He let the dirt sift through his fingers as he stared at the small, plain, square concrete marker that poked out of the ground. Through the blur of his tears he remembered the last words Levi said to him. “I promise, bruder,” Gabe croaked. “I promise I will spend the rest of my life taking care of Moriah.” He stood, then slowly made his way to his buggy and climbed inside. Taking one last look at Levi’s final resting place, he chirruped to his horse and headed back home.
Moriah instantly came to his mind, and he wondered how he could possibly keep the promise he had made. She had just lost her husband—twice. No one would expect her to turn around and accept someone else, especially her former brother-in-law.
But he had given his brother his word, and he would honor it. He had always stood by a promise, and firmly believed that a man should stand by what he says. Gabe would see to it that Moriah and her child would be cared for. He would do everything in his power to make that happen.
He pulled into the front of his house, and took in the numerous buggies that filled the driveway and spilled out onto the yard. He’d have to park close to his neighbor’s house, but he didn’t care. He took comfort in the support the community offered Moriah and his father. They would need it. They would all need it.
“Danki. Thanks for coming.” Moriah said. She’d repeated those words so many times they reverberated in her head. Her body and mind both felt numb. Eventually she would appreciate the outpouring of support from everyone, but right now she just wanted to be alone.
“You’ve been on your feet all day.” Her mother came up beside her and put her arm around her shoulders. “I know you’re exhausted, so don’t try to tell me that you’re not. Have you eaten anything?”
“Nee.”
The low hum of the conversation dropped as the front door opened. Gabe entered, his complexion gray, his eyes red. He was the last to arrive, and she suspected he had spent some time alone at Levi’s grave. She’d heard the twin bond was stronger than that between other siblings. If Gabe’s visage was any indication, it was true.
Their gazes met as he made his way across the room. He thanked several people along the way as they gave him their sympathies, but he kept moving toward Moriah and didn’t stop until he was right in front of her.
“I’ll go check on the sandwiches,” Emma said, stepping to the side. “Sarah said she was going to make some more. She could probably use the help. And please, try to eat something.”
“I will.”
When Emma disappeared, Gabe asked, “How are you holding up?”
Moriah shrugged. “Best I can. You?”
“Same thing. Have you seen Daed?”
“He’s in the dawdi haus with some of his friends. The company started to overwhelm him, I think.”
“I should go see how he is.” But Gabe didn’t move. Instead, he looked at her, biting his bottom lip. “I don’t want to leave you alone, but I need to check on Daed.”
She offered him a weak smile. “Gabriel, this house is full of people. I’m hardly alone.”
He looked sheepish. “Right. Didn’t think about that.” He gave her one last look, then turned and headed to see his father.
Moriah scanned the room, taking in all the friends and family who were giving their support. But despite their presence, despite reassuring Gabriel that he wasn’t deserting her, she had been wrong. She’d never felt more alone in her life.
Gabe sat in the old handhewn rocker his grandfather had made over fifty years ago, watching the glowing coals of the woodstove. The sun had set hours ago, but he couldn’t sleep. He had decided to stay in the dawdi haus with his father, who’d retired soon after their company had left. He remained partly to keep an eye on Daed, and partly because he couldn’t bear to stay alone in the main house.
Now he rocked in the chair, trying to settle the turmoil inside him. Memories of his brother continually surfaced in his mind. He remembered the tire swing their father had hung on the huge oak tree in their backyard. Every fall he and Levi would rake the leaves into a big pile and then compete to see who could swing higher before letting go and landing in the soft, musty leaves. He could still see the look of triumph on Levi’s face every time he won. The memory brought a fresh wave of pain, added another layer of regret.
How was he supposed to survive this?
The sound of his father’s shuffling footsteps caused him to sit up straight. He wiped his wet eyes with his hand as John entered the room.
“You shouldn’t be sitting here in the dark, Gabriel.” He turned on the gas lamp.
“And you should be resting.” Gabe shot up from his chair and went to his father, who waved him off.
“I’ve been resting.” John lowered himself onto the couch, then patted the seat next to him. “Let’s talk. We haven’t done that in quite awhile.”
Gabe sat next to him, then leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, letting his loosely clasped hands dangle between them. He tilted his head and looked at his father. “You surprise me,” he admitted.
“How so?”
“The way you’re handling all of this. I remember when Levi left . . . how hard it was on you.”
“This is hard too, Gabriel. Very hard. My son died. I won’t see him until I get to heaven, God willing. But even though it breaks my heart, I can find some peace in that.” He looked at Gabe intently. “When Levi left, he turned his back on the church. That burden was almost too great to bear.”
“But you did.”
“I only seemed to. You can’t live stewing in grief forever. I learned that when your mami died. A person’s got to move on, live his life following God’s lead. But that didn’t mean I didn’t spend every night on my knees praying for my boy.”
Gabe stared down at the polished wood floor. “I should have done that. I should have done more.”
John patted him on the back. “Don’t let regrets tear you up inside, Gabriel. Levi wouldn’t want that.”
Lifting his head, Gabe said, “No, he wouldn’t.”
“Keep remembering that Levi came back to God. I have no doubt he would have come back to us too.”
“How can you be so sure he came back to God?”
“Because of what he said. He asked my forgiveness—our forgiveness. He had already been forgiven by the Lord. I truly believe that.”
To his surprise, Gabe did find comfort in his father’s words. To know that his brother had made things right with the Lord brought a semblance of peace to his soul.
“There’s something else troubling you,” John said.
Gabe’s head jerked in his father’s direction. “How did you know?”
“Most of the time you’re hard to read, but tonight you’re an open book. Levi said something to you. Is that what’s bothering you?”
“Ya.” Gabe sat back and settled himself more firmly on the couch. “He asked me to take care of Moriah and the baby. But I don’t understand why.”
“Probably because he knows you’re the best man for her.”
Gabe sat forward, gaping at John. “What do you mean?”
“I know you love her. I suspect Levi knew that too. And for some reason you’ve chosen to keep that a secret from her.”
“She was in love with my brother, Daed. And I thought he loved her. I didn’t want to cause any trouble for them.”
“But what about you? Did you plan to spend the rest of your life pining for your brother’s wife?”
“Of course not! I would have found someone else . . . eventually.” But he knew the words were a lie. He had never wanted to be with anyone else. “That doesn’t matter now. I promised Levi I’d be there for Moriah, but I don’t know how that’s possible.”
“Why not?”
His father must have lost his mind. “Daed, she’s newly widowed. She was married to my brother, who is my identical twin. I’ll just be a reminder of what she’s lost.”
“Then you’ll just have to convince her otherwise.” John yawned. “Pray about it, Gabriel
. With God, anything is possible. Even what seems impossible.” He stood. “I’m more worn out than I thought. I’m going to bed, and I suggest you do the same.”
Gabe nodded. He waited a little while longer after John left before heading to his room. He stripped down to his long johns and climbed into bed, sliding between the cold sheets. Both his father and his brother had known about his feelings for Moriah. So much for keeping them hidden. Suddenly, a thought occurred to him, causing him to sit upright.
Did Moriah know?
He panicked for a moment, then calmed down. She couldn’t possibly know how he felt. If she did he would have known, or at least sensed it. She would have kept her distance from him, something he continually failed to do.
Lying back down, he decided to take his daed’s advice and pray about it. He couldn’t fulfill his promise to Levi without some divine intervention.
Chapter 12
Moriah perused the bolts of soft pastel fabric neatly lined up in rows in her cousin’s fabric store. She had decided to make a baby quilt, even though she had done little quilting before. Her sewing consisted of making clothing, mostly her own and baby clothes.
After selecting a combination of pale blue, green, and yellow, she picked up a couple spools of thread and a packet of needles, then went to the front of the store to check out. The store was empty this afternoon, and her cousin Mary was sitting behind the cutting table engrossed in a book.
“Find what you need?” Mary set her book down and picked up a pair of shears from a box near the table.
Moriah set the bolts of fabric down. “Ya. I need a yard of each.”
“Okay.” Mary took the fabric and started to measure it out, talking as she worked. “How have you been doing?”
“I’m all right. Keep myself busy.”
“I’ve been meaning to get over to see you,” Mary said, not looking up. She slid the sharp scissors down the width of the blue fabric, separating it from the bolt. “I’m sorry, but things have been real hectic here lately.” A flush appeared on her face as she glanced at Moriah. “Except for today. For some reason it’s really slow. Could be because it’s a nice summer day. June is always one of the best months, I think.”
Moriah nodded. “That’s all right. You can stop by anytime.” She’d had few visitors since Levi’s death almost a month ago. At first that had been fine with her; she had appreciated the time alone. But now she wished for some company other than her immediate family. And of course Gabriel. He had been paying visits to her on a regular basis. She assured him everything was all right with the baby, but he still insisted on visiting every other day. She wasn’t sure what to make of that.
“Danki,” Mary said, putting the last yard of cloth in a white plastic bag. “I will.”
Once outside, she put her bag in the buggy and began to step inside when a sharp pain zigzagged across her abdomen. Instinctively she put her hand on her stomach, and the spasm soon subsided. The door to the shop behind her opened, and Mary came rushing to her side.
“Are you all right? I saw you through the window. What happened?”
Moriah straightened, expecting to feel another spiky twinge and was relieved when she didn’t. “I don’t know,” she said. “I just had this sudden pain, and now it’s gone.”
Mary’s expression relaxed. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I got those with my children every once in a while. But if it keeps happening, make sure you let someone know. Are you using a midwife?”
“Ya.”
“Next time you see her you might want to mention it. Now, go on home, have some tea, and unwind.”
“Danki. I’ll do that.”
As she headed home, Moriah tried to stem her worry. Despite her cousin’s reassurances, she couldn’t help but be concerned. Her baby was everything to her. She couldn’t bear if something happened to her child. Not when she had lost everything else.
Rachel plopped down on her bed and opened one of the new books she’d purchased from the gift shop at the restaurant. She didn’t read many novels, but this one looked kind of interesting and featured Amish characters. And a romance. “Might as well get some romance somewhere,” she mumbled as she turned to the first chapter. “It’s not like I’ve got any in my life.” If she was lucky, she might also learn a thing or two.
Very little time elapsed before she put the book down. Her mind had wandered too much, and she’d ended up reading the second page three times, only to realize she still didn’t know what it was about. Shoving the book aside, she flipped over and lay on her stomach, resting her chin on top of her clasped hands. An unsettled feeling came over her.
Christian had been gone about two months now. The Monday after the buggy incident with Tobias, he’d called the restaurant using a neighbor’s phone and told her he decided to stay in Charm for a couple more weeks and work on his aunt’s farm. He wasn’t any more specific than that about his return. Even though he had written her a couple of very brief letters, she felt their relationship was spinning in circles again. How were they ever going to get to know each other better if they spent all of their time apart?
She hated to admit that a part of her was glad he hadn’t come back right away. She wasn’t sure how she was going to face him after kissing Tobias.
But it was only one teeny, tiny kiss, and that’s all it would ever be. Never mind that it was a kiss she still relived in her mind, nearly every night in her dreams.
A glance at the clock told her it was 1:00 p.m. Yesterday she and her mother had tended both the flower and the vegetable garden, and the lawn didn’t need mowing or edging either. The day was too nice to spend inside. Scrambling off her bed, she fixed her kapp and straightened the white ribbons. She had to find something productive to do or she’d go crazy.
As she made her way downstairs, a thought occurred to her. She would visit Moriah Miller. She hadn’t seen her since Levi had passed away a few weeks ago. What a tragedy. The circumstances surrounding his death had been so sad; her heart had gone out to Moriah.
A stab of guilt pricked at her. She should have visited Moriah long before now. Although their mothers were close friends, she and Moriah had never been. During visits to the Bylers’, Rachel often played outside with Tobias and his brothers, while Moriah had preferred to be inside with her mother.
The thought that Tobias might be there, and that she might run into him, crossed her mind, but she shoved it out of the way. She wasn’t going there to see him; she was lending her support to Moriah. But if she did happen to catch a glimpse of him . . .
Good grief, she was hopeless.
She rushed downstairs and headed for the kitchen. Warm summer sunlight streamed through the open window, illuminating the kitchen. Rachel enjoyed the warmer months of the year. They used the gas lamps and woodstoves less, and the windows were wide open, letting in fresh air. Her mother sat at the kitchen table, sorting through index cards of recipes.
“Where are you off to?” Sarah asked, examining a dog-eared card.
“I thought I’d visit Moriah Miller today.”
Sarah put the card down and smiled. “I think that’s a wonderful idea. I know Emma’s been worried about her.” She clucked her tongue. “Poor thing. She’s such a sweet girl, and has been through so much.”
Rachel nodded. “I won’t be gone long, just a couple of hours.”
Sarah picked up another card. “Let her know my prayers are with her.”
“I will.”
Half an hour later Rachel pulled her buggy into the Bylers’ driveway. As she maneuvered her horse to the parking area next to the woodshop, she saw Emma leaving her house.
“Hello, Rachel!” Emma walked down the porch steps and met Rachel at her buggy. “What brings you by?”
“I came to visit Moriah. Is she home?”
“Oh, you just missed her. She’s at the Millers’.” Her expression sobered. “She said something about cleaning their house and making some meals for Gabriel and John. I tried to talk her out of i
t.”
“Why?”
“She’s been working hard lately, especially since Levi’s death.” Emma crossed her thin arms over her chest and sighed. “I don’t want to see anything happen to her or the boppli.”
“I’ll be glad to help her, Frau Byler.”
“That would be wonderful, Rachel. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you stop over there for a bit. In fact, I think she’d be delighted.”
“Danki. I’ll do that.”
A little while later she arrived at the Millers’, eager to help Moriah. After tethering her horse, she caught sight of her brother emptying a barrel of trash into a small dumpster behind the shop. If she had seen him infrequently before he had started working for Gabriel, now she saw him even less. He left before she awakened, and always went to the job on foot, which was a good three-mile walk. So far he’d managed to keep the job for a couple months, something he never would have been able to do when he was using drugs.
Still, despite this positive aspect of his life, she felt more disconnected from him than ever. He was more reticent lately. Before his arrest, he and their father had shouting matches, with Aaron’s anger verging on physical violence. Yet since his return he had been a model son, albeit a nearly silent one. She’d considered talking to him once, not just words in passing but a real conversation. But Aaron was even less approachable now than he’d been when he first came home, and she wasn’t sure what she should say to him. So she didn’t say anything.
As if he sensed someone watching him, Aaron glanced at her over his shoulder. He gave her an imperceptible nod, as if she were no more familiar than a stranger, and went back in the shop.
His emotional distance stung. Suddenly, an overwhelming sense of rejection consumed her. Everyone wanted to keep their distance from her—her brother, Christian, even Tobias had been cursorily polite to her the few times she had seen him. What was wrong with her? “Rachel? Is that you?”
The Hearts of Middlefield Collection Page 17
