‘This isn’t going to work if you don’t trust me,’ I told her, my voice harsher than I’d intended. ‘I’m trying to help you.’
Without a word, Sephy left the cabin doorway and walked towards me. I held out my hand.
‘You need to stay close. If we get separated, we’ve both had it,’ I told her.
She put her hand in mine. It was cool, almost cold.
I still scared her.
And no wonder, ’cause at this precise moment I was scaring myself.
This was beyond stupid, but there was no turning back.
four. Why?
WE’D BARELY TAKEN a couple of steps when Sephy asked, ‘Callum, why are you doing this?’
I risked a swift glance back at her. ‘Does it matter?’
‘Yes, it does. To me it does,’ Sephy replied.
‘We don’t have time for this,’ I said impatiently.
Sephy’s hand still in mine, I led the way through the trees. The rustling leaves all around us whispered their disapproval. ‘We have to keep going,’ I told her.
Sephy pulled away from me. ‘Not until you answer my question. Why are you doing this?’
‘You’re really going to make me do this now?’ I asked incredulously.
‘Yes,’ Sephy replied.
I recognized that look of old. Sephy was digging her heels in and they wouldn’t shift until she got what she wanted. How on earth was I supposed to answer her? With a sigh of exasperation, I plumped for the inconvenient, angry truth.
‘Oh, for God’s sake! I’m doing this for us. For what we once were, for what we once had together. OK? Happy now?’
Silence. Except for my heart hammering in my chest there was absolutely no sound. Even the breeze whispering between the branches of the trees above us had stilled, as if waiting for Sephy to say something. Anything.
Sephy lowered her gaze. ‘We’d better get going,’ she said at last.
And it was ridiculous, I know, but – though I expected no less and deserved no more – I was still disappointed. I led the way through the forest. Sometimes the canopy of branches and leaves above us blocked out almost all the moonlight. Eerie sounds of nocturnal forest creatures broke the uneven silence. I was a city boy. Greenery made me nervous. Every cracking twig, every dry leaf bruised and protesting underfoot made me wince. If the others had arrived back at the cabin and were now chasing us then each of those sounds would’ve given away our position for sure.
Callum, calm down …
If any of my LM colleagues were following us, then I would know about it. My Liberation Militia training on that score had been second to none. But that knowledge didn’t stop each and every sound from setting my teeth on edge.
Sephy’s hand in mine was not quite as cold as it had been before, but I didn’t try to kid myself that any other part of her was warming to me. So why was I doing this, burning my bridges behind me for someone who could hardly stand to look at me?
Stop pretending you don’t know.
I might be fooling Sephy, but there was no way I could fool myself.
five. Painful Wounds
WE’D BEEN TRAVELLING through the forest for well over an hour, but it felt a damned sight longer. The floor of the forest was soft, almost sticky, but that made it hard going. The branches of the trees had been getting lower and thicker around us for the last thirty-odd minutes. I’d had to relinquish my grasp of Sephy’s hand just to move them aside. I had no knife, no machete, no secateurs, just a gun. And I couldn’t exactly shoot the bastard things out of my way. I’m super-fit but even my legs were beginning to ache.
This had to be the right direction, I was sure of it. Almost sure of it. When I was a kid, Dad used to bring the whole family to this forest for the odd day out. We’d have picnics and cycle round or play hide-and-seek. Trouble was, that had been a long time ago. And I’d never navigated my way through the forest in the dark before. All the recent times I’d made the journey to and from the cabin had been by car. But this was the right direction, it had to be. There was Orion’s Belt. As long as I kept it directly in front of me that should lead us to the road – if I wasn’t mistaken.
‘Damn it! Ow!’ Sephy’s cry was choked off almost at once. I turned to see Sephy sitting in a collapsed heap on the ground, one fist cradled by her lap, her other hand rubbing at her ankle.
Less than a moment later, I was squatting down before her. Not just her forehead but her whole face was bathed in sweat. She looked like she was two seconds or less from passing out.
‘What happened? What’s the matter?’
‘Nothing,’ Sephy denied. ‘Just give me a moment.’
‘Sephy …’
‘I was pushing one of the branches out of the way and it tore open the wound on my finger. That’s all,’ Sephy said.
‘What’s wrong with your ankle?’
‘There was a hole, it must’ve been a rabbit hole or something. I twisted my ankle when I tried to jump out of the way of the branch as it swung back.’
‘Can you stand?’
Sephy pushed against the ground with her still-clenched fist and struggled to get to her feet. I jumped up and tried to help her, one hand around her waist, the other beneath her tensed elbow. The moment she put some weight on her ankle, she cried out in agony.
‘Shit!’ The expletive burst from me. We still had quite some way to go and Sephy was having trouble even standing up. ‘Let me see your finger.’
Sephy reluctantly held out her hand. I placed my palm under her fist, waiting for her fingers to unfurl. But already my palm was wet and a little sticky. Grasping her fist in both of my hands, I slowly straightened out her fingers. Blood ran from the knife wound I’d inflicted on her earlier.
I had done that … deliberately caused her pain.
I was the one who’d cut her finger so that we could send her blood-stained T-shirt to her father to show him we meant business. The deed had been bad enough, but it was the look of hurt and reproach clouding her eyes afterwards that I’d always carry with me.
Sephy winced.
‘I’m sorry.’ My voice was gruff. ‘Can you walk if you lean on me?’
‘I think so. Callum, c-can we rest first … just f-for a minute … ?’
‘Sephy, are you sure you’re … ?’
Sephy fell against me.
I wrapped my arms round her before she keeled over completely. She was drenched. And shaking. What was I thinking? I should’ve realized that she’d need to take a break before now.
‘For God’s sake, why didn’t you tell me to stop?’
Sephy shrank away. I didn’t mean for my words to bite and the harsh contempt lacing my tone wasn’t directed at her, but she wasn’t to know that.
‘T-tell you!’ Even though Sephy was still trembling, her voice held a trace of incredulity. ‘I should’ve told you to stop?’
‘OK, you could’ve asked me,’ I replied, my tone equally dry.
‘I just need to catch my breath.’
But that wasn’t true. She needed to do more than catch her breath and we both knew it. I took a step backwards, still holding onto Sephy’s hands which quivered in mine like trapped birds. Her breaths were short and raspy and she kept bowing her head as if its weight was too much for her neck. Even without the moonlight now bathing us, I would’ve been able to tell that Sephy was beyond exhausted.
‘We’ll rest for a couple of minutes,’ I whispered. ‘But we can’t linger. The others have cars and if they catch us on the road …’
Sephy took a deep breath and raised her head to look directly at me.
‘I’m OK. You can let go now.’
‘Sephy …’
‘I’m fine,’ Sephy insisted though gritted teeth.
She took a step, then choked off an agonized cry as her weight descended on her ankle again. I moved forward to help her but she immediately pulled away. We stared at each other. At that moment, all I wanted to do was hold her and tell her everything was going to be all right,
but that would just freak her out. And if I did say that, we’d both know that I was lying. Sephy should’ve been practically home by now. Instead we were still in this forest and with every second that passed, we ran the risk of being caught.
And God help both of us if that happened.
‘I’ll be all right, Callum. Just give me a moment.’ Sephy took a deep breath, followed by another and then another.
‘Unless the night air’s laced with painkillers, deep breaths aren’t going to help your ankle any.’
Sephy sighed with irritation. ‘If you have a better suggestion, I’m all ears. I see your sarcasm hasn’t deserted you.’
‘My shadow and my sarcasm are the only things I have left,’ I told her. ‘And even my shadow has been known to desert me when the going gets tough.’
Sephy studied me. ‘Sounds lonely.’
I shrugged. ‘I survive.’
‘Is that enough for you? Just surviving?’
‘It’s better than the alternative.’
Sephy nodded sadly. ‘If you’ll help me, I’m sure I can make it to the road.’
I had a decision to make. Even with my help, with Sephy’s ankle the way it was, it’d probably take us until at least mid-morning to reach the road, by which time the others in my cell would be able to pick us up and pick us off with no trouble at all. Jude was an expert tracker, as were Leila and Morgan for that matter. Though I hadn’t said anything, I was sure the others had to be back at the cabin by now. Once they discovered that we’d both disappeared, it wouldn’t take them long to put two and two together and figure out what I’d done. Our progress had been much slower than I’d anticipated. I had hoped we’d have managed to hitch a ride and be miles away from here by now. If I’d planned this better, I would’ve left the cabin with water, blankets, a couple of knives and some food – at the very least. But helping Sephy escape had been a spur-of-the-moment decision. I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was a decision that was going to cost both of us dear.
six. Want It All
SO WHAT NOW?
‘Sephy, I need you to stay here,’ I decided after some thought.
‘Why? You’re not going to leave me here alone, are you?’ The pitch of Sephy’s voice rose by at least half an octave.
‘I need to find us some shelter for the night. There used to be an old, abandoned shack around here someplace. If it’s still standing, we’ll head there. Then I can strap up your ankle and we can set off for the road at dawn.’
Sephy shook her head frantically. ‘Callum, please don’t leave me here alone. I couldn’t bear it.’
‘Sephy, I’ll be back before you know it,’ I tried to assure her.
‘Don’t leave me here.’
I took her hands in mine and looked her straight in the eye so she would know I was telling the truth. ‘Sephy, I’m coming back. I promise. Trust me.’
Sephy scrutinized my face, her own expression sombre. ‘Where are you going? Why d’you need to go?’
‘We can’t make it to the road any time soon, not with your ankle in that state. The shack is closer. It wouldn’t surprise me if the roof is half-gone, but it’ll do for the night, so you can rest. Then early tomorrow morning we’ll set off and hope luck is on our side.’
‘So why can’t I come with you to look for it?’
‘Sephy, talk sense. You can barely stand. I can travel faster alone, but I’ll come back and get you. OK?’
Sephy’s gaze fell away from my own, but not before I caught the fear creeping across her face, freezing her expression as it went.
‘Which one is it?’
‘Sorry?’ Sephy raised her puzzled gaze to ask.
‘Which one d’you think I’m going to do? Abandon you to your fate out here? Or d’you reckon this is your final resting place and I only brought you out here to save having to carry your body?’ Frustration and more lent my voice an icy edge.
Silence. Then, unexpectedly, Sephy smiled, albeit faintly. ‘I think you’re going to find us some shelter for the night and then tomorrow you’ll help me to get home,’ she said softly.
‘Are you sure that’s what you really think?’ I asked.
Sephy hobbled closer until she stood before me. ‘Yes, Callum, that’s what I really think.’
And then she placed a hand on either side of my face and leaned forward to kiss me. It was probably meant to be light and friendly and grateful, nothing more, but the moment her lips touched mine it turned into something else, something combustible. A second later, my arms were wrapped around her waist and her arms were wrapped around my neck, her fingers playing in my hair as we kissed. One kiss to share our mutual sadness and longing and hunger for something real, something more. And it wasn’t like the last time either. This time, I could almost taste our shared desperation. She was so soft in my arms. Her kiss was burning my blood. I wanted her so much – not just her body, but her heart as well.
I was greedy. I wanted it all.
A malevolent voice sidled into my head, telling me that Sephy was only doing this because she needed my help, because she was desperate. I tried to smother the voice but it was too late. The thought entered my mind and took up residence. Abruptly, I pulled away from her.
Sephy stared at me, breathing heavily. She started to raise her hand to her lips. I got in first. I wiped the back of my hand across my mouth. The tips of two of Sephy’s fingers lightly touched her slightly-parted lips, but her hand fell away from her face when she saw what I did. And the hurt in her eyes was just as bad as – if not worse than – the moment I had deliberately cut her finger.
Damn! I really thought she was going to wipe her mouth.
‘Sephy, I …’
‘I’ll wait here by these trees.’ Sephy turned away from me. That shimmer in her eyes – was it my imagination or a trick of the moonlight?
Sephy bent to gingerly pat the ground near the base of a tree with a broad trunk, before slowly sitting down, her legs curled to one side of her. She looked around nervously before studying her hands in her lap.
‘Are you hungry?’ I asked. ‘I’ve got some mints.’
‘No, thanks,’ Sephy replied, her head still bent.
Say something, Callum. Explain.
But in the end, all I said was, ‘I’ll be as quick as I can.’
Sephy’s voice, no more than a whisper, asked, ‘Will you be able to find your way back to me?’
‘I’ll find you,’ I told her.
She could be the proverbial needle and I’d turn into a magnet, just so I’d be able to find her and be with her.
‘I’ll see you really soon.’
‘Callum … be careful,’ Sephy whispered.
‘Always,’ I told her.
I tried to force a smile, but I was wasting my time. It was a smile she didn’t see. Sephy still refused to look at me.
Not once since I’d wiped my mouth had she looked at me.
Not once.
seven. Let Me Help
‘SEPHY? SEPHY, WHERE are you?’
A twig or branch cracked from somewhere behind me. I whipped round, my hand on my gun.
It’s not Jude or one of the others, I told myself.
If it was, I’d already have a bullet in me …
Unless they hadn’t got Sephy yet and were waiting for her to reveal herself so they could get the both of us together …
Calm down, Callum.
It was a hard fight to bank down the panic flaring up within me. I’d been away for over an hour but I’d found the shack. It consisted of only two rooms, one room occupied by a chair which was no use for anything but firewood. After kicking in the locked door (I mean, why on earth would anyone bother to lock the door in the first place?), I’d spent at least two minutes making a thorough inspection of the place. The penlight attached to my key ring was barely up to the task but it was better than nothing. The shack was habitable – just. The roof was mostly intact, but there was no glass in the windows, just closed shutters. I’d spent a few
minutes stacking what was left of the rotten furniture in one room so that we could use the other. And I’d used a couple of leafy branches to try and sweep the floor clean. I then took more time to try and make it comfortable for Sephy. It wasn’t exactly five star, but it would have to do, at least until dawn.
With a lot of luck, the others in my LM cell would think that Sephy and I were long gone and wouldn’t bother looking so close to home. In fact, with even more luck, they might pack up and leave believing that the police might be about to descend upon them at any moment.
I had to keep stopping to get my bearings, to make sure that I wasn’t getting hopelessly lost – or worst still, wasn’t inadvertently making my way back to the cabin. And time wasn’t on my side.
By the time I got back to Sephy’s location, I was heartily sick and tired of trees and leaves and nature. I longed for a greasy spoon café and a road filled with potholes and a pavement made up of broken slabs and roadwork signs. I would’ve paid good money to see some graffiti at that moment.
The only trouble was, Sephy wasn’t where I’d left her.
She was nowhere in sight.
I was sure this was the right place. I’d left a trail for myself, a broken branch pointing down at the ground here, a gouged mark on a tree trunk there. Luckily the moon had remained bright, un-obscured so far by the clouds filling the night sky – but it had still taken a while to find the shack, and then find my way back.
‘Sephy, answer me. Where are you?’
The darkness all round threw my words back at me. Until that moment, I’d never considered night to be a physical entity before, but it sure felt like that now. The night slunk its way around me, watching each misstep, like some malicious beast, just waiting for the right moment to pounce. The night air seemed to take on a living, breathing presence of its own. The leaves and the shrubs rustled with this animal’s every breath.
I was being fanciful, ridiculous – but that’s what the night and fear and guilt can do to you. Where was she? Had my brother got to her before I could return? What if she’d tried to make it on her own and fallen and knocked herself out? Or worse? Or what if … ?
Callum: A Noughts and Crosses Short Story Page 2
