So this yin, he did that. He wis the world’s best at doin things withoot onybody seein or hearin him. So up he went, an back he come tae the young king and he says, ‘Oh aye,’ he says, ‘there’s a wee young princess there – at least,’ he says, ‘there’s a young infant there, a wee lassie. An,’ he says, ‘she lies –’ he says, ‘this huge giant,’ he says, ‘keeps this wee princess in the palm o his hand, and his hand’s a cradle fir her. An there she sleeps, an there he keeps her,’ he says, ‘but she’s all right: he looks efter her an ’s good tae her aa rycht. An,’ he says, ‘he’s lyin sleepin wi this bairn in he’s hand. But,’ he says, ‘there’s a huge bitch,’ he says, ‘a great big dog, an,’ he says, ‘hid’s guardin the princess. An,’ he says, ‘this dog has two puppies,’ he says, ‘an the puppies is like mountains.’
‘Well,’ this young prince [sic] says, ‘dae you think,’ he says, ‘that you could get the princess?’
‘Oh, fine that,’ he says, ‘there never wis dogs, giants or nothin else –’ He says, ‘I telt you I wis the best thief in the world.’
‘Well,’ he says, ‘you go an get the princess back tae me,’ he says, ‘but A’ll tell ye whit tae dae. When ye tak the princess,’ he says, ‘you tak the twa pups an aa. D’ye think ye’d manage tae dae that?’
He says, ‘Oh aye, I think A’ll manage tae dae that.’ So he goes up tae this huge castel, an in he goes, an he dis manage tae tak the wean and the two pups, an he brings them back tae the young king.
The king says, ‘That’s fine,’ he says, ‘we’ll mak wir wey back tae the sea as fast as we can, an try ’n get awaa before the giant waakens up.’ So they made their way back tae the sea, an they got intae the boat an they’re away in the boat.
Ah, but this giant he waakent up – missed the princess ootae his hand, an missed the dogs – the pups. An he says tae this big dog, ‘Efter them as quick as you can,’ he says, ‘an bring back the princess tae me!’
So this dog’s away an it’s through the water and through the water an through the water an through the water efter this boat, and through the water till it was almost catchin up on the boat. And this young king, he said tae one o the men, ‘Throw one o the puppies intae the water!’ So they throwed the puppy intae the water. Now when this dog cam up tae its pup, hit stopped an it got its pup by the neck an it swam all the road back, right away back tae whar the giant wis, wi its pup, an it put its pup on the bank.
An the giant says, ‘Whit are ye daein back?’
He [sic] says, ‘A come back wi ma pup.’
He says, ‘I didnae tell ye tae bring a pup,’ he says, ‘it was the princess A telt ye to bring back.’
‘Ah, but,’ he says, ‘A hed tae get ma pup.’
He says, ‘Well, get, this time, an get the princess.’
So this dog’s through the water an through the water and through the water again: hit had . . . hundreds o miles this time tae swim before it neared the boat. And the young king said tae this thief, ‘Throw the ither pup intae the water!’ So he thro wed the ither pup oot intae the water, an when the dog wis come tae its pup – there ’s nothing ’at would make it pass its pup, it was jist like ony ither mother – it stopped an got its pup by the neck an it swam away back tae whar it come fae wi its pup again.
An the giant says, ‘Whit’s this ye’ve got?’
He [sic] says, ‘Ma pup.’
He says, ‘Is that whit A telt ye tae get? It wis the princess, wisn’t it?’
‘Oh well,’ he says, ‘A cannae help you, princess or nothin else,’ he says: ‘A’m too tire’t fir tae go back.’
He says, ‘Get back!’
He says, ‘A cannae,’ he says, ‘A’m fair done.’
‘Well,’ the giant says, ‘A’ll jist hae tae go masel.’ And he wis that big ’at he could wyde intae the sea, an he widd an widd an widd through this sea efter this young king an the princess an this ither men. And he . . . widd an widd an widd, an he was catchin up on them almost, spoolin an wydin through this water – some bits he swim an some bits he jist wydit – an this wis approachin the boat. An this young king he says, ‘Marksman,’ he says, ‘it’s your turn!’ (Ye see, this giant – there wis a spot on he’s – palm o he’s hand there that wis jist like my skin or yours, but the rest o him wis like crocodile skin, a knife wouldnae even penetrate it.) So he says, ‘Marksman,’ he says, ‘the thief telt ye whar the princess lay, whar this spot is, where the giant can be killt through there.’ He says, ‘Now it’s your turn,’ he says, ‘to prove yir worth.’
So this marksman, as the giant got nearer, he aimed his bow and he’s arra, an he jist waited till the giant’s hand come up wi this mark on it, an he fired an got him right on the spot. An the giant jist waver’t like that an aa the strength went oot o him, an he jist crept caaany an caany an canny back through this water until it was too much for him an he jist went under, an that wis the end o him, wi this marksman, whar he shot him in the right spot. An that is the story!
TRICKSTER TALES
21 Jeannie Durie
THE HISTORY OF KITTY ILL-PRETTS
THERE ONCE WAS A poor woman who had three daughters. I do not know the name of the two elder ones but the name of the youngest was Kitty. At last the poor woman fell ill, and as she knew she was dying she called her daughters to her to say ‘Goodbye’. She was so poor she had nothing to leave them but an ‘auld pat’ and an ‘auld pan’ and half a bannock and her blessing. So to the eldest she gave the ‘auld pat’ and to the second she gave the ‘auld pan’, while all that poor Kitty got was half a bannock and her blessing. She also told them all to go, after she was dead, to the king’s palace to look for work.
So after the mother was dead the three daughters set off to the palace, but the elder ones were jealous of Kitty because she was very clever and they did not wish her to go with them, so when Kitty followed after them they always turned and ‘staned her hame’ as if she had been a dog. However Kitty would not be turned back, but went on too to the palace to look for work.
When they got there, the king himself came out to see them, and he said to the eldest daughter: ‘What can you do?’ and she replied: ‘I can shape, and I can shoo [sew] and money a braw thing I can do.’
Then he said to the second daughter: ‘And what can you do?’ and she replied: ‘I can bake and I can brew and money a braw thing I can do.’
At last he came to Kitty and said as before: ‘What can you do?’ and she said: ‘Oh, I can do all these things and a great many more besides. I can turn the moon into a cream cheese, and take the stars out of the sky.’
So they were all taken in to the palace and given work to do and very soon the king found out that Kitty was far cleverer than her sisters.
So one day he came to her and said: ‘Kitty, I wish you would help me to get some thing which I want very much. There is a giant who lives near here, across the Brig o’ ae Hair, who has a most wonderful sword called the Sword of Light, which shines so brightly that if you have it you can see your way in the dark without any lantern. Now if I had that sword I should be quite happy, and if you will get it for me I will marry my eldest son to your eldest sister.’
Of course this was a very difficult and dangerous task to undertake but Kitty, who had forgiven her sisters for their unkindness to her, determined to try what she could do. So she filled her apron with salt and set off across the narrow Brig o’ ae Hair and arrived at the giant’s house when it was dark. First of all she peeped in at the window and there she saw the giant stirring a great pot of porridge, which was on the kitchen fire, and as he stirred it he always kept tasting it and tasting it to see if it was just as he liked it. So when Kitty saw that, she climbed on to the roof of the giant’s house and coming to the top of the kitchen chimney she threw a great handful of salt from her apron down the chimney into the pot of porridge. Next time the giant tasted it he felt the difference and said: ‘It’s ower saut, it’s ower saut,’ but still he went on stirring and still Kitty went on throwing down han
dfuls of salt, but he always kept repeating: ‘It’s ower saut, it’s ower saut.’ At last the giant ordered his servant to go to the well and get some water to put into the porridge and as it was very dark he told him to take with him the Sword of Light that he might see where he was going. So the servant took a pitcher and the Sword of Light and set off for the well.
Then down from the roof Kitty jumped and came softly behind the servant, and just as he stooped down to draw some water from the well, Kitty gave him a great push and down he fell into the water, while Kitty seized the Sword of Light and ran off with it as hard as she could. By and by the giant began to wonder why his servant was so long in coming back, and going to the door to look out there he saw Kitty running away with his precious sword. Off went the giant as hard as he could go to try and catch Kitty, and he ran and she ran, but he could not follow her for his weight would have broken the bridge down.
So Kitty got safe home and gave the king the Sword of Light, and he married his eldest son to her eldest sister as he had promised, and for a time the king seemed quite satisfied.
But by and by he became discontented again and he came to Kitty once more and said: ‘Kitty, I wish you would help me again, for that same giant has a most beautiful horse in his stable, with a saddle all hung round with silver bells, and I can’t be happy for thinking about that horse and wishing that it was mine. Now if you will only get that horse for me with its beautiful saddle, I will marry my second son to your second sister.’
‘Well,’ said Kitty, ‘I’ll try.’
This time she filled her apron with straw, and off she set for the Brig o’ ae Hair once more. When she got to the giant’s house she went to his stable and there she saw the beautiful horse and its beautiful saddle all covered with silver bells. So she went round the horse and round the horse stuffing every bell with straw to keep it from tinkling. At last when she thought they were all stuffed she got up on the horse and rode away as fast as she could to the Brig o’ ae Hair. But unfortunately she had missed one bell, and as soon as she began to move the bell began to tinkle, and out rushed the giant to see who was meddling with his beautiful horse. Kitty, however, had got a good start and though the giant ran very fast she got to the Brig o’ ae Hair and got across before the giant could catch her. So the king got the beautiful horse with its beautiful saddle all covered with silver bells, and he married his second son to Kitty’s sister as he had promised.
After this the king seemed quite contented for a long time, but at last he came again to Kitty and said: ‘Kitty, I can’t be happy till I get one thing more. The giant has a beautiful bed cover all covered with precious stones. If you will help me once more and get the beautiful bed cover, I’ll marry you myself.’
So Kitty said she would do what she could and again she set off for the giant’s house.
This time she went right into the house and upstairs into the giant’s bedroom where she crept under the bed with the beautiful bed cover and hid herself.
By and by the giant and his wife went to bed and soon fell asleep and then Kitty stretched out her hand from under the bed and gave the bed cover a great pull. This wakened the giant, who thought it must have been his wife who had disturbed him and he gave her a great shove saying angrily: ‘Bide still, bide still.’ The poor wife said quite meekly: ‘It’s no me, it’s no me,’ but I don’t think he believed her. Kitty waited till they were asleep again, and then gave the cover another great pull; you see it was so covered with jewels that it was heavy and difficult to move. Again the giant roared out: ‘Bide still, bide still,’ and again the poor wife said, half crying: ‘It’s no me, it’s no me.’
Then Kitty stayed quite still till the giant and his wife fell asleep again, and then she gave the cover such a great pull that it came off altogether and this time the giant waked right up and jumped out of bed to see who it was that was making all the disturbance.
He soon found Kitty under the bed, and dragging her out by the hair of her head, said: ‘Now Kitty if you were me and I was you, what would you do to me?’ You see he was such a stupid man that though he was so big, he had to ask Kitty to help him to think how he might punish her.
‘Oh!’ said Kitty, ‘I’ll tell you what I would do. I would make a big bowl of porridge and I would mak ye sup porridge till it cam oot o’ your eyes and your mouth and your nose and your lugs, and then I would tie ye up in a sack, and I would go to the forest to cut down a tree, and bring it home and beat upon the sack with it, till ye were dead.’
‘Well,’ said the giant, ‘that is just what I will do to you.’
So he made a great bowl of porridge and gave Kitty a spoon to sup it with, and waited to see how long it would be before the porridge came out of her nose, her eyes and her ears. But after a time he got tired of watching Kitty and turned away to look at something else and then Kitty quickly threw some of the porridge over her face, so that the stupid giant thought that she had eaten so much that it was really coming out of her eyes and her nose as she had said. So then he took Kitty and put her in a sack and tied the mouth of the sack with string, so that she could not get out, and went away into the forest to cut down a tree to beat her with.
But Kitty had a knife in her pocket, and when the giant was gone, she cut a hole in the sack and crept out. Then she caught the giant’s wife and his children and his servants, and his cows and his pigs and his cocks and his hens, and his dogs and his cat, and put them all into the bag and tied it up again. After that she seized the beautiful bed cover and ran off with it to the Brig o’ ae Hair.
By and by the giant came home with the tree he had cut in the forest, and seeing the bag where he had left it began to beat it thinking that Kitty was still there.
Then began such a noise; the wife screamed, the children cried, the servants roared, while the cows lowed, the pigs squealed, the ducks quacked, the hens cackled, the dog barked and the cat mewed, and they all cried out: ‘It’s me, it’s me, it’s me.’
The stupid giant just said: ‘Weel do I ken it’s you’, and went on beating all the time.
At last everything was quiet, and he opened the bag, and then what a surprise he got when he saw what was there! You can fancy what a rage the giant was in now. He just put on his seven league boots and ran after Kitty as hard as he could but she had got such a good start that when he got to the Brig o’ ae Hair, there was Kitty sitting on the bank of the river on the other side, quite safe.
‘Oh, Kitty,’ said the stupid giant, ‘tell me how I can get over to you,’ and Kitty answered: ‘I’ll tell you what you must do. Go and get a rope and fasten a stone on to the end of it, and your purse to the middle of it, and throw the end to me and I’ll pull you over the river.’
So the giant went and got the rope, and a stone and his purse and fastened them just as Kitty had told him, and then threw the end of the rope with the stone on it, across the river to Kitty, and held on to the other end himself, that Kitty might pull him over the water, for you see the giant could not go across the Brig o’ ae Hair as Kitty had done for he was far too heavy and would have broken it down so he had to try and swim.
Well, Kitty pulled and pulled at the rope till she got to the middle where the purse was, and then she let go the rope and the giant fell into the water and was drowned.
As for Kitty, she ran home with the purse and the beautiful bed cover all covered with jewels and gave them to the king, and he married her as he promised and they lived happy and died happy and never drank out of a dry cappy.
22 Neil Gillies
RIOBAIDH AND ROBAIDH AND BRIONNAIDH
THERE WERE ONCE TWO widows and one of them had two sons and the other had one son, and the two were called Riobaidh and Robaidh and the one who was his mother’s only son was called Brionnaidh; and they had a croft each and a cow each. And Brionnaidh was so good to the cow – he was such a willing worker – but as for Riobaidh and Robaidh, their cow could do no more than keep alive because they were so lazy about doing anything for it. And the
n they became envious of Brionnaidh because his cow was so much better than their own and one night they went to the byre and set about Brionnaidh’s cow until they had killed it and when they had killed it they left it there and took themselves off home.
When Brionnaidh got up next morning and went out to the byre, the cow was dead. He knew fine who had done it: he was certain that it was they who had done it, but anyway, there was nothing to be done about it. He took the cow out of the byre into the open and began to skin the cow, and when he had skinned it and cleaned the hide he set about folding it up, and he put a half-crown in every corner of the hide as he folded it, and when he had done that, he put it on his back and made for the city.
Now, the others were at home – Riobaidh and Robaidh – watching him: they were watching every move he made, but he made off to the city with the hide and he went to one or two houses there and he asked the people if they would buy a cow’s hide which would give out half-crowns every time they shook it. Anyway, no-one there believed him.
At last he came to the inn and the innkeeper came out to the door and he said to the innkeeper that he should buy the hide, and anytime he wanted money, all he had to do was shake the hide and half-crowns would fall out of it.
‘Go on now,’ said he, the innkeeper, to him, ‘shake it now till we see,’ said he, ‘whether they come out of it.’ He [Brionnaidh] gave the hide a shake and out came the half-crowns.
‘Oh,’ said he, ‘I’ll certainly buy it,’ said he. ‘How much will you want for it?’
‘Oh,’ said he, ‘I’ll want so much for it,’ said he.
Anyway, the innkeeper paid him for the hide and when he had done that he set off for home with a good sum of money for the hide, and when he came in sight of the house, the others were at home watching him.
Scottish Traditional Tales Page 20
