“The spirit. That’s what I was talking about. It was going to kill me, wasn’t it?”
“It sure looked that way.”
“So, thanks.”
Suzi shrugged. “You’d have done the same.”
“I hope so, but I don’t know if I’d have been that brave.” There was another pause and she could tell he was deciding whether or not to go on. Finally he did. “What the spirit was saying about you—was all that stuff true?”
“Apparently.”
“So then, what… ?”
This time he didn’t, or couldn’t, finish.
“What am I?” she said for him. “I don’t know. I feel like an ordinary person. I get dirty. I get hungry. I feel the heat. I feel—” She banged her hand on the wall. “I can feel pain.”
“But it’s weird …”
“No argument there.”
Neither of them said anything for awhile. Suzi slid down the side of the wall so that she could lean her back against it. She was hot and sweaty and her heart still beat too fast from their recent escape. Just sitting here, she could feel it hammering in her chest. She wondered how long it would take for that black goop to dissipate so that they could go back downstairs and leave the building.
Aaran came over and stood beside her. He had his back to the roof so that he could take in the view.
“So you never knew?” he said.
She shook her head. “I didn’t even have a clue, though I suppose I should have. I mean, I have all of these memories, but except for what I’ve experienced since yesterday morning, none of them feel … immediate. They’re just facts with no emotional resonance.” She gave a short laugh that didn’t hold any humour. “Though who’s going to guess that they were only born a day or so ago and that everything they know is only there because it’s been loaded into them like software. And then there’s the whole physical impossibility of translating something digital into flesh and blood.”
“I don’t know how you deal with it.”
“By trying really hard not to think about it,” Suzi said. “Whenever I do, I just want to curl up in a ball in some dark corner and hide away from everything. I mean, talk about being a freak.”
“I don’t think you’re a freak.”
“Then you’re the exception. Everybody else seems to dislike me the moment they meet me.”
She glanced at Aaran when he didn’t reply. He was still looking out at the city, but he turned and smiled.
“I was just thinking,” he said. “I got a bit of that weird vibe from you—right at the first. Nothing I could put my finger on, but I just knew there was something about you that’s—”
“Not human.”
“I was going to say different. A kind of dissonance. Maybe it came from the transition you made from digital to flesh and blood.”
Suzi gave a slow nod. That made sense. It was something people would sense on an instinctual level.
“Funny thing is,” Aaran went on, “the last time I felt that vibe was when I first met Saskia. And she had the same problem you have—people just taking an immediate dislike to her.”
“I got the sense that people really like her.”
“They do,” Aaran said. “That vibe went away after awhile.”
“So you think she’s like me—born in cyberspace?”
Aaran laughed. “No, I’m guessing you’re unique in that.”
“But I’m not alone,” she said. “The Wordwood spirit created others.”
“Then maybe she is like you. Maybe all of the people who disappeared originated in cyberspace and that’s why they got pulled back into it so easily.”
“Software recall,” Suzi said, her voice soft.
Aaran had been looking away again and turned back to her.
“What did you say?” he asked.
“Nothing. What is it you keep looking at out there?”
“Just all these lights.”
“Yeah, they’re pretty,” Suzi agreed. “When you look out across the city at night, you never think of all the mess that’s hidden under that pattern of lights.”
“I didn’t mean the lights from the buildings and street lamps.”
She got up and leaned on the wall once more to see what he was talking about. It took her a moment before she saw what he’d been referring to—flashes of blue-gold light, sparking here and there. Not many, but enough, if they were what she thought they were. She noted a half-dozen, raising her count to nine when she spotted a few others she hadn’t seen the first time. They were too distant for her to be able to confirm her suspicions, but as she watched, she could see that they were steadily coming their way.
“It’s some of the others,” she said.
“What others?”
“Like I said, the Wordwood didn’t just send me out. It sent out a whole pack of searchers.”
Aaran nodded. “That’s right. I remember.” He looked out at the lights and added, “So are they all like you?”
“Like I was—inside, I mean.” She shrugged. “I’ve no idea what they’ll actually look like.”
“They’re coming for us, aren’t they?”
“I’m afraid so.”
Aaran turned and sat on the edge of the parapet. “So what do we do now?”
“Get away from here and then don’t go near any computer—even if it’s off-line.”
“But if it’s not on-line …”
“Remember what happened downstairs?”
“Yeah. But… how’s that even possible?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I think it’s like the way the Wordwood spirit made me and the others—as much magic as tech.”
“Voodoo spirits,” Aaran said.
“Whatever. But it looks to me that the Wordwood spirit can leave pieces of itself in computers that have accessed its site, which, in turn, lets it manifest in that machine whenever it wants.”
“So we stay away from computers.” He jerked his chin toward the edge of the roof. “What about them?”
“We have to avoid them, obviously. I don’t think they can actually track us. I don’t feel a connection to either them or the Wordwood anymore, so why would they have one to me? But this is the last place we were seen, so I guess it makes sense that they’d come here.”
“We should see if the hallway’s clear.”
Suzi nodded. “And then make our way back to Holly’s store. If nothing else, we have some new information to share.”
“God, they’re going to hate me even more now,” Aaran said.
There was no self-pity in his voice, just a stating of the facts.
“They’re going to hate us both,” Suzi said, “once they find out the part I played.”
“You had no choice—you didn’t know.”
“Neither did you when you got Jackson to send the virus in the first place.”
Aaran nodded. “But that was still an act of meanness. I don’t think you have a mean bone in your body.”
Suzi wasn’t so sure about that. The anger she’d felt earlier toward the Wordwood still frightened her. It had been so intense.
“It doesn’t matter what they think of us,” she said. “We still have to help all those people who’ve gotten caught up in this through no fault of their own. And the best way we can do that at this moment is to go back to the store and see if they’ve had any success.”
Aaran nodded. “I’ll check the hallway.”
Suzi took the opportunity while he was gone to lift her shirt and assess the physical damage that breaking the link to the Wordwood had done, but her abdomen was smooth, the skin not even bruised. The hurt was all inside, physical as well as psychological. She dropped her shirt when Aaran came back out the door, the squeaking hinges giving her plenty of warning.
“It’s still a mess down there,” he said. “That goop’s a couple of inches deep and pouring down into the lobby. But there’s an exit to a fire escape just down this first flight of stairs. I had a look and it’ll take us right into the
side alley.”
Suzi looked over the wall. Two or three of the approaching lights were little more than a block away now. Aaran came over as she got to her feet.
“It’s okay,” she said. “I can move a little easier now.”
But she let him take her arm as they walked across the roof back to the door, gravel crunching under their feet. The exit to the fire escape was through a window at the foot of the stairs. Aaran had left it open and they both climbed through, making it down to the pavement without incident.
The alley ran the length of the building, connecting the streets in front and behind the building. Without discussing it, they both headed toward the street at the rear of the building, navigating their way around garbage cans, debris, and a junked car. When they were almost at the street, Suzi took Aaran’s arm and leaned her head against his shoulder.
“Just be casual,” she said.
“Right.”
They ambled out of the alley and looked both ways. Cars were parked along the curb on either side of the street. A van idled by the mouth of an alley across from them and other vehicles were moving on the street. Residents sat on their stoops. A bunch of kids were playing with a hacky-sack, some others were sitting on the sidewalk with their backs against a tenement, sharing what was either a cigarette or a joint. There were no people with blue-gold auras pointing straight up into the sky like searchlights.
“Let’s go,” Suzi said.
She chose the direction in which she’d seen the fewest approaching lights, still leaning against Aaran’s shoulder like they were a couple out for a stroll. They were between stoops when she saw the telltale blue and gold glow at the far corner. Grabbing Aaran, she pushed him against the wall of the tenement.
“Kiss me,” she said. “Like you mean it.”
“What makes you think I wouldn’t?”
She smiled. “Just do it. Now.”
She liked the way he held her. She liked the firmness of his lips against hers. She had memories of making out—with old boyfriends, with her husband before he’d turned mean and started treating her like a doormat—but thinking of those occasions called up none of the immediacy of the sweet, weak-kneed sensations she was experiencing now. Because they weren’t real. But this was.
She’d almost forgotten why they were kissing when she realized that one of the Wordwood’s searchers was standing on the pavement studying them.
She broke off the kiss to look at him. He was of medium height and build with pleasant, if forgettable, features. Without the blue-gold aura, no one would give him a second look. But right now, up and down the street, everybody was staring at him.
She felt nothing from him—no bond, no connection. But he seemed to sense something in her. She decided to brave it out.
“What’s your problem, freak?” she demanded.
Aaran had turned with her to look at the man. When she spoke, the muscles in his arm went tight.
Trust me, she wanted to tell him. I know what I’m doing.
Or at least she thought she did.
“Okay,” she added when the man made no response except continuing to study them. “You’ve had a good look, now why don’t you go find somebody’s birthday cake to stand on?”
“You’re not… surprised to see someone like me?” the man finally said. “The others—” He indicated the people on the street that were all staring at him with varying degrees of surprise and wonder.
“Jesus,” she told him. “You live long enough in this city and you’ll see any damn thing. So what? A freak like you with a built-in spotlight is supposed to be something special? I’ve seen lots weirder.”
The man blinked, obviously taken aback by her attitude, which was just what Suzi was aiming for. The Wordwood spirit would have sent its searchers out looking for a man and woman on the run, trying to hide and not make waves.
“I am looking—” the man tried, but she cut him off.
“To get your face rearranged. And you know, looking at you, I don’t even think I’ll let my boyfriend do it. I figure I can take you all on my own.” She stepped away from Aaran and made a pair of fists. “So bring it on, spotlight boy.”
The man took a step back.
“That’s right,” Suzi told him. “Bugger on off to wherever you came from.” She linked her arm in Aaran’s again. “Come on, Tommy. Let’s find someplace we don’t have to put up with shitheads like this.”
She gave him a tug and they walked off in the direction from which the searcher had come.
“ ‘Go find somebody’s birthday cake to stand on’?” Aaran said softly.
For all his obvious nervousness, she could see a smile pulling at his lips. And they were nice lips, she remembered.
“I didn’t hear you complaining back there, Tommy,’ “ she said.
“I couldn’t have come close to putting on a show like that.” He started to look behind them.
“Don’t check him out,” she said. “We have to act like we couldn’t care less. In fact, let’s stop right here and have another kiss—just to show how carefree and guiltless we are.”
She stopped and tilted her head.
Aaran smiled. “And is that the only reason?”
She grinned back at him. “That’s for me to know and you to find out.”
This time when they kissed she let herself melt against him, breasts pressed tight against his chest, her pelvis rubbing against his own growing interest. She almost forgot to steal a glance back the way they’d come. When she did, it was just in time to see the blue-gold aura of the searcher disappear into the alley that ran along Jackson’s apartment building.
“God,” Aaran said when they came up for air. “You’re a complete wanton.”
“But that’s a good thing, right?”
He nodded.
“So, come on,” she said, taking his hand. “We’ve got a bookstore to visit.”
“Don’t remind me,” Aaran said, but he fell in step beside her.
They’d walked a couple more blocks without passing another searcher. Whether someone was following them was another matter, but Suzi’d been keeping an eye out and she didn’t think anyone was.
“Back there,” Aaran said.
“Was really nice,” Suzi broke in before he could go on. “And who knows? Maybe when this is all over, we can find the time to sneak in a little romance, but what I said before still stands. It’d never work out between us in the long-term—especially not now. When I’m, you know, not just some homeless woman you brought home, but… well, who knows what I am?”
“That doesn’t matter to me.”
“I know. At least it doesn’t right now.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know how to explain this, but ever since I met you, I feel changed. Like I’m a different person and I can’t imagine doing the things I’ve done—not ever again.”
“So I’m, what? Your epiphany?” She smiled to take the sting out of her words.
“Is that such a bad thing?” he asked. “But, no. It’s more like what you were saying before we left my apartment. How maybe we’re each other’s guardian angels. At least, I know that you bring out the best in me.”
“Maybe it’s because I’m willing to believe in you. I get the idea nobody’s ever believed in you before—at least not the real you.”
He nodded. “That’s exactly it. And to tell you the truth, I feel redeemed. I don’t mean that suddenly everything’s okay,” he added quickly. “I know I’ve got a lot to atone for. I’ve left behind a history of a lot of damage and we’re not just talking about the current fiasco. But now I want to do better. I want to make up for the wrongs I’ve done. And I don’t want to repeat them. The only thing is …”
“You don’t think you can do it without me?”
That earned her a smile. “No, I was going to say I don’t know that I’ll get the chance to make it up to a lot of people—that anybody’s going to be willing to give me another shot.”
“That’s the hardest
part,” Suzi said. “Carrying on with your good intentions even when no one believes that you mean them.”
Aaran nodded. “I guess it will be. But none of that’s where you come in.”
“Where do I come in?” Suzi asked.
She didn’t mean to, but she couldn’t help being flirty as she spoke.
“I just think we’re good for each other,” Aaran said. “That maybe we really can be each other’s guardian angels. I don’t mean or expect some lifetime commitment. I’d just like to think that as soon as this is done, you’re not going to just walk out of my life and I’ll never see you again. I’d like to get to know you better.”
“I’m not going to make any promises.”
“No promises,” Aaran agreed. “But tell me you won’t close the door either.”
Suzi smiled. “No door closings, either.”
They were so busy talking that they didn’t notice that they’d reached Williamson Street until they were right upon it. A northbound bus pulled into a stop directly ahead of them. Suzi looked around, but there were no blue-gold auras in sight. Maybe they’d toned them back down again. Or maybe all the searchers were still milling around in Jackson’s apartment building.
“Will this take us up to Holly’s store?” she asked.
Aaran checked the bus number and nodded.
“I think we should just leave things where they stand,” Suzi said. “With you and me, I mean. Right now it’s time to go face the music.”
But she took his hand while they waited in line to board the bus.
Christy
I’ve been writing about the unexplained for over half my life now. Of spirits and mysteries, hauntings and haunted places. Of ghosts and fairies and goblins. Of hidden races of curious beings that live both in the wilds and right under our noses in the city—some whimsical, some dangerous, all strange.
But I don’t have much actual hands-on experience.
Sure, Tallulah, one of my first serious girlfriends, turned out to be the literal spirit of this city. And Saskia was born in a Web site—maybe the same one into which she’s disappeared again. But these are only words. Anyone can say they’re whomever or whatever. I never actually saw Tallu-lah do anything more inexplicable than make me feel like I was floating on air whenever we were together—and you know, that’s what love does. And until Saskia vanished right before my eyes, she never exhibited any mysteries that couldn’t also be explained away with a more mundane rationale.
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