I want to bend you over this sink right now and show you just how caveman I can be.”
I felt her knees quiver against mine.
“Yeah?” she whispered. “Would you spank me, Nate?”
“Fuck,” I moaned, right before my mouth crashed down on hers. My tongue invaded her mouth and she whimpered as I licked and nibbled and tasted her.
“I’d want nothing more than to have you take me like that, Nate,” she said, panting hard.
And then suddenly she straightened herself and thrust me back forcefully. “But you can’t have it both ways, even if you’re working some shit out.”
My eyebrows bunched together, confusion over what she was trying to say.
“I can’t keep hooking up with you,” she said. “That’s not my thing. No matter how damn much I like being with you.”
She pushed out of my grasp and then smoothed down her shirt. She looked around the grimy bathroom and said, “And I certainly wouldn’t be fucking you in a nasty bathroom.”
Chapter Thirty-four
Jessie
My fingers were shaking so badly as they turned the knob. It was so difficult to walk away from him but I needed to, or I’d just fall even harder.
Before I could get out of the room, his strong arm gripped my waist and he shoved the door closed. Nate lifted me, swung me around, and then forced me against the wall.
He grasped for my hands as he raised them above my head and his mouth lowered toward mine. “Is that really what you think? That all I want from you is a hookup?”
My body was trembling head to toe because I could feel his heat and smell his fresh soap scent. His breath fanned across my lips and his arousal pulsed against my stomach.
“C’mon Nate,” I whispered, because I didn’t have the strength to muster anything else. “Is . . . isn’t that what you do—with girls? You screw them to fulfill a need and then you move on?”
I knew it had been a low blow, but who was I to guess what the hell this had become between us.
“But I haven’t moved on, have I?” His gaze practically pierced through me. “I can’t fucking move on . . . not from you. Not after I’ve discovered how you taste, how you smell, how you sound . . .”
I inhaled a harsh breath as his nose brushed along my jaw and headed toward my ear. God, how I wanted his lips on my mouth, on my breasts.
“You’re branded in my brain,” he whispered against my neck. “I have your skin committed to memory.”
It was like a visceral punch to my gut, zapping all of my air, that’s how much I savored hearing that.
“Like how that roll of film on your forearm nearly reaches the inside of your elbow . . .” His gaze slid down my body painstakingly slowly. “And the corner of that picture frame on your stomach shows just above those lacy panties you wear.”
My breath released in fluttery wisps as his fingers came down to trace across my chin before gliding down my throat.
“Nate.” My free hand now reached for his hair.
“I’ve got your lips memorized as well,” he continued as he outlined them with the rough pad of his finger. “Not only how they taste, but their shape.”
The tip of his thumb breached my lips and my tongue darted out to take a lick.
He groaned. “I know that you bite your bottom lip when you’re worried . . . and that your mouth pulls thin when you’re angry.”
My fingers encircled his hand and I sucked his thumb into my mouth. His eyes flared as he whispered, “And when you’ve been kissing me senseless, your lips are wet and plump and I want to keep them looking like that all night long.”
“Oh God,” I mumbled as my head fell back against the wall.
“It’s true I haven’t used my tongue on many girls.” He trailed his lips along my jaw. “But now I only want to use it on you.”
I was so stunned and amazed and turned on
that I could barely think straight.
“I’m trying to figure myself out, my family out, every damn thing out.” His heavy breaths were now mixing with mine. “But everything inside of me aches for you.”
I held the gasp inside my throat and slid my hand around his waist. “I ache for you, too.”
His eyes closed momentarily as if reveling in my words.
“I have a lot going on right now and I’m afraid to drag you into it,” he said, gathering my face in his hands. “I . . . can’t keep you from seeing other . . . guys. But I know that I only want to be with you.”
“Then be with me,” I said, simply. “Ask me to only be with you.”
But I could tell from the storm brewing behind his eyes that it wasn’t that simple for him.
“I don’t want to blow this, Jessie.”
His phone rang from his pocket but he ignored it as he pulled back to look at me. He was still afraid—I could see it plain as day in his eyes.
So I needed him to say the words. To give whatever this was between us a chance.
His phone rang again and he huffed. “It could be my mom.”
I nodded as he pulled out his cell and then quickly answered. “Luke?”
I straightened from the wall, quickly snapping out of our spell.
“Fuck.” As he listened further, his face became stricken. “What hospital?”
When he hung up, I didn’t even ask, I just followed. I knew it had to do with his mom and that something serious had happened. We charged out the back exit and I hopped in the passenger side of his fancy car.
When he slid in the driver’s seat, he said, “Jess, you don’t have to—”
“Just drive,” I hissed.
We drove in near silence to the university hospital. Nate was concentrating on driving and wrestling with his thoughts and emotions.
“Luke and Anna walked in on my dad pounding my mom,” he said, as he pulled into the lot. “When he got involved, my dad clocked him good. Anna called the police.”
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