“Elisabeth, don’t cry. It will be okay.” He moved closer to her. “I’ll make sure of it.”
“Aaron.” She blinked back the tears. “You don’t have to do this.”
“I know I don’t. But I want to.”
“Nee, I mean you really don’t.” She let out a deep breath. “I’m not pregnant.”
Confusion crossed his features. “You’re not? Then why did you get a pregnancy test?”
“It’s not for me. For someone else.”
He paused, clearly deep in thought. “Deborah.”
Elisabeth nodded.
“That’s why she was so upset last week.”
“Ya. But you can’t say a word. She asked me to keep it a secret.”
“I won’t.” He crossed the barn and sat on one of the square hay bales in the corner. She could hear him sigh with relief. Walking over, she joined him. “I can’t believe you thought I was pregnant.”
He glanced at her. “I saw you and Chase coming out from behind the bales. You were upset that night.”
“I remember.”
“You wouldn’t tell me why, and I didn’t want to pry. Then I saw the receipt for the test.” He grimaced. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.”
“I’m not mad. I can see why you would have thought that.” She untied the black strings of her bonnet and pulled it off. “And you were partly right about Chase. He took me behind the hay bales. Then he kissed me.”
“He did?”
Elisabeth noticed Aaron had practically folded the brim of his hat in half, his knuckles white from the strain. She reached over and took the hat from him before he destroyed it. “More like he tried. I bit his lip and then kicked him in the shin so he stopped.”
Aaron’s brows lifted. “That’s why he was limping when I saw him.”
“Yep. And that’s why I was upset. Not only did I have a terrible time, but he put alcohol in my drink and then kissed me.” She scowled at the memory. “It was gross.”
Aaron grinned. “Really?”
“Really. Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t think kissing itself is gross.”
His brows lifted higher, but his eyes were filled with mirth.
“But kissing Chase?” She shivered. “Ugh. What’s so funny?”
He laughed. “You.” He smiled. “I can’t believe you’re talking to me about kissing.”
“Well, you did just ask me to marry you. Which is just as ridiculous.”
His expression suddenly sobered. “I meant it. I would have married you, Elisabeth. I wouldn’t have let you geh through that alone.”
Her heart swelled. “I can’t believe you would have done that for me.”
“Why not?”
“Because it wouldn’t have been fair to you.”
“It was my idea, remember?”
“But what about you? You don’t love me, do you?”
His eyes widened with surprise. “Do I love you?” He looked away for a moment, and she had her answer before he even spoke.
“See. That’s why I would have never married you. I wouldn’t let you be stuck in a loveless marriage. You deserve more than that. Much more.”
“I care about you, Elisabeth. That would be enough for me.”
Their gazes met, and a shiver coursed through her body. Daisy nickered in her stall, and the scent of hay and animals surrounded them. But she barely noticed, her mind replaying his words. He cared for her, and she realized she cared for him. A few months ago she would have never believed that Aaron Detweiler would become her best friend. But he was. Today had proved that.
He cleared his throat and looked down at the ground. “I’m sorry about your friend. What’s she going to do?”
Elisabeth shrugged. “I’m not sure. But something happened when she told Chase about the boppli. He was horrible to her, but after he left she seemed really calm. She told me she has a lot of praying to do. I’m hoping she’ll lean on the Lord.”
“Me too. He got me through my time in jail and rehab. I wouldn’t have been able to make it without him.”
“Then maybe that’s why you had to geh through it.”
He picked up a piece of hay and twirled it in his fingers. “Makes sense. Reminds me of when I’m working at the forge. That’s probably why I enjoy my work so much. With the heat and pressure, I can turn a plain rod of iron into something useful. I think God does that with us.” He looked up at her. “Obviously I’m still a work in progress.”
“I think you’ve turned out pretty gut.”
“Danki. You’re not so bad yourself.”
“God’s still working on me too.” She looked down at her hands, which still held his black hat. She ran her finger across the brim.
Aaron put the hay in between his teeth and stood up, then turned around. He held out his hand to her.
Realizing he wanted his hat back, she handed it to him. He put it on his head, pushing the brim back the way he liked to wear it. A smile played on his lips, and he held out his hand to her again. “Want to geh skating?”
“Now? It’s almost dark.”
“We have some time. I’ll teach you how to skate backward.”
She slipped her hand in his. “Don’t you think I should figure out frontwards first?”
Lukas tugged his black coat closer to his body as he unhitched his horse from the post next to the woodshop. Another busy but satisfying day. Yes, he was tired, but it was a good kind of tired, one that came from doing hard work. He looked forward to going over to the Eshes’ for supper tonight. Anna had invited him yesterday after he’d dropped her off at home after work. He couldn’t wait to see her. He also couldn’t wait until he could see her every day as his wife. They had planned to announce their engagement in church this Sunday. A few weeks later, they would be married.
He moved to climb in his buggy, then saw Elisabeth and Aaron coming out of the barn laughing. He looked at them for a moment. They had grown pretty close since she’d started working at Gabe’s shop. Still, he couldn’t imagine them as a couple. Their personalities were so different. Then again, it wasn’t as if you could plan to fall in love. He hadn’t expected to fall for Anna so quickly.
The sun hovered just above the horizon by the time he reached the Eshes’. Although he and Zeb had done a lot of work on the place over the past couple months, he could still see things that needed repair. The house wasn’t only old, it was big, with several out buildings scattered on the acreage. Inside the house was neat and tidy, but the kitchen cabinets were outdated, the railing on the stairs was warped, and the wood flooring needed to be redone. Much like Esh’s Amish Goods, the house needed a face-lift. Because of this, it made sense for him to move in with the Eshes after they married. He had been over there so much lately he’d already started to think of it as home.
The scent of pork roast and potatoes hit him when he walked inside. He found Edna in the kitchen, adding a couple shakes of pepper to the stew pot.
“Guten owed, Lukas.” Edna turned to him and smiled, then pushed up her silver wire-rimmed glasses. “I’m glad you could join us tonight. Did you have a gut day?”
“Ya. Busy, but gut. Where’s Anna?”
Edna’s brows furrowed, but only for a moment. She smiled briefly and turned back to the stew. “She’s lying down upstairs.”
He frowned. “Is she feeling all right?”
“Oh, ya. She’s feeling fine. Just a little tired this afternoon. I’ll geh get her.”
Lukas sat down at the kitchen table and crossed his leg over his knee. A few moments later Anna appeared. He noticed the faint shadows underneath her eyes, along with the fatigue lining her face. He’d never seen her so tired. “Anna, is everything okay?”
“Ya,” she said quickly, coming into the kitchen. She smiled, then went to the stove to check on the stew. “Everything’s fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I am. Why would you think I wouldn’t be?”
“I’ve never known you
to take naps in the afternoon before.”
She looked at him and smirked. “You don’t know everything about me, Lukas.”
He rose from the table. “Not yet. But I intend to.” He smiled before moving to stand beside her. He leaned over and breathed in the delicious aroma from the stew. He looked at her profile, realizing she seemed pale. Putting his hand on her shoulder, he said, “Anna, you would tell me if there was something wrong, wouldn’t you?”
She nodded, her eyes steadily meeting his. “Of course. But there’s nothing to tell. I had a long day at work. That’s all.”
“Maybe you should hire someone to help now that Ruth has gone back to school.”
“I can’t really afford it right now. We had a gut day today, but business has gone down since the holidays.” She moved from the stove to the cabinet and pulled out a glass. She walked to the sink to fill it with water.
Lukas followed her. “You don’t have to worry about money anymore. Once we’re married, you’ll be able to hire someone full-time to take your place.”
“You want me to quit working?”
“Eventually. Ya. It’s what Amish do, Anna. You know that.”
“But what about my business? You can’t expect me to abandon it?”
Lukas could hear the panic and frustration in her voice. “Nee, not at all. You’ll still own the business but hire others to work for you. Like my sister Ruth. There are many young women in Middlefield who would be happy to have a job.”
“But Lukas . . . what if I don’t want to leave?”
He frowned, not expecting her answer. As was the Amish way, young women worked outside the home until they married, or at least until their first child was born. Then they stayed home and focused on raising the children and taking care of the house and family. While they might have an income-producing job— such as making homemade goods like jams, baked items, and handicrafts—the sale of the items would also be done from the home so that the mothers would be free to tend to the work at home.
“I don’t see how you could stay. Who would watch the boppli? Your mudder has her hands full with Zeb, and you couldn’t take the kinn to work with you. And when the next boppli comes, can’t you see how impossible that would be?”
She turned her back to him, preventing him from seeing her reaction. “You’re right,” she said, her voice barely audible.
He put his hands on her shoulders and guided her to face him. “We don’t have to talk about this now. And I don’t want to fight, or see you upset.”
She nodded, then suddenly let out a light gasp, causing her to reach out and grip his arm.
“Anna,” he said, bewildered and concerned.
“It’s . . . nothing.” She straightened. But it had taken several seconds for her to do so.
“You’re in pain. I can see it.”
“Just a twinge. You know, like a muscle spasm. Everyone gets those.” She held out her arms and stepped back. Then she picked up her water and took a sip. “See? I’m fine.” She smiled at him. “Now, let’s go get something to eat before the food gets cold. Besides, you know Onkel Zeb. He’s likely to start without us.”
“He’s not one to wait to eat, is he?” Lukas chuckled, but he was still a little worried, despite her reassurances that she was all right.
“Nee. He never has been. Part of being a bachelor all his life, I guess. He’s used to only thinking of himself.” Anna frowned. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. You know Onkel Zeb isn’t a selfish man.”
“I know exactly what you meant.” Lukas gave her a reassuring smile.
But as he sat down to the meal with Anna and her family, he couldn’t focus much on supper. Her reaction had been severe for a small muscle twinge. And yet, what did he know? Not much about medicine and medical stuff. And while he had done well in school, he had forgotten most of what he’d learned other than what directly applied to his job and life. Maybe it was normal for women to have those kinds of spasms.
Later that evening, after Lukas went home and her mother and Uncle Zeb had gone to bed, Anna took one of the pills Dr. Caxson had given her for pain. She was down to just two pills. She read the side of the bottle. No refills. She’d have to visit him again before he would write her another prescription.
She took the pill with a sip of water, then went to the window of her bedroom and looked outside. A full moon illuminated the barn and shed, spreading its silvery light over the large field behind the two buildings. Placing a hand over her abdomen, she thought about Lukas. She had told him she was fine. But that hadn’t been the truth.
Her body was betraying her, and she didn’t know what to do. The pain had returned, and although Dr. Caxson had told her to call him right away, she was afraid he might tell her the one thing she never wanted to hear—that she couldn’t have children. She wasn’t ready to face that diagnosis yet.
She also refused to give up on God. She would continue to pray, continue to be patient while she waited on his healing. Wiping the tear that had dripped down her cheek, she stared into the night and steeled her emotions. Even though she was tired, she wouldn’t let Lukas or her mother see it. She would hide her fatigue, just as she would hide her despair. Her mother would only give her a lecture, tell her to go back to the doctor and apprise Lukas of the diagnosis. Lukas would only worry, or worse, decide he didn’t want to marry her.
“Dear Lord,” she whispered. “Hear my prayer. Please heal me. After Lukas and I marry, I want to have a boppli. Just one boppli, that’s all I ask.” Perhaps if she didn’t ask for too much, God would honor her request.
A week later, on a Zeb-free day, Anna and Edna were making a St. Patrick’s Day display in the front window of Esh’s Amish Goods. She and Lukas had announced their engagement in church the previous Sunday, which surprised no one.
In all the excitement of preparing for the nuptials, Anna felt more tired than usual. Her pain had also returned, and she was managing on Tylenol and taking early naps. As she set a bright green shamrock in the middle of the display, she couldn’t stifle a yawn.
“Why don’t you go home and rest,” Edna said, coming up behind her.
The snow covered the ground in a thin layer, and the sun had been hidden behind thick, flat clouds for the past two weeks. This was the time of year she liked the least, when the winter days seemed interminably long and stretched out for eternity. She couldn’t wait until spring and the warmer weather when she could start her garden and do some landscaping around the house. Onkel Zeb had said she and her mother could do anything they wanted to the house, and that courtesy had extended to Lukas as well, who had already started refurbishing the cabinets in the kitchen.
“Take the buggy. I can run things here by myself.”
“I know, Mami.” But Anna didn’t want to go home. Work helped keep her mind off of her pain and fatigue. “I can’t go home, at least not yet. I still need to work on the books. And count the inventory.”
Edna placed two small faceless dolls into an adorable crib Lukas had made a few months ago. It was the last of several cribs he had made. They sold so quickly that Anna and Edna didn’t think this one would make it to the end of the week.
Over the last few months, Anna realized that her mother liked to rearrange things, and she especially was comfortable making new displays, along with visiting with the customers. It gave Anna more time to spend behind the scenes, balancing the accounts and counting and ordering inventory. Managing the business aspect of the shop was something she enjoyed doing.
When her mother had finished with the display, she turned to Anna. “Why don’t you wait to do that paperwork tomorrow? It’s not urgent, is it?”
Anna looked at her mother, wishing she could bring herself to confide in her more. “That’s a gut idea. Tomorrow we’ll do the inventory. But I still have to look at the books.”
Edna said, “That can’t wait either? Or maybe you can take them home.”
“Nee, I’d rather keep them here. I don’t want to lose anyt
hing.”
Edna walked toward her, concern etched on her face. “Anna, I’m worried about you. I know you said everything is okay, but you’ve seemed overly tired lately, and a little pale. Maybe you should go back and see the doctor one more time.”
Anna was about to tell her that another doctor’s visit wasn’t necessary when the cell phone in the back of the store rang. The Ordnung permitted telephone use for business purposes only, and neither the Eshes nor the Bylers owned a cell phone or had one at their house. It had taken a while for Anna to get used to having one at the store.
“Excuse me,” she said to her mother, then went to the storeroom to answer the phone sitting on her desk.
“Esh’s Amish Goods.”
“May I speak to Anna Esh, please?”
“Speaking. How can I help you?”
“Ms. Esh, this is Dr. Caxson’s nurse. I was looking over your records and noticed your prescription has run out. I was calling to see how you’ve been doing since the laparoscopy.”
Anna looked at the doorway, then sat down and lowered her voice. “Fine. Everything is going well.”
“You’re not having pain?”
“Um . . .”
“Ms. Esh, if your pain has returned, you need to see Dr. Caxson right away. Would you like to make an appointment now?”
“I don’t have my calendar handy.” She shoved her small planning calendar to the side. “And I’m not really having much pain. Just a twinge every once and while.” Guilt over the lie assaulted her. Lord, forgive me.
“Ms. Esh, normally I wouldn’t press you to make an appointment. But if you’re having any complications, you need to be seen. Your endometriosis could have worsened, which could cause significant health problems.”
Alarm replaced Anna’s upset at the nurse’s words. Was her situation that dire? The nurse seemed to think so, but Anna couldn’t accept that. Still, to get the woman off the phone, she said, “Like I told you, I’m fine.”
The nurse paused. “If anything changes, don’t hesitate to call the office. We’ll get you in as soon as possible.”
“Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.”
The Hearts of Middlefield Collection Page 42
