by Nicola Haken
“Well they are,” I replied, answering his unspoken question whether he wanted me to or now. “My mum said she’d always known, and my dad just shook my hand and said ‘fair enough, son. Now sit your arse down before the rugby starts.’”
“Wow,” he breathed, bending forward to pour himself another drink. Leaning across the couch, I put my hand on his shoulder to pull him back.
“That’s not a good idea the night before a live show.”
“You’re probably right,” he agreed, shrugging out of my grasp and continuing to pour the drink. “But lately everything seems like a bad idea, so what the hell.”
I sat back, watching him curiously as he brought the glass to his lips. His tongue darted out a little, as if getting a sneaky taste before the liquid spilled into his mouth and coated it completely. He winced as the shot went down his throat, then after putting his glass back on the table, he just… stared.
“Sit back, Sawyer,” I coaxed, patting the back of the couch. Without looking at me, he did. “Why did you really come here tonight?”
“I just…” He shrugged and then sighed. “Just needed to see you.”
“Why?”
“I think you know why.”
I knew why I hoped he was here, but there was only one way to find out for certain. Scooching closer to him, but not near enough to touch, I leaned forward, my head hovering in the crook of his neck. Inhaling his spicy scent made my dick swell instantly, forcing an involuntary moan from my throat.
“Do you want me to touch you, Sawyer?” I whispered into his ear. “Do you want to feel my mouth on you again?”
“I-I…I don’t know,” he stuttered, the pain of the decision evident in his expression. Standing up, I started unbuttoning my shirt.
“I’m going for a shower and then bed. Join me, or don’t. The decision is yours, Sawyer.” Slowly lifting my shirt over my head and tossing it to the floor, I saw Sawyer mulling his options over in his head, and given the fact his eyes didn’t once shift from my bare chest, I knew he would be joining me in the shower very shortly.
After folding my pants and stripping myself free of socks and underwear, I stepped under the steaming spray and let it wash over my body. My dick had been hard since the moment Sawyer arrived at my door, and it took all the self-restraint I had not to grab hold of it and relieve the pressure.
I was applying shampoo to my short hair when I heard the door creak open. I didn’t turn around - I just waited. After several minutes, curiosity got the better of me, and I turned my body to find him standing in the doorway with an almost guilty expression distorting his beautiful face.
Wordlessly, I stepped back a little and opened the shower door, holding my hand out for him. I saw him gulp, forcing his Adam’s apple up and down, and then after taking a deep breath, he slowly began to undress himself. I’d seen him shirtless in magazines, and from afar when I saw the band live last time they were in Australia… but none of those situations gave his body the justice it deserves. In the flesh, just a couple of feet away from me, he took my breath away.
But that was nothing compared to the way my breath caught in my throat when he nervously rolled his pants down and then peeled his tight boxer shorts away from his body. He was already hard for me, just like I knew he would be. He strode cautiously towards me, never taking his eyes off mine, and when he placed his hand in mine, I had never felt so complete.
“You’re so beautiful,” I told him, pulling him closer and letting the warm water rain down over both of us. His body stiffened when I gently gripped his hips, holding him to me while my mouth inched closer to his. “Relax, Sawyer,” I whispered, and then I sealed my lips to his. It took him a few seconds to reciprocate, but soon enough his lips parted enough for me to dip my tongue inside.
I tried to take my time, to savour the taste of him… but I needed him too badly. Angling my head to one side, I licked and sucked at his mouth like I was trying to devour him. Then, still digging my fingers into his hips, I kissed along the coarse stubble on his jaw, before settling on his neck and giving the sensitive flesh a soft nip with my teeth.
“I’m going to suck you now,” I growled into his neck. “I’m going to be harsh and fast because I need to taste you so badly. But when I’m finished, I’m going to take you into the bedroom and take my time with you. Do you want that, Sawyer? Do you want to feel my mouth on you?”
Sawyer’s stubble grazed against my own as he nodded weakly. He was still unsure, and I planned to change that by the end of the night. Dropping slowly to my knees, I ran my hands down the firmness of his body. Droplets of water clung to the contours of his sharply defined muscles, before losing their grip and rolling gracefully down his body. Taking hold of his cock in my hand, I swiftly licked the droplets of water from the tip before they had a chance to fall. He groaned in response, making me more impatient than ever.
I took him all the way into my mouth, and immediately got the response I’d been craving this afternoon.
“Oh fuck…” he moaned, twisting his hands into my hair. That simple touch, that purposeful contact, spurred me on and I tightened my lips around him, taking him to the back of my throat. The water continued to cascade over our bodies while I sucked him, creating all the moisture I needed to run my fingers between his firm, toned cheeks and apply pressure to the tight ring of muscle. “Jesus, Jake…”
“One day, I’m going to fuck you so hard here, baby,” I said, releasing his cock from my mouth and pushing one finger just barely inside. Again he tensed, but when I took him in my mouth for the last time and wrapped my fingers around the base of his cock, pumping him fast and firm… he instantly relaxed. My own cock was throbbing, begging for similar attention, but I pushed my own needs aside, focusing solely on the man I loved, but who as yet, didn’t love me.
His fingers wound tighter in my hair, encouraging the movement of my head and increasing my speed.
“P-please, Jake…” he begged, his voice breathless. “I’m so close.”
In my head I said ‘I’ve got you, baby’ but outwardly, I sucked harder – swirling my tongue around his moist tip with every withdraw. His balls tightened, drawing up into his body. Knowing how close he was, I bared my teeth, grazing them gently along his shaft as I forced him so deep into my mouth I struggled to breathe past the thickness of him.
“Oh, fuck! Fuck! I’m gonna come, Jake…” And he did. Spurts of creamy warmth shot to the back of my throat and I swallowed it down, sucking the last drops straight out of his cock.
I kept him there until he started to soften, then I rose to my feet, sliding my hands up the sides of his delicious body as I did. Frustration set in when my face levelled with his and I saw he was looking guiltily to the floor.
“No,” I said firmly, grabbing his chin between my thumb and forefinger, forcing him to look at me. “No regrets, Sawyer. No doubts. Not tonight.” I reached out with my spare hand and shut the water off. Then I leaned in closer so my nose brushed his. “You won’t think about anyone else but yourself tonight. Do you hear me, Sawyer? You will only think about how you’re feeling, what you’re feeling… concentrate on the physical pleasure, baby. Leave everything else until tomorrow.”
“This is wrong. You could be fired…”
“Come to bed with me,” I said, placing my finger over his lips and ignoring his concerns. “I want you to touch me. I need to feel you. Will you do that for me, Sawyer?” I spoke into his neck, and then laid feather-light kisses across his jaw.
“Yes,” he breathed. “I’ll try.”
We dried ourselves off with towels, never taking our eyes off each other as we did. I had my own gown, and Sawyer slipped into the complimentary one hanging on the back of the bathroom door. Then I led him to the bedroom, glancing behind me every few steps to make sure he was still following. He was still so nervous when we reached the bed, I’d never known him be so quiet and I looked forward to calming those doubts that were so obviously running riot in his mind.
; “Lie on the bed,” I said. He swallowed nervously, he did that a lot lately, and then he did. He lay on the mattress and stretched his body out straight, propping himself up on his elbow and resting his head on his hand. I crawled up next to him, lying on my side so I could stare into those hypnotic caramel eyes of his. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I’m thinking I shouldn’t be here, but also that I don’t want to be anywhere else. I feel nervous, excited, satisfied but ashamed. I’m thinking I don’t know why the pull I feel towards you is so intense, and I’m thinking I don’t have the strength to keep fighting it any longer.”
“I’m glad you feel it too,” I whispered. “The pull. I’ve felt it since we were teenagers, Sawyer, and even though we’ve been apart for so many years, it’s only grown stronger.”
“I don’t want to be like this though.”
“Like what? Gay?”
“Yes,” he said simply, closing his eyes in shame. “All this… I don’t know… confusion, it’s kid stuff, right? Shouldn’t I have been going through all this shit when I was younger? I’m a grown man. I’m too old to be having doubts like this.”
“Everybody deals with stuff in their own time. Coming out isn’t a race, Sawyer.”
“Whoa…” He shook his head defiantly. “I can’t- I mean I’ll never… no one can ever know about this, Jake.”
They have to, I thought to myself. One day, I want to hold this beautiful man proudly on my arm. I want the whole world to know he’s mine.
“It’s too early to think about that right now. You have to accept yourself before you can expect other people to accept you too.”
“I’m serious. You need to know this now. You can’t ever expect to have any kind of… relationship with me.”
“We’ve gotten off track,” I said, dismissing him. “Tonight is about having fun. Let’s not ruin it by getting so serious.” Closing his eyes briefly, Sawyer nodded. Needing to get him back into the mindset he was in during our shower, I draped an arm over his hip, smoothing my hand up and down his broad back through his robe. “I want you to kiss me again.”
Without saying a word, and for the first time without swallowing nervously, he inched his face closer to mine and cupped the back of my neck with his hand. He instigated it this time. His tongue swept over my closed lips, teasing for entry into my mouth. I parted my lips for him, and his tongue delved inside, dancing with mine as he tightened his grip around my neck, urging me closer to him.
Unable to hold back any longer, I started undoing the knot in his robe, teasing it open with deft fingers and pushing the towelling fabric open so it draped behind him on the bed.
“So fucking perfect,” I moaned into his mouth, trailing my fingertips along the hard ridges of muscle cocooning his chest, tracing the outlines of what can only be described as exquisite pieces of artwork decorating his skin. Slowly, I worked my way down to his semi-erect cock, curling my fingers around it and smiling as it hardened instantly at my touch.
“No,” Sawyer interjected, grabbing my hand and pulling it up to his chest. “I…I want to touch you this time.”
Sighing in anticipation, I opened my robe and shuffled out of it, tossing it to the floor behind me. Sawyer did the same before bringing his naked body close to mine, pressing our chests together. Placing his hands on my torso, he closed his eyes and let out a heavy, almost pained sigh.
“What’s wrong?” I asked gently, wrapping my hand around his and encouraging him to smooth it across my chest.
“I, um, well I’ve never… touched a man this way before,” he admitted, his eyes sweeping the mattress in embarrassment.
“You’ve never experimented before?”
“There were a couple of guys in college,” he confessed, shrugging. “But… they touched me – never the other way round. To touch them would’ve felt too…” he trailed off, unable to find the word.
“Gay?”
“Something like that.”
“Are you saying no one has ever been here?” I asked, sneaking my hand between his pressed together thighs, encouraging him to part them before circling his puckered rim with the tip of my finger. He shook his head, refusing eye-contact with me. I grinned devilishly at him, and then buried my face in his neck. “I will be going there, baby. Not yet. Not tonight. But soon.”
Biting his bottom lip, Sawyer’s hand slipped free from mine and started wandering cautiously down my body. He stopped just above my pubic bone and inhaled a deep, somewhat anxious breath.
“Just think about how you like to be touched, Sawyer. There’s no wrong way to do it. Just feel me.” I sucked in a sharp breath when the back of his fingers brushed against the tip of my rigid cock. I’d dreamt about feeling this man’s hands on me too many times to count in my life, yet nothing could’ve prepared me for just how wonderful it felt – how intense, how fucking perfect. “Yes,” I hissed, arching myself further into his hand. “Just like that, baby.”
Starting slowly, he stroked my cock up and down, his eyes boring into mine as if he were assessing my reaction. Gradually his confidence started to grow, evident by the increasing speed of his hand. My breathing quickened and I reached out to touch him. Palming his cheek with my hand, I poured my emotions out through my eyes – my intense gaze showing how much I wanted him, needed him.
“I want to give you what you gave me,” he said uncertainly.
“You don’t have to do that,” I assured him. “This is about relaxing you, Sawyer. Showing you how good things can be.”
“I want to,” he said firmly. “I just don’t know if I’ll be any good.”
“Baby,” I began, rolling over slightly so I could take his face in my hands. I ran my thumbs along his jaw in the direction of his stubble, and locked my eyes onto his. “I have wanted you for so damn long, Sawyer Antony Knight. Believe me, I risk exploding into your mouth the second your tongue touches me. It doesn’t matter how you do it, the fact that it’s you down there will make it the best fucking blowjob of my life.”
Without saying a word, Sawyer shuffled down the bed, positioned himself between my open legs and wasted no time in flicking the swollen head of my cock with his tongue.
Sweet fucking hell…
My hips bucked involuntarily, and I saw a proud smile curl the corners of his lips. I let out a satisfied growl, clenching my teeth together.
“Seriously, baby… I can’t hold out long,” I breathed, fisting his hair between my fingers. “Not with you… your mouth feels too fucking amazing.”
Glancing up at me, he took my whole length into his warm, moist mouth before dragging his lips all the way back up to the top. When he released me, I noticed a glistening bead of pre-cum leak from the tip and without hesitation his tongue darted out to catch it. I caught sight of his eyebrows rise slightly, almost as if he was pleasantly surprised by the taste.
“Please, Sawyer,” I whimpered. “Take me all the way, baby.”
Closing his eyes, he drew me back into his mouth, circling his thumb and forefinger around the base and gripping me tightly. He worked his mouth up and down along with his fingers, then his free hand cupped my balls, massaging them with his thumb into his palm.
“Yes,” I murmured, digging my arse into the bed and forcing myself deeper into his mouth. “Faster, baby…” Doing as I asked, his head bobbed up and down and as I gripped his hair with my fingers, I couldn’t take my eyes off his movement. Sawyer Knight, my Sawyer Knight – not the one the world thought they owned – was sucking my dick, and he was so fucking stunning it sent me spiralling towards the edge. The violent tingle of my impeding orgasm began in my spine, then it spread to my hips before surging downwards, drawing my throbbing balls up into my body.
“If you don’t want me to come in your mouth, you need to move away now,” I ground out through gritted teeth. He didn’t move, just sucked harder. “Fuck, Sawyer… God yes, baby…Fuck!” I came with a deep moan, pouring myself into his mouth, my cock pulsating against his tongue. Only when
I’d completely finished ejaculating did he remove his mouth, and then, wiping the corners of his lips on the back of his hand, he looked up at me with a nervous gaze.
“That was fucking amazing,” I said, easing the anxious glint in his eyes somewhat. “Did you enjoy doing it?” I added curiously. Scooting back up to the top of the bed, he collapsed onto his back.
“Yes,” he admitted. “And I can’t wait to do it again. It felt… right.” My heart vibrated in my chest, the reverberations spreading throughout my entire body. I sensed a hint of regret, maybe even fear in his voice, but I dismissed it. I couldn’t expect him to be okay with this so quickly – in fact I was still in a state of shock that I’d managed to get him into my bed so quickly. I knew before I even took this job he would resist, and I honestly thought it would take a few months to crack him.
I never doubted that I would crack him however. I remember our first kiss like it was ten days ago, not ten years. I felt how much he wanted it – wanted me. Plus there are the rumours in the media. During the last couple of years a couple of kiss and tell stories have managed to get to print before the band’s management have been able to get an injunction against them. There’s no smoke without fire, right?
“Tasted better than I thought it would too,” Sawyer added with a lopsided smile. “But… I guess I should get going now.”
“No, wait,” I said quickly, grabbing onto his forearm. “Stay a while? Let me hold you… sleep next to you.”
“I can’t. Someone might see me leaving your room if I’m still here in the morning.”
“I’ll set the alarm for a couple of hours time. You can leave while it’s still the middle of the night, just please, lie with me for a little while.”
“Okay,” he breathed. And it was the sweetest word I’d ever heard in my life. Hitching myself up a little and rolling onto my back, I laid out one of my arms for him to snuggle into. Without a second’s hesitation, he shifted closer and rested his head on my chest. I closed my arm around him, lowering my head and nuzzling his hair.
