It was the most heartbreaking sound he'd ever heard. But he hoped that the flood of tears might provide some much-needed healing.
"No one will ever take you away from me. I'm your father. We're family."
As he said the words, his chest tightened again at the memory of her calling him Daddy for the first time. She might have been hysterical and terrified, but she'd called for him. She'd run to him and let go of Mia. She'd chosen him to be her safe harbor, and he was proud and humbled at the same time.
He was not going to let this child down. He might not have known her for the first eight years of her life, but he would be there for her every day going forward. He would be worthy of the trust she'd just placed in him, and they would get past all the pain.
Finally, her sobs started to slow and falter. His shirt was soaking wet, but he didn't give a damn. He would hold her as long as she needed.
It was another ten minutes before her hold on his neck finally lessened, and she lifted her face, her tear-stained cheeks, breaking his heart one more time.
He gave her a reassuring smile. "It's going to be all right, honey."
"They took me away before."
"Who did? The police?"
She nodded. "They said I couldn't see Mommy, that I had to go with them."
"That must have been really scary," he said carefully.
"A bad man hurt Mommy."
"Yes, he did." He wasn't sure whether he should keep her talking or tell her not to think about the past. But she'd been silent for weeks and that hadn't been helping. Maybe she needed to get it out.
She stared back at him. "I wanted milk. She took me to the store to get milk."
He suddenly understood why she'd refused to drink the milk he'd offered up at every meal. He let out a breath as she stared directly at him. He'd wanted her eyes on his for weeks, but now the intensity and the pain was almost overwhelming. He didn't want to screw this up. He wasn't a psychologist, but he was a father, and he sensed that Ashlyn needed to say it all.
"Can you tell me what happened?" he asked.
"We went to the store. Mr. Robinson was working. I went to pick out a candy. He said I could have whatever I wanted. Mommy went to get the milk. Then the bad man came in. He hit Mr. Robinson and then he started shooting. It was so loud. I covered my ears and got on the ground. I wanted to run to Mommy, but I didn't know where she was." Ashlyn swallowed hard. "When I found her, she wouldn't wake up."
It was all he could do to keep it together, her words painting a horrific scene in his mind. "I'm so sorry, baby."
"They wouldn't let me stay with her. The policeman made me get in his car."
So much had suddenly become very, very clear. Ashlyn had not only witnessed the robbery, she'd seen her mother die, and she felt guilty for wanting milk, for not being with her mother when the shooter came in, for not being able to stay with her mom and make her feel better.
"The police officer was protecting you until I could get home and get to you," he said. "He was trying to help you, Ashlyn."
"I wanted to go home, and no one would let me go back to my room. They made me stay in a house that smelled bad, and I didn't like the other kids."
"You're never going back there. It's you and me now."
She stared at him, measuring his words. "What if the bad guy finds us again?"
"That won't happen. He's in jail. He's never getting out."
She let out a breath. "Never?"
"Never," he said, hoping that was true, but while the man was currently in jail, he had not yet been to trial. Still, the police in San Francisco had assured him that they had eyewitness accounts, the gun and DNA evidence. There was no way the guy was getting off.
Ashlyn looked relieved by his confirmation.
"What did your mom tell you about me?" He needed to get as much information as he could just in case Ashlyn shut down again.
"She said I didn't have a daddy. Why didn't she tell me about you?"
"I don't know. I wish she had. I'm in the Army, Ashlyn. I'm a soldier. I fight for our country, and I've been doing that since before you were born. I didn't stay away from you because I didn't want to be your dad, or because I didn't love you. I didn't know about you. I guess your mom couldn't find me," he said, deciding it was better to give Justine a break for Ashlyn's sake. "I wish I'd known about you sooner, but we're together now, and that's all that matters."
"Are you going back to the Army?"
Her question was a difficult one to answer. He opted for the truth. "I don't know yet, but before I decide anything, you and I will talk about it. You'll be part of the decision, okay? Whatever we do from here on out, it's going to be you and me."
She nodded. "Okay."
"Are you hungry? Do you want some dinner?"
"Can Mia come over?"
"I don't know what she's doing, but we can ask her."
"Is the policeman gone now?"
"Yes, he is."
"Can we go to Mia's house?"
"We can," he said, as she crawled off his lap. "Why don't you wash your face and then we'll go?"
As Ashlyn ran up the stairs, he blew out a breath, feeling as if a weight had just come off his back. Ashlyn had accepted him as her father. She was talking to him like a normal kid, and maybe now that she'd spoken about her mother and what she'd seen, the nightmares would go away.
* * *
What a mess, Mia thought, as she cleared out one corner of the studio. She'd already filled two huge trash bags with splintered frames, broken pottery, and empty paint containers. She was making a little headway, but it was slow. Whatever wasn't broken, she had taken out to the patio and started making a pile of things she could save.
The paintings that hadn't been damaged went into that section as well, and she'd managed to find eight pretty good paintings that had not been destroyed. She'd also discovered some rolled-up canvases in a large cardboard tube at the back of the studio closet that hadn't been touched.
It was a start. Plus, she still had the paintings that she'd found in her aunt's closet. Maybe she could put those in the show, too.
Frowning, she tied off each of the trash bags and then dragged them out to the curb. Tomorrow was trash day, so at least she could get rid of some of the mess.
Jeremy and Ashlyn came out of their house as she walked back down the driveway. Ashlyn had her hand in Jeremy's, and there was a smile on her face that Mia was more than happy to see.
"Hi guys," she said, pausing as they came over to her. "Everything okay now?"
"Everything is great," Jeremy said with a look of intense happiness in his eyes. "Ashlyn and I had a long talk."
"I'm so glad. At least something good came out of all this."
"We've come to help you clean."
"Oh, you don't have to do that."
"We want to."
"Then I won't say no. I would love to get a few more trash bags filled before pickup tomorrow."
"That's a good idea," he said, as they made their way back into the yard. "What do you want Ashlyn and me to do?"
She walked into the studio and looked around for a good job for Ashlyn. "I would love it if you could find all the loose paint brushes and put them into this box," she said, handing her a cardboard box. "There are a bunch over there." She pointed to the far corner of the room.
"Okay," Ashlyn said, happy to have an assignment.
"Jeremy, if you could help me move the sewing machine to the patio, that would be great. It's pretty heavy."
"People sewed in here, too?"
"Apparently there was a textile artist in the cottage at some point. I found quilting squares and lots of scraps of material. Maybe I'll have Ashlyn collect those next."
"I think she's game." Jeremy tipped his head to Ashlyn, who was happily collecting brushes.
"Despite the swollen red eyes and red nose, she looks a lot better than when I last saw her," Mia said quietly.
"She definitely is." He picked up the sewing machine. "Where do
you want this?"
"I'll show you." She led the way to the section of the patio where she was putting the usable items. "Right there is good."
He set the machine down on the bricks. "What's next?"
"Before we go back inside, can you tell me what you and Ashlyn talked about? Or is it too personal?"
"No, I want you to know. Ash told me about the night of the robbery. She had told her mother she wanted milk, so they walked to the local store to get it. Ash went to get candy in another part of the store when the man came in and started shooting. By the time she got to her mother, Justine was bleeding and not waking up."
Mia put a hand to her mouth at that image. "That's awful."
"She wanted to stay with her mom, but the police officer took her away in his car."
She nodded with understanding. "I was afraid the car had triggered some memory in her head."
"She was terrified she was going to be taken away from me."
"She loves you, Jeremy. She called you Daddy."
His jaw tightened as his gaze filled with emotion. "Best word I ever heard. She cried her heart out for almost a half hour. I wasn't sure she was ever going to stop. I just held her. I didn't know what else to do."
"That's all she wanted you to do."
"Hearing her sob just about ripped my heart in two. I wish I could have spared her all that pain and guilt, too. She's been carrying the burden of asking for that milk all these weeks. That's why she's always refused to drink it."
"Hopefully, she can let the guilt go now that she's told you what happened. She decided to give you her problems to carry."
"Which is all I want to do."
She smiled, feeling a wave of affection for this wonderfully strong and yet tender man who was both a warrior and a father. "You're going to be a great dad."
"I hope so. I feel better now that she's talking to me." He paused. "I told her that I was a soldier in the Army and that her mom probably couldn't find me, that's why she never told her about me."
"That was a nice lie."
"I don't want Ashlyn to think her mom tried to keep us apart. I'll never know why Justine did what she did, but she gave me a beautiful little girl, and she died too young, so I'm not going to tarnish her memory. Plus, it's possible that Justine did try to find me. I was deployed around the world, and I wasn't always the easiest man to find."
She thought Jeremy was being very generous, because she just couldn't understand why Justine would have deprived her daughter of her father, why she wouldn't have tried to find out if Jeremy was a good man, if he was someone she wanted to be in her daughter's life. But as he'd said, they couldn't change what had happened, so what was the point of going around and around on possibilities they'd never be able to prove?
"Well, I'm glad you and Ashlyn have come together," she said.
"So what happened with Kent?"
"He didn't seem too confident they could find out who did this. He mentioned that some classrooms at the high school had recently been vandalized. It could be the same people or person."
"Possibly," Jeremy said, not sounding too convinced. "What do you think, Mia?"
"It doesn't feel like kids to me. And the slashed paintings bother me the most. It feels like someone got really angry and didn't just want to take things—they wanted to break them."
"That's pretty much what vandalism is."
"I guess that's true."
"I think you should stay at my house tonight."
"I'll be fine here, Jeremy. I didn't lock the studio door; that's how they got in. The house was fine."
"I know, but I still don't think you should be here alone. It's almost seven, and we haven't had dinner yet. Why don't we save the rest of this for tomorrow and go back to my place? We'll make some food and hang out with Ashlyn."
"You said last night that having me to your house overnight would confuse Ashlyn."
"I feel like she'd be less confused now."
"Why?"
"Because she adores you. She couldn't wait to come back here."
"Let's start with dinner, and then we'll see," she said. "I'm going to run inside and change clothes. I feel very dusty."
"Great. I'll help Ashlyn finish getting the paintbrushes while you do that."
"Thanks." As she went into the house, she found herself smiling, and she wondered if there was any possible way she could actually ever say no to him. At this point, that didn't seem likely.
* * *
"What are we making for dinner?" Mia asked, as they entered Jeremy's kitchen a half hour later. "And should I have brought some food?"
"No, I've got food. And I can actually cook."
"Really. So is there anything wrong with you?"
He laughed. "I'm sure there's a list somewhere."
"Do you want to see my room?" Ashlyn asked her.
"Of course, but maybe we should help your dad first."
"No, you two go have fun," he said. "I've got everything under control. And if it all goes bad, we'll order take-out."
Judging by his confidence, nothing was going to go bad, so she followed Ashlyn up the stairs to her room.
The first thing that struck her was the massive number of stuffed animals and toys. The room was not messy, but it was full. Jeremy had obviously tried to bribe his way into Ashlyn's affection. Mia couldn't blame him. He had a lot of missed years to make up for.
The doll she'd given Ashlyn sat prominently on the neatly made bed. Mia wondered if Jeremy's military training contributed to the house being so well organized, or if it was just his normal way of doing things.
"So what's your favorite toy?" she asked, taking a seat on the bed.
Ashlyn picked up the doll she'd given her. "This one."
"Why do you like that one so much?"
"Because she looks sad."
"And she needed a friend," Mia finished.
Ashlyn nodded. "I'm her friend. Do you know her name?"
"I don't."
"It's Allison."
"I like Allison."
"Her name starts with an A like mine."
"And my name ends in an A so I'm cool with the As. What's your second favorite toy?"
Ashlyn set the doll down and grabbed a soft brown teddy bear that was on the foot of the bed. "This is Charlie. He likes to sleep with me, because sometimes he gets scared."
It was interesting that Ashlyn had given her stuffed animals and dolls many of her own traits and fears. But seeing as how she'd been wrapped up in her head since her mother died, that was probably a good thing. She'd been able to release some of the negative emotions by helping her dolls through the bad feelings.
"I heard you and your dad had a good talk," Mia said.
Ashlyn nodded. "He says he's not going to go anywhere. We're going to live together forever."
"He loves you very much."
"I always wanted to have a daddy. But I wish I could have my mommy, too."
"I know," she said, giving Ashlyn a sympathetic smile.
"Do you have a mommy?"
"Yes, she's really nice. Her name is Sharon. I also have two sisters and three brothers and a great dad. I'm lucky. But there was a time when I thought it would be more fun to be an only child like you. Then I would have all the attention."
"I guess."
She saw the ribbon they'd won at the sand castle building competition pinned to Ashlyn's bulletin board. "I had fun today at the beach; did you?"
Ashlyn nodded. "I wish we could have gotten one of the trophies, though."
"Well, there's always next year." She paused as Jeremy called their names. "I guess dinner must be ready. That was fast."
Ashlyn took her hand, and they walked together down the stairs.
The kitchen smelled of garlic and onions.
"Spaghetti," Jeremy said with a shrug. "It's not fancy, but I think you'll like it."
"It smells wonderful," she said. "And salad, too?"
"Gotta get the veggies in." He handed her the bowl of sal
ad, bright green lettuce, topped with cherry tomatoes and sliced cucumbers. "I'll grab the garlic bread out of the oven."
Mia sat down at the table next to Ashlyn and thought how much had changed since the first night she'd arrived and shared a pizza with the two of them. She'd come to care so much about Ashlyn and her very handsome father, and it felt absolutely right to be sitting down to another meal together.
Summer fling, she reminded herself silently.
Don't get carried away. Don’t start thinking past tonight.
"Are you okay?" Jeremy asked, giving her a quizzical look as he passed her the bread.
"Yes. I just realized how hungry I am."
He didn't look like he believed her, but he let the lie go as they all dug into the meal.
After dinner, they watched a movie in the family room. Ashlyn sat between them, curling up against Jeremy's shoulder when her eyes started to droop, but she insisted on watching all the way to the end. When the movie came to a close, Jeremy took Ashlyn upstairs and got her into bed. While he was doing that, Mia went into the kitchen and put the dishes into the dishwasher and wiped down the counters.
"You didn't have to clean up," Jeremy said when he came back.
"You cooked. It seemed like a fair trade." She put the dishtowel back on the rack by the sink. "I should go home."
"Or you should stay." He moved so quickly she was trapped between his body and the counter. He put his hands on her hips and pulled her even closer. "Ashlyn is already fast asleep. I barely got through the second page of her favorite book."
"She could wake up. She could need you."
"And I'll go to her if she does."
She was tempted. Man was she tempted, especially when he gave her a tantalizing and inviting kiss. She drew in a breath, which was a bad idea, because his musky scent only turned her on more. "I don't know."
"Then let me make the decision for you. Come to bed with me, Mia. You won't regret it."
Maybe not for the next eight hours, but what about tomorrow—what about next week?
"Does any woman ever say no to you?" she asked.
"It's happened once or twice."
If I Didn't Know Better Page 17
