by Debra Kayn
Roni would panic, even though he'd asked Scott straight out about his involvement with Vince's women and he believed Scott never touched any of the girls. If he found out differently, he'd kill Scott...friend or not.
"Hennings called earlier and took us up on the offer to rent his garage from him. He agreed on the price and length of the lease." Scott glanced down the hall and lowered his voice. "For now, I think we should keep business between you, me, Jerald, and Luchek until we've got everything out of Sparrows hidden storage unit. I don't trust anyone else after what went down. There's too many on the outside who have brothers serving time now and are looking for revenge. It wouldn't do us any good to add fuel to the fire."
His decision to own and work in a legit shop depended on if he had control of the business. Going in with Scott meant he could surround himself with men he believed had never been with Roni and never took advantage of the women Vince had working for him while keeping the brotherhood of Sparrows alive.
He understood Scott's concerns. He had his own, and would protect them all if the truth came out.
"What do you know about Luchek? He's the only one I don't know enough about that makes me question his loyalty." Dawson leaned against the door. "How tight was he with Vince?"
He had his own reasons for concern outside of Roni's safety. Luchek had pledged into the Yesler Street Gang about a year before Dawson went to prison. It wasn't enough time to judge a man's character and a lot happened in four years during his absence.
"Luchek is solid, man." Scott put his hands in his coat pockets. "He's got a wife and two kids at home. Works hard and takes care of his family."
Dawson needed a way to support himself and Roni. The money he'd taken from Sparrows would only last long enough to get his feet under him again.
"Okay. Let Hennings know he's got a deal. I'd like in the garage as soon as possible. I'll reach out to our contacts and let them know we're back in business, running straight up." Dawson folded his arms across his bare chest, having rushed out of the apartment with only his jeans on and nothing else. "You good with letting Roni run the books?"
Scott shrugged. "No sweat off me. I don't want anything to do with keeping records, and I doubt if the other guys would want to if we asked."
"I'm not asking," muttered Dawson. "Let me know in the morning what's up."
"Right." Scott stepped away.
Dawson waited until the hallway cleared and went back inside the apartment. He'd need to talk with Roni sooner rather than later. She'd need time to adjust and change after getting the news of him going to work with other Sparrows members. His options on where he worked were slim in the city. Nobody wanted to hire a felon when there were a hundred other guys behind him willing and able to do the same job without a crime record, and he needed money.
He walked down the hall and turned the doorknob. The door wouldn’t budge. He was locked out.
"Roni?" He knocked his knuckle against the wood. "You can unlock the door."
She opened the door and peeked out. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, sweetheart." He stepped inside the room.
Fully dressed, Roni watched him carefully. She'd learned to trust him, but outside forces still impacted her. Any strange man, a spontaneous problem, or confrontation would probably always scare her. It was his job to protect her and soon she'd learn that if he was with her, she could relax and know nothing would happen.
Tonight's surprise visit should never have happened. He'd need to tell Scott to call before coming over to the apartment in the future.
"That was Scott that came over. He's from Sparrows." He sat down on the bed and patted his thigh. "Come here."
She frowned and sat on his lap. He tugged her closer to his chest. "I had no idea he was coming over. I'll make sure he knows that next time he needs to call first."
"It's your house." She lifted her hand and bit on her thumbnail.
Knowing Vince punished her when he caught her biting her nails, he kept quiet. If she wanted to chew to help her get through a stressful situation, that was her right. Though, he hated that he was the one responsible for the added stress.
"Scott never had anything to do with you or the women who worked for Vince. I asked him before I even allowed him to stay associated with me after the sting and the others were arrested," he said.
She totally ignored him.
"Yeah, so, Scott came over to give me the news that the guy I asked about renting his garage from him had agreed to my offer." He rubbed her thigh. "I'm going to open up a body and customs garage to customers. No more chopping."
She turned her gaze to him. "That's good news."
He nodded. "Scott, Luchek, and Jerald are going in with me. Between the four of us, we should bring in enough money to support us. It might be rough at the beginning, but we're known for our work around here, and it usually doesn't take long to get word out, and there's enough finished jobs from the past rolling around the streets of Seattle for others to see what I can do."
"It's a legal business?" she asked.
"Yeah." He paused. "I've been thinking. I'd like it if you'd run the books, take care of bills, and set up appointments at the garage. Do you think you can do that? There will be money in it for you, too. That way we can be together here at the apartment and at work. Unless the idea of getting away from me and having time to yourself appeals to you."
"I was planning on getting a job." She frowned. "And, moving out of your apartment. We never discussed this being permanent."
"It wasn't permanent until I had sex with you," he said. "Now, I'd like you to stay. But, it's up to you, sweetheart. I can see you hear or go wherever you'll live. We can work this out either way."
There was never any doubt in his mind that they'd both stepped forward in their relationship. He never had the feeling that she had sex with him as payback for letting her stay with him. They'd both worked through the huge jump from supporting each other as they figured out how to go on with their life, her without a job, him without his sister, to sleeping with each other every single night. Once that happened, he had no plans to let her go.
"Things have changed between us, sweetheart. Do you think what's been going on the last two weeks had everything to do with helping you?" He scoffed. "That was all about you and me."
"I don't know what to think," she whispered. "I like you, and thinking about leaving doesn't scare me as much as losing you in the process."
"I'm falling in love with you, Roni." He turned her head toward him. "I lie in bed every fucking night trying to figure out how I could fall in love with you knowing—"
"I know. Don't say it." Her chin hit her chest.
"Damn it. Let me finish before you assume to know what I'm saying." He softened his voice. "I try to figure out how I could fall in love with you knowing I can't offer you a damn thing. I've got a record following me around that limits what I can do, but I sure in the hell can get up every morning and make you smile, because that smile means the world to me. Over the last few months, I've gone from needing to help you to wanting you to be a part of my life."
"Do you mean that?" she asked.
"Yeah." He pulled her over and kissed her softly. "I love you, Roni."
"Then how can you stay involved with Sparrows knowing what I lived through and what happened to Jacqueline?" She pushed away from him.
He let her go and stopped himself from going after her. "I asked the others if they had taken advantage of you and Jacqueline. They assured me they weren't part of Vince's business dealings with the women and had never taken Vince up on his offer to use the women."
"Does that make everything okay?" She shook her head.
"It doesn't make it anything, all right?" He stood. "I've never been involved with what Sparrows ran, except the chop shop."
She walked across the room and stood by the small window. Rain beat against the glass.
Frustrated, he stayed on the other side of the room and gave her space. She had to know he w
asn't like Vince. He'd shown her over and over she could trust him.
Changes were difficult for everyone, including him. But, there were parts of life you had to face head on. He had to work to support himself and Roni. His options were limited. He had no room to budge. She'd need to understand that he provided a way for them both to live a life without worrying about getting arrested.
When she refrained from saying anything more, he asked, "Is starting a business to support us that big of a deal to you?"
She faced him. "I would love to tell you no, but I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of you working with any Sparrows members. How easy would it be for you to take one of them up on the offer to branch out into women one night? You can't trust them."
He inhaled deeply. He understood her point. Their conversation wasn’t about the others he'd work with in Yesler Street Gang. It was about him and her reluctance to trust him because he was a Sparrows member.
She trusted him to a point, but he'd done illegal jobs in the past. He spent four years in the penitentiary, at which time his sister joined Sparrows and was murdered. Roni probably assumed the same thing could happen to her if he stepped over the line and worked underground.
"Can you trust me, right now?" he asked, pushing her to give him answers she was too afraid to tell him face to face.
"I thought I could," she said. "I want to. I really, really want to trust you."
He ran his hands over his face. "I think maybe we've said enough tonight. We both need some time to think about the offer. Can we talk about this more tomorrow?"
She nodded. "Would you like me to sleep out on the couch?"
"Fuck," he muttered. "Sweetheart, don't assume because we're having a discussion and not agreeing with each other it means I want you out of my bed."
"I don't know if I can do this," she whispered. "I'm not good at confrontations or having to push for what I believe is the right thing to do. I'm at a disadvantage because I'm relying on you for a roof over my head and to support me."
"You don't have to deal with this. Everything, the decisions, the job, Sparrows, is on me and I'll figure out a way to fix everything for both of us." His gut burned. "I'm going to take a shower. Go ahead and climb into bed. I'll be out in a few minutes."
He waited until she moved toward the bed. Once she settled, he walked out into the hall and into the bathroom. Behind closed doors, his head met his hands. There was always a chance that others had found out what he'd done. While he trusted Scott, the other two —Jerald and Luchek were a ticking bomb. He needed to keep them close to protect his future. They were sworn in under the Sparrows pledge. They couldn't rat him out.
"Fuck me," he mumbled, turning on the shower.
Nobody believed in loyalty, especially him.
He stripped naked and stood under the spray. Up against a fucking wall, he had to face the problem, and he struggled with his conscious. He wanted his focus on Roni and their relationship. To do that, he needed to stay out of prison.
If Roni found out he was no better, if not worse, than Vince, he'd lose her completely. She grew stronger by the day and admitted her feelings toward him scared her more than moving out.
He'd thought he'd have more time to solidify his relationship with her before facing a big decision in his life. More time to settle down with her, show her how good it could be between them. More time for him to prove his worth.
He soaped up, rinsed off, and toweled his body. Walking naked to the bedroom, he turned off the light and slipped under the covers.
Roni laid on her side, facing away from him. He rolled toward her and wrapped his arm around her waist, and pulled her against his body. Still awake, she neither scooted away or acknowledged him.
He buried his face in the back of her hair. "It'll be okay, Sweetheart. I'll figure everything out."
After tonight, he wasn't sure he could keep going. For how many times he asked her to trust him, he dug himself deeper into the angry pit of hell proving himself. He was running out of good things about himself to show her.
She was going to hate him if he told her the truth, and he'd lose her forever.
Chapter Thirty One
Dawson left before eight o'clock in the morning with a whispered order to keep sleeping and a lukewarm promise that he'd be back later. Roni sat on the couch listening to the clock on the stove tick behind her in the kitchen. At a loss of what to do without making herself look desperate, she simply sat and tried not to blow the situation out of control by imagining more troubles than they were currently dealing with.
She couldn't understand how Dawson could pretend everything was okay when they disagreed on such a huge issue. He'd promised they'd talk when he got home, but there was a definite wall between them.
An awkwardness, even more obstinate than when she first started to get to know him, pushed them apart by using their intimacy against them. This time, it hurt.
She'd stayed awake half the night replaying the conversation they'd had, going over Dawson's plan to open a garage and the role he wanted her to play. Secretary at the garage meant money to support herself. She could save what she'd earned with the Network and build security for herself.
He also mentioned he wanted her to continue living with him, and that was the biggest attraction. She wanted to stay.
On the surface, everything appealed to her. She'd love to bring in money and feel needed. While she had no idea what was involved with keeping the books and working in the office of the garage, she could learn. Dawson would be there every step of the way and at first, she'd need to rely on him to show her what to do, and it'd be an honest job.
Her stomach ached, and she rubbed the tender spot below her ribs. She couldn't eat anything without throwing up. Even drinking water made her feel like vomiting.
How could he expect her to be around members of Sparrows? Whether the men used her at Vince's orders or not, they were aware of how Vince lived and the sex trade business he ran on the street. Simply ignoring a behavior didn't make you innocent.
She let her head fall back on the couch and closed her eyes. Maybe she wasn't fair.
Dawson knew about the women Vince kept before going to prison. He'd come back four years later only to find out his sister was murdered. And, he'd searched for Roni to keep the promise he'd made Jacqueline, even though it wasn't his fault that she'd walked right into a situation she couldn't get out of by herself.
What had she done?
She left Idaho with Dawson and slept with him, knowing he was a Sparrows.
"Will I ever learn?" she asked the empty room.
What was different about Dawson? She sighed. In painstaking slowness, she'd learned to trust him, and something wonderful grew between them when she allowed herself to feel for him. She tried to fight her attraction until she lost. Or, had she won?
God, she could feel her dreams hovering right outside her reach, and she had no idea how to grab on and never let them go.
Where had her fear of him gone? When she wasn't even paying attention, she'd opened herself up and started to look forward instead of backward.
It wasn't all about the conversations they'd had or the way he made her feel confident about herself. She chewed her fingernail. He made her feel alive.
The excitement at the sight of him. The adrenaline rush at his touch. The way her body reacted pushed her mind into listening.
Then, she'd had a goal that she wasn't even aware of, because of him. He'd shown her how she wanted others to treat her. The respect, consideration, and though she never asked for his pity, the empathy he'd given her was medicine to her broken soul.
She could see the future through his eyes, and though scared, she moved on. Past Vince, Sparrows, and prostitution. She now found herself wanting to add to his life and give him the experience of being with her because he was falling in love with her, and she loved him.
God, she loved him.
She loved him.
From the moment he told her no when she
'd tried to get him to have sex with her, she'd subconsciously set out to win him over. And, she'd done it.
Her plan to prove to herself that she was worth something to a man like Dawson Carver no longer entered her mind. She loved him.
She picked the bit of fingernail out of her mouth and groaned. Somehow, someway, without her even knowing, she had set out to fall gently in love with him and instead crash landed at his feet.
She gave Dawson a part of her she never realized she possessed. Vince and her stepdad built a real sense of her believing she wasn't good enough for anyone. That wasn't true.
Every morning, memories flooded back inside her head putting doubts about everything she wanted in life. Then Dawson would touch her, talk to her, look at her and erase all those doubts and he had her believing she was worth the trouble.
But, was she strong enough to invite Sparrows back in her life to receive everything she wanted and trust Dawson to protect her from the ugliness that she feared?
She stood from the couch. Dawson swore the other three members had nothing to do with the women or her. She had to be sure.
There was one way to find out before she told Dawson she loved him.
She walked to Dawson's bedroom and opened his nightstand drawer and removed the broken picture frame with the photo that upset her the first night at his apartment. Carrying the picture out to the living room, she sat on the couch and studied Dawson standing in the picture in front of his car.
Even years ago, he held himself proud and strong. She ran her finger over his body, careful of the broken pieces of glass laid haphazardly on the surface.
He'd loved his sister.
Jacqueline had sent her brother to Roni.
There were parts of her friendship with Jacqueline that she'd never share with Dawson. The truth would plague him for a lifetime, and nobody needed to relive the extreme level of punishment Vince used to hurt Jacqueline.
All Dawson's sister wanted was the love of a man, and she thought she'd made the right decision moving in with Vince. Hopeful, young, and naïve, Jacqueline soon learned about betrayal, pain, and self-hate.
