She cupped his face and leaned so her forehead touched his. “Oh, Maddox…”
“With the mating bond, you’d feel all of that, Ellie. And it wouldn’t be like a normal Omega where you’d have years to get used to it. Instead, you’d get it all at once.”
She shook her head. “It would be worth it.”
“How can you say that? You don’t know the pain.”
“No, I don’t. I do know you’re the strongest man I know and that whatever you do you do with grace. Let me ease your burden, Maddox. Let me help you. Bay and Adam share their duties as the Enforcer mated pair, same with Jasper and Willow with the Beta’s powers, and so do the rest of your family. You feel you can’t do it all alone? Then let me help. Let it be my decision.”
He ran his hand up and down her back, unsure of himself. “What if it doesn’t work that way? What if it makes everything worse, and I lose you?”
“Then let it be my choice. I want to help. I want to be with you. Our wolves need each other. I know fate is cruel sometimes, but she doesn’t give us more than we can bear…it only seems that way at our darkest moments.”
“You’d choose me?”
He’d never thought of it as sharing a burden rather than sentencing her to pain.
What if they could do this?
If anyone was worth taking the chance with, it was Ellie.
“Of course, Maddox. We don’t have to mate all the way. I know the mating urge is strong, but we can still take it slow. I’m just saying we need the option and opportunity. Let us get to know each other as people and wolves with a promise of a future instead of hiding from what could have been.”
He moved her so she straddled him, his cock nestled against her heat, and they both gasped.
“Slow, Ellie. I need to know you’ve thought this through.”
She smiled, tears filling her eyes, though she didn’t cry. “I’ve already thought it through, but if it makes you feel better, we can take it slow.”
He was done talking, done with words and all that they meant. He needed to taste her, to feel her in his arms.
He ran a hand through her hair, loving the soft feel in his hands. She leaned forward but didn’t say anything, didn’t breath. Maddox moved closer, letting his lips barely brush hers, the soft feel almost his undoing. He moved his head side to side so their lips gently touched each other’s then pressed harder, loving the way she melted against him, her mouth parting ever so slightly.
He let his tongue barely trace her lips, teasing, testing, then opened her mouth farther, blending her moan with his own. He knew she needed softness, and he’d be the one to give it to her—even if it hurt to hold back.
Her mouth parted wider, and his tongue tangled with hers, their kiss deepening, their breath quickening. He pulled back, nibbling on her lips, moving his mouth along her chin to her ear. She turned her head to the side so he could nibble down her neck to the place where he’d mark her when they were ready.
He traced his lips back through his trail until he met her mouth, kissing her softly, wordlessly.
His wolf howled in pleasure, and he pulled back, cupping her face so he could look her in the eyes.
“Slowly,” he whispered, his voice shaky.
“Slowly,” she agreed, her lips partially swollen from his kisses.
Hell, slowly would kill him, but he needed to give her a chance to back out—something that would also kill him.
A promise meant nothing without the threat to break it up on its trail, and he wouldn’t let her hurt for him. They’d find a way to make it work.
They had to.
Chapter 12
A few days later, Maddox watched Ellie stretch in the living room, her body tight and yet soft in snug yoga pants and a light top. They’d just come back from a defensive run, setting traps around the cabin so they would be warned if another encroached on their territory. They’d also been training so Ellie would be more prepared to fight as a human. Yes, North had helped her when she’d lived in the den, but she still wasn’t comfortable in her skin. Plus, the thought of his twin anywhere near Ellie still made Maddox want to rip the man to shreds.
Best not to think about that.
Self-confidence was one of the pivotal tools in fighting for one’s life, and Ellie hadn’t had any before she left the Centrals. She’d survived on what little—or nothing—she had until she’d found a way out with Reed and his mates, but it hadn’t been easy. Then he’d broken her again because he’d shut her out. He was as much to blame as Corbin in some respects.
Now, he had to show her he was actually going to try and be who she needed him to be.
North wasn’t standing in the way anymore.
Maddox just needed to make sure he wasn’t the one standing in the way.
This wasn’t an about-face decision. He’d been slowly breaking down and imagining what she’d feel like against him, what she’d look like round with his child…what she’d feel like in the throes of passion.
He’d been an idiot for far too long—acting like Adam and pushing her away like his brother had with Bay, and Ellie had suffered for it. Maddox didn’t want to hurt her, and he knew his powers could do just that. Once he completed the mating, she’d be at the mercy of fate and what it would do to their bond.
What right did he have to harm her that way? To risk everything she’d built in this short time because he wanted her in his life?
He’d stayed away because he cared for her, and, now, he was closer than ever for the same reason.
For her sake, he only hoped he wasn’t making a terrible mistake.
“Maddox?” Ellie walked toward him, her chest heaving as she caught her breath. “What are you looking at?”
He gave her a small grin, unable to help himself from smiling at her anymore. “You.”
She blushed underneath that sexy-as-hell caramel-dipped skin and lowered her eyes. Unlike most of the other times, he didn’t think she did it to show her wolf’s submission but because she didn’t want him to see the emotion in her eyes.
He already knew of course. Hence the reason why he’d broken and kissed her before, promising more than he wanted to give, yet everything he desired in his future.
“What’s next in our plan?” she asked, still not looking at him.
He lifted her chin with his finger, her skin soft under his. “Anything you want, Ellie. We’re allowed to take a break to breathe.”
He looked into those dark eyes and barely resisted the urge to take her lips, her body, and anything else he could do to prove he was worthy of her, prove she was better than him as well.
“What about if they attack?” she asked, the fear she tried to hide still evident in her voice.
He took his other hand and ran it through her hair, slightly tugging on the ends, loving the way her eyes darkened when he did so. She might have been fearful of what was to come between them because of her past, but he knew that, beneath all that, she was someone who would fit against him perfectly, enjoying what he gave her.
“We’re as prepared as we can be. The only way it would be different is if we were hold up in a cave living on the earth—something we can do if necessary. We’re safe here, Ellie. As safe as we can be, anyway.”
Ellie closed her eyes. “I wish there was something we could do to fight back. I hate sitting around waiting for them to attack us.”
Maddox held back a growl at the helplessness in her voice for he too felt the same way.
“We’ve consulted witches’ covens, as well as Hannah, and you know we can’t use dark magic or we’ll be infected like the Centrals are. Their souls are gone, Ellie. Only those who chose to break free, like you, are more than empty husks to be used by Caym. We’ve made our den as protected as possible, and soon we’ll fight back on their land. We’ll go on the offensive when the Centrals are at their weakest—when we find that. Soon.”
She looked up at him and lifted a lip, baring fang. “Good. It’s about time we went to them.”
<
br /> Goddess, how he loved when she said them and didn’t include herself with the Centrals. They were on the right track.
He traced her jaw with his finger, loving the slight intake of her breath, and looked deeply into her eyes. “Tell me what you want, Ellie.”
She swallowed hard but didn’t lower her gaze. “You, but not just…you know.” She blushed then, and he held back a chuckle. That wouldn’t be the best thing to do at the moment, not when she was so unsure of herself.
“Tell me what you want.” She needed to be the one who led, not him. He couldn’t push her, even though she’d been the one who’d broken through his shields.
“I…I want to know more about you. I want to know everything, Maddox. Then…then we’ll see.” She gave him a coy smile that he wasn’t sure was meant to be so but made her sexy as hell.
Then her words registered, and he blinked. She wanted to know him? Hell, baring his soul would be harder than baring his body, but he knew he’d have to do it. She was his mate, his life—or at least she would be if they let it happen.
“Okay,” he said slowly.
Her face shuttered, she tried to take a step back. He gripped her waist, hating the way her eyes widened in fear before she tried to mask it.
Hell, her brother had done a number on her. Maddox couldn’t wait to tear the bastard limb from limb.
Slowly.
“Ellie, don’t fear me,” he begged.
“I don’t, Maddox, I swear. You just caught me off guard. I know you’d never hurt me.”
That was a lie really, since he’d done just that by pushing her away for so long, but he’d find a way to fix it.
“I’ll tell you anything you need to know. Just ask.” He’d get over himself and share with her. He’d never done it with his family, but his wolf needed Ellie’s—just as much as the man needed his mate.
“I don’t know where to start,” she said as she gave a small laugh. “I have so many questions, yet I feel like I know you as much as your family.”
Maddox shook his head. “They don’t know everything, Ellie. You know as well as I do that I don’t talk about much.”
“True, which is why they’re always so cautious around you—the same as me.” She gave a self-deprecating smile, and he tugged her to the couch, pulling her to his side as they sank into the cushion.
He tried to think of something to start with, something to show he was trying. The only thing that came to mind that could prove he was trying, that he wanted to make this work, was telling her about his scar.
Hell, could he share that part of himself?
No one knew the truth, yet he needed Ellie to know.
“Over fifty years ago, your brother took me to his den because he thought I was North,” he began, unable to look at her. He’d just proven that he had a weakness—he’d been captured. How the hell had this been a good idea? His wolf needed to show he was strong, not someone who could be captured so easily.
“That’s why he did it?” she gasped, and Maddox froze.
“You…you know?” He froze to look into her eyes and saw not only horror but understanding. “It was you,” he breathed. “You were the girl who saved me.”
She gave a wobbly smile, and he leaned to take her lips, needing to remind himself she was real. She’d been his savior for so long, and she was here and his.
“I’d thought they’d killed you, Ellie. Oh, God, baby.” He kissed her again, her lips opening for him so he could taste that sweetness that was only her.
She pulled back and traced his scar. He swallowed hard but let her—again. Only Finn had touched it before Ellie had in recent times, and he couldn’t believe he’d let it happen. Though the nerve endings were mostly dead at this point, and the scar tissue was so thick that it made it hard to smile or move his cheek, he could still feel her warmth, her softness.
“It was me. I was a teen then, but I remember you. I didn’t know Corbin had thought you were North though. He never did tell me anything. I’m so sorry you went through that, my Maddox.”
Her Maddox. He liked the sound of that.
“I’d heard a scream. I thought… you’d died.”
Her eyes shadowed, and she nodded. “He wasn’t happy I let you free.”
“Oh, baby, you risked everything for a man you didn’t even know.” He crushed her to his chest, needing to feel her heart beat against his. He felt the wetness on his shirt as her tears slid down her face. “I’m so, so sorry he hurt you for helping me.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed. “I survived. As did you. You can’t blame yourself for what Corbin did.”
He pulled her from his chest so he could meet her gaze. “You can’t blame yourself either. Nothing Corbin did was your fault.” He didn’t know the extent of what had happened to her, and he knew she wasn’t ready to tell him—but she would.
“I’m trying,” she whispered.
“God, we’re a mess,” he said, trying to lighten the mood.
“True, I guess that’s what makes us mates.”
She smiled at him, and he took her lips again. She tasted of berries and that sweet spice that was just Ellie.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Ellie.”
“I don’t care, Maddox. We’ll get through it.”
“There’s something you should know. I can’t sense your emotions, and even though I’d love to know what you’re feeling, I’m glad I can’t.”
Her eyes widened. “I had thought that, but I wasn’t sure. You mean I’m cut off from you?”
“You’re the quiet in my storm, Ellie Reyes.”
She smiled. “I like that. I know it’s too much for you with everyone around you. I like that you can relax around me. Well, you know, if you’d ever relax around me.”
He laughed with her and kissed her brow. It was if the dam had broken and he couldn’t get enough of her or her taste. This wasn’t the way he usually acted, and he liked it.
“I’m trying.”
“You don’t have to try alone, you know. You don’t have to do everything by yourself. I’m here now. We can take it one step at a time, but you’re only hurting yourself—and me—if you pull away.” She swallowed hard. “And I’d do the same if I pulled away as well.”
He let out a breath then swallowed back tears. “We might both be broken, but I think we can piece ourselves together.”
“We don’t have to be whole apart,” she agreed. “That’s what being a mate is for—to find those missing pieces.”
He framed her face and looked down on her. “I want you, Ellie.”
Her breath stuttered, and she nodded. “I want you too, but… I don’t…I’ve never been with anyone other than when it wasn’t my choice.” She blushed and turned away, but he didn’t let her.
Maddox held back a growl, determined not to scare her. He would kill any man who had touched her in her past and make them pay. Ellie was his to cherish, and anyone who had wronged her had forfeited their life.
He didn’t know all that had happened to her, but he knew it had been bad. She wasn’t ready to tell him, and he was okay with that. She’d tell him, eventually, and they’d heal together. He might not be able to use his magic to help her, but he could use his words, his actions.
“I’ll show you what it means to make love, Ellie Reyes. I’ll show you what it means to be with someone, to feel their every movement, their heartbeat, their life. I’ve never mated with anyone before. This will be a first for both of us, okay?”
She blinked but didn’t say anything.
“It’s just you and me, nothing from our past or present to harm us,” he stressed.
She nodded. “I trust you, Maddox.”
He sighed in relief at her words. “And I’ll do everything in my power to earn that trust.”
“You already have.”
He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Not yet, Ellie mine, but soon.”
She let out a shaky breath and tried to smile. “So…”
<
br /> He chuckled. “So indeed.” Hell, he needed to just say it and get them past this wall they’d built up in order to protect themselves. “We’re safe here, in this cabin, as much as we can be. I know we want to take it slow, and I think we are. Gods, woman, I want you so much I can barely breathe.”
Her eyes darkened, and she smiled. “I want you too, though I think we’ve already covered this.”
He laughed. “In a minute, I’m going to take you to the bedroom and show you exactly what it means to be touched by someone who cares for you in every way possible, but I need to warn you that I’m not going to mate you. Not fully.”
She jerked back as if he’d slapped her and scrambled off the couch. “What?”
He cursed himself and stood, reaching out to her. “No, that’s not what I meant. We’re going to mate, Ellie, but I don’t want to mark you, not yet.” He pressed his finger to her lips so she wouldn’t argue. “That will come, I promise. Our wolves will mate when we mark each other, but not yet. I want to ease us into this so my powers don’t overwhelm you. I don’t want to hurt you, so we’re going to do as we talked about and take it slow.”
“And I have no say in this?” She narrowed her eyes, and he ran his hands down her arms.
“I don’t want to hurt you or your wolf, so we have to take it slow, Ellie. Please.”
At the word please, her face softened. “If that’s what you think you need to feel better about all of this, fine, but I don’t think it will be an issue. You wouldn’t have a mate in me to begin with if I couldn’t handle it.”
He nodded, not really believing her words. He was already risking her future, their future, by giving into temptation and heeding his wolf’s desires. He couldn’t let her suffer for him. Fate had been cruel enough to him and his family, and he didn’t know what lay in store for them.
Maddox framed her face with his hands before lowering his lips to hers. “You are so beautiful, Ellie mine. I knew it the first time I saw you in the back of the SUV when Reed brought you back to our den. I might have acted like I didn’t, but it was because my wolf wanted to attack anything that could have hurt you. I’m never going to let that happen again—me running and you getting hurt. I’m here, Ellie mine. I’m yours.”
Shattered Emotions (Redwood Pack) Page 12
