He craned his neck to see around the crowd of bodies, trying to catch sight of his seatmate. Before I could stop him, he’d climbed onto a chair again so he would have a better vantage point. “There he is,” he said, jumping down and taking off before I could stop him.
With his size, he was able to wind through the sea of bodies with ease, but it was a bit harder for me to make my way through the crowd. I kept my eyes fully trained on my kid, though, and by the time I caught up to him, he was already tugging on a man’s hand.
But when the man turned to him, annoyance creasing his brows, my heart stopped.
Because it was my father.
He was older, grayer, more wrinkled, but he looked every bit as mean. I’d seen that look he was giving my kid more times than I could count.
I shoved the last couple of bodies out of my way and lifted Carter into my arms. “We’ve got to go,” I ground out.
“I just wanna say thank you!” Carter complained.
“Not now,” I bit off.
“Not gonna say hello to your old man?”
“Dad!” Carter squirmed in my arms, trying to get free, but I only held on tighter. Almost so tight I would hurt him. I had to force myself to loosen my grip, because the only person I wanted to hurt in this situation was my father.
As calm as I could force myself to be, I said, “I don’t have anything to say to you. You’d better stay away from me. And you stay the fuck away from my kid, too. You got that? What the hell are you even doing here, anyway?”
“Got a call from a lawyer,” he said. “Wanted me to come down and testify about how you like to tell stories. How a couple of disciplinary spankings because you mouthed off at me and your mother got blown up into me supposedly beating you, so you’re probably telling these same stories now about some chick. Your teammate’s girlfriend, right? You sleeping with her? That what this is about? Wanted to screw some other man’s girl, so you felt the need to make him out to be the bad guy? We all know you’ve got a history of telling flat-out lies just so you can get attention.”
I don’t know how I mustered the necessary restraint, but I carried my squirming son and his suitcase out into the muggy Tulsa air without putting my fist through that bastard’s face.
“Dad?” Carter said once we were outside. He sounded scared.
Fuck, but that son of a bitch had made me scare my kid.
I set Carter down on his feet and dropped to my knees so I’d be closer to his level. “I’m sorry about that, buddy.”
“Is that man your father? Is he my grandfather?”
“He is,” I said slowly, because I was never going to lie to my son. Not if I could avoid it.
“Why did he say that? Why did he say you lied?”
I looked him in the eye, fighting a war in my own mind. How much should I tell him? He was just a kid. I wanted him to stay a kid, and not have to experience so many of the shittier aspects of the world we lived in. But Carter had seen what Hayes had done to Natalie, so he’d already been exposed to so many things I’d rather he never saw. I owed him the truth.
“You remember how Miss Natalie’s boyfriend hurt her?” I started.
He nodded.
“Well, my father used to hurt me the same way.”
“But he was your dad!” Carter said, outraged and shocked.
“I know it. But not all dads are good. Sometimes, people do really awful things to other people, to the same ones they should love the most.”
He sniffled, but he reached both arms around my neck and gave me an enormous bear hug. “I’m glad you’re my daddy,” he said, his voice muffled in my neck.
I picked him up, got to my feet, and carried his Lightning McQueen suitcase since the handle wasn’t anywhere near long enough for me to bother with the rollers. “I’m glad I’m your daddy, too,” I said.
But now I had one more thing to worry about. Because Hayes, the rat bastard, was trying to discredit me.
CARTER RUSHED THROUGH the door and wrapped me up in a bear hug almost as soon as Ravyn let them in. His arms tightened around me in a death grip. I’d expected him to go for Snoopy first, so I wasn’t sure what to make of his behavior. For that matter, I hadn’t expected him to hug me, at all.
“Hey,” I said, patting him on the back and looking up at Ethan for an explanation. “I missed you, too.”
But Ethan seemed angry and closed off, his dark brow creased and his lips set in a thin line, so I didn’t think I’d be getting answers from him any time soon. Maybe I could coax it out of him once we were back at his place and Carter was in bed. I certainly intended to try, although whatever was upsetting him might not be any of my business. Maybe it was something to do with Carter or his mother, family matters.
I wasn’t part of the family, whether I lived with them or not.
Something told me it was more likely a response to our phone conversation, though. I’d gone and screwed up a good thing. No matter how much he tried to convince me everything was fine, I’d known that I’d made a mess of things by awkwardly flirting with him. I should’ve thought before I spoke, but now it was too late, and I wasn’t sure if I could repair the damage I’d done in our relationship.
Snoopy barked a few times and nosed his way between us to lick his boy, and in no time, Carter was giggling and rolling around on the floor while Snoopy jumped all over him. Their exuberance was endearing and infectious.
I wished I could let go and enjoy life the way those two did.
I itched to feel Ethan’s arms around me, a cocoon of warmth and refuge, but he was taciturn and standoffish, separate from the happy reunion. And it was my fault. Everything was going to be awkward between us, and I wasn’t sure there was a way for me to repair the damage I’d caused.
Things had to change between us after that phone conversation, but I hadn’t expected the transformation in his demeanor to be so sudden or so cold. To keep from crying over the unexpected shift in our relationship, I focused on Carter and Snoopy.
Ethan gestured to Drew and Ravyn to follow him into the kitchen. I was tempted to go with them even though I hadn’t been invited, my curiosity almost overwhelming in its intensity, but I stayed put.
Whatever it was, if he wanted me to know, he’d tell me. I had to believe that.
He’d been up-front to this point, so there was no reason for me to expect anything else.
They returned a couple of minutes later, and Ravyn caught my eye and gave me a gentle smile, as though to soothe my nerves. It did nothing of the sort.
But then Ethan finally met my eyes, and his demeanor was wholly changed, to the point that I had to question whether I’d misread him entirely. “You ready? I promised Carter we’d order pizza tonight. Hope that’s all right.”
I nodded in surprise, my tongue too thick to form words.
“Can you get all of Snoopy’s things while I help Miss Natalie?” Ethan said to his son. He didn’t wait for an answer, picking up my duffel bag and holding out a hand to assist me to my feet.
His quiet strength somehow warmed my entire body, despite our only contact being through our hands. The power in his hand ought to terrify me, but instead I was drawn to it. To him. I felt an indescribable urge to feel his hands on my flesh.
How was it possible to desire any man’s touch after all the things Hayes had put me through? How could I want from Ethan what terrified me when coming from Hayes? I didn’t understand myself, my feelings and longings.
I stood and picked up my crutches, my nerves still on edge. I wished I could read Ethan better. I wished I could guess what was going on inside his head, but he kept a tight rein on his thoughts, leaving me guessing.
Carter kept up a constant stream of chatter the whole car ride back to Ethan’s house, which forced me out of my brooding and into a slightly better frame of mind. Once Ethan had parked in the garage, he and Carter unloaded everything from the trunk while I cautiously made my way inside the house, careful not to accidentally place one of my crutches on Snoopy�
��s paws—no easy task since he was racing happy circles around everyone.
The guys followed us inside a moment later.
Ethan carried my duffel bag into my room, dropping it on the foot of the bed before taking all of his and Carter’s things upstairs. Carter immediately headed into the dining room and put fresh food and water into Snoopy’s bowls. Something told me this was their usual routine, each of them doing their assigned tasks without need for discussion.
When Ethan returned, he said, “Why don’t you and Snoopy go outside for a bit, buddy? Go run off some energy.”
“Should I turn on the sprinklers?” Carter asked.
“We’re still on water restrictions,” Ethan replied. “But it’s early enough in the day we can get away with it for a bit, I think. And the yard could use some water. If you’re going to do that, put on some swim trunks first.”
Carter raced up the stairs with his dog hot on his heels.
“Thought we could use some quiet to talk,” Ethan said softly. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
I nodded, my stomach in knots. What did he need privacy to say? What couldn’t be said in front of his son? But Ethan took a cushion from the couch and set it on the coffee table in front of me before gently lifting my broken leg to rest upon it.
Then, without another word, he headed into the kitchen. I heard the faucet running, the distinct sounds of him taking something down from the cabinets, of loading the dishwasher and moving items from the freezer to the fridge. Busy work. Tasks to soothe his mind and clear his thoughts?
Carter and Snoopy thundered back down the stairs and raced past me into the backyard. At first, he forgot to close the sliding glass door behind him, but he doubled back after a moment and slipped it closed, giving me a sheepish expression.
After what felt like an eternity, Ethan returned to the living room with two bottles of water. He passed one over to me before taking a seat across the room from me.
I’d hoped he would sit beside me. I craved his nearness more than I could stand.
To distract myself from the uncomfortable line of my thoughts, I opened the bottle and took a sip.
“My father’s in Tulsa,” Ethan said.
I nearly spit out the water in shock. “What? Why?”
“He was on Carter’s flight. Sat next to him the whole way down, even. He let Carter watch a movie on his iPad.”
I could only blink, my confusion stealing my tongue.
“Hayes’s lawyers brought him in to help them put together a defense,” Ethan said, his voice devoid of all emotion.
My heart dropped into my stomach.
“He’s going to tell them I made shit up about all of his abuse. That I’m obviously just making shit up now about Hayes because I wanted to steal you from him or something else equally ridiculous.”
“But the video,” I spluttered.
“Hayes isn’t on any of the footage. Only his buddies are. So we might be able to still have a case against them.”
“But not Hayes.” Hot tears burned my eyes. Rage. Pain.
Fear. Especially fear.
I’d finally started to feel safe, to think that I could somehow be free from Hayes and all the ways he’d tortured me and controlled me over the years, but now I knew it was nothing but a pipe dream.
“I’m so sorry you’ve gotten dragged into all of this,” I said. “I should never have involved you.”
“Don’t be,” Ethan bit off. “I’m glad you involved me. I want to be involved.”
I shot my gaze over to meet his. Fierce. That was the only word that could possibly describe the expression staring back at me.
“But Carter shouldn’t have to—”
“This is allowing me to teach my son what it means to be a real man,” Ethan cut in. “To show him how we treat people. It’s helping me to be the kind of example for him that I never had.”
I shook my head, ready to tell him I’d pack my things and leave tonight. Not that I had a clue where I’d go. There had to be a women’s shelter around here, though. Every city had them these days. I could go to a shelter and be far away from Ethan and Carter, so they could go back to their lives and forget all about the upheaval I’d brought them.
“Hayes is throwing a wrench into things,” Ethan said. “That’s all. But we’re not going to let him win. We’re not going to let him get away with this. We’ll find some angle that we haven’t thought of yet, stumble on evidence that’s been eluding us. Something. But we’re not going to give up. We’re not throwing in the towel and letting him off.”
My mind got stuck on the fact that Ethan had said we. Suddenly, I didn’t feel alone. My mind latched onto it almost as much as my heart did.
His eyes bored into me, intense and almost pained, pleading with me. “I’ll take care of you, Natalie. If you’ll let me. Me and Carter, and even Snoopy. We’ll take care of you.”
A sob tore through me, vicious and agonizing in its efforts to break free, somehow even more painful when it got trapped in my chest.
In a flash, Ethan crossed the room. He sat beside me, the couch dipping beneath his weight so that I fell against him, and he drew me into his arms. “He can’t hurt you,” Ethan murmured, tucking my head beneath his chin. “He can’t ever hurt you again. I’ll make sure of it.”
I was sorely tempted to believe Ethan’s promises. But the truth was that Hayes didn’t need to be near me to hurt me. He’d already done enough that even if he no longer existed, he could still hurt me.
Physical injuries could heal. Broken bones mended. Scars faded with time. The things he’d done to my heart, though? To my mind? How could a person ever come out on the other side of that kind of pain?
Despite the impossibility of ever coming out on the other side, I allowed myself to sink further into the façade of safety I felt in Ethan’s arms. I wanted to burrow against him and pretend, just for a little while, that I could have a normal life, that a strong, protective man could keep me safe from all the dangers of the world, and that I could finally be free.
Ethan shifted my legs, drawing them across his lap and allowing me to burrow into his embrace. I rested my head against the broad expanse of muscles lining his chest, my fingers just skimming his abdomen. His powerful arms enveloped me.
If I closed my eyes, I could almost believe the illusion.
But if I left them closed too long, reality returned, along with the memories of all that Hayes had done.
THE NEWS OF my father’s involvement in the case seemed to shake Natalie more than I’d been expecting. Sure, she let me draw her into my arms and hold her, but at the same time, it felt as if she were closing off some part of herself, stacking more bricks onto her protective wall. I’d hoped that we were finally starting to tear that wall down, one painstaking piece at a time, and that we were making progress toward eliminating it entirely. But instead, we were once again moving in the opposite direction.
Carter’s gleeful shouts and Snoopy’s excited barks out back were such a sharp contrast to the heavy weight settling between us inside. But at the same time, they were proof that, with the right care, anyone could live a good life.
That damn dog had been left on the side of the road to suffocate and die, but I’d never known a pup so loyal and loving before. He’d always be undersized because of the malnourishment he suffered before I had him, but that didn’t prevent him from opening up his heart to every human he came into contact with.
Carter was constantly being shuttled back and forth between my home and Kinsey’s, but he knew we both loved him, and he was the sweetest fucking kid I’d ever been around. The way he treated Natalie was the only evidence required to see what a big heart he had.
But kids and animals healed faster than adults. They were more forgiving. They soaked up love and affection, letting it fill them up instead of trying to fight it off, thinking they didn’t deserve it. They tended to assume the best of people instead of expecting the worst.
I needed to convin
ce Natalie that I could keep her safe, but how could I do that when, with every day that passed, I felt less certain of it myself?
She snuggled against me, trying to get closer, so I cautiously tightened my arms around her. I wanted her to feel safe and protected but not trapped. It was probably a very fine line between the two extremes.
“How did I end up like this?” Her lips barely brushed the side of my neck as she spoke, and her eyelashes fluttered softly against my skin just before a hot tear dripped to my chest. “I was supposed to be too smart for this. I was in the top ten of my high school class. Top ten students, not just the top ten percent, even. I had scholarship offers from four different universities, but I turned them all down because Hayes wanted me with him wherever he ended up playing hockey. He didn’t want me to go to college. I used to be smart. How did I end up so stupid?”
“You’re not stupid.”
“I have to be.”
“Look at me,” I said, and I tipped up her chin until she met my eyes. “You’re not stupid. Maybe he wanted you to think you are, but that was all him. Because he felt the need to control you, probably because he felt out of control himself. That’s all it was. But it doesn’t make you stupid.”
“I feel like such an idiot,” she said, her eyes swimming.
“Please don’t call yourself that. Not in front of me.”
I wanted to kiss her tears away, but I’d already gone further than I should have by dragging her into my lap. Instead, I forced myself to keep my hands where they were, my lips far away from hers.
“I don’t deserve you, Ethan,” she said. “I don’t know what I’ve done to have you in my life, but—”
“You deserve so much better than me.”
She shook her head. “There’s no such thing. There is no one better than you.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Not about this. Not for me.”
Everything in my chest clenched at her words and the sincerity in her eyes. I wanted to kiss her more than I wanted to breathe, but I’d meant what I’d said before—if anything was going to happen between us, she was going to have to initiate it. In her own time, when she was ready, and not a moment before. I’d broken part of that vow by holding her, but I wouldn’t do more than that.
Rain Dance (Tulsa Thunderbirds Book 5) Page 12
