by W. J. May
Rae gripped the towel tighter around her chest. Loving her fiancé more than ever for his unexpected bout of compassion. Terrified that, at any moment, it might come to an end. “I’m sorry, I just…I had nowhere else to go.” She blushed as she glanced down at the bathtub. The scent of his body wash was still hanging heavy in the air. “I didn’t think that you guys were going to be here—”
“So you decided to break into my house?”
It was the most bizarre paradox Rae had ever encountered. On the one hand, she was thrilled that Devon was taking a threat like this seriously, considering what it meant for his own long-term safety. On the other hand, she was mortified that it was happening to her. “I didn’t break in,” she said softly. “I used the key underneath the third flower pot.”
Devon paused, still uncertain as to whether he should arrest her in chains. Still uncertain as to where to look now that she was covered in only a thin towel. “And how did you know that?” He peeled himself away from the door and took a slight step forward, eyes narrowing in a confused sort of suspicion. “You know, I’ve been going over it and over it in my mind. Trying to figure out who could have told you the things you know. Trying to figure out which one of our friends might have let certain details slip.”
Rae held her breath as they locked eyes.
“There isn’t anyone,” he concluded. “No one we know that well has siblings in the common world. No one would talk. No one at all.”
So, what does that tell you?
Rae bowed her head, still trying to appear as non-threatening as possible. “I already told you the truth about what’s happening. If you don’t believe it, I don’t know what else I can do—”
“I don’t believe it,” Devon said sharply, destroying any segue she might have had in mind.
Rae sucked in a quick breath and nodded. It was to be expected. She certainly couldn’t penalize him for it. The best she could hope for now was to get away unscathed. “I know,” she said softly. “I know you don’t.” She took a step out of the tub, still clutching the towel as tightly as she could. “I’m sorry, Dev. Just let me find my clothes, and I’ll go—”
“Stop,” he breathed, his lovely eyes tightening painfully. “Stop calling me that.”
Rae hesitated. “Calling you what?”
“Dev,” he answered, stressing the word. “Like we’re friends. Like I should…”
Rae sucked in a quick breath. “Like you should what?”
Devon froze, quiet and upset. Then he slowly lifted his eyes. “Like I should know you.”
A heavy silence rang out between them. One that was influenced all the more by the sound of water draining slowly from the tub. Rae’s throat tightened, and she lowered her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she said again, quieter than ever. “It just slipped out.” She waited another moment, trying to catch her breath before grabbing up her pile of clothes. “If you just give me a second to get dressed, I can leave.”
Devon followed every moment, failing miserably as a spy. His face—which usually betrayed not a spark of emotion—was caught in a tidal wave of feeling.
Guilt, sadness, caution, love…? It wasn’t clear. The only thing Rae was certain of was that, despite the countless missions he had experienced, despite the whirlwind of emotions he must have felt…he was suddenly a prisoner to all of them.
“Wait,” he said suddenly, breaking farther and farther out of his comfort zone. She paused, and his face flushed. “Where will you go? Back at the house, you said you didn’t have anywhere…”
Rae bowed her head, sloshing her feet uneasily in the sudsy water. How the Devon she’d known before would have laughed at this situation. He would have laughed until he cried.
“I don’t…” She saw the look on his face, and backtracked quickly. “I’m sure I’ll figure something out. Don’t worry, I’ll be—”
“What’s your name?”
She paused, and Devon took a step forward—staring intently into her eyes.
“Your real name,” he continued. “No tricks, no lies.”
Not exactly the easiest question…
She stared at him for a moment more, clearing her throat softly and dropping her eyes down to her clothes. “I told you. My name is Rae Kerrigan—”
There was a sigh.
“I didn’t yell,” he said softly.
Rae glanced up, rooted to the spot. “What?”
Devon sighed again. “I didn’t call for Jules…I didn’t say a thing. And still you say your name is—”
“It’s the truth, Devon. What do you want me to—”
“It’s NOT Rae Kerrigan!” he interrupted fiercely. “Kerrigan’s not a common name. And Simon Kerrigan had one child—a son. Your name is NOT Rae Kerrigan.”
The words echoed harshly in the little space. Even said quietly, to avoid carrying down the stairs, they still managed to hit their mark.
She opened her mouth to dispute it. Opened her mouth to say that he was crazy, that she was obviously who she said was, and she knew a thousand details to prove it. Birthday presents, allergies, bad dreams—you name it. She had a thousand personal anecdotes to prove her case.
But something in that moment made her suddenly pause. Something in that moment changed absolutely everything.
A strange look had come over Devon’s face. One that grew more and more intense the longer the two of them were arguing. Every time she told the truth, every time she said who she really was or offered some legitimate detail to prove it, a grimace of actual pain flashed in his eyes. An echo to his hesitation. A punishment to his doubt.
It seemed that Samantha’s tatù came with a physical price.
The truth was hurting him. The more cognitive dissonance Rae introduced, the more it splintered apart in his mind with no regard as to what or who it damaged in the process. If she kept going, if she was the one to break the spell, there was no telling what might happen.
She took a step back. As shaken as she’d ever been. And as determined as well.
“I’m sorry,” she said again. Slowly, deliberately. Another look in his eyes, and she found herself saying the last thing in the world she expected to hear. “My name is Rae…Carson.”
There was a beat. He blinked.
“Rae Carson,” he repeated. Suspicious, as if despite the supernatural prompt he found the timing a little too convenient. “From where?”
From where?
The question caught her off guard. It was bad enough that she’d just come up with a new name, but now she was expected to create a geographical backstory as well?
“Your accent,” Devon continued before she could say anything, “it’s English, but something else as well…American?”
“Yeah,” Rae replied, catching on quickly, “I was born in England, raised in New York. My uncle…he raised me.”
Devon nodded, interested in spite of himself.
“And what made you come back to London?”
Guilder.
“Um…” Rae glanced around, stalling for time. If the truth was tearing Devon up, then she wasn’t going to tell it. She would just have to get through to him in other ways. “School. I still had some family here, and I wanted to travel abroad.”
“Some family,” Devon repeated, eyeing her warily. “Some family who went to Guilder?”
There was a split-second pause then Rae simply smiled, bowing her head. “Is this a full-on interrogation, Wardell? Because I happen to know you’re not exactly following protocol.”
Devon let out a bark of laughter then quieted quickly, glancing at the door. “Yeah, well, I don’t find most suspects lounging around in my bathtub.”
“Shame. It would make for some interesting case reports.”
The quick back-and-forth ended as abruptly as it had begun. Ended with them grinning. This used to be their wheelhouse—the teasing banter. It was one of the first things they’d bonded over in the very beginning. Back at Guilder, all those years ago.
Devon co
ntinued to stare for another moment before he shook his head slowly, gazing at her in open astonishment. “Who are you?”
It wasn’t said to get an answer. Knowing Devon, he probably didn’t even mean to say it aloud. It just kind of slipped out, charging the air between them.
Rae blushed and lowered her eyes. He may not remember her. He may not even know her real name. But he didn’t fall in love with her name. He fell in love with her. With all those little things that made her who she was. And all those things were still there.
“I’m nobody,” she murmured. “Just a girl who wanted a bubble bath.”
He softened the slightest degree. When he glanced down at her bare feet, he softened even more. A hint of a smile flashed in his eyes, but just as he opened his mouth to speak the sound of soft footfalls echoed suddenly up the stairs.
Perfect timing, Julian!
Rae froze perfectly still as Devon raised a finger to his lips, listening.
Even without heightened senses, she could still hear the classical music coming from Julian’s headphones. Ever since the moment on the bridge, he had taken to listening to Chopin, or Brahms, or Bach every night to help him fall asleep.
A door opened and shut, leaving them in silence. When Devon was satisfied that they weren’t going to be disturbed, he slowly lowered his hand.
“I’m sorry,” Rae whispered as soon as the coast was clear. She didn’t care how necessary it was: she hated putting him in such a duplicitous position. Especially with the group already so divided. Already with Samantha lurking behind every door. “I don’t want to cause more problems for you, especially after today.”
Without another word, she dropped the towel and started getting dressed. Devon, who had turned to make sure his bedroom door was locked, had yet to notice.
“Listen, you shouldn’t beat yourself up about today. I don’t know whether you were in that fire or not, but either way you looked pretty shaken up.” He ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh. “And Gabriel shouldn’t have been so hard on you. I’m sorry about that. After everything that’s happened, I guess we’ve all gotten a little—WHOA!”
He stared for a split second before clapping a hand over his eyes and spinning around.
“Shit—I’m sorry! I’m really sorry! I didn’t mean to… I didn’t know you were changing.”
Rae bit her lip to keep from smiling as she pulled a shirt over her head. She’d been around Devon long enough to know his reflexes were better than that. He’d wanted to look. Just like she’d wanted to let him. Hence the little wardrobe shift.
“It’s fine,” she said casually. “My fault. I should have warned you.”
And it’s not like you haven’t seen everything a million times before…
She quickly finished dressing, then cleared her throat for him to turn around. Her damp hair hung loose around her shoulders, and the top buttons on her blouse had been deliberately left open to show a flash of porcelain skin. It also rather strategically revealed the very top of a dark bruise. An unfortunate memento from her recent grocery excursion.
Devon’s eyes found her skin. Then the bruise. Then her skin again. A wave of uncertain emotion flashed in his eyes, and he was quick to look at the floor.
Enough pushing. Now it’s time to let him come to me.
With a shy smile, Rae tossed her hair over her shoulder and picked up her bag. “Well, thanks again for everything. I guess I should get going.”
As if on cue a crack of lightning illuminated the whole room, drenching the walls in an electric blue. It was followed almost instantly by a deafening clap of thunder. Then came the heavy rain. Buckets of it.
They turned at the same time to look out the window. The dark storm clouds were reflected in their wide eyes as they stared at the torrents of water streaking down the window.
Rae shivered preemptively and pulled her thin jacket tighter around her.
Devon closed his eyes with a soft sigh. “You’re not going anywhere.”
* * *
She shared a room with Devon that night. However, they didn’t share a bed.
In a way, it almost reminded her of old times. Times when they weren’t technically together yet, or times when he was trying his best to stay away. Times when the two of them would lie awake for hours, staring up at the ceiling. Pretending to be asleep. Trying to be casual.
“Don’t be ridiculous; I’m not taking your bed.”
Rae emerged from the bathroom to find Devon tossing a blanket and pillow for himself down on the floor. A rather laughable charade, seeing as they both knew perfectly well that he wasn’t going to get a wink of sleep that night. Not with a trespassing stranger sleeping there with him.
Devon glanced up with a tight smile. “Of course you are. House rules.” His eyes swept ever so briefly from her toes up to his borrowed t-shirt, then lingered for a moment on her lips. The second he sensed her watching, they were back down on the floor. “So, uh…extra pillows and blankets are in there.” He gestured. “You already know where the bathroom is.” He gestured again. “If you need anything else in the night, don’t go wandering around; just let me know and I’ll get it for you.”
Rae nodded, reading between the lines.
Don’t go wandering around and wake up my friend…who will kill you. And then probably kill me.
“Got it.”
She climbed up into the bed as if for the first time, flashing him a grateful smile. But the second her head hit the pillow, a wave of memories hit her like a battering ram to the chest.
Memories of the first night she had officially stayed over. A night when she and Devon had felt so ridiculously formal in their adult house that they’d ended up camping out on the floor in sleeping bags instead. Memories of the time when she spilled hot sauce on his pillow, then got so flustered she promptly lit the whole thing on fire. Memories of her and Devon lying on this very mattress together—very much not sleeping.
Another whiff of his body wash drifted over her, and in the space of just a second she was overcome. Her eyes welled up with tears and she bolted right back up, staring straight at him. “Devon, I…”
But then she saw his face. Saw that look of dread he was quick to hide. A mix of wariness and regret. Saw the way every muscle in his body braced for what was coming.
And she changed her mind.
“… I just wanted to say thank you.”
He visibly relaxed and she pulled in a deep breath.
“Not many people would give me a chance after what you went through today. And I’m not going to lie…” She glanced out at the rain. “I didn’t really know where I was going to go.”
He chuckled softly. “Yeah, I figured that. You’re a really terrible liar, Rae Carson.”
Rae stiffened at the name, then grinned at the irony.
“Yeah…I guess I am. At any rate, thank you.” She punched the pillow twice to get it into shape, then slowly lowered herself back down. “I’ll be out of your hair in the morning.”
A faint shadow flickered in his eyes as they locked onto the pillow. Two punches. A quirk that he had seen a million times before. He just didn’t quite know it.
“What? Oh yeah, in the morning.” It looked like there were a million other things he wanted to say, but instead he nodded briskly and settled down on the floor. “Goodnight, Rae.”
She stifled a sigh and pressed her head into the pillow.
“Goodnight, Devon.”
The lights went out, and the two of them proceeded to lie there. Staring up at the ceiling for hours. Pretending to be asleep. Trying to be casual.
Chapter 5
When Rae woke up the next morning, she didn’t open her eyes. An aching kind of hope had taken hold of her, and she wanted to prolong the moment for as long as possible.
In the quiet stillness of the London sunrise, curled up in a familiar bed, it was almost possible to believe that the entire Samantha debacle had been nothing but a bad dream. She was almost able to convince herself th
at the whole thing was in her head. That she wasn’t in the city, but back in Kent. Surrounded by her friends and family, people who knew her. That if she merely stretched out her fingers, she would surely feel her fiancé sleeping by her side.
A soft voice shattered those wistful fantasies, dragging her back to reality.
“Rae?” Devon called quietly. “Are you awake?”
He knew she was. He had heard the slight quickening of her heartbeat. Back when the two of them were ‘secretly dating’ at Guilder, they had used the skill multiple times to makes sure that Molly and Julian, their respective roommates, wouldn’t hear them sneaking back inside. It was a useful trick to have. He had taught her how to do it.
She opened her eyes and blinked up at him. Not lying in bed with her at all, but standing at the foot of it. Dressed, composed, and professionally aloof. “Yeah, I’m awake.”
Apparently, while she had spent most of the night wondering how to seduce her fiancé Devon had been diligently building up some walls to prevent exactly that from happening.
“Good.” He cocked his head towards the door. “Jules and I are about to head out, grab some food before going back to Kent.”
She blinked for another second before sitting up quickly. “Oh…right.”
Wishing desperately that she was still able to conjure the world’s strongest espresso she pushed her messy hair back from her eyes, trying to get her bearings. The only clothes she currently had were lying in a pile on the bathroom floor, and as far as she knew they were still covered in ketchup, blood, and cornflakes from the fight at the store. Her shoes weren’t much better. Although they’d been advertised as indestructible, she remembered the soles of them melting almost clean through as she struggled to leverage a smoldering wall of sheetrock off a trio of Puerto Rican shoppers.
Stripped of his memories or not, Devon was still somehow able to read her exact thoughts.
“You and Julian’s girlfriend Angel look to be about the same size. She keeps some stuff in his closet down the hall. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind…”
Rae flashed him a doubtful look, which he returned with a faint grin.
