by Mari Carr
“I can go get her,” Clay offered as if he could sense her dread.
“No. She won’t know you. I don’t want to scare her.” A deep breath or two later, she steeled herself for what was to come. As she took a tiny step forward, then another, she heard Wyatt mumbling in the background.
“Daniel, we have her. Meet us at the old Wilson place in Clarke. Hope’s going to need her cousins.” The man proved her fathers had chosen wisely in making him a team lead on the ranch. He understood people as well as he did animals. His natural social intelligence made it tougher to dismiss his concerns about the future, about her ability to cope with sex devoid of emotion.
Damn him. More to consider. Later.
“Vivi.” Hope tried again to reach through time. “It’s getting late, dark. Would you like to go home?”
Vicki Compton turned toward her. Even the voice she spoke in bore little resemblance to the woman Hope called Vivi. “Hello! Nice to meet you. Gatherings around here only get started at dusk. After the ranching day is done. Going home now would be silly.”
Hope relegated her tears to a place deep inside. She could unleash them once this nightmare had ended. Guilt lashed her for what she was about to do. “I’m sorry, Vivi. You’re not at a party yet. It is your birthday, though. You’re seventy-one years old today.”
“You have such an imagination.” Vivi laughed. “Let me introduce you to my new friend, JD. He’ll love your stories. What’s your name?”
“Hope. Hope Compton. I’m your granddaughter, Vivi.” She wrung her hands as an initial flicker of awareness splintered the elderly woman’s fantasy.
Shaking her head, she squinted, as if trying to see an oasis once the edges of a mirage had started to become apparent. Confusion set in. “Lucy? Is that Silas and Colby over there?”
“No, Vivi.” She swallowed hard before trying again. “I’m Hope. Lucy’s daughter. Those cowboys are Wyatt and Clayton. Remember, they came to dinner last night? At your house. On Compass Ranch.”
Vivi nearly ripped Hope’s heart out when she looked up at the rotting rafters and asked, “Where did the lights go? The garland of wildflowers?”
Neither Hope nor Vivi could constrain their anguish when her grandmother whispered, “JD.”
She crumpled to the floor.
Hope held her grandmother as the woman grieved all over again for her lost husband. The Compass Girls had witnessed this misery before. Every time Vivi forgot he was gone then remembered was like a million razors slashing her soul into shreds.
Hope sometimes wondered if Vivi would be happier ignorant. Peaceful without knowledge of her unintended autonomy.
“My love. He’s gone, isn’t he?” Her breathing hitched as spasms jerked her shoulders in Hope’s light grasp.
“I’m sorry, Vivi.” It was all Hope could keep saying. “I’m so sorry.”
Beams of light roved across Hope and the woman she adored. Shortly after, the crash of people tearing through the brush made it clear the rest of the Compass Girls were incoming.
“Vivi!”
They shouted for their grandmother as they approached. By the time they entered the structure, Vivi had composed herself more than Hope could have imagined possible. The strongest woman she knew got to her feet on her own and dusted off her knees.
Is this the caliber of acting she’d been doing these past several months?
Hope shuddered as she realized the disease was progressing far more rapidly than they’d feared. She’d have to call Vivi’s doctor first thing in the morning.
Maybe it was time to tell the Mothers.
Thank God they wouldn’t have to break the news to their fathers alone. The men would be crushed. Losing their dad had altered the course of their lives. But Vivi had held them all together. Who would do that now?
Sienna reached them first. She and Daniel wrapped a blanket around Vivi, whose skin felt chilly to the touch. They hugged her, confessing how worried they’d been. Sterling and Jade followed a few heartbeats behind. They showered Vivi with hugs and relief that reminded them all how fortunate they were to have her while maybe never realizing that their grandmother had suffered devastation beyond imagining.
Hope could honestly say she’d never viscerally comprehended the depth of Vivi’s loss like she did after what she’d witnessed minutes ago. As long as she lived, she’d never forget that pain. Is that what Wyatt dealt with too?
JD had been stolen by fate. Guilt over the tragic, untimely loss of an innocent would amplify the despair. Not that Hope thought for one second that the child Wy had also been could have been responsible in any way. But she knew him well enough to guess he would see things differently.
Blinking, she tried to focus on what Vivi said to calm the Compass Girls and the guys supporting them.
“I got those flowers from JD, like every year, and they made me miss him. That’s all. I just needed some time to myself to think. I guess I lost track of time.” She lied with such grace that the rest of the Compass Girls must have assumed their grandmother’s bloodshot eyes were earned from hours of poised, cognizant weeping instead of the crash landing with reality Hope, Wyatt and Clayton had observed.
She stared over at the two men. Neither of them called Vivi out on her exploitation of the truth. How could they, when they’d seen how hard she was fighting to keep things straight? To maintain this illusion for her family?
Wyatt held his arms out, open. Hope ran to him and threw herself against his strong, vital chest. Clayton closed rank, protecting her from the horror of what they’d seen and the sense of impending doom.
Because Vivi wasn’t getting better.
There was no going back.
Not even with today’s medicine and all the research that had been conducted on this horrible disease. Progress had been made, but not for the specific brand of sickness that attacked Vivi. Not even the clinical trial, their last bastion of optimism, could keep reality at bay any longer.
Time was finite. Every second with her grandmother was precious. Even more than that, every instant of life was too. It could be Hope’s turn tomorrow.
She didn’t want to waste another second.
Enough lingering in this painful purgatory. She had her sights set on the two men she wanted. And she planned to convince them to take advantage of her.
Tonight.
Chapter Nine
Hope had refused to bail out of Vivi’s birthday party. Though she’d considered telling her parents that something she’d eaten at her imaginary dinner with her grandmother and cousins hadn’t sat right with her, she could no longer pretend.
This might be the last time she could celebrate with her whole family.
After what they’d seen, Wyatt and Clayton didn’t object. They even accepted when she invited them to stay. They seemed to understand the fragility of her happy façade. By her side, they ensured no one had access to shatter her. It was enough that her insides were broken—rattling around, bruising her heart and soul. She was surprised no one could hear the shards clinking together.
After an hour, she couldn’t take anymore. If she had to fake another smile her face would crack in half. Even her healing eye ached a bit after days of feeling fine. Slipping into the bathroom, she sat on the lid of the toilet with her head in her hands long enough that two knocks came and went.
Finally one stronger than the others refused to be ignored.
“You okay?” Wyatt asked through the solid wood.
“Yeah, can’t a girl pee?” She didn’t have the gumption to stand and face him.
He did the work for her. A little rattle later and the doorknob jiggled. “That’d be a world-record piss. What’d you drink? Forty-seven gallons of water this morning? I’m coming in. So if I’m wrong, pull up your panties, assuming you actually bothered to put some on today.”
“Get in here and keep your voice quiet.” Her hands waved, palms down, as she moved them toward the floor in an attempt to mute his booming bass.
Wya
tt sat on the edge of the claw foot tub so he faced her. “What’re you hiding from?”
“My parents, mostly.” She shrugged. “I hate lying to them. It’s not how we do things in our family.”
“Must be nice.” Wyatt winced. “I didn’t mean that in an asshole way. I really meant it must be great to have people you can trust with everything.”
She reached out to hold his hands. “You have Clayton.”
He nodded. “I don’t deserve him yet somehow, yeah, I guess he’s mine.”
“You could have me if you wanted.” Too tired to care if she sounded pathetic, she told the truth. “Hell, even if you never fuck me, you can still count on me. Whether you see it or not, you are worthy of unconditional love. You’re human, Wyatt. That’s all it takes. If someone implied otherwise, screw them.”
“It turns me on when you swear.” He squeezed her fingers, letting her know he hadn’t missed her message or taken it for granted.
“In that case… Shit. Damn. Hell.”
Wyatt’s gaze heated until she wondered if his control would finally melt. He leaned forward as she escalated her swearing. Close enough to kiss.
“Ass. Cock. Fuck.” She really got into the last one, meeting him in the middle. A hairsbreadth separated her potty mouth from his decadent grin.
“Hope?” Uncle Sam asked from the other side of the door before rapping lightly. “Uh, is everything all right in there?”
She jumped and might have tumbled from her throne if not for Wyatt’s steadying grip. She waved him into the shower, then yanked the curtain closed before cracking the door. “Sorry. I’m kind of having a girl problem. Can you send Sterling or Jade or Sienna?”
Nothing would get rid of a pesky man faster than that old fib. “Yeah, sure. Right away.”
He’d already retreated down the hall.
“What happened to your no-lying policy?” Wyatt stepped out, laughing at her in the mirror.
“I didn’t. Guys are the biggest trouble a woman could have.” She shook her head.
When Jade poked her head in, she got the gist. “I’ll make sure the coast is clear. I recommend leaving one at a time, a few minutes apart.”
“Good plan.” Wyatt nodded. “Rendezvous at my truck. We’re getting out of here.”
“I like the way you think.” Hope blew him a kiss before strutting from the bathroom, finally feeling as if something might be going her way.
Clayton couldn’t stop glancing at the two people lounging in his living room. They’d piled on to the ugly couch, then dug into the smuggled ice cream from Vivi’s party, taking turns licking vanilla and sprinkles from a bent serving spoon. None of them really gave a shit about the sappy movie playing out on their tiny projector screen.
At least the drama gave him a good reason to hold Hope. She didn’t resist when he put his arms around her and tilted her onto the plane of his chest. Wyatt continued the chain by doing the same to Clay. He could empathize with the unflagging erection jabbing his lower back. Certain Hope required comfort—not sweaty sex—Clay buried his hunger, staring at the movie while his mind wandered.
Instead of the actress spilling crocodile tears, all he could see was the way Hope had looked as she’d rescued her grandmother from a quagmire of memories.
Heartbroken.
Part of the girl he and Wyatt had fallen so hard for in the past two weeks had disappeared forever, right in front of his eyes. Destroyed. Harsh reality had stolen some of her innocence—the kind of guilelessness that originated from the protection of her family’s empire rather than a simple biological barrier. It was like Two Lefts all over again.
It made him long to give her something amazing to replace her lost confidence in humanity. Proof that the world didn’t always suck and not all her adult discoveries had to be negative ones. Wyatt seemed pensive, even more so than usual. Was he considering a demonstration too? Or tallying all the dumb reasons he had to be afraid of what they both craved?
“I want Hope to spend the night,” Clay blurted. No reason he and Wy had to pre-discuss every damn step they took with their girl. Maybe if the odds were in his favor—Hope’s and his passion versus Wy’s logic—he might have more success.
“I’d like that too.” She nuzzled deeper into his hold, causing him to dream of all sorts of ways to pass the hours until dawn.
“Sure, okay.” Wyatt shrugged, raising and lowering them in his hold.
“Does anyone care about how this flick winds up?” Clay reached for the remote.
“I’ve actually seen it before,” Hope admitted. “It’s not that great. I hate sad endings.”
“Time for bed, Wyatt.” He shifted until the three of them rose from the couch together. “Let’s snuggle right. Our bed may not be enormous, but at least I won’t have a spring jammed up my ass.”
“I thought you liked that.” Wyatt ruffled his hair.
“I’m not sure I remember.” Clayton shoved his roommate as they crossed into their private space and tumbled onto the mattress covered in utilitarian sheets with a blue gingham print. Patting the space between them, he encouraged Hope to take the middle position. Dressed only in one of his faded tractor supply T-shirts, she looked more beautiful than anyone had a right to as she crawled into the place of honor. “It’s been forever since we had sex. I’m starting to think you planned to dump me along with Boone.”
Though he laughed as he said it, neither of his bedmates was fooled.
Hope knotted their fingers and held tight while Wyatt swallowed hard and stared at his big feet, which poked out from beneath the bottom edge of the covers. “I’m sorry, Clay. I feel like I let you down. I know you liked him.”
“It would never have worked. You were right. We’re both into women. It might have taken me longer to crack, but I would have, and he only would have been hurt more down the road. Thank you for suffering the heat for me. I know you did it on purpose.” Relief allowed him to take a deep breath for the first time in months. Why had that been so damn hard to say without Hope holding his hand?
Insulation. Glue. She was both.
“Maybe the lion has a heart after all?” Hope stared at Wyatt with so much admiration and pride that it touched Clayton. To see someone else value the man he held in such high regard made him appreciate her twice as much. Not everyone could look past Wy’s gruff exterior. She had from the very first moment.
“If I had one of those, I wouldn’t be considering putting on a show for you right now, even knowing how you’ll take it. That it’ll raise the stakes in your romantic mind for something that simply can’t happen. How valiant is that?” He groaned. “Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you when the fun is over.”
Plllbt! Hope blew him a full-on, cheek flapping, tongue wagging raspberry.
It took a hell of a lot to catch the tough guy off guard. Clayton reveled in the wide-eyed shock on his boyfriend’s handsome face at the outrageous gesture.
“Did you just fucking plllbt me?” Wyatt looked like he might take Hope over his knee after he mimicked her juvenile display, which somehow managed to convey her feelings precisely.
When had Wyatt last looked so young? So carefree? Hell, he was twenty-seven going on fifty most of the time. A hint of the kid he’d been before his sister’s accident rose to the surface.
Clay cracked up at their antics, though he knew they weren’t entirely joking around. He hadn’t found something that called to him as much as their playfulness since the first time he rode a horse. The freedom, the control, the perfect partnership of man and animal—or best friends… “Oh God, I love you two.”
He didn’t realize he’d uttered his informal declaration until they both whipped around to stare at him. Wyatt sputtered.
“I mean. You know. Uh. Well, just calm down a minute. I meant the little-l kind of love.” Sure you did, buddy.
Wyatt rolled his eyes and set them all laughing again. Disaster averted.
Climbing to her knees between them, Hope’s eyes twinkled. She snaked o
ne of her hands onto each of them. “Will you show me what it’s like between you?”
Generosity and kindness shaped her soft smile as she peeked at him.
“It’s okay, Hope. I’d rather take care of you.” When Clay reached for her, she swayed out of his grasp.
“I’m curious. And, um, kind of embarrassed that I don’t know more. What better way to learn what each of you likes than to see you get it on? You’ve had an awful lot of practice, I assume?” Her tongue snuck out, wetting the spot where her plump lip had split so recently. The reminder of her ex-boyfriend and how he’d dismissed her requests made Clay eager to comply.
“We’ve done each other once or twice.” He shrugged and glanced at the bulge in Wyatt’s pajama pants. The soft cotton did nothing to disguise the rampant hard-on threatening the drawstring waist.
It’d been forever since he’d been filled. Held and loved through action, if not words. He’d buried the need to hear what he knew to be true.
Wyatt shifted so that his arm blocked their line of sight.
“You’d say no to that?” Hope raised a brow at Wyatt before shifting her gaze back to Clayton. The raw esteem in her pretty almond eyes pumped him full of smugness and confidence.
Pour on the heat, why not? It took a hell of a lot to crack Wyatt’s control, true. Yet today had taxed them all. The smoldering connections between them, the misery and panic of Vivi’s disappearance, the realization that all of them were subject to life’s ticking clock—those things shoved them toward the brink.
He grabbed the hem of his white tank and raised it, bit by bit, until the arrowhead Wyatt had given him nearly twenty years ago came into view. Clay never took it off. Not even to shower. Wyatt had told him the thing had existed for hundreds of years. Like their friendship would.
Clay had carried his best friend’s promise in his back pocket for nearly a decade until Wyatt had surprised him one Christmas by turning it into a necklace. He’d never admitted it, but he’d sobbed when he’d presumed the token lost. Having it returned to him, enhanced, had been one of the best moments of his life. A gift he would never forget or take for granted.
