Train Me

by Mia Ford

  “I'm sorry, Maya. I didn't mean to –”

  “No, it's fine,” I said. I let out a deep sigh. “This is certainly going to take some getting used to, isn't it?”

  “You can say that again,” he said. He smiled at me though, and I felt a smile touching my lips as well.

  ooo000ooo

  Reese stuck around until it was time to put Eli to bed, and he asked to help with that. Slowly, over the course of the day, Eli had started warming up to him.

  “Read me a story, please?” Eli asked, putting a book into Reese's lap.

  He stared up at his dad with those same dark eyes, and I could see Reese turning to putty right on the spot. It was funny to me – this big baller, this supposed hard man with a ton of street cred – turning to jelly in the face of one small child.

  “Uhh yeah, sure thing, little guy,” he said, picking up the book.

  I was standing in the doorway – keeping my distance to let them have their time together – and I couldn't help but smile. It was sweet seeing this former bad boy adjusting to life as a father. He was trying, I had to give him credit for that.

  I walked over to tuck Eli into bed, and I turned on the night light while Reese read from the book. For a moment, I had to admit, this was nice. Up until that point, I was the one who did everything. I was the caretaker, the story reader, the nurse, the cook, everything. But for a brief moment, I could step back and let someone else take over for me.

  Married couples had it good, I thought.

  “Another story, please?” Eli asked as soon as the first one was finished.

  Reese seemed perfectly happy to be doing what he was doing, but I almost stopped him. It was getting late, but I decided to let it go. A small smile touched Reese's lips as he read, so I decided to leave them alone and stepped out, just into the living room where I could still hear everything that was going on. My eyes were heavy with exhaustion though, and I fought to keep from falling asleep. It wasn't even nine yet, but after working all day and then being a mother to my son all evening, I was worn out.

  I drifted off to sleep, and only woke up when I heard Eli's bedroom door close softly. My eyes opened wide, as I expected my son to be standing there looking at me, but it was just Reese.

  “He finally fell asleep,” he said softly.

  “That makes two of us,” I said with a laugh.

  I expected Reese to hit the road, but he sat down in the chair across from me as if he wanted to talk. Or maybe he felt obligated, I didn't know. I didn't want him to think I expected anything from him. Honestly, I expected nothing from him, so anything I did get was a bonus at that point.

  “Why didn't you tell me, Maya?”

  Oh. He wanted to talk about that.

  “How could I? You were in LA, I had no way of reaching you, even if I'd wanted to,” I said.

  “Luke had my number. You could have called. You should have called.”

  “And say what? 'Hey, remember me? I'm that girl you fucked that one night? Well guess what, I'm pregnant.' and besides, I didn't want Luke to get involved. He's an asshole.”

  “He kinda is, isn't he?”

  We both laughed at the same time. It felt good to laugh, honestly. After all the tension and stress about Reese's sudden appearance back into my life, I had to admit, it had gone pretty well.

  “Major prick,” I said, smiling when I said it. “But he's your best friend, so I shouldn't –”

  “Was my best friend,” Reese said. “But we've changed. He still acts like he's sixteen, which was fine a few years ago, but now – hell, maybe it's because I'm a dad now, but I just can't see myself hanging out with the likes of him anymore. We just don't have anything in common. I've moved forward and he seems to have stayed in place.”

  All of this was news to me. And it struck me as a little bit – contrived. Or at least, naïve.

  “So you're a dad and suddenly you want to change who you are overnight?” I said. “Please, it doesn't happen that way.”

  “Maybe I changed before I found out, Maya. This just makes me even more determined to clean up my life and figure out what the hell I'm going to do now. For him, you know? For him. For Eli.”

  It was a nice thought. Really, it was. But I was still being that naive girl who thought Reese was amazing, when in actuality, he was nothing more than a bad boy who'd been a childhood crush. I didn't want to get my hopes up. These were all words. Words meant nothing if he took off next week.

  I didn't know why, but there was some small part of me that wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.

  “I appreciate that, Reese,” I said softly.

  The tears welled up in my eyes, but this time, they were tears of happiness. My son was my entire world, and everything I did was for him. I was even letting Reese into my life – for him. Not for me. Not even for Reese. But for Eli.

  “I know you do, Maya,” he said. “And I'm sorry you've had to raise him by yourself for so long. I'm sorry you had to put your dreams on hold for something that happened one night, all those years ago –”

  “My dreams aren't on hold, Reese. My dreams have merely changed. And Eli is my world now, everything I want in life revolves around him. So, don't think I regret it, not even for a minute, because I don't.”

  “You're a good mom, Maya,” he said, staring me dead in the eyes. “Just know though, from this day forward, you're not going to have to do this alone.”

  I hope not, I thought to myself. I really, really hope not.

  Reese and I worked out an arrangement – he came over a few times a week to spend time with Eli. And eventually, I let Reese take his son to the park and out on trips, just the two of them. I knew the day was coming where he'd want to tell Eli the truth about who he was, and I knew I needed to break the news to my family too. But I kept pushing it off. Part of me was just waiting for something to happen and for Reese to disappear. And the other part of me was just plain terrified to do it.

  But the fear of him bolting was diminishing day by day. It didn't scare me as much now that we'd been doing this for a few months. I was slowly starting to believe that this was real. That Reese was going to be a permanent part of Eli's life.

  But I was still afraid of how my parents would react when I told them who Eli's father was. I'd lied to them about the father of their grandson, acted like I had no clue where to find him all these years. When all along, I knew.

  I knew because it had to be Reese. He was my first, and at that time, my only.

  And the day would come that I'd have to admit that to everyone, Eli included.

  And one evening, after Reese dropped Eli off, he stuck around until we put our son to bed, together. It was something that was becoming more and more common and something I was beginning to enjoy. I could tell there was something on his mind though, and I prepared myself for the talk I'd been dreading since I told Reese about his son.

  As Reese closed the door to Eli's bedroom, he smiled at me. “Asleep at last.”

  “You spoil him, you know? I only read him one book, then it's off to sleep.”

  “Yeah, I know,” he said, sitting down on the couch beside me instead of across from me. “But I can't help it. When he asks, it's so hard for me to say no.”

  “Oh trust me, I know,” I said.

  “I know you do,” he said. “I really can't say it enough, Maya, but thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For being amazing. Seriously, I couldn't ask for a better mother for my kid.”

  I could feel myself blushing, my cheeks were literally on fire. I couldn't even bring myself to look at him, but Reese surprised me by reaching out and lifting my face up to look him in the eyes.

  “Thank you, Reese,” I said, my voice soft. “I just love that little guy. More than life itself.”

  “I know you do, Maya. And I love him too.”

  I stared into his eyes and knew he meant it. He meant every word he was saying.

  He continued, “And I think I may be fall
ing in love with you too.”

  My heart stopped. Everything stopped. It was like time was standing still as I looked at Reese, trying to figure out if I'd heard him correctly. No way. No way did I hear him right.

  “What?” I finally asked, shaking my head as if trying to wake myself from a dream. “I missed that. What did you say?”

  “I said I think I'm falling in love with you too,” he said, speaking louder this time. He looked so sure of himself, as if he'd known for a while now, but it was a surprise to me. “Seeing you with Eli, watching you with our son, it made me see what an amazing woman you are. So, strong, so loving, so beautiful... I just can't –”

  Before he could say another word, I kissed him – which surprised us both. His lips felt as nice as they had all those years before, and when his tongue pushed past my lips and into my mouth, it took my breath away – just like it had before.

  As hard as it was, I pulled away.

  “Stop,” I said, putting my hand on his chest to keep us apart. “We can't do this.”

  “You're the one who kissed me,” he said with a smile.

  “I know, I'm mainly talking to myself right now.”

  Deep breaths, Maya. Deep breaths. I had to step away. I couldn't let my childhood crush get the better of me, not when there was a child in the middle of all this. Reese reached out and stroked my cheek, and I so badly wanted to lean into that touch, but I stayed strong.

  “We can't do this, Reese,” I said again. “You, me, it's not going to work.”

  “And why not? I mean, we already have a kid together, why can't you and I be together like that? For real?”

  “For real? As in girlfriend and boyfriend?” I scoffed. “Because what happens if we break up? What happens if things go south? Right now, we have a nice arrangement that works. We're civil, we get along well enough, we don't hate each other's guts, but what happens if we do this and then it doesn't work out –”

  “But what if it does, Maya?” Reese asked. “What if it works out and we get married, and Eli gets the family he deserves?”

  “Get married?” I almost couldn't believe I was hearing this from his mouth. I stood up from the couch and paced the room, trying to collect my thoughts – which was a lot like herding cats at that point. “Whoa, I can't even believe you're talking like this. Not that I oppose the idea, in the future of course, but just because we have a kid together doesn't mean we'll make a happy family. That's not how this works, Reese. It's not that simple.”

  “And why can't it be?” Reese stood up as well, walking over, putting his hands on my shoulders and stopping me from pacing the room once more.

  “Because – well, because –”

  “Because – I'm me? Because I'm a loser like your brother?”

  “No, that's not what I meant! You're nothing like him. You're –” I stammered, trying to find the words.

  “I'm what, Maya?” Reese asked, raising his voice.

  “You're better than him. You've always been better than him. It's just – I don't want you to be with me just for Eli. Or because you think you're doing the right thing and feel obligated. We don't have to force anything, Reese.”

  “I'm not forcing anything, Maya. I care about you; I think you're amazing and I want to make this work. I mean it.”

  Reese was still holding onto my arm, but he loosened his grip. I could walk away if I wanted to. I could tell him to get lost if I wanted to. But I wanted neither of those things. Truth be told, what I wanted in that moment was him. It was stupid and selfish and childish, but I wanted to be with him again. This time, for real.

  After several moments of silence, I looked into his eyes and say the truth in his words. It put cracks in the walls of my fear and insecurity. And those cracks in my walls finally let me speak.

  “I want that too,” I said softly. “I do.”

  “Then let's do it, Maya. Let's try it,” Reese said. “Let's make this work.”

  He pulled me into him and held me close, my head resting on his chest. He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head as he spoke.

  “Back then, I was a stupid kid,” he started. “But my time in LA forced me to grow up, forced me to see that I couldn't keep living like that. I realized that I needed to get my life together or else I'd end up on the streets one day. And that's why I came back here. I didn't expect to find you or Eli or any of this, but honestly, it's exactly what I needed right now. I need you in my life, Maya. I want you in my life. And not just because you're the mother of my child, but because you're good for me. You make me want to be a better man.”

  I looked up and found him staring down at me, the shadow of a smile on his lips. I stood on my tip-toes and pressed my lips to his once more, and this time, I didn't stop.

  We made our way into my bedroom, trying our hardest to be quiet as we walked past Eli's room. And as soon as we were alone, Reese kissed me, long and hard as he held me close. I worked at his pants as he worked at mine, and we were both undressed before either of us had even drawn a breath.

  Reese pushed me down onto my bed, but I resisted. I was no longer the meek, inexperienced girl I had been before – time had changed me in a lot of ways. I pushed him over, forcing my way on top of him. I pressed my body into him as I kissed him, rubbing my pussy all over his cock, remembering the way he'd felt inside of me all those years ago.

  Reese's hands cupped my breasts and he took a nipple into his mouth, sucking on it long and hard, sending shivers down my spine. I rubbed myself against him, rubbing my clit over his stiff cock while he explored my body with his hands and mouth.

  Taking him in my hand, I gripped him tightly as I guided him into me, lowering my body onto him as I stared deeply into his eyes. Unlike the first time we were together, it didn't hurt. There was no pain as he spread me open – only pleasure as he filled me up. His hands grabbed onto my ass and held me in place, allowing our bodies to adjust to being united. He pulled me down so our lips met once more as we kissed deeply. Passionately. I rocked on top of him, riding him slowly at first, enjoying the sensation of him being inside of me again after so long.

  “Maya, Maya,” he whispered into my ear. “Oh God, Maya.”

  This wasn't the frantic fucking of years ago, this was of two adults making love. And we were trying to be as quiet as possible because unlike before, we had a little boy sleeping in the next room. But God, it was so hard to not call out Reese's name, as our bodies found a nice, solid rhythm and pleasure washed over the both of us.

  But even Reese managed to keep his groans quieter, and as I felt the first wave of orgasm approaching, I bit my lip, hard. And as I fell forward, spasming with pleasure, I bit Reese's shoulder, shielding the screams that fought to explode from my throat. If it hurt or he minded, he didn't show it. Maybe he didn't feel it, as he was in the midst of his climax too. His cock pulsated inside of me, his breathing was ragged.

  “I love you, Reese,” I said before I could stop myself. “I've always loved you.”

  And as he thrust upward, filling me with his seed, he stared deep into my eyes and said the words I'd wanted to hear for so long, “I love you too, Maya.”

  ooo000ooo

  The next morning, I awoke to find I was alone in my bed. At first, my heart broke as I wondered if I'd been duped and used. If Reese had only come over and put on a good show to get into my pants again. But then I heard sounds coming from the living room. Eli was laughing. So was Reese.

  I threw on some pyjama bottoms and a top and walked down the hallway, where I found Eli hiding behind the curtains and Reese pretending not to be able to find him. The smell of bacon filled the room.

  “What's going on in here?” I asked with a laugh. I stared at the clock. It was after eight in the morning. I never slept past eight – not since Eli had been born.

  “Oh nothing much,” Reese said. “Just figured you could use the sleep and I heard the little guy moving around in his room, so I made him some breakfast.”

  Eli popped his head
out from behind the curtain. “He burned the bacon, mama.”

  “Shhh,” Reese said. “You weren't supposed to tell her that. Now she won't want to eat any of it.”

  Eli giggled maniacally. Reese got up off the floor and walked over to me. He went in for a kiss, but seemed to think better of it, giving a look back at Eli to see if he was watching. Of course, he was.

  But I didn't let that stop me. I kissed Reese, just a quick peck, nothing more.

  “Thank you for letting me sleep in,” I said.

  “You needed it,” he said quietly. “There's some eggs and burnt bacon in the kitchen, I'm happy to make you a plate.”

  “Sleeping in and breakfast? A girl could get used to this.”

  “Maybe you should,” Reese said, flashing me a smile and wink before heading off into the kitchen.

  Amazed by what was happening, I followed behind him and watched as he prepared me a plate. I leaned against the counter, and just stared at him, still trying to decide if this was real or not. And as I realized that yes, this was real, the thought that had been rampaging through my mind for weeks suddenly came flying out of my mouth.

  “What do you think about telling Eli you're his father? Are you ready for that?” I asked.

  Reese looked surprised as he handed me a plate. And yes, the bacon was badly burnt – black and crisp – but I wasn't one to complain about breakfast I didn't have to make.

  “The real question is – are you?”

  “Yeah,” I said, taking a bite of the charred bacon. “I think so. As long as you're ready, so am I.”

  “Then let's do it,” he said.

  Of course, there was more than just telling Eli. We needed to break the news to my parents too. All these years, they had no idea I knew who my son's father was – and now I was coming clean. I was admitting the truth. Or at least, I would be, once I worked up the nerve.

  We picked a family dinner, as was only fitting in my mind, to break the news. But before that, we made a point of sitting down with Eli. It went easier than I thought, but mainly because he was, after all, only a toddler and didn't quite comprehend the news the same way my parents would. Which was good. It meant he'd grow up with early memories of his father, of knowing who he was. Reese missed a few years, but not too many.