by P. Jameson
Rowene’s brow furrowed, surprised to see a guardsman at her doorstep. “I believe Canna is asleep. Perhaps you could speak with her in the morning.”
Breck shook his head. “You must wake her. I need to see her tonight.”
She stared at him for a long minute. A minute wasted, but he let her have it anyways. Finally, she nudged the door open and waved him in. Stopping just inside the door, he noticed several attendants waiting near the stairs. He nodded to them and strangely, they averted their eyes.
“Please, go wake Canna and have her come down,” Rowene instructed one of them.
It took only a few minutes but to him, it was a lifetime. When she finally descended the stairs and he was able to lay eyes on her again, he went dizzy with relief. And when she looked at him, he hated the way his breath caught in his chest and refused to release.
It was the same reaction he’d had at the fountain. He wanted to run to her, scoop her up into his arms and carry her to a secret place where it was just the two of them, and there was no harm to come to her.
Breckken swallowed the stone in his throat.
She was furious. He could see it in her eyes. Barely. But it was there.
“What do you want?” she snapped, approaching him.
Rowene flinched at her blatant disrespect. Breckken didn’t.
“Maybe we could talk in private.”
“What do you want?”
Well, if she wouldn’t be reasonable, he would just have to say it before all these people.
“I must take you to the outpost.”
“No.” The way she crossed her arms over her chest was a challenging move. A dare. She dared him to force her hand.
“There has been a development. You will be safer there.”
“No.”
Stubborn. She was so damn stubborn.
“Canna—”
“I’m not going anywhere. Now, take your leave.”
Breckken glanced at the others. He really didn’t want to say this in front of them. Really.
He stepped close—as close as she would let him. “One of the Helix is loose in the city,” he whispered.
Rowene heard. Her stifled gasp gave it away. Canna’s eyebrow twitched which was the only indication that she was affected at all by the statement.
“Until we apprehend her, you will be safer at the outpost.”
“Where is Emma?”
“She is well guarded.”
Canna nodded sharply. “Then all is well. I will remain here.”
“You cannot remain here, Canna. I will take you to the outpost.” Panic rose within him. Would she not see reason? Could she not sense the danger? Or didn’t she care?
She narrowed her eyes until they were mere slits. “You will leave, Breckken,” she said, her tone laced with venom. “And this time, for good.”
He stared hard at her, searching for any trace of the woman he knew was under all that armor. Yes, he knew her. But she didn’t know him. She didn’t know that he had a will of iron that likely only she could ever match in intensity. She didn’t know that he could never be bullied. Even by a true professional such as herself.
“No. I will not.” He stepped even closer until he towered over her. “It is my responsibility to see to your safety…” He smirked, leveling his gaze on her full lips. “Among other things. And I will not let you ignore the danger you are in.” He noticed her petulant expression and couldn’t help smiling. “You are far, far too precious to risk, my Cannalise.”
Her eyes darted to the others in the room.
“I am not, nor will I ever be, your responsibility,” she snarled.
He considered their audience, but then he didn’t care. “Your heart, and mine, says otherwise, sweet Canna.”
There were more sounds of surprise. Row frowned, coming to stand beside them.
“Canna? What is this? Does your heart beat for this wren?”
She ignored the question but kept up with the glaring. “You wish to make declarations, wren? Fine, then let me make one as well. I declare, before all who are listening, that you are nothing to me. Nothing to my heart. Nothing at all. And nothing is who you will forever be. Especially in my eyes.”
Ouch. Literally. Her words burned like fire, past his ears, through his mind and into the depths of his longing soul. And it shouldn’t have mattered, but the fact that she’d made the statement in the hearing of others filled him with shame. For the instincts within a mated wren demanded that he make his maiden happy—and that everyone knew of her joy was the ultimate accomplishment.
He had to look away for a moment and he hated himself for it.
“If you meant to wound, you hit your mark,” he said quietly. “Even still, I won’t leave you unprotected.”
“I can protect myself.”
And that’s where he was stuck. Because she could. And he knew it. But that didn’t make it any easier when every instinct demanded he safeguard her.
“If you refuse to go unto the outpost, then I will stay here and keep watch myself.”
“Absolutely not!” Her voice tweaked up, anger smashing her mask to pieces.
He hated to beg. Oh, how he hated it. But if it would sway her…
“Canna, please. Please, let me see to you. I must know you are safe.”
She stared hard at him, her glare unwavering. “You don’t fool me. This act of yours, it doesn’t move me. What I don’t understand is why you keep it up. It is exceedingly pathetic.”
She could cut him so easily. He marveled at how his pain had zero affect on her when the mere thought of hers felt like a knife in his chest.
“It is no act.”
“You will leave my home now.”
“Then I will guard the gates through the night.”
“And you will freeze.”
He shrugged because really, he didn’t care as long as she was well.
“Very well. Then I will finally be rid of you.”
Another gasp from Row. “Cannalise!”
She ignored her guardian, turned and marched back up the stairs.
Breckken didn’t wait for anyone to request his absence. He left as fast as he could. He didn’t want to see the looks on their faces, didn’t need any hint of what they were thinking.
He would guard the perimeter of her home just as he’d said. And hopefully the frozen air outside would numb the ache in his chest.
***
Canna rushed up the stairs and slammed the door when she was safe in her quarters. She wouldn’t sleep tonight. Couldn’t. And it had nothing to do with the discomfort behind her sternum. A member of the Helix was out there, running loose in the city. And after seeing what they would have done to Emmalyn, she couldn’t ignore that bit of information. If the maiden wasn’t already so heavily guarded, Canna likely would be doing the same thing Breckken was. Except she wouldn’t feel the brutal cold.
There was a knock on her door and Row stepped in. Her curious expression was enough to disarm Canna. She didn’t want to have this conversation now. But because the idiotic wren couldn’t keep his mouth shut, her whole household knew of her beating heart. By tomorrow, it would be the talk of the city.
“Cannalise, will you explain to me why we are not celebrating your great fortune? Why you have sent your mate—who is obviously from the Lands—into the frozen night?”
Canna ignored the question and marched to the window to secure the curtains.
“Child—”
“I am no longer a child.”
“To me you will always be a child. My child. Whether I bore you or not,” she said sharply. “And perhaps if you wish to be respected, you should stop acting like one.”
Canna managed to feel chastised. Row was so very much like a mother to her. The female had done her best, Canna knew.
“The wren shows interest in you, dear. Why do you resist him? And why have you kept this a secret from me?”
Canna’s chest burned. It was painful. She would probably be heartsick soon. A
nd somehow, she would have to hide it from everybody. At least until she could recover from it.
“I have not kept it a secret. My heart only began beating this night.”
Row’s eyes grew wide. “When?”
“At nightfall.”
“Why does your wren speak of the Helix?”
Canna bristled. “He is not my wren.”
Row gave her a look. “Explain this to me, Canna.”
Canna sighed. She supposed she would have to tell Rowene what had happened. If only for her own safety.
“Members of the Helix came to the city to abduct Emma. I… attacked them before they were apprehended by the Nova Guard.”
Rowene went pale. Paler than normal, her skin seeming translucent. “Oh, Canna! You could have been hurt! How is Emma? Is she alright?”
“She is fine. And you know I can fend for myself.”
Row’s brows creased and her gaze flitted to the window. “The wren is risking his life to protect you, as a Heartbeat should. I don’t understand why you reject him.”
Canna crossed her arms, slumping down on the bed. “How many times must I say it? I do not need a wren’s protection.”
Row was quiet for a long time but Canna didn’t look at her. When she spoke, her voice was soft and sad. “Maybe not his protection, but how about his love?”
Her words stole Canna’s breath. Tears pricked her eyes once again, and she wished for one moment she could make sense of what she wanted. Of what she needed. But mostly, she wished she could trust Breckken with her heart.
“He does not offer love.”
Row walked over to the bed and sat beside her. “How do you know? You haven’t yet given him a chance. Your heart only just began to beat.”
Canna laughed wryly. “Oh, but ask me how long his has beat. Go on, ask me.”
Row seemed confused. “I am sure his began tonight just as yours did.”
Canna shook her head. Couldn’t look at Rowene. She wished she didn’t have to admit this painful reality.
“Canna, don’t be ridiculous. You know how it works—”
“A thousand years,” she blurted. “Actually, a thousand and four years.”
“No, you must be mistaken—”
“I am not!” Canna stood, pacing the room to expel the awful feelings inside.
Walk it off, walk it off.
“He told me himself. I was eight lightyears when his heart started beating. I believe he is only making himself known now because he is heartsick.”
Row said nothing. Nothing at all. So Canna filled the empty space.
“He didn’t want me—doesn’t want me now, I’m sure—and I don’t want him. I would kill him for his betrayal except…”
“Except what?”
Canna glanced at the female who’d raised her, and then at the window. Only then did she realize she’d been rubbing her sternum. She dropped her hand.
“Except now the cold will do it for me.”
Canna turned away so she wouldn’t have to see Rowene’s expression. She knew she’d disappointed her. How could she not.
She heard the door click shut as Row left, and she let out a frustrated breath.
Twisting her dreadlocks into a coil on top of her head, she undressed and went to her wash room to bathe. The ket warmed the water even though she didn’t require it, and she lowered herself into the basin that remained full and flowing at all times. But the bath wasn’t comforting. It served its purpose to clean her of the remnants of this trying day, but it didn’t help her relax. It didn’t clear her mind to ready it for sleep. It didn’t keep her thoughts off the wren outside.
Or the vicious way she’d treated him before her household.
She squeezed her eyes shut.
He deserved it, coming to her home like that and making declarations she wasn’t ready for yet. He’d humiliated her. Required her to confess the truth to Row. Forced her to choose, either accept him or deny him.
She’d done the right thing. It was important to maintain her tough exterior. Not only to guard her feelings but to protect the ones she cared about. Rowene, Emmalyn… even Breckken. If people found out she was soft for him, they’d both face ridicule.
She refused to ruin her reputation—or his—for a bit of heartsickness relief.
Stepping from the basin, she dried her body with woolen towels. She was truly weary after the strange events of the day. Perhaps she’d be able to sleep after all.
She found herself drawn to the window. The wren was outside, just as he’d said he would be. But he wouldn’t stay. When the temperature became too much for him, he would travel on. Just as he would when his heartsickness ceased. She knew it well.
She had never thought she would find her Heartbeat, never expected or believed it. But somewhere deep inside, she’d hoped that if she did, he would at least desire her… and possibly come to love her. It was her last and final hope of ever leading a life other than this loneliness of a cold castle and cold attendants.
But all that was dashed. Stomped into the ground in a matter of minutes. And standing there alone in her room, she could admit just how bad it hurt.
It wasn’t all his fault though. She wasn’t exactly likable, or even loveable. It was no wonder he’d avoided her for so long. But she was who she was and she couldn’t change it. The thing was, if the roles had been reversed, she wouldn’t have betrayed him. She wouldn’t have.
Angrily, she shoved away from the window and climbed into bed. By morning he would be gone—one way or another.
Chapter Eleven
Breckken paced back and forth inside the gates of Canna’s property. It was frigid. He hoped if he walked faster he could generate some heat, even just a little. Instead, he seemed to grow colder.
He glanced upward once again to her window, but he couldn’t see her. She was probably sleeping peacefully. She’d made it known that she cared not if he perished in the cold. But he’d hoped she’d been lying. The thought that she was asleep without a care while he was out in the dangerous elements made his stomach ache.
He pushed the thought from his mind. It didn’t matter. He just needed to be sure that she was safe. Everything else was unimportant.
But then what if he died? Who would care for her? Who would protect her? Love her?
He kicked the stone wall.
Why would she not give him a chance? He could make her happy. He knew he could.
Hours passed, Breckken’s feet becoming so numb they were painful to move. His hands too. He’d always wondered how it felt to freeze to death. This was it. Like breathing in razors. Like a thousand tiny pinpricks on the surface of his skin. Like his joints needed to be oiled.
He wasn’t ready to die. He’d barely lived. He’d been naïve enough to think he could make it through the night in An`gel. How utterly stupid. He should call for help but he couldn’t be shamed anymore this night.
Yes, he was stubborn. Yes, he still thought he could survive the sub-degree temperatures. He was a Guardsman, damn it. Nova Guardsmen never quit.
So he stood there, waiting out the sun, his entire being slowly becoming numb.
Sometime later, he sensed he wasn’t alone.
“Soldier, come inside and warm up.” It was Rowene.
He was barely able to shake his head. “Canna would not want that.”
There was a long silence and then, “I daresay she would not want you dead either.”
“It seems that’s exactly what she wants.”
“Nevertheless, it is my home too. And I will not watch a guardsmen freeze when warmth is only steps away. Come inside.”
He tried to move his legs and managed to inch closer to the entry. Row helped him the rest of the way. The female was surprisingly strong.
Finally inside the house, the heat of the ket engulfed him. It burned as his skin began to thaw, making him shiver uncontrollably.
“I nearly waited too long,” Rowene muttered. “Avie, please, get some hot tea for our guest.”
“I’m sorry, maiden. I’m afraid I can’t control the shaking.”
Avie nodded, her eyes friendly. “The cold will do that to a Land Dweller, sir.”
Silence engulfed the room as he drank the tea. Eventually, the shivering subsided and his body temperature returned to normal.
It seemed his guess was right. They were the only three still awake in the castle. His maiden was asleep. Part of him hated that Canna could rest while he suffered. That she felt no concern for his wellbeing. And yet, he was glad she rested, that she wasn’t distressed.
He focused on that part. The part that set his wren instincts at ease.
Avie carried his empty mug away, and Rowene broke the silence.
“Is it true?” Her gaze was shrewd.
“Is what true?”
“That you have avoided her for over a thousand years?”
He tried to take a deep breath but it ended up catching in his throat. Avoided her. Is that how it appeared?
“You make it sound like I willfully stayed away from her.”
Row raised a sharp black eyebrow. “Didn’t you?”
“I… I… didn’t. It wasn’t like I had a choice,” he sputtered.
“Of course you had a choice. We always have a choice.”
He stared at her, jaw clenched against her accusation.
“So why did you then, stay away from her?”
Breckken leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. He didn’t want Canna’s only family to think ill of him. Rowene might not be blood, but her desire to protect and nurture Canna had always been apparent.
“Because I thought it was the right thing to do.”
She rolled her eyes. “The right thing to do? You thought being apart from your mate was the right thing to do?”
“She was eight lightyears old,” he argued.
“She wasn’t eight lightyears old forever. What about when she’d grown. Why did you not come for her then?”
He stared hard at the maiden. “I was always here. Every day I watched her, waiting for fate to let us meet. Our paths never crossed until yesterday.”
