The last thing I do before I leave the ward is glance at the number on the wall next to the door. I can check if anything happens to the occupant next time I come up to ICU. As I make the mental note, it strikes me - if this person dies, who will be the one responsible? Finn or the doctor?
***
On the way home after my long shift, I rest my head on the bus windowpane, aware of the usual reaction to my trip home. I don’t like the house, especially the things that live in there and attack me. The worst part is I belong here now. I look up at the windows as I stand on the step outside. As each day passes, the more assimilated I am into the house, and the harder it is to consider leaving on my own.
I walk through the door and head to the kitchen; Alek sits at the kitchen table, beer in hand.
"Is there something in beer that gives us superpowers?" I ask him as I cross to the fridge.
"That's a weird question."
Pulling out the ingredients for a ham salad sandwich, I set them on the bench then turn back to Alek. "Every time I see you, you're drinking, so I wondered."
Alek attempts a frown, but his eyes show amusement. "I like beer. Plus, it keeps me calm." I snort. "What?"
"You're not very calm!"
"Imagine how I am when I don't drink then." Alek pushes his chair back and moves across to me.
The energy was tangible the moment I entered the kitchen. The closer he gets, the more it sparks between us. Alek's skin has lost the pallid tone from yesterday, his eyes brighter beneath his unruly hair. His look moves to my mouth and back to my eyes, the thoughts unmistakable.
"I missed you today," he says. "I’ve been waiting for you to come home."
"Do you want to kiss me?" I blurt, and then cover my mouth. Where the hell did that come from?
Alek touches my cheek softly, fingertips trailing tiny static shocks across my face. "Are you giving or taking?"
"Can't we just make out?"
“Make out?” He laughs and steps back. “We’re not teenagers."
"What's so funny?" I snap.
In a swift movement, Alek seizes me and pushes me against the wall. I gasp as he presses his hips into mine and drags his fingers into my hair. Where our bodies touch, even through layers of clothes, I'm overwhelmed by the intensity and start to tremble.
"You feel that?" he whispers. "I'm used to taking from people. Before you, that's all I could do. They'd give themselves to me and that would be all. With you, I can give something back. Connect." Alek rests his head on mine, crackling heat across my skin. "Take from me again."
My breathing intensifies as his mouth slides across my face, igniting. "Alek, stop...I made you sick last time."
"I don't care; I can take from you anytime I want. I know how."
"Not if you're too weak..." I attempt to push him away, but already my body's attempting to meld with his and take what he's asking me to.
The sudden shift from talking to his hands on my body disarms me; I'm shocked further as his mouth roughly closes over mine. Alek grips my hair, holding my face so I can't move. My back presses into the wall as he puts all his force into holding me, pressing his hips into mine. I part my mouth in surprise, and Alek lightly draws his tongue along my bottom lip. As I relax, believing he's slowing, he delves his tongue into my mouth. The familiar, overwhelming need to be locked together with this infuriating man takes over. The blinding light behind my eyes remains; this time, it doesn't fade as we kiss, and I need more. All of it.
No. He's not doing this to me; I don't want this right now.
I push Alek with all the force I can muster, and he stumbles against the table. His darkened eyes shine, lips paler. "I don't know why I ever worried about this," he says. "We're going to have so much fun…Like last night." He's breathless, and the energy coursing through my body suggests I won this time. Alek looks at my mouth. "I'm working tonight and you're coming with me, by the way."
This is a statement not a question, and I bristle. "No, I'm not."
"Yes, you are. Do you think I'm going to leave you alone in a house where out-of-control Shades attack you?"
"I'm not staying home; I'm meeting Tom tonight."
"Tom, the Ghostbuster?" Alek giggles as if he's high. "He likes you; have you told him he's not your type? Or what your type is?"
His mocking tone riles me further. "Alek, stop being a dick."
Alek steps closer and I meet his smirk with a challenging look.
"Don't even think about it..." I warn him.
He lightly trails a finger down my cheek. "Thanks for the kiss, Rose."
As he walks away, I shiver, irritated by his shift in mood. Is he only nice to me when he wants something?
***
Tom lives in the centre of the student-infested suburb, where the terraced houses cram together and posters for bands and student nights are plastered on walls in the streets.
Tom looks shocked to see me, but not as surprised as I am when I find a familiar face sitting on a threadbare sofa in the cramped lounge room.
"Grace?"
"Hey, Rose," she says, looking up from the laptop on her knee.
"Why are you...what happened?"
She shrugs and ignores me. More secrets? Jesus, I can't cope with much more of this.
Another guy walks in carrying a huge bowl of nacho chips and a dip. He halts when he sees me. His messy blonde hair sticks up, the way hair does when it would like to be curly but can't manage. He's the antithesis of Tom, a good-looking guy with cheekbones and lips a girl could go for if she was human and not obsessed with her arrogant housemate. When I smile at him, he shudders then places the bowl and dip on the table.
Tom leans over and grabs a handful. "This is Rose," he says, spitting crumbs around.
"The vampire?" asks the blonde guy.
"I'm not a vampire!" I protest.
"Zach, be nice," says Grace.
"Can't you feel what she's doing?" Zach asks.
"I'm not doing anything!"
Zach sits in an armchair as far from me as possible. "She can't help it," says Tom and picks up his laptop from the sofa before sitting.
I hover in the doorway debating my wisdom in coming here, irritated by Tom and Zach.
"Have you found out much?" I ask Tom.
"Yeah, we’ve had some information about Reapers from a colleague in Germany. They're scarier than you guys. Especially the Dark."
I groan and lean against the wall.
"Rose, sit down," says Grace.
Zach stiffens as I sit in the spare armchair across from him.
"Dark? Are there more than one kind?" I ask.
"Yup. They fight over souls. Well, technically, the Dark kill people for their souls and the ordinary Reapers help people Over."
"Over?"
"The Reapers help people when they die, so their souls don't get stuck in the Void." Tom again appears proud of his knowledge, words I'd have dismissed as nonsense a year ago.
My head hurts with the information thrown at me. Reapers, Over, Void…
"And the Void being some kind of limbo?" I ask. "Is that where the Shades live?"
"Yeah," says Grace, "and Alek's house is a focal point where there's a weakness between the world and the Void; where trapped Shades can cross easily.
"How do you know all this?" I ask.
"I told you, we're part of a network who investigate this. We asked around to find out who else is investigating Reapers. Your friend, Finn. Is he Dark, do you think?"
"He's blonde."
Zach laughs. "Not his hair..."
"I just thought if he was blonde, he might be a good guy," I say.
"What? Like you?" snorts Zach.
I glare at him and he doesn't hold my gaze. Underneath his attitude, I sense he's frightened of me.
"What we haven't figured out is the connection between the Reapers and psy-vamps."
"Between," I mutter.
"Always call a spade a spade," says Zach.
"Is that what’s h
appening in the hospital? Reapers?" I ask. A surge of logic connects in my brain. "Okay, then Finn might be Dark..."
Tom sits forward. "What? Why?"
"A week ago I was with Finn in ICU; I saw him with a patient and then a few minutes later that patient arrested - got really sick."
"Did the patient die?" asks Tom.
"Yes. I think so. I asked him and he was evasive."
"If you give me the date it happened, I can check," says Tom.
I shiver, "But how can he be Dark? Finn said he saved me; he was there when I almost died." I pause. “Died.”
Grace glances at Tom. "The Dark must be responsible for the Between."
"Finn said it was an accident and he's in trouble for, um… creating me." My head spins. "I don't understand any of this."
"As you know, Grace lived with Alek and Lizzie for a little while to try to find out if they were connected to the extra deaths. She never saw anyone else associated with them. We’re confused what their involvement is, or why they took you in."
"They didn’t. I answered an ad for a room." Alek’s admitted it wasn’t accidental, but how far do I trust these people?
Tom pauses, and he and Grace exchange looks again. "You do know how dangerous you are?"
"Yeah, I'm really scary, look at me..."
"Who are you feeding off?" asks Zach.
"Nobody! Alek sometimes..."
Grace arches a brow. "He lets you touch him?"
My cheeks heat. "There's something about him and me, because we're both Between. He’s Alek, a bit odd, but other times... I don't know. He's helping me."
Three pairs of eyes watch and wait for more. I don’t have more. "What?"
Tom helps himself to more corn chips, Grace focuses on her laptop and Zach continues to study me. I’m not spilling to three almost-strangers. I tap my foot and consider whether it’s time to leave.
"I think we need to meet Finn," announces Tom, breaking the weird stalemate.
Zach chokes on his corn chips. "What the fuck? Are we having an 'invite every dangerous supernatural creature we can find' party? Hey, maybe we should scout out a shifter or a necromancer to ask along. What drinks do you think they like?"
"A party sounds like a great idea!" enthuses Tom.
Zach bangs his head on the back of the sofa. "I was kidding, Tom!"
"No, listen...We invite people over and we can watch them. See what they do and who they’re with. We can invite people who know Finn, too, so we can check out his connections. Is there anyone you can invite from work, Rose?" Tom asks. I’m still attempting to process the insanity of his idea and don’t respond. "So, we invite Finn, Alek…" continues Tom. I interrupt with a groan. "What?"
"Finn and Alek in the same room? Not going to happen," I tell him. "I thought you were scared of people at the hospital?"
"I am. Today, I caught someone watching me. Remember the guy who was with me when you last saw me at work? He hung around the morgue way too much for a heart doctor."
I decide not to tell them that I saw the doctor talking to Finn.
"We should take Rose through what we've found," suggests Grace, twisting the laptop in my direction.
"I'll leave you to it then." Zach stands
"Zach, come on. You've spent as much time on this as we have!"
"And you know I don't agree with what you're doing. And no way am I coming to your party! He glances at me, and then slinks out of the room.
"Oh, well," says Tom. "Here's what we've found."
As they run through their collection of carefully-bookmarked websites, emails from ghostbusters around the world, and blurry pictures which look exactly like a toddler’s attempt to hold a camera, I drift away. My brain is full of this weird world. I can't process much more.
After an hour, Grace disappears and comes back wearing a baggy black jumper, and then curls into the chair furthest away from me. I check the time on my phone and I'm surprised to see it's almost twelve am. I'm not a night owl, so I'm surprised I'm not tired.
Grace rubs her eyes and blows on her hands; I'm not cold, either. I switch my scrutiny to Tom who has his black hoodie zipped to his neck. They both constantly eat the corn chips Zach left on the low coffee table.
Oh, my God, I'm taking their energy. I jump as my phone beeps.
I suck air through my teeth.
I don't manage to get the phone back in my pocket before the phone beeps again.
Tom cranes his neck. "Who's that?"
"Alek."
"Is he coming here?" he asks.
My phone alerts me.
In my old life, a guy like Alek wouldn't make the grade. I wouldn't let people boss me around. Now, I'm in a life where the only person who's the same as me is exactly that kind of guy.
"Looks like he is. I apologise in advance," I say to Tom.
"What for?"
Grace laughs. "He’s a little… uptight."
"That’s a polite way of describing him," I say to Grace and smile.
She folds the lid of her laptop and stands. "I’m too tired for what might happen when he sees me, so I’m going to bed."
"Night!" says Tom, his look still fixed on mine.
After an evening submerged in the weird, alternate world I never knew existed, learning about Reapers, demons and ghosts, the old, human part of me is scared. What if something or someone does want to kill me? Begrudgingly, I text Tom's address to Alek and wait.
Chapter Eighteen
The next morning, my ordinary day in my extraordinary life takes a step further into the unknown. I sneak upstairs to ICU before my shift on the pretence of collecting a file I accidentally left the day before. Chloe smiles in her knowing way, reinforcing she thinks I'm here as an excuse to see Finn. Luckily, Finn's shift hasn't started yet.
How do I ask if a patient has died? It's not exactly a casual conversation, and I've debated my opening line on the subject for over an hour.
"Who's the doctor I saw yesterday?" I ask Chloe. "Is he new to ICU?"
Chloe wrinkles her nose in the way people do when they're trying to remember something. "New?"
I inhale and cringe at my next words. "The attractive one, youngish..."
"Oh! Do you mean Dr Granger? Tall, dark hair, eyes to drown in, body to kill for? He isn't new, he's often up here." She grins. "Eye candy to brighten up the day."
Funnily enough, I didn't find him as attractive as Chloe does. Seems like I go for scruffy, arrogant vampires these days. The thought would amuse me if it wasn't so stomach-churning.
"We get a lot of heart patients up here, so he's often around."
Perfect. "You’re right. I have a friend who knows someone in here, in Room 3," I say. I feel nauseated talking about being here, the smell of the ward tripping memories back in. "He's who I saw Dr Granger visiting yesterday."
I glance behind at the board covered in unintelligible scribbles, the numbered ward beds with names and information scrawled next to them in marker pen. The space for Room 3 is empty, streaks of blue left on the whiteboard where the information has been rubbed out in preparation for the next patient.
Chloe glances at the board, too, and her troubled expression meets mine. My face must be more transparent than I realised. "People die here all the time, Rose," she says softly. "I'm sorry if he was someone you knew."
The nausea grips my stomach. Of course they do, I know this, but is someone helping? Tom's words about Dark Reapers, Finn, Dr Granger... "I guess." I gulp in air.
"Sorry, did you know the patient well?"
I shake my head, chewing inside my cheek; I need to get out. "Not at all," I rasp. "Memories... you know."
Stories about patients dying, the shock of evidence supporting Tom’s claims of people - possibly
Finn - killing in the hospital mingle with the sounds and smells hitting my memories of my own time spent here.
Chloe crosses toward me and places a hand on my sleeve. "You should ask your supervisor to keep this ward off your rounds until you're able to cope."
"I'm okay, really." The brightness of the ward fades as I attempt to stop the shadows dancing across my eyes. I tense all the muscles in my arms and legs, the way the last doctor told me would counteract the fainting.
"Rose, come on, I'll get you some water." Chloe guides me toward the nurses' lunch room where I last sat with Finn; I stare at the floor, hoping it remains where it is and I don't hit my head on the tiles anytime soon.
"Is she okay?" Finn's voice causes more blood to plummet from my head. I want to cry and scream this isn't fair; how I don't want to be a pathetic girl who faints all the time. I want my life back.
Slumping onto a chair, I lean forward, gasping in air. If Finn comes close, I will faint. Chloe's cool hand touches my arm and a glass of water appears beneath my curtain of hair hanging down. I take it but don't think I can stomach water, so I set the glass on the floor.
"Is she okay?" repeats Finn.
"I think she needs to keep away from the ward," I hear Chloe say in a low voice.
"I'll sit with her; my shift doesn't start for another half hour."
No! I scream in my head, but I'm too feeble to move. Finn must know. The doctor told him I saw what they were doing. He wouldn't kill me, though; not here.
Chloe leaves and I remain in the same position, staring at the floor waiting for the dizziness to subside. The fog edges around the world. I'm aware of him sitting close by, but at least he hasn't touched me.
Eventually, I lift my head and rake my hair from my eyes. My clammy head cools under the aircon.
"Are you feeling better?" he asks.
I look to Finn, the only person in the room with me. Genuine concern etches his features, a small crease between his eyes. He never looks tired, his pale face and blue eyes always neutral.
"Did you kill someone?" I whisper.
He straightens. "What?"
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