by Betsy Anne
“Jason! Hey, man! The cooler is over there!”
Kevin shouts from across the ring of logs, where he and Colleen are talking closely. I figure I’ll have a soda, hang for a few and then leave. I don’t want to start getting a reputation for being antisocial as well as a jerk. I walk over to the cooler, and I hear a familiar voice say “hi” as I approach. Jeez, Missy. She’s been chasing me for as long as I can remember. She’s nice enough, just one of those hang-on-your-every-word kind of girls. Not my taste.
I can just make out her face in the dark. I notice some movement to my left, and realize that it’s Katie. Punch in the gut number three hundred. She looks as if she’s trying to hide herself in the dark. I pretend not to notice her, but as I turn away I can’t help but say, “Bye, Katie.” I need her to know that I’m a nice guy. She doesn’t have to like me, but I don’t want her thinking badly of me either. I walk back over to the fire, and Colleen comes straight over to me.
“Did you see Katie? Did you say hi?”
I look over at Kevin, and he gets the message. He comes from behind and scoops Colleen up ands runs away with her. Neither of them is upset at the turn of events. I see him put her down, and they sit away from the fire by themselves and start to make out. I’ll have to thank him later for saving me, and he can thank me too for giving him an excuse to grab Colleen.
My back is turned to the blanket where Katie was sitting with the girls. I’m dying to turn around and look at her; I just don’t want to make eye contact with the others. I make a subtle move to go and stoke the fire, and when I look up I notice she’s gone. No longer caring about subtlety, I look all around the beach, but she’s nowhere to be seen. Much farther down the beach, I see a small figure walking fast in the opposite direction. She’s literally running away from my presence. I panic for a second, knowing that it’s really dark down there, and she’s alone. The thought of something happening to her makes me sick. I take off in her direction. Too bad if she thinks I’m rude or a stalker, I just have to make sure she’s safe. She stops for a second, looking around for something. I close in faster toward her; I don’t want her to be frightened.
She turns around slowly. She seems just as nervous as I feel. I tell her no, Colleen didn’t send me, that I wanted a chance to talk to her and I noticed she was gone. When I asked Missy, she just pointed down here. She seems surprised. She apologizes for her behavior at lunch the other day, and tells me she noticed I hadn’t been around. So she does notice me after all. My heart does a little leap thinking about her looking for me at school. I’ve felt this attraction has been so one-sided, it never occurred to me that she would miss me. I give her a half-hearted explanation about the library, etc., but all I can think of is how much I want, no need, to touch her right now. I close the space between us and look down at her. Her eyes are sparkling in the moonlight. The glow from the fire down the beach is softly lighting her face for me. Her expression hints of desire, as our bodies get closer.
Without thinking, I squat down, reach around her legs and hoist her up so that we’re finally, truly face to face. She’s so small in my arms. I try to hold her as gently as I can, while I fight some strong urges. Our eyes are locked in on one another. She’s breathing heavily, and she looks down at my lips. The smallest moan escapes her mouth, and I’m gone. This is the moment I’ve been dreaming about since I saw her in the bakery the first time. The moment I’ve fantasized about, alone in my room, at school, while running, basically every minute of every day.
I kiss her hard, as if she has the only oxygen left in the world in her mouth, and I’m a suffocating man. She has no idea what this means to me right now. I’m fighting everything in my body screaming to go harder and faster. I don’t want to scare her off; since she has no idea just how strong my feelings are for her. I loosen her hair out of her ponytail, and let my hands roam the softness of it. It feels like the softest of silks, and smells better than anything I’ve ever smelled in my life. I cup her sweet face with one hand, while continuing to hold her up with the other. I want her to feel how much I cherish her right now. I’m trying hard to keep the massive erection I have right now away from her body. She’s so sweet and innocent; I don’t want her thinking this is all I’m after. I slowly kneel down to the sand so she’s standing in front of me while I’m on my knees. This makes us close to the same height. We never break the kiss as I kneel; we’re breathing each other in.
I’ve never experienced a first kiss like this before. All the other girls have been a clumsy, hormonal practice leading up to this. We make out for a while, a bit of petting, then done. Most of them try to bring it to the next level, but if I don’t feel something emotionally, I don’t want to have sex. The consequences never justified the rewards. I know now why I’ve been waiting. My guts feel like they’ve melted down into my shoes, including my brain. She pushes me back a little and places a leg around each side of my waist. I sit back and she’s sitting on my lap. I adjust her a little so that she’s not shocked by what’s straining in my jeans. My level of self-control has reached an all time high. My hands want to roam every square inch of her body, to drink her in. It’s a struggle to keep my hands on her “safe” areas. It’s so important to me that she knows this is different, that I’m different.
We’re both startled by a loud scream down the beach. It breaks our bond, and we gasp for air. We’re breathing heavily and are each a little embarrassed by our behavior.
I apologize for my sudden actions, and I confess to her that I’ve wanted this for a long time.
Her face brightens, but she still looks confused.
“When did you first feel like you wanted to kiss me?”
I tell her about seeing her outside the cafeteria. I have her attention now so I decide to go on, but I’m not telling her the full truth. No way will I tell her that the first time I ever saw her was over a year ago in the bakery. She would turn around and run the other way. She may never need to know that little piece of information.
She admits that she’s had the same feelings, but she thought she was in a long line of girls that would never get noticed. I can’t even understand it myself. It’s not just a physical attraction, which is definitely there, but it’s like I’ve found the person I am meant to be with. Something primal is fulfilled each time I look at her. We are destined for each other.
What the hell! My thoughts are getting away from me.
After her confession, I close in to kiss her again. This time slowly, so I can take it all in: her soft lips, her scent, and the way she looks at me. We hold this soft kiss forever. At least that’s how it feels. If this were what it feels like to be on drugs, I would be an addict for sure. I don’t know if I’ll even be able to break from her now. We both hear Colleen calling down the beach for her, and we break our kiss. I look over every bit of her face. I want to commit it to memory just the way she looks right now. Flushed and breathless, her hair blowing around my face.
She notices the time, and says that her mother will be picking them up soon, so I offer to walk her back. I pull her to standing, and guide her back down the beach toward our friends. I have to bend, but I secure my hand around her waist. I want everyone to know that we’re together. Another new step for me, and it feels great. As we approach the group, I see jaws drop, primarily with Missy and her friends. She glares at Katie, and then whispers something to her friend. Thankfully, Katie’s being pulled away by Colleen and she misses it. I whisper to her that I’ll dream about her tonight, and she leaves.
As soon as she’s out of earshot, I storm over to Missy and her friends. I feel like if she were a guy, he would be knocked cold before he hit the sand, I’m so angry. I get close to her face and tell her in no uncertain terms that if she so much as looks at Katie the wrong way, I’ll make sure she regrets it. Her eyes look as if they’re going to pop out of her skull.
“Oh, I love Katie! I would never say anything about her!” she says in a sarcastic tone, but I can tell my message made it across.
“Any gossip starts about her, and I’m coming to you first, and if you hear any, I suggest you nip it in the bud.”
She backs away, and looks as though she’s going to cry. Good. I can’t stand catty girls like her, and I can’t understand their logic. Just because they can’t have what someone else has, they’ll try to ruin it for everyone. I feel empowered with a new sense of purpose: to keep Katie Barnett safe and happy at all costs, period.
Chapter 3
Katie
Jason calls me promptly at two the next day. I’m sitting in the living room with my mom and dad, and I excuse myself to talk to him in private. I keep checking the shadow under the door, because I know my mother’s fondness for snooping. I should mention on the phone that I'm pregnant just to hear her cough up her lunch. That image puts a smile on my face, and Jason must hear it in my voice.
"Hi! I'm so glad you called. My mom’s been driving me crazy asking questions about you today. I realized I don’t know anything about you," I say as quietly as possible without whispering.
"Well, I kept my promise and thought of you all night. I wouldn't call it dreaming, because I couldn't sleep. What have you done to me, Katie?”
That last line was barely audible, but I heard it. My stomach does a little flip knowing that he is still feeling as strongly as he proclaimed last night. We talk on the phone for two and a half hours. I tell him all about me, not that there’s that much to tell. Only child, private school I hated, and not many friends or boyfriends to speak of. My life story is over in about five minutes. I find out from questioning him that he loves sports, all sports. He plays football, basketball, and runs track. He wants to go into some type of sports medicine, so he keeps his grades first priority. He has an older sister, Megan, in her second year of college down in Arizona, and a younger brother, Johnny who is friends with Colleen's brother, Luke. His parents, Walter and Mary, own a bakery together. Two, actually: the local one by the grocery store, and one they just opened downtown. They've been really busy, and Jason has to help out a lot with the house and his brother. That explains no time for girls.
He asks if he can meet Colleen and me in the morning so he can walk with us. He has noticed that I walk with her every morning. When we finally say our strung out goodbyes, I feel like I’m on the moon. Are my feet even touching the ground? Both of my parents notice when I float into the kitchen for dinner.
"Wow, look at her!" my dad, Bob, says with a chuckle.
"She's on cloud nine, dear, I can tell. A mother knows."
Of course, my mom knows everything. That’s what happens when you keep your ear to the ground, or against the door, or have eyeballs looking through a window. I love my parents very much, but it’s hard being an only child sometimes. They mercifully leave me alone on the subject of Jason for the rest of our meal. I excuse myself after helping clear the table. I really just want to go back to my room and daydream about him.
Monday morning can’t come fast enough. My eyes have bags from not being able to sleep. I am far too excited to see him again. A little nagging voice in the back of my head keeps saying, “It was a one-time thing. He won’t feel the same way today around all his friends.” I try my best to bury that thought. I think after all he confessed to the other night, my heart will be permanently shattered if he backs up now.
“Hi, Colleen!”
She’s waiting out front, trying her best not to look like she’s dying to see Kevin.
“Hi, Katie. I hear Jason will be joining us this morning?” she says a little too happily while playfully batting her lashes. I roll my eyes back at her and she laughs.
“Can you imagine the buzz at school today because of you two? I’m so happy! Jason is such a sweetie!”
She gives me a quick hug. I’m lucky to have made a friend so quickly.
“I know, I’m a little worried about that. What if it was just a one-time hookup? What will people say? I’m not used to all this, I don’t know how to act.”
I’m wallowing in imaginary drama when I feel warm hands encircle my waist from behind. He spins me around and plants a quick kiss on my lips. There’s a group of people, including Missy, from the bonfire that are walking by about the same time. All jaws drop. I’m guessing by the looks on their faces, that no one has ever seen Jason Weber in a public display of affection. I feel my cheeks turning twenty shades of red, but I don’t care. My heart feels like it’s going to fly out of my chest like a balloon releasing its air. Colleen and Kevin are standing awkwardly next to us, not knowing what to say. They grab hands and start walking ahead of us.
"I missed you," he says, nuzzling into my neck.
He smells so good, clean and fresh shaven, his beautiful white teeth in a perfect smile all for me! I still expect to wake up from this dream, it all seems surreal. He wraps his arm around me and pulls me tight up against his side. He puts his nose on the top of my head and takes a deep inhale. "You smell so good, like strawberries."
With that he gives me a little squeeze. We walk like this, taking long slow strides all the way to school. He walks me all the way to the door of my first class.
“I guess I have to let you go now. I’m pretty sure your teacher wouldn’t approve of you sitting on my lap during class.”
He gives me a heart-clenching smile, and tells me to meet him at “our spot” at lunchtime. He kisses me on the cheek as he reluctantly pulls away. All the girls in class are staring at me when I walk in. We are truly the buzz around campus. News in high school spreads fast, and Jason Weber being “taken” is huge news. That the most eligible guy in school is now seeing the new girl, when he hasn't given most girls the time of day, just doesn’t seem to add up. There had even been rumors that he must be gay. A guy like him is usually going through girls by the dozens, and now, after not dating anyone, he is dating the plain new girl in school. It doesn't even make sense to me. I guess I should enjoy it more, and think about it less. I really need to get a grip and stop daydreaming so much.
Before I know it, the bell is ringing for lunch. I practically trip over myself to get out of class first. I try to appear as though I'm walking a normal gait, but I'm speed walking to get to our “spot”. Jason’s already there when I arrive. He’s looking around, spots me, and his face lights up. Wow. I wonder if I’ll ever get used to the knowledge that it's me he's beaming like that for. I hope not. Butterflies dance in my stomach as I walk down to meet him. He rises gracefully and walks toward me. He scoops me up in his arms and spins me around like I'm weightless.
"Hi, beautiful. I’ve been thinking about you all morning. Mr. Parker in chemistry thought I was on something.”
"Me too. I haven't been able to concentrate all morning. Is this normal?" I ask, only half kidding.
"How would I know? This is new to me too, Katie."
I love the way he says my name. He makes it sound so beautiful. He brought us fries and sodas from the cafeteria, but neither of us is in the mood to eat. We talk the entire lunch period. He has football after school, but says he’ll call me as soon as he gets home.
For weeks, our schedule remains the same. He meets me in the morning to walk to school. If it’s raining, he drives his truck. We are together everyday for lunch, and speak every night on the phone. Fridays are his football games, and Saturdays are dates with friends or just us. We can't seem to get enough of each other. Our need to be together grows stronger every minute we’re apart. My mother decides it’s time to talk to me about it.
"Honey, you know that your father and I like Jason very much. He's a nice boy. We are a little worried that the two of you seem inseparable. I know it's only been a few weeks, but you seem desperate whenever you have to be apart. I'm just concerned that there is an unhealthy obsession between you two."
What?
"Mom, I know that we seem a little more into each other than our other friends, but isn't that a good thing? When you’re in love, shouldn't you want to be together always? Didn't you and Dad feel that way when you were first togethe
r?"
She ponders that for a moment.
"I guess we did, honey, but the intensity naturally fades a little. Yours and Jason’s seem to have grown. The two of you act like you won’t survive a moment without each other."
She’s right on the money.
“Mom, Jason is an intense person. He takes everything he does seriously. He has worked his life around mine. I love him with all my heart.”
She sighs, "We just want you to keep your perspective. You’re still in high school, after all."
"I know, Mom, and I love you both for it. Don't worry about us. Jason keeps me safe and happy."
Chapter 4
Katie
Monday after school, Colleen and I discuss what to do for Halloween. Some other girls overhear us, and come over to join in on the conversation. It falls on a Thursday this year, and we're off from school on Friday.
"We need to have a party and dress up!" Colleen practically shouts. She gets so excited when discussing anything social. She's exhausting sometimes.
"Jeff is having a party, I think," says Missy, "we can just go there."
"That sounds like a plan, I'm sure Jason will be up for that."
I see them collectively roll their eyes. They don't even try to hide it anymore. Jason’s friends do the same thing whenever we mention each other. It’s clear in our peer group that we’re different. Colleen has already broken up with Kevin and has her eye set on another guy.
When Thursday comes, I opt for cute instead of sexy for my costume. I am way too short to ever pull off the sexy witch. I find a cute set of ears, a tail and a bodysuit to be a black cat. I have a black mask to cover my eyes, and I paint on whiskers. Jason wears mouse ears, which he thought would be funny. He picks me up, and we go to get Colleen, who comes along with us frequently. Neither of us mind, though; she’s a good friend to me, and their families are friendly. She’s going as Madonna, like every other girl, and she looks great. Most of the guys at the party turn their heads when she walks in. She’s wearing torn fishnets, a short skirt, and layered ripped T-shirts. Jason seems to be the only one who appreciates my kitty-cat costume.
