Arms surround her waist and pulled her away from the pond, her feet gliding several inches above the stone. She closed her eyes as her feet hit the ground and the arms relaxed around her. Her face flushed with heat and she felt like an idiot for being so foolish. Really, she was going to swim in the pond anyway. This just interrupted everything. The arms left her entirely and she opened her eyes only to find herself confused.
“I’m sorry, Elder, I couldn’t sleep,” she said, staring at the cloaked being.
He chortled softly, his back turned, his breathing heavy. “I’m still not an elder, not quite.”
Kaliel froze. That voice was familiar, melancholy and smooth with confidence at the same time. It was her turn to whip around and bury her face in her hands. Her stomach did a flip-flop, making her pulse reverberate in her ears. She wanted to run, but she felt paralyzed.
“Krishani?” she scarcely whispered, hoping she was wrong, hoping this was someone else.
Anyone but him.
“Kaliel,” he said. It was Krishani.
She heard him slide the hood off his cloak and as she turned to face him, she caught his eyes on her, raking over her green dress.
Kaliel stared at him, her heart pounding so hard her ribs ached, her cheeks warm. She tried to hide her blush, but it was impossible. She glanced at the ground to avoid staring into his mismatched eyes.
“I’m such a fool,” she muttered to herself, unable to control how she felt around him. Why was he there, anyway? She wanted the ground to swallow her whole, but she also wanted him to run his fingers along her skin. She covered her face, fighting so many urges to touch him it was impossible to think.
“Sorry I scared you,” he said, awkwardly running a hand through his hair. He looked at the waterfall and she followed his gaze. Kaliel dared a glance at his profile and died inside, remembering the last time they were at the waterfall, the last thing he said to her. She crossed her arms and tried to find her strength. When he looked back at her she dropped her arms and gritted her teeth.
“I had a bad day,” she said, trying to justify herself.
Krishani scowled. “What happened?”
“I met the witches.” She tried not to think about what they had done.
“They didn’t hurt you, did they?” Krishani’s expression softened into concern. He took a step towards her, his frame towering over her. He looked down and she tilted her head up to meet his eyes. It made her melt. “I mean, if they did something, I would …”
Kaliel wrapped her arms around herself, unable to be that close to him without wanting something more. She moved towards the stone incline, silently begging him to follow. “They scared me.” She glanced back at him, curious. “What are you doing here?”
Krishani looked at the ground and shuffled his feet. “I’ve been here for awhile now.”
“Oh.” Awkward silence hung between them.
“Lord Istar thought it would be better if I trained with him here.”
Kaliel sighed and avoided his gaze. It made her feel transparent. She wanted to sink into the pond and forget everything. She blinked. “Lady Atara summoned me, because of the Great Oak.” She looked at him, but his expression was unreadable. “Because of what the Great Oak said.”
Krishani moved towards her and brushed the loose hairs off her face. “So you’re here to stay?”
Kaliel nodded, stifling the moan in her throat. A single touch and she was undone. He caught her hand and squeezed it as he pulled her up the stone incline and stopped behind the falls. She untangled her sweaty palm from his and faced him, her heart thudding. His closeness was everything she had wanted when she was in Evennses, and now he was here she didn’t know how to act. She thought of what Desaunius had said: what did she know about love? “I didn’t expect to see you again.”
Krishani took a sharp breath and slid his hands into hers. “I never expected to meet you the first time,” he whispered.
She tucked her hands under her arms. She looked at the falls, the weight of a thousand dreams of him pressing on her. She didn’t know what he was feeling, if it was the same, or different, or if she was just a silly girl he had met a year and a half ago at a place he considered sacred.
“Why did we meet?” she asked.
Krishani looked uncomfortable. She wanted him to kiss her, but was afraid of how he might react if she made the first move.
“Because we did,” he answered gently as her eyes met his. She relaxed at the answer. He took her hand in his and led her into the cave. He shrugged off his cloak and laid it on the grass.
Kaliel sat beside him and looked at the falls. She loved how close he was, but everything seemed different. The way he looked at her wasn’t so conflicted anymore. Last time it was like she was the only one feeling nervous and scared. Now he looked the same.
“What did the witches do to you?” he asked after a long silence.
Kaliel glanced at him, his blue and green eyes still visible in the dark. They were intense, deeply penetrating her senses. “Um, one of them pricked me,” she said, try to distract herself from the hypnotic trance she was slipping into.
Krishani carefully slid his hand into hers and placed their clasped hands on his knee. He looked at her with a small smile while she tried not to blush. “Where?”
She swallowed hard and tried not to choke on her own saliva. She coughed involuntarily and shook her head. “Um, the arm you’re holding.”
Krishani pushed the loose fabric of her sleeve up and ran his fingers along the inside of her forearm. His touch drove her crazy, the subtleness, the rush.
“You mean here?” he asked as he brought her arm to his lips and brushed them across the spot. She shivered. She should have reminded him he was a Brother of Amersil, but seeing him was so unexpected.
“Aye,” she whispered, pulling her hand out of his grasp and shrugging the sleeve over her arm. “It feels fine now.” She hugged her knees and rested her chin against them. She would marry the land, he would marry the land. There was nothing for her to hold onto. She had to believe the butterflies in her stomach, the shortness of breath and the clammy palms would go away.
“Sorry I scared you,” he said.
Kaliel pressed her lips to her knees, hoping she could hold in her emotions. “I’m not afraid of you.”
Silence hung between them for awhile. He shifted on the cloak, the black tunic he wore shifting with him. He stretched his legs out, and Kaliel looked at his shin-high boots and breeches. He stole a glance at her turtle shell. “What are you afraid of?”
Kaliel stood. “Happy endings.” She didn’t know how else to explain it. She had contemplated the parable so many times it was exhausting. It didn’t matter which path she took—neither of them seemed very appealing. She let the mist soak her sleeves and stick to her skin. She heard Krishani behind her before he ran his hand down her back making shivers run up her spine. He stayed there, a foot away, and she wished he would move closer, envelope her in his arms. He wasn’t supposed to talk to her. This had to be wrong. What would the brotherhood think?
“Happy endings?” he whispered. He sounded both unsure and nervous. “What do you mean?”
“What if someone comes?” She was worried Lord Istar would burst through the trees and find them in this compromising awkwardness. It seemed more taboo than practically drowning in the lake.
Krishani let out a breath. “Nobody ever comes here.”
Kaliel closed her eyes. “You come here.”
Krishani took a step forward and she could feel the heat radiating off him. “All the time.”
She didn’t answer, instead listening to the sound of the falls. Moonlight glinted off the flecks of water. She thought about the orb of ice he created for her. She hadn’t been able to do anything close to that awesome.
“What are you thinking?” he asked again.
She closed her eyes and felt her energy shift; like it had the day she went to the Great Oak. Heat rushed through her as she leaned back,
trying to feel him, but not trying to force it if it wasn’t what he wanted. It was clear to her he cared, but she was so worried about whether or not she should let him.
“My parable,” she whispered.
He went rigid, his hand sliding down her upper forearm. “What did the Oak say to you?”
She shook her head. “Never mind, I have to figure it out. Both paths seem so dreary.”
“You seem too sweet to have a bad parable.”
She didn’t want to talk about the nightmares of the Flames, the parable, the fact the Brotherhood would disapprove of him touching her. It felt so natural; the last few moons had been lonely without him. She couldn’t explain what she felt, but she couldn’t watch him marry the land and leave the island.
“But I do,” she said. She drew her hands instinctively to her chest, her elbows digging into her ribs. He dropped his hand as she turned, and buried her face in his chest. He reluctantly ran his hands through her hair, letting them rest on the small of her back.
“I thought about you every day,” he said as she pressed her cheek into his tunic.
She smiled against his shirt. “And I thought about you.”
“Promise me something?” He wasn’t holding her, not really, their bodies weren’t pressed together and the inches between them made Kaliel feel cold.
“What?”
“You’ll find a happy ending.”
“What if I can’t?”
He pulled back and brushed his thumb across her cheek. “Promise me you will.” His eyes met hers and his jaw dropped. His hand paused, cupping her face in his palm. He held her gaze, her heart beating hard. Before she had time to answer, he pressed his lips against hers. She didn’t expect him to do that and it was better than she imagined. She came to life under him, kissing him back with unyielding passion that made him pull away to catch his breath.
Kaliel’s sadness drained away as he broke from her lips and then cupped her face with both hands and kissed her again, pressing the length of his body against her. His kisses made her feel light and giddy, like she could float into the sky. She slid her hands up his chest and looped them around his neck. There was swimming in the lake and losing her breath and then there was this. Being out of breath with him was like drowning in a sea of happiness. He could keep her prisoner forever and she’d never complain. He pulled away again, and wound his arms around her waist, trapping her against him. His lips found hers again, rough and inexperienced, but strong and satisfying.
She opened her mouth and his tongue grazed hers, warmth spreading from her heart to the rest of her body, making her tingle. She smiled against his lips.
“I missed you.” She tried to steady her breathing.
Krishani shook his head and put his hands on either side of her face. “This is all I want. This and nothing else, ever.” His mouth covered hers again. He pressed himself against her and she sighed. It felt like she had known him her entire life and even longer, if longer even existed.
Images appeared behind her eyelids—the shape of a boy and a girl wearing gaudy crowns on their heads. They were painted into parchment, but they were blurry. She was too elated by Krishani and his lips on hers to record the images, but they seemed familiar.
And then everything changed. Krishani pushed his lips against hers one last time and she felt the shift in her energy dissipate. It was as though all the joy evaporated, replaced by intense fear. She pushed him away and tried to understand the pounding in her heart that made her want to break in half.
Bloom the weed of temptation.
He looked confused and shocked. Without a word, she turned and fled towards the Elmare Castle.
* * *
12-Insomnia
The woman’s face was full of fear, life pinned behind her eyes. Krishani stared into the colorless face; the drab grayness of the dirt below her stained a deep crimson red. It was the only thing coloring the gray world. Hooves dented the mud and Krishani floated out of the way as a man in a gray tunic and breeches approached the woman, kneeled at her side and ran his hand across her grayish-brown hair. Her eyes filled with recognition and relief as she put a hand to the faceless man’s cheek. Their words were muffled as Krishani turned and stared at the dirt road studded with rocks.
Krishani heard the man whisper something he faintly recognized and turned back only to find the woman’s eyes frozen, her body limp, dead. Smoke rose out of her form, wispy smoke that curled into the sky and dissipated near the clouds. Knots clenched in Krishani’s gut as he stared at her. The man faced him, looking at him with a vacant expression.
“Who are you?” Krishani asked though his voice didn’t sound like his own.
“I’m the Ferryman,” the man responded, monotone. He looked at Krishani with something that seemed like pity, then mounted his horse and rode away, hooves clacking along the stones as he disappeared into the distance.
Krishani always wondered why he followed the same man in his dreams. It had been this way since the men had left him in Avristar, since he had woken up as nothing but a child in the thick forests of Amersil. All he remembered of the men was the color of their horses: one white and two brown. They could belong to anyone, and be from anywhere. He glanced at the lifeless body of the woman, her eyes empty. The mysterious man usually closed their eyes. Krishani wondered what had pulled him away so urgently this time that he couldn’t be bothered to complete the ritual. Krishani was so familiar with it, the dying bodies, the whispers, and the smoke. He had seen it countless times before.
A cold wind stung his face as he floated away from the woman, waiting for the dream to end. But it didn’t. The dreams were never ever like this. He never lingered, there was always more to see, more bodies, more whispers, more smoke. He sighed and floated back towards the woman. She was older, probably nearing her final years. He glanced at the wound in her stomach, and for the first time realized it was no accident she had died. Someone had stabbed her; someone intended to end her life. He stood and sprinted down the path in the direction the man had gone. He desperately wanted to ask him the question burning in his mind, but as he ran he tripped over his own feet and went careening onto his head rolling down the hill.
Krishani stopped and opened his eyes. He was on the floor, face planted into the floorboards. He took a shaky breath and pulled himself up. He sat against the side of the bed and ran his hands through his hair. The grief began unraveling as he remembered where he was, and then it returned. Kaliel. Why couldn’t he dream about her? He rubbed his eyes as the memory of their kiss flooded his senses. Why did she leave? He pressed his back against the bed and let out an exasperated sigh. He shouldn’t have kissed her at all, and he shouldn’t have felt the way he did, but he couldn’t forget her.
He shook off the dream and carefully pushed himself onto the bed, only to bury his head in his hands again at the overwhelming stress. No matter what he wanted to believe, another person had died in the Lands of Men, and he was powerless to stop it from happening again and again.
• • •
“Insomnia,” Istar stated as he paced around his study.
Krishani stood across from him in the lavishly decorated room. Istar was known for his collection of magical items, his study was filled with shelves and trunks and cabinets of them. In the center of the room was a solid oak desk, half-finished contraptions scattered across it. Istar stood in the corner of the room, his eyes focused on the items behind the glass of one of the cabinets.
Krishani grimaced. “Aye.” Even though he had been dreaming it felt like he hadn’t slept a wink. Please don’t ask about my dreams, he thought.
Istar was acting weirder than usual and Krishani felt uncomfortable. He scanned the cabinet and then opened it, lifting out an oddly-shaped crystal. He turned towards Krishani and narrowed his eyes at him. “Describe your last meditation.”
Krishani shifted foot-to-foot and tried to push away the thought of Kaliel and the woman from his dream. He thought for a long time then sunk into the
words he had memorized. “It was dawn. I was in the forests to the west. I stood, and listened to the wind through the trees. It was a soothing sound, filled with calmness and peace. I felt as though the wind could carry me a thousand miles. At points I could feel myself floating from the ground. Is this enough?”
Istar frowned. “You will tell me when you do in fact lift off the ground. You were meant for more and yet the most you can accomplish is control.”
“I still hold fear.”
Istar softened. “Let go! Do not be afraid to let the power within you out. It is the only way to know your true potential.”
“And if I destroy the land?”
Istar shot him a look. “You are in control of it. It does not have control of you. If your will is to destroy the land then you will.” Istar placed the crystal back into the cabinet and closed it. He sauntered over to the shelf on the other side of the room and picked up a gargoyle egg. He turned back to Krishani and gave him a curious look. Krishani thought he wanted to ask a question, but he didn’t.
“First task …”
“Aye, first tasks have been accomplished, you have control,” Istar said. “Now you must let go of that control and gradually let your true potential loose. More meditation, less gallivanting in the country-side, and perhaps we will have you on focus training as well.” He put the gargoyle egg away and tried a golden phoenix eye, holding up and staring through it. Nothing happened. He pulled his brows together in frustration as he marched towards his desk.
Krishani made an inward groan to the thought of focus training. He knew what Istar meant—focus training was a fancy term for mess hall duty, peeling thousands of potatoes, or spending an afternoon harvesting apples in the orchards. The point was to stay focused on a single task. Less time gallivanting in the country-side will be no trouble if she won’t see me. “Aye, if you believe it will help.”
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