She gasped and closed her eyes, slipping into a vision. The trees around her disappeared and Crestaos emerged from the brush on the east side of the Village of the Shee. Sand blackened, water sizzled, weeds faded to sickly brown. Her body shook as she watched him desecrate the village. Her knees hit the ground and she clenched her stomach and screamed.
”Stop!”
Crestaos glanced at her astral form hovering near the glade.
“Not until you belong to me,” Crestaos said.
Kaliel heard the obsession in his voice. She forced her eyes open. She tried to climb, but every step was a struggle. She plodded up the mountain, desperate to evade the enemy long enough to awaken Avred. There was nothing to stop her muscles from giving out on her, but more importantly there was no way she could allow herself to get so lost on the mountain she would succumb to his wrath. She would find some way out of it; somehow she would help everyone, no matter what it took.
Pux, she missed him already. She never thought it would come to this, his carefree days in Evennses stripped away. Everyone’s death would be her fault if she didn’t do something. She pulled her eyebrows together and tried not to think of the kinfolk that were already dead. Pux was fighting hard. He could transport, he didn’t need to be there. But she knew he wouldn’t stop, not until the enemies left and she was safe. He was everything to her in the years she lived in Evennses, a hidden genius. She reveled in the days they spent together in the forests, collecting herbs and playing hide and go seek.
She hit the ground unexpectedly, her face smashing into the mud. A burst of stars danced across her vision then faded. She pushed herself to her knees and rubbed her face. It hurt, but she welcomed it. New pain made the old pain feel less painful.
She closed her eyes and thought back to the first time she met Krishani. She had kept the ice orb until it melted away, something about him she would never forget. He might have been harsh back then, but he knew her better than anyone. He wouldn’t stop until Crestaos was dead.
She grimaced as she wrapped her arms around herself and attempted to stop the searing pain in her chest from exploding. She wouldn’t get to see how beautiful her life with Krishani would have been. He was always there for her when she least expected it, even when she didn’t want him to be. He had comforted her fears about the Great Oak. He wouldn’t leave her, and because of it, the Valtanyana were threatening to take her. She gulped. They didn’t even want to discuss it. She wasn’t a person to them. She was a thing. A spasm ripped through her and she winced. She was nothing more than a pawn in their plans. She stood; her knees wobbling as she stepped forward and pushed away the branches. The trees were finally getting shorter.
She pushed strands of hair out of her face as she continued up the mountain. An icy wind blew through the trees and she rubbed her arms. The temperature had dropped considerably. Despite the chill, she thought she was running a fever. Her insides were on fire. She limped forward, ready to collapse.
She broke through the tree line only to reveal a stony incline to the mouth of the volcano. Her eyes moved to the clear sky above, stars gathering together in clusters, providing natural light. She exhaled deeply as she realized it was almost over. She would awaken Avred and save Avristar. The thought made her feel better. The mountain would know what to do. She fell on her knees, scraping against the rock. She winced; the pain wasn’t as bad as before, but blood trickled down her knee from a shallow gash. Her stomach heaved involuntarily as she vomited on the rocks. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and pushed herself to her feet, carrying her broken body to the top of the plateau, the gaping hole of the volcano.
She remembered the dagger pressed to her right hand. She opened her fingers revealing deep indents in her palm. Taking the dagger with her left hand she summoned the last of her strength. She closed her eyes and heard the song the bards played the evening she danced with Krishani. Six moons had passed without a single glance at him. She felt the softness of his shirt as her cheek pressed into it. She turned in his arms as the music swelled. It hit the last note and she twirled under his arm before letting his hand drop. She wanted to stay in his embrace forever, but the words of the Great Oak were so adamant.
Temptation.
Kaliel moved the blade to her right hand and sliced into it, drops of blood mixing with her tears as they fell into the chamber of the mountain. She couldn’t be the weed of temptation, not when so much rested on this end.
“Awaken, Avred, awaken,” she choked.
She closed her eyes in expectation, some sort of sign that it worked, but as moments passed and nothing happened she panicked. The comfort of the mountain faded, the dam broke, and all the emotion and pain being held back flogged her. She hunched forward and fell on her side, her left arm curling around her waist in an attempt to grasp her chest. Her right hand trailed to the edge of the crevasse to prevent her from falling inside the fracture. She felt cold as the land became a dizzy mess of utter silence.
This and nothing else, ever.
Krishani’s words reverberated in her mind as she rolled onto her back and looked at the stars. She tried to be optimistic; a few more moments and the mountain would awaken. It would speak to her; it would help her defeat Crestaos. She closed her eyes and tried to calm herself.
Please, Kaliel, Krishani said.
She smiled to herself as her hands gripped the ledge of the water bowl in the lavatory. Her strength faltered, her hand slipped. He caught her and pulled her to him, his lips pressing against hers. She wondered why she gave him such a hard time, why she had spent so long hurting him. Her stomach heaved as she tried to find some words of comfort, but the memories were distorted and messy.
The scene changed and she pressed her back up against the trees at the dead end of the path to the lake in Evennses, breathing a sigh of relief. She tried to imagine the feeling of the cool waters touching her skin as she swam deeper into the lake. The elated feeling it gave her to swim with the merfolk was long gone.
On the mountaintop, she shivered as the wind blew across her skin. She blinked and looked at the stars one last time, the memories of her life flashing before her. It was over; the war would never end, not until Avristar was a wasteland. She pressed her hands to her stomach. Her eyes were dry and scratchy, tears crusted to her skin, eyes fused open. Dehydrated and weak, the searing pain became a mere thought in the back of her mind as it ravaged her insides. There was nothing left to fight against. Even the mere presence of Crestaos made her writhe in agony.
You were the last person I wanted to see before I died.
The thought of Pux crossed her mind as she slid deeper into delirium. She wanted to see all of them alive. She wanted to marry Krishani in the presence of her elders and have them celebrate their union, their rightful union. There was something wrong about her, like she was never meant to be alive in the first place. Life was backwards; an endless monotony of confusion and worry. She was never normal or innocent or invisible. She couldn’t have a life that wasn’t plagued by disaster if she wanted it. Something would always crave to possess her.
Avred seemed far away, like it had pulled deeper into itself, proof it would remain dormant, deaf to the quiet pleading in her heart, deaf to her desperation.
She fell back into the reverie and her hands brushed along the thin protective trees surrounding the Great Oak. It almost killed her to imagine that part of the forest, to walk amidst its unwilling trees. She stumbled over roots snaking across the path and fell on her hands and knees. Tears escaped her eyes as a frightened cry moved past her lips. Her heart was thumping hard. She didn’t want to hear the tree’s words again, never again. She pressed her hands to her ears and shook herself away from the tree, trying to drown out its voice with the loudness of her whimpering.
Bloom the weed of temptation and expire the great garden of life.
She lost control, words weaving through her like a poison, twisting, carving out her insides. Temptation, weed, bloom the weed, expire the g
arden, weed of temptation, expire the garden, the weed, the weed, the weed.
“Little flame,” Crestaos hissed as he broke through the tree line.
The sound pulled Kaliel back to reality. Her eyes shot open and fixed on the canopy above her. She dug her fingers into the rocks, cursing the mountain for not helping her, cursing herself for being the weed. Her heart thumped unsteadily as she shook against the force of silent lacerations. The last of her courage collapsed. She ran her hands along her stomach as the torture of his nearness threatened to throw her into a coma. Her head fell to the side, her eyes cast across his deathly form.
He lurched towards her, a grin creeping across his face. His piercing white eyes shocked her with their lightning. Even clad in a black jacket, the intensity of his presence leaked off him. Pleasure, obsession, victory—all cascaded off his broad shoulders, his long arms, bony hands, and towering figure.
Kaliel was caught in the devastation of his evident strength, a force she couldn’t fight if she tried. Mallorn was right—he would take her.
She fought to scream, but the sound caught in her throat and she choked on it. There was only one thing worse than becoming the Valtanyana’s pawn, one thing that hurt more than any of the other things she had felt—Krishani. Instead of him leaving her, she was leaving him. He would be devastated.
Bloom the flower of sacrifice and sustain the great garden in strife.
The Flame burst forth, showering the night in amethyst spires. Her eyes met with the crackling white lightning of Crestaos. She was deathly afraid of him, but the final words of the Great Oak were her salvation.
The force of the Flame exploded out of her, pressing itself through the void of her body. Her heart emitted a sonic boom then stopped beating altogether. The girl gaped as she fought for air and clawed at the ground.
Crestaos towered over her, his palm poised and ready to pull the Flame into an orb, ready to take her.
She smiled at him. Drawing her hands to her chest, she lunged towards the frature in the mountain. The only thing left was the serenity of death. She closed her eyes as life slipped away, a voice sounding in the back of her mind. It was so familiar, so soft, so sure. It was something she would never forget.
This is what I want, this and nothing else, ever.
• • •
Death was the only place Crestaos couldn’t follow her. He thundered a cry of anguish as his hand swept across the bare rock. He leaned forward and peered into the mouth of the mountain, but she was gone. His eyes met with the blazing fires of Avred, molten lava quickening as it entered the chamber, furiously threatening to erupt. He stumbled away, cursing under his breath as he retreated. Defeat.
• • •
Kaliel fell, heat wearing away her body, pressing in. She would have screamed if she wasn’t out of breath. Flames rolled across her ivory dress, threads catching fire, flame spreading, engulfing her. Regret lanced through her, forcing the fire on the inside to intensify.
She was a thing—a girl—the lines blurred between the two.
She was a thing trying to be a girl.
There were two fires—one that surrounded her and threatened to devour her body in its wrath, and another on the inside, threatening to explode. She was ripping to shreds, splitting apart, filling with fire. Heat consumed her, crawling across her pale white skin. Angry red welts melted into black, crusted skin, pulling away from the bone.
And bone turned to ash.
She didn’t scream. Tears evaporated, salt sticking to her lips as sour liquid trickled across her tongue and she gagged at the taste. She gasped as heat flushed into her lungs. It touched the fire on the inside and the reaction made her panic.
All she had left was the Flame.
Blinding white-hot amethyst flames started somewhere near her heart and spread until they encompassed what was left of her body. Violet flames burned her from the inside out, boiling her blood and dissolving her flesh.
The girl she used to be couldn’t fight anymore. It pained her to admit the truth and to be unable to stop it. She always felt it on the inside, and she denied it. She was a girl, not a weed, not a flower, not a Flame. She clung to the idea of everything that made her corporeal: curls of snow-white hair, a heart beating in her chest, breath flushing in and out of her lungs. She didn’t have those things anymore. She felt … nothing.
Remnants of her body hit the magma. The liquid rocks devoured her limbs, leaving the girl she used to be far behind. Two fires became one, amethyst flames snaking through the river of lava, melding, shifting, sizzling with intensity and pressure. She couldn’t feel pain anymore. Instead, the Flame took over, replacing everything that was normal about her with everything that was destructive.
She was still conscious, but she didn’t want to be. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t scream, couldn’t dance or swim or kiss or hold or feel. The Amethyst Flame was a weapon. Unleashed she could possess, burn, compress, engulf, erupt.
The only thing that kept her from becoming Crestaos’s pawn was the way Krishani looked at her. She wanted to be a girl because of him. She was strong enough to fight against the Valtanyana because of him.
She never thought she would have to destroy herself to escape.
The lava quickened into the hollow tunnel and she felt the increasing surge. What she was now was much more powerful than what she had been in the body of a girl. She was the lava, she was the rock, she was the Flame.
The only thing she wasn’t was the only thing she ever wanted to be.
His.
* * *
34-Explosions and Snow
Hooves pounded as Krishani raced across Orlondir. Umber faltered under him as he traveled over the rolling hills. Everyone was dying around him, and he knew he should have turned back to help, but there was nothing if Kaliel wasn’t safe. He deeply regretted ever leaving her side. He should have fled to the village with her. He should have stayed with her like he wanted to. He should have been there to fight off the enemy stalking her. Had she faced him yet? He closed his eyes. It wasn’t too late, he tried to convince himself. Not yet.
He whipped the reins, trying to steady the horse, but Umber’s frustrated panting got louder. Krishani spotted a gaping hole between the trees in the distance. He steered Umber towards the break, knowing Kaliel was there … somewhere. He could feel her lack of hope. It was as though she knew she would lose.
Someone pulled up beside him on the right, riding with force and agility. The white horse flew alongside him, matching his speed. He caught a flash of the royal cloak that flapped in the wind like a kite. It was Lord Istar. He glanced at him briefly. Paladin charged forward, threatening to overtake him.
Krishani narrowed his eyes and kicked Umber hard, begging the horse to move faster. His worst fears had been realized. Crestaos would find Kaliel, he would take her. He couldn’t let that happen. If it wasn’t for the rush of adrenaline, the battle and the determination in his heart, he would have collapsed long ago. He pushed away the feelings of dread that gathered in his stomach and pooled in his heart as he broke through the trees. He gritted his teeth as he pushed Umber along the wide path. The horse stumbled as he galloped. Umber expertly jumped over a log but slowed down right after and tried to find his footing. As Krishani whipped the reins in desperation, Istar flew past him and stopped, blocking the way.
“You cannot take this path!” Istar shouted.
“Kaliel needs me!” Krishani screamed as Umber slowed to a stop. He pulled on the reins and tried to pass him, but Paladin was too quick. The stallion raised its front legs and punched at the air. Umber copied the other horse, their hooves threatening to collide. Umber let out a startled neigh as he fell on all fours, fatigued.
“You cannot go to her!” Istar said. He glared at Krishani and the boy knew what he meant. He wanted Krishani to go to the Lands of Men and forget her. Istar’s eyes shifted across the forest, but it was quiet around them. The battle cries from Orlondir could barely be heard in the distance.
“She is not your concern.”
“She’s …” All his strength faded. “Please …”
There was nothing his elder could say that would make him turn from the mountain. If the Valtanyana reached her, if they took her, he would never forgive himself.
“You will be reunited when the danger has passed,” Istar said quietly.
“No … I won’t,” Krishani said. He didn’t care about Istar’s oaths; the Lord was already the enemy. He pushed himself up. The adrenaline had worn off, but his determination had been restored with a sorrow he never thought he would have to face. He yanked on the reins and snapped them against the horse’s hide forcing Umber to attention. The horse tried to push against Paladin, but Istar stared him down and Umber yelped and rose into the air, throwing Krishani from his back.
The sound of his body hitting the ground echoed through his bones, then a deafening explosion shook every fiber of his being. Molten rock and lava shot into the sky as Krishani got to his knees and watched, dumbfounded.
Then he understood.
“Kaliel!” he howled. He hunched over, the force of her death hitting him like a battering ram. Without warning, he slipped into the blackness, his will giving way to the pain engulfing his body.
Surrender. His thoughts blinded him as he slipped deeper into the abyss.
• • •
It felt like time stopped as the mountain exploded. Istar watched with disbelief, the sky filling with a dark cloud of smoke and ash. The sound echoed throughout Avristar as the mountain took its vengeance.
Surrender Page 29
