By the end of Robin and Jane’s duet of Bohemian Rhapsody, the drinks I have been nursing are starting to catch up with me. My head has become fuzzy, and my lips are slightly numb. It takes the sting from the breakup away, but my mind still wanders to Colin.
How is he doing? Is he happier now? Has he found another girl who doesn’t mind the fact that she will never see him?
My thoughts are interrupted when I hear Ruth’s voice.
“Hey, you in there, Lucy?”
I turn to her in question; afraid I might have missed something she said. “What?”
“It’s just that you were kinda zoning out there for a minute. I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“Oh yeah, fine. Just enjoying the music.”
Ruth looks confused. I’m not sure why until I realize that a middle-aged man that looks like Santa and a slightly older Asian man are doing a duet of “Summer Nights.”
“Well maybe not enjoying it…”
“It’s okay,” Ruth laughs. “Just want to make sure you’re having fun.”
“Oh, I am, ” I assure her.
It doesn’t take much longer before the alcohol really hits me. Ruth is telling me about how she has gotten some insight into the mind of Vapor, and that she thinks she will be able to get close to him soon, which I find hilarious. Partly because who wants insight into the mind of The Vapor? He’s just a stupid boy, who does stupid boy things. And also partly because everything is really funny right now. Seriously, how have I not noticed how hilarious my friends are?
Suddenly, it strikes me. I’m gonna do it.
“I am totally going to sing.” I make my announcement right in the middle of their discussion about how to make the best margarita, so they all stop and look at me.
“Get the book Liz, the girl’s gonna sing.”
While I am flipping through the book, I hear the chime on Liz’s phone indicating she has a text. As soon as she looks at it, her eyes get wide and she shows the text to Annie, who yells out “oh shit,” followed by, “sorry bumped my knee” when everyone at the table looks at her.
“We’ll be right back.” Liz says, then grabs Annie’s hand and pulls her away from the table.
That was weird.
I am trying to decide between two different Violent Femme songs when Liz and Annie come back to the table looking worried.
“What’s up?” I ask, taking another drink of my mojito.
“Luce, I have to tell you something. I’m not sure how you are going to feel about it.”
“What?” The rum has dulled my senses some, so I’m not as worried about what they’re going to say as they look.
“Drew texted me. They’re here.” Liz looks at me, waiting for how I am going to respond.
“They’re here? Drew and… Colin?” I don’t think I have said his name since I told Annie that we broke up. It feels strange on my lips.
“Yes.” Annie answers slowly.
“I never even knew he liked karaoke.” My anger seems to perplex them, so I continue. “All this time he was too busy for me, but apparently the world of marketing can be put on hold when he wants to sing.” I almost said the hero business, but luckily even in my state of inebriation I rock at keeping secrets. “I would have gone with him to sing karaoke if I would have known.”
Liz looks at me like I’m insane. “He’s not here to sing nitwit. He’s here because Drew told Colin where we were going, and he wants to see you.”
“Ohh, okay.” I nod in understanding. “Wait...what the hell? It’s ladies’ night, not insensitive asshead night. If it was, I would have called and invited him in the first place.”
“Say the word, and we will kick them out. I only mentioned it because Drew told me he couldn’t take his sorry ass moping anymore.” Liz looks ready to use physical force if necessary, which I love about her.
“He’s moping? Huh. Well, that makes me feel a little better.”
In my head I can imagine how this might go. Me, drunk, angry and singing karaoke. Him, mopey and brooding.
What could go wrong?
Secretly, the thought of seeing Colin fills me with a warmth that the alcohol hasn’t. After being with him as much as possible and talking to him most everyday, it’s been really difficult not seeing him at all. I know it’s masochistic, but knowing that I might see him any minute now is making me a little happier than it should. Not that I would tell my friends that.
“You know what? I don’t care. If he wants to hang out here listening to that biker dude sing Barry Manilow hits,” I point to the stage where said biker is singing his heart out, “then far be it for me to stop him.”
“Are you sure?” Liz doesn’t look convinced.
“Yeah. It’s fine. You’re dating Drew, and Colin is his best friend. At some point I am going to have to run into him. Might as well be tonight.”
Liz looks at Annie, who shrugs. “Well, okay then. If you’re sure.”
“Sure. Whatever.” I’m sure I sound totally chill about the whole thing given that I am slightly freaking out, and maybe more than a little intoxicated.
Liz leaves, then comes back with Drew and Colin. When I see him, my stupid heart skips a beat.
I put on my best “no big deal’ face, which probably looks more like my “focus on anything but my ex” look. But it’s the best I can do under the circumstances. Drew nods at me and smiles, then turns to Liz.
“She had a few?”
Damn. I thought I played that cool.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Liz looks at him innocently.
Curiosity gets the better of me, and I glance Colin’s way.
“Hey.” He says.
Damn. He looks really good.
He’s wearing the Ramones t-shirt I bought him for his birthday over a long white tee. He looks like he’s recently gotten a haircut, which makes it easier to see his big blue eyes.
“Hey.” I give him a half smile. Or at least what I think is a half smile. I can’t quite seem to get my facial expressions to match up with how I am pretending to feel.
“I really want to play darts. Anybody else want to play darts?” Annie asks in the most obvious way possible.
Wow. By the way our friends scatter, everyone who was just at this table must really want to play darts.
So much for girls’ night.
Colin sits across from me, and looks around the bar like he wants it to give him inspiration on how to speak. I notice that his leg is bouncing up and down, and he’s tapping his fingers against his bottle of beer. Right now I am feeling both really bad for how anguished he seems to be, and kinda relieved I’m not the only one suffering. It’s a complicated mix of emotions for someone who probably couldn’t stand without assistance.
“How have you been?” He finally looks right at me, and at that moment I want to jump into his arms and tell him I miss him.
“Fine. You?”
He laughs, in a way that tells me that nothing he feels is funny. “Truth? I’ve been better. Drew has had to keep me from calling you about a hundred times. I can’t sleep. I can’t concentrate. I’m… not great.”
“Oh.” It’s all I can say without giving away that I could very well start crying at any moment.
“I miss you, Luce.”
Even though I know it’s the alcohol making me want to say exactly what’s on my mind, I can’t seem to stop myself. “I miss you too. I don’t want to, but I do. I don’t want to think about you at all either, but I still do. I don’t even want to see you right now...but I do.” I drain what’s left of my drink, hoping to dull the pain a little more.
“Then why are we doing this? We’re both miserable.”
“Because being with you made me feel this way too.” The words fly out of my mouth before I have a chance to evaluate them.
“So being with me was that bad?” He says it more like a statement, and his frustration is obvious.
“No. But it was bad. I don’t want to go another day feeling l
ike I’m not enough for you.”
“But you are enough for me. Can’t you tell? I’m miserable without you.”
“You can tell me that all you want. But when it comes down to it I am never going to be a pri-arity.”
“A what?”
“I mean a pri-ordy. Pri-rority. Damn. That’s a hard word to say.”
Colin looks oddly at me for a second before laughing. “Priority?” He says each syllable carefully to make sure I get how to pronounce it.
“Yes. That. Don’t laugh at me. You know what I mean.”
“Sorry. No more laughing. How drunk are you?”
“I’m not drunk. I only had,” I pause to think about it. “Three shots before we left the house, a Mojito when we first got here, then...I don’t know. Probably like one more drink?”
“Hey, if that’s all you can remember drinking, then I’m sure you’re fine.”
I think that might be sarcasm.
“Well if I would have known that the drink police were going to be here I would have kept a… oh what’s that called? A timer? No, that doesn’t make sense. You know, a thing. I would have kept a thing that reminds you how many of something you have. Like a tally of what you’ve drank. What’s that called?”
“A tally?” Colin asks, clearly amused at my expense.
“Yes. A tally. I would have kept a tally. Wait. Why was I keeping a tally?”
“Because I am the drink police?”
“Yes. You’re the alcohol patrol.”
Before Colin can respond, our friends come back to the table.
“Everything okay?” Liz looks from me to Colin.
“Great.” I follow up my answer with a smile to prove that I’m telling the truth.
“Uh huh.” She sits down beside me, and pats my leg. “I can tell.” She looks at Annie and shakes her head.
I hadn’t noticed it until now, but the place is starting to thin out. Our group is pretty much all there is left. Which means that nobody is doing karaoke.
“I thought we were here for some ‘oke.” I yell, only because I don’t realize how loud my voice is until I’m done saying it.
“You gonna sing?” Colin raises his eyebrows in question. I’m pretty sure it’s a challenge.
“Yes. I am. But not this time. Next time. Someone else go next.”
“I could go. I have a song picked out already.” Annie, who’s had a few drinks herself, starts to fill out her paper.
“What song?” Liz asks while looking over Annie’s shoulder to get a look at what she’s writing.
“Holding Out For a Hero.”
I don’t mean to do it. I really don’t. But as soon as Annie tells us what she is going to sing, I laugh. I can’t help it.
While everyone else looks at me in confusion, Liz, Drew and Colin all have the same look of panic on their faces.
“What’s so funny?” Robin asks, sharing the general bemusement of the table.
“It’s nothing.” No one turns away, so I feel like I am forced to be more specific. “I’m just surprised that you picked that song.”
“Why? It’s like my new motto. I’m tired of guys like James. He was good to me while it worked for him. Next guy is going to be the kind of man that will move mountains for me.”
“Believe me, I don’t think being with a hero is all it’s cracked up to be.”
Damn it. Why do I keep talking?
I look to Liz for help, but she just cocks her head to one side as if she wants to see how I get myself out of this.
“I mean, I don’t know. My guess is that your “hero” will be just like any other guy out there. When it comes down to it they’re still guys. They all have thick skulls.” I glance at Colin who just waves his hand in the air using the universal symbol for ‘go on.’
“I’m just guessing.”
“You’re probably right. But at least he would be muscular.” Annie says. “If nothing else I’d have eye candy.”
“And it would be kinda hot being with someone so powerful.” This time it’s Jane praising the virtues of heroes everywhere. “Power would be good in any number of situations.” The ladies high five each other and laugh.
“Good for lifting heavy things, and opening jars.” Ruth adds, to which Annie nods her head.
I can see out of the corner of my eye that Liz is shaking her head, and probably rolling her eyes. I know she’s thinking the same thing as me.
Colin does not need this kind of attention; even of it’s not directly about him.
Colin is, of course, smiling like this is a personal win. I look at him and scowl, but he just raises and lowers his eyebrows, then gives me a smirk.
“Well, I can think of plenty of reasons why being with a hero is probably no different than being with say Drew or Colin.” I wave my hand in the general direction of the guys, who seem to think this whole thing is funny. Now I just want to sky write all the reasons why women everywhere should steer clear.
“Okay, Lucy, expert on all things superhero, name one reason why being with a heroic man is such bad news.” Robin raises her drink in my direction, giving me the floor.
“Only one? That’s easy.” I direct my statement at Colin, who continues to smile.
Oh, it’s on, Vapor.
“Okay. How many reasons you think you got?” Annie asks.
“I don’t know. You tell me. I can give you three without even thinking about it.” The truth is, I haven’t been thinking about it, so I have no idea what I can come up with. I’m just kind of talking for the sake of talking now.
“Then I think you should do five.” Ruth is enjoying this just as much as everyone else.
“Fine. Five. Whatever.”
I am surprised when Colin joins in. “I will give you a hundred bucks, if you can come up with ten reasons.”
“Easiest hundred I ever made,” I lean back in my chair to show off how easy this is going to be.
This is so not going to be easy.
Chapter Twenty-One
The One Hundred Dollar Mix
“Okay, Lucy school us. Number one.” Annie looks at me expectantly.
I think for a second before saying the first thing that comes to my mind. “Unfortunately, most superheroes don’t get to pick and choose when to use their abilities. Which means they end up being lightning quick at everything.” I look at Colin and give him the same smirk he gave me earlier.
Liz high fives me while Drew looks at Colin for confirmation. Colin subtly, yet vehemently, shakes his head no. This makes me laugh.
“Okay. Number two.” Drew says.
“Guys love to be recognized for their big heroic acts. So as long as it gives them a chance to show how much testosterone they have, they will go to the end of the Earth for you. Which means they will leap tall buildings in a single bound, but if you ask them to take out the trash they suddenly have a headache.”
“You’re probably right.” Annie agrees, while Jane adds, “We’ll hire a maid,” which makes everyone laugh.
“All right. Number three,” I continue. My head is kind of treading water in alcohol, so I take a deep breath before I continue. “Being cunning isn’t always a good thing. You think if Batman had a girlfriend he wouldn’t use his infinite resources to trick her into believing he’s not with Catwoman when he says he’s ‘with the guys?’” I take a drink of water while my friends urge me to continue.
“Number five, “I say before my friends yell, “Number four!”
“Right, number four.”
“It’s hard enough having an argument with a guy when he’s not a superhero. How many times do you think you’re going to hear, ‘oh yeah, well I stopped a runaway train with my bare hands today, so what have you got?’ You’ll never hear the end of it. That guy from X-Men said it himself. ‘Peace was never an option.’ What you don’t know is that he was talking about arguing with his girlfriend.” I look around the group and notice that Colin seems to like that one. He should. He made me watch that movie with him.
/> “Okay, okay. Next one, number…” I rack my brain trying to remember.
“Five!” Everyone yells at the same time.
“Right, five. So, say your guy is into teleportation. Do you think he’s gonna use it to make it to your mother’s dinner party on time? Of course not. He’s going to use it to teleport from his golf league to his bowling league. More time to drink and hang with the guys.”
“That’s not a bad idea.” Drew acts like he’s thinking it over, and Liz smacks him on the arm.
“Well you’re just teleporting yourself right into the doghouse aren’t you?” Liz says.
Drew puts his arms around her, and pulls her close to him. “Go on, Luce. No more interruptions.” Drew nods his head toward me. “Number six.”
“Okay, number six, number six.” I bite the inside of my mouth, trying to come up with my next one. “Oh, Got it. Do you really want to hear the words, ‘Here I come to save the day!’ every night before bed?”
“Seven!” Everyone yells, urging me to continue.
Now I feel like I’m on a roll. “Remember the famous quote, ‘with great power comes mediocre foreplay?’ It’s famous because it’s true.” I subtly glance at Colin, who gives me a look that says, ‘you know that’s not true.’
“Eight!”
“Let’s say for a second your boyfriend is a shape shifter. Do you think he’s going to turn into Channing Tatum for you? Not a chance. He’s going to turn himself into an extra video game controller or a bottle opener. What are you going to do with that?”
“Nine!”
Two more. I can do this.
“Then when your super hero finally invites you to his place, you know what you’re going to expect. The Bat cave, right? Sure there are cool gadgets everywhere, but what you don’t see are all the posters of half naked women and his underwear thrown on the floor, because when it’s his maid’s day off, nothing gets done.”
“Ten!”
I take a deep breath before my last one. “And we have our very own hero, right here in town. The guy who turns invisible. Right, Ruth?” I turn to Ruth who smiles and gives me a thumbs up.
Being Invisible Page 13
